₦airaland Forum

Exceed15:
Una just dey shout separate from him.. bla bla bla. None of us knew when the going was good . Madam if down in ur heart u feel your best decision is to leave the marriage then go ahead. But if u know this dude isn't that useless as you painted then have a rethink.

No one on tells a story that doesn't favour him/her . It is well with your Marriage.

You have a point. Imagine your wife comming on an anonymous forum to complain, do you think she'd tell the whole truth? No chance!
OP is obviously not telling the whole story. A man who only cares for gambling, and doesn't care for his children will not be clamoring to be the one the children stay with. Such men walk away from their families even without seperation

Sports betting and illicit drugs is punishing many in Nigeria

DaddyCoool:
That's why I always use the words "most", "vast majority", etc.
Because there are always exceptions and outliers

There are so many families like that I know especially when you dwell in villages or semi urban areas. The problem is that our generation don't understand the phrase, " for better for worse" in the marriage vows. I think that's why we are seeing many divorces these days.

Solsix:
There are so many families like that I know especially when you dwell in villages or semi urban areas. The problem is that our generation don't understand the phrase, " for better for worse" in the marriage vows. I think that's why we are seeing many divorces these days.

Almost always when the husband is the equivalent of a very good wife, while the wife goes out to work and is the breadwinner, there'd be issues and it eventually breaks down. While if the roles were reversed you'd usually have a lasting family

DaddyCoool:
Right... but easier said than done. Who'd pay the bills and help with the kids?

Our generation has spoilt everything with wokeness mentality. Wanted to share alot of experiences(of families) then deleted it.

I just read your post above, and smiled.

emmyileri:
■ Are you a Christian? Do you go to church? Have you engage with his family about the issue? Have you informed his pastor? Have you prayed about it? If you can't answer these questions, you shouldn't complaint about your sufferings.

Nonsense talk! Wetin concerns the church business and pastor with her marriage to a gambler who shirks his responsibilities in the home. Since when did your churches become the go-to place for your marriage problems?

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense talk! Wetin concerns the church business and pastor with her marriage to a gambler who shirks his responsibilities in the home. Since when did your churches become the go-to place for your marriage problems?

I understand your pain with your reprobate philosophy that you called knowledge. Is her solution on nairaland to listen to the likes of you who understand nothing about God and marriage. I don't want to go into argument with you because I don't see you as a Christian. If you are Christian, you won't disrespect the church of God who Christ suffer and die for. You are Only a little boy who doesn't know how to use phone.

emmyileri:
■ I understand your pain with your reprobate philosophy that you called knowledge. Is her solution on nairaland to listen to the likes of you who understand nothing about God and marriage. I don't want to go into argument with you because I don't see you as a Christian. If you are Christian, you won't disrespect the church of God who Christ suffer and die for. You are Only a little boy who doesn't know how to use phone.

Which God? The same God who washed His hands off marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and reiterated in Luke 20 vs 34 -36 that your marriages are of the world of men and not of the Kingdom of God, or Some other God?

It just amazes me how bold you lot spew your ignorance around pretending yourselves justified by and in it.

DaddyCoool:
Unfortunate happenings may bring that about. No matter the reason for it, it rarely works out

If life happens, it understandable, but for a man to look towards his wife's income, it's stinky behavior.

gazilion:
Your husband is possessed with the demon of Gambling. He needs deliverance! Can I pray for him??

Why do you have to ask permission to pray for him?
Show off

Saintmary:
If life happens, it understandable, but for a man to look towards his wife's income, it's stinky behavior.

If, for example, a man gets framed and gets locked up and loses his thriving business, that's life happening. What then?

DaddyCoool:
She'll be keeping tabs on him - from a distance

Lol. You don't know anything about scorned married man at all. He will use those kids to punish the hell out of her.

DaddyCoool:
If, for example, a man gets framed and gets locked up and loses his thriving business, that's life happening. What then?

What happens next depends on how he's been treating his wife when he had money.


It's exhausting, trying to explain to each individual I come across, something that should have been instilled in them as part of their upbringing.

maasoap:
Lol. You don't know anything about scorned married man at all. He will use those kids to punish the hell out of her.

I'm just amazed how ignorant of human nature you folks are. They are also HIS children that he carried when they were babies, cared for, and bonded with.
Men walk away from their families all the time when they can no longer cope. No man ever offered to take care of his children so he will punish them to punish their mother!
OP is obviously not telling the whole story. A man who only cares for gambling, and doesn't care for his children will not be clamoring to be the one taking care of the children. Such men walk away from their families even without seperation or discussion

Saintmary:
What happens next depends on how he's been treating his wife when he had money.


It's exhausting, trying to explain to each individual I come across, something that should have been instilled in them as part of their upbringing.

Nope. What happens next is the wife will become the breadwinner and gradually become more and more bossy and insulting, while the man will be struggling to adapt to his lowered status. Things eventually break down... irreconcilable differences!

sandygechy:
So,there’s nothing wrong with a woman paying house rent,school fees,feeding,utilities and other bills while still playing her traditional roles of taking care of kids,cooking,cleaning and is also expected to perform in the bedroom to a man who is jobless,lazy,addicted to gambling and not willing to change

Wooooow!!!!
It will not work and will NEVER work!!!

I clearly condemned laziness in my previous response and such attitude stands condemned in my world.

However I have seen a few men who cared for their family and slaves to meet the need of wife and children when the going was good...only for the woman to ridicule the man and disgrace him openly when he could no longer provide just because "it is not a woman's responsibility"

The key for me I a balanced sense of responsibility from and support from both husband and wife.
Nothing stops the one who has the means to meet the family's need be it a man or woman.

