₦airaland Forum

Abeg who read should summarise to us.. I no get strength to read long family epistle and drama

I read through ur story... What i can say to u is; e don't get to choose our family and because of this very reason, u have to just brace urslf and have good judgment at all times... Let me add prayers... Theres nothing prayers can't do, especially for that ur womanizing dad... God be with u...

millstone:
I mentioned I have stopped and working on it. It's an addiction I was introduced to for over 10 years and I've been working on it

Why did I even taking u serious. Your profile says you are a male and your story is saying you are a female. My dear you need Jesus.

"Fvck the world even though na me prick go pain" ~ erigga.

Op the above quote translates to, to have peace of mind you must learn to adopt the "i dont give a fvck attitude" to life. at least till you become strong again.
My advise to you dear op is to, ditch you family for now and fight (conquere) your own demons first before coming back to save your family. This will give you the mental fortitude.
I see you trying to save the boy. But, trust me you can't,.cause you are not a good example yourself. They say he who calls for equity,must come with clean hands.


.
.
.#codedgalaxy
Puplepill

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

I can relate with what you wrote up there because my Guardian is almost a replica of such action.

1)Find your inner peace.
2)I love the Facts you have build yourself to stand. But stay off weed and alcohol 🍸.
3) You just need to admit that is your father nature.
4) Don't force anything to happen, like trying to change your little brother, rather keep advising him and let life take its form. We best learn by experience.
5) Draw closer to God and build your faith against such circle of life. (PEACE).

millstone:
What makes you think I don't have him

Your habits-- u said u are not doing some of those things ur brother said u taught him (ONLY) because u don't have the time... The path your dad followed is just in front of you- u need to resist towing that path NOW, man!!! And u being around 30, are not getting younger!!! U need to ACT now!
If you are born again, u need to get closer to God, stand at all cost for Him and his Ways.
After this, you need to forgive your dad(U don't have to live with him,u can just check up on him from time to time, pray for him too) PRAY & actively seek for your brother to also come to Christ-- He is your blood brother, u should have that responsibility towards him.

Sorry to say this , so in all this , your dad still have the moral ground to mount the pulpit and preach as an evangelist? And people are still calling 'Daddy' or 'Evangelist'? Oghenebiko! This is 'okpemulistic'.
I am not God neither am I a holy person, but me SoaringLife will never go to your father's church.I will rather go to an Igbe meeting and enjoy our 'gbedulicious' Urhobo beats than to hear your father preach to me.
As for you dealing with your daddy and brother: you can force a horse to the stream, but you can't force it to drink water from the stream....if you force the horse reach Ethiope River to drink water ,and it later refused to drink the soothing River water , noh be you go 'jejely' drink your water and leave the horse make he dey he lane?

Just cut off this man you called dad off from your life (it may not be forever though) and focus on building other relationships. People like him only change/repent on their death bed. Your peace of mind is very important. Also let this brother of your be. Pray for them to find their path and focus on your own life journey. All the best.

Hi, Millstone.
I see you're an old NL member, so I'm guessing you're not young in age. So, let's say you're over 30 now. I don't know much about your current state (married or not).

Kindly read this:

1. Your dad's mistake doesn't have to define you and your lifestyle. My mum always told me "even if your dad is an armed robber and I am a prostitute, you have no right to turn out bad. Your life is yours."

I have kept that concept since and honestly, it's the plain truth.

You'll need to heal and move on from your weed and hookup lifestyle. Your dad failed you, but you must not fail yourself.

2. Your dad is really destroying your brother. That's also your business, cos you're related by blood. But understand that you must save yourself first, before attempting to save another.

All I see is one drowning man attempting to save another, hence, your present conditions.

Heal first, save later.

3. You have done a lot (and still do) to make your brother straighten his path. Your dad is obviously a lost cause (unless Jesus saves him) and your brother is toeing his path.

I can't say much about our sisters, but I want you to realize that you're also an example that your brother is looking at.

Fix your life first and you'll have more grounds to help your brother turn his life around.