Iamzik:
■ I clearly condemned laziness in my previous response and such attitude stands condemned in my world. However I have seen a few men who cared for their family and slaves to meet the need of wife and children when the going was good...only for the woman to ridicule the man and disgrace him openly when he could no longer provide just because "it is not a woman's responsibility" The key for me I a balanced sense of responsibility from and support from both husband and wife.
Nothing stops the one who has the means to meet the family's need be it a man or woman.

Try to see things from the perspective of such women so you can clearly understand the trigger of their rage.

They signed a marriage contract with a man who promised to provide for 100% financial needs of the family. Some of these women were even forced to quit the little work they had in hand at the time by these same men as part of the agreement. And be sure that no gun was put to the heads of these men by the women in marriage at all. Nor were the men forced by the women into an agreement to bear 100% financial burden either. Do you see where I am going with this?

Kobojunkie:
Try to see things from the perspective of such women so you can clearly understand the trigger of their rage.

They signed a marriage contract with a man who promised to provide for 100% financial needs of the family. Some of these women were even forced to quit the little work they had in hand at the time by these same men as part of the agreement. And be sure that no gun was put to the heads of these men by the women in marriage at all. Nor were the men forced by the women into an agreement to bear 100% financial burden either. Do you see where I am going with this?

Any man promising to take care of the family need 100% in this day and age is seriously deluded unless you are talking Jeff bezos or bill gates wealth.

Work is important even for the woman's Psyche. I will never understand how a man will ask an educated/skilled woman to sit at home all day.
Well, different strokes for different folks.

The bottom line for me is that both parties should make efforts to contribute to the family and support each other in times of challenge. There is no need in the family that is labelled exclusively to a man or woman as long as there is means

Iamzik:
■ Any man promising to take care of the family need 100% in this day and age is seriously deluded unless you are talking Jeff bezos or bill gates wealth. Work is important even for the woman's Psyche. I will never understand how a man will ask an educated/skilled woman to sit at home all day. Well, different strokes for different folks.
■ The bottom line for me is that both parties should make efforts to contribute to the family and support each other in times of challenge. There is no need in the family that is labelled exclusively to a man or woman as long as there is means

Exactly! Now you can see where some, if not all of a good portion of that rage you observe in some women comes from. It is not that they are ungrateful but more that they harbor regret which some of them may not even realize or understand the core reason for.

2. When you have tradition/culture pushing them one way and reality pushing them the other, many just end up confused.

Kobojunkie:
Exactly! Now you can see where some, if not a good portion of that rage you observe in some women comes from. It is not that they are ungrateful but more that they harbor regret which some of them may not even realize or understand the core reason for.

2. When you have tradition/culture pushing them one way and reality pushing them the other, many just end up confused.

Yeah I agree with you.

No man should deny an able bodied grown woman the opportunity to do business or use her education/skill to contribute to society.

Everyone should be allowed and supported to pursue their life purpose/passion.

Your submissions make sense sir/ma. Nice chatting with you!

DaddyCoool:
I'm just amazed how ignorant of human nature you folks are. They are also HIS children that he carried when they were babies, cared for, and bonded with.
Men walk away from their families all the time when they can no longer cope. No man ever offered to take care of his children so he will punish them to punish their mother!
OP is obviously not telling the whole story. A man who only cares for gambling, and doesn't care for his children will not be clamoring to be the one taking care of the children. Such man walk away from their families even without seption or discussion

I don't think you even understand what this is all about. You can't comprehend what I'm saying. Let me leave you to your ignorance. This is what I have seen happening over and again.

edgecution:
Your husband is suffering from Gambling Addiction. He needs help asap. You need to report him to his family members or any respected relative. If he refuses to seek treatment please get a job and separate from him till he comes to his senses. I know lots of married couples that cant divorce or separate because of finances and it seems that's your case too. You need to make a decision.

A lot of men are addicted to gambling in Nigeria. How many times have we seen women complaining that their husband's havr finished all their money on gambling? What's wrong with these guys?

DaddyCoool:
You have a point. Imagine your wife comming on an anonymous forum to complain, do you think she'd tell the whole truth? No chance!
OP is obviously not telling the whole story. A man who only cares for gambling, and doesn't care for his children will not be clamoring to be the one the children stay with. Such men walk away from their families even without seperation

They won't say one good thing about their husbands. Wicked women

maasoap:
I don't think you even understand what this is all about. You can't comprehend what I'm saying. Let me leave you to your ignorance. This is what I have seen happening over and again.

My friend, NO MAN would be clamoring to be the one taking care of his BIOLOGICAL children just so he will maltreat them to punish their mother! Cut the crap

If the woman provides, the man should be humble enough to take up domestic chores.
She can’t go out,make money,buy foodstuffs, cook,clean and sleep with a man who does nothing!
She’s better off alone.
Divorce is the best option here for her mental health.

Iamzik:
I clearly condemned laziness in my previous response and such attitude stands condemned in my world.

However I have seen a few men who cared for their family and slaves to meet the need of wife and children when the going was good...only for the woman to ridicule the man and disgrace him openly when he could no longer provide just because "it is not a woman's responsibility"

The key for me I a balanced sense of responsibility from and support from both husband and wife.
Nothing stops the one who has the means to meet the family's need be it a man or woman.

sandygechy:
If the woman provides, the man should be humble enough to take up domestic chores.
She can’t go out,make money,buy foodstuffs, cook,clean and sleep with a man who does nothing!
She’s better off alone.
Divorce is the best option here for her mental health.

Lol 🤣🤣