Imagine that the two male figures in his life are doing similar things -he won't change.

4. I'm going heavy here, don't be angry. Just take the message and work on it.

YOU ARE WALKING THE EXACT SAME LINE YOUR DAD WALKS. I KNOW YOU HATE AND RESENT HIS LIFESTYLE, BUT YOU ARE ALSO HEADED THERE UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR WAYS.

a. Your father womanises, you patronise prostitutes.

b. Your dad is violent to his partners, you are nearly there (weed and alcohol will push you over one day).

BY VISITING PROSTITUTES, YOU ARE TEACHING YOURSELF TO NEVER STAY WITH ONE WOMAN. EVEN WHEN YOU MARRY, YOU'LL FIND IT HARD TO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, just like your father.

I tell you this so you'll see how your supposed "escape" (weed, alcohol, women) are the exact same bait into the trap you were escaping from.

The things you were running from became the things that trapped you.

Finally, ask yourself these:

i. DO I WANT THIS CYCLE TO CONTINUE WITH ME?

ii. DO I WANT TO BECOME MY FATHER?

iii. DO I WANT NY CHILDREN TO BECOME ME?

iv. IS THIS HOW I WILL LIVE MY LIFE?

You mentioned that your dad knew or was under Pastor Wale Oke (now the renowned Bishop Wale Oke, I presume) that is enough leverage for you to get your life back together. You can still access him and submit to learn.


You are not your father, so determine to live a different life. Your own turnaround will be more effective to help your brother.

Finally, find God again. You sound like your father's behaviours (cheating as a pastor/evangelist/minister, beating your mum, and lying that "God said she is the one" has driven you from God.

Believe me, you're likely facing spiritual battles from the demons plaguing your father. Go back to God and let him fix you gradually.

Peace, brother. May God help you.

AllBlack:
As we grow older we realize that Father, Brother, sister, mother and all those titles are just sentiments we bestow upon [b]those that deserve them and that is why a man you know from no where can become your brother or even a father to you while the one who gave birth to you is actually a STRANGER. [/b]
You are a grown man now and I hope you will be able to draw more clearer lines to prevent confusion and further unnecessary torment that comes with attaching yourself with people who don't deserve it.

Very deep ... whose son are you by the way ... lol

I think u guys pry on ur father so much.
I mean every step he takes u guys see it as cheating...? Like, must his every move be amorous? U guys believe he can't have a decent relationship with women?

I honestly don't like d way ur mum stalked on him during d earlier time of their marriage... Like, she accused and fought him everytime in d name of infidelity, who does dat?
U think it's a noble/smart thing to do?

I think she even aided in pushing d man away.

That having said, I also think u seem to drag position with ur younger brother.
Some of ur acts make it seem u try planting seeds of discord between him and una dad. Why bringing his ill dispositions to his father's knowledge in such manner? Dats why he himself also chose to implicate u aswell, saying u've been d one debauching him... corrupting and leading him astray. Both of u are now adult and should relate better.

The fight won't favour any of u. Since u've made us to believe ur dad is a promiscuous, he wouldn't mind jettisoning u guys, marry a new wife, get new kids and focus on dem, and forgetting u guys like u never were.

Focus on urself and work on ur path... Take woteva u can grab from ur father and move on.

...an honest opinion...

millstone:
What makes you think I don't have him

You don’t have Jesus. You’re looking for love from a broken source. You’re supposed not to be in touch with that toxic man of a father. Sense is not so common. Anyway, move on with your life and forget those people. Get a boyfriend and enjoy your life.

I feel for you , the story long no be small

But as for me , make everybody dey him dey

Who wan perish with him two eyes open , make him perish , things don already hard for this country..

Na too much money dey make some people misbehave

Nawaoo

Na wah.
Those that carry pastor and put ontop their heads.
Na pastor sin pass.

That why I like my self
Any thing that will affect my mental health I cut you off be you my mother
My wife
My brother
Anything
I cut you off

Peace is free
We shouldn’t struggle to get it

I read your story and I can tell you,you are a troubled woman,infact the way you write about your father clearly shows you are troubled.
Your mother has destroyed you for her selfishness.your mother was more concern about who her husband was sleeping with than the future of her children and been raise in a stable home,then she raised you with bitterness and hate towards your father and other children,then you blame everybody except her.my dear once you marry and give birth ,your role in life is your children and family first not yourself.your mother was a failure and I worry serious for the man who is going to marry you.

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

millstone

Your dad's very toxic and a narcissist. He failed you all but cleverly puts the blame on you and your mum. The lack of a father figure in your life as a teenager led you into a very immoral lifestyle.

Had he treated your mum like the Bible said he should, and kept his pants zipped, this whole scenario would have played out differently.

For your own good, cut out both your father and the last born from your life. Both will take you down.

I, however, doubt you have the backbone to do it. And that's probably why you're here.

LaRosa01:
I read your story and I can tell you,you are a troubled woman,infact the way you write about your father clearly shows you are troubled.
Your mother has destroyed you for her selfishness.your mother was more concern about who her husband was sleeping with than the future of her children and been raise in a stable home,then she raised you with bitterness and hate towards your father and other children,then you blame everybody except her.my dear once you marry and give birth ,your role in life is your children and family first not yourself.your mother was a failure and I worry serious for the man who is going to marry you.

"You are just been hasty to conclusions"

If she is a bitter soul did you think she would have reconnected with her Dad along the line.

Give your advice my brother and stop been too forward towards what you have no experience about.

MySolace:
I

I honestly don't like d way ur mum stalked on him during d earlier time of their marriage... Like, she accused and fought him everytime in d name of infidelity, who does dat?
U think it's a noble/smart thing to do?

I think she even aided in pushing d man away.

..

I can tell from this your post that you are a promiscuous person yourself, that's why you see something wrong in a woman leaving a man that is exposing her to dangerous STDs by sleeping with different secretaries.

Your Dad has married so many people oh

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

Your dad seems to have a very strong demon of immorality that’s holding him captive. For the sake of your peace & well being, there’s a thing we call loving people from a distance. Your brother is no longer a baby. He knows right from wrong. You cannot change someone who is not willing to change. I’d advise you cut those two off for now. Focus on your mental health & cutting off bad habits. You can say hello if you meet out there. However, manipulative people & those with entitlement mentality, can never change when you keep acting as their savior. Love toxic family members from a distance.

From ur moniker, U must be dat kido bro op is talking about. U nid rehab

LikeAking:
Op learn to mind ya biz.

Reporting ya brother is a no no…

Mind ya biz….

LaRosa01:
I read your story and I can tell you,you are a troubled woman,infact the way you write about your father clearly shows you are troubled.
Your mother has destroyed you for her selfishness.your mother was more concern about who her husband was sleeping with than the future of her children and been raise in a stable home,then she raised you with bitterness and hate towards your father and other children,then you blame everybody except her.my dear once you marry and give birth ,your role in life is your children and family first not yourself.your mother was a failure and I worry serious for the man who is going to marry you.

Lol... Reading and comprehension is very difficult for a nincompoop. If your retarded brain was working you would understand I am male. Well no need to reply you more. Please bask in your ignorance and failed attempt in sounding woke

BlissGod:
You don’t have Jesus. You’re looking for love from a broken source. You’re supposed not to be in touch with that toxic man of a father. Sense is not so common. Anyway, move on with your life and forget those people. Get a boyfriend and enjoy your life.

Do you people even read to comprehend?

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

There's something called loving from afar

Moneyyman:
Hi, Millstone.
I see you're an old NL member, so I'm guessing you're not young in age. So, let's say you're over 30 now. I don't know much about your current state (married or not).

Kindly read this:

1. Your dad's mistake doesn't have to define you and your lifestyle. My mum always told me "even if your dad is an armed robber and I am a prostitute, you have no right to turn out bad. Your life is yours."

I have kept that concept since and honestly, it's the plain truth.

You'll need to heal and move on from your weed and hookup lifestyle. Your dad failed you, but you must not fail yourself.

2. Your dad is really destroying your brother. That's also your business, cos you're related by blood. But understand that you must save yourself first, before attempting to save another.

All I see is one drowning man attempting to save another, hence, your present conditions.

Heal first, save later.

3. You have done a lot (and still do) to make your brother straighten his path. Your dad is obviously a lost cause (unless Jesus saves him) and your brother is toeing his path.

I can't say much about our sisters, but I want you to realize that you're also an example that your brother is looking at.

Fix your life first and you'll have more grounds to help your brother turn his life around.

Imagine that the two male figures in his life are doing similar things -he won't change.

4. I'm going heavy here, don't be angry. Just take the message and work on it.

YOU ARE WALKING THE EXACT SAME LINE YOUR DAD WALKS. I KNOW YOU HATE AND RESENT HIS LIFESTYLE, BUT YOU ARE ALSO HEADED THERE UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR WAYS.

a. Your father womanises, you patronise prostitutes.

b. Your dad is violent to his partners, you are nearly there (weed and alcohol will push you over one day).

BY VISITING PROSTITUTES, YOU ARE TEACHING YOURSELF TO NEVER STAY WITH ONE WOMAN. EVEN WHEN YOU MARRY, YOU'LL FIND IT HARD TO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, just like your father.

I tell you this so you'll see how your supposed "escape" (weed, alcohol, women) are the exact same bait into the trap you were escaping from.

The things you were running from became the things that trapped you.

Finally, ask yourself these:

i. DO I WANT THIS CYCLE TO CONTINUE WITH ME?

ii. DO I WANT TO BECOME MY FATHER?

iii. DO I WANT NY CHILDREN TO BECOME ME?

iv. IS THIS HOW I WILL LIVE MY LIFE?

You mentioned that your dad knew or was under Pastor Wale Oke (now the renowned Bishop Wale Oke, I presume) that is enough leverage for you to get your life back together. You can still access him and submit to learn.


You are not your father, so determine to live a different life. Your own turnaround will be more effective to help your brother.

Finally, find God again. You sound like your father's behaviours (cheating as a pastor/evangelist/minister, beating your mum, and lying that "God said she is the one" has driven you from God.

Believe me, you're likely facing spiritual battles from the demons plaguing your father. Go back to God and let him fix you gradually.

Peace, brother. May God help you.

Thank You for this. Although heavy your messages are realizations I have discovered and desperately want to work on. Addictions are not beaten over night and I am making conscious efforts towards beating them both physically and spiritually. I do not want to end up like him and in my findings I have realized alcohol and weed have on several occasions energized the monsters I do not want. I was first exposed to porn and sex addiction by my dad when i found some of his secret stash and as a child i was confused not gonna lie but i slowly slipped in. My introduction to prostitutes and later weed i found out the combination of weed and sex was a different feeling, one that felt too good but gradually I realized I was destroying myself and also fueling similar behaviors from my Dad. Yes the Pastor Wale Oke is the same renowned Bishop Wale Oke. In 2009 he cut him off citing his lifestyle and his treatment of his family. If my Dad had disciplined himself he would no doubt be levels above so many renowned ministers today. Apostle Johnson Suleiman was one of his members in the 90s, He ministered in Church of God in the 90s and early 2000s frequently because he worked briefly with the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa, he even worked with the late Reinhard Bonke on some of his crusades and other renowned ministers too much to mention. I do not want to go into some details because I do not want some sensitive information leaked here for the privacy of my sisters and mom. My Mom still runs the church in Delta. Yesterday my mom called me, news have gotten to her and she now knows about my addiction problem. She only made me promise her not to end up like my father. I thank you for this, I have come to this realization and I hope I build the necessary discipline needed to become a better man. God Bless you.

Saintmary:
There's something called loving from afar

would do that

[i][/i]Going to UK to play premier league?
With no proper training!?