Rechargeam247:

A man who can't provide for his household is worse than an infidel.
You expect the woman who is naturally not a provider to take over the man's responsibility and still function as the woman.

How many men have you seen do it

This lie has been told for too long and need to be corrected.

If a man cannot provide he is worse than an infidel... that's women favourite quote in the Bible.

Have you ever cared to read proverbs 31? If not please do and let's have this conversation.

I'm all for a man taking responsibility in the home and I strongly condemn any man that is so irresponsible that he refuses to make effort to take care of his family's need- such as the OP's husband

That said, there is nothing wrong with a woman providing for the home....the Bible is very balanced when it comes to managing finances in the home.

Prettycute90:
But he said he said, he will be with the children. The same children, he can't even afford food to feed them not to talk of other bills.
I'm just tired. I just want peace and I don't know how to achieve that.

You've started cooking for yourself and the children right?

That's one way to start
When is your rent due? Make arrangements for where to move to without him once it's due, do not renew unless he does:

(1) Get a job if he doesn't have any now and make your account the salary account for the first 3 months

(2) Learn a skill if he doesn't have a job and can't find one (But must change his phone to the type that won't allow betting apps)

(3) I won't advise him to learn Forex because real forex trading is not for strugglers or desperate people, it will drive him and yourself down the hole.

Marriage na for the strong minds not for the weak. Every married person always have reason to lament at one point in time. No marriage is perfect.
For the sake your kids you just have to bear alot of things only when you are strong. Be strong for your kids.
In this situation,you are considering the effect of your husband's behaviour on yourself but do you consider what effect of separation would be on the kids? Now they still enjoy your full care but if you insist on separation,never leave your kids behind.Separation is never good for the kids.
Many of us in marriage have it smoothly early but have it rough as times goes on while some of us have it rough early in marriage but with patience and tolerance,understanding set in and things gradually becomes smooth.
If you have never had it rough in marriage,good for you but always prepare for the worse while hoping for best.

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My love calm down and reason with me.
From your caption, "AS A CHRISTIAN" Means you are a core believer.
This is really a challenging time.
You didn't mention anything else besides gambling and it's effects in his life and how it's destroying things in the family.
What you need to know and do as someone who has tried all possible means to redeem him without success is this;
1) separation whether temporal or permanent will give room for the devil to gain access and have the floor to do more harms which is against your christian faith.
2) you have to know that Time is the greatest determinant, you have to know that the time to go and start life afresh and reach the stage you are now is the same time it will take him to come back to his senses. Love you more and cherish you more.
3) Instead of hearkening to the loudest voice talking to you now and whispering divorce, my reject the voice and tell the voice that what you need is MONEY.
4)MY dear channel all your strength, soul, body, spirit and mind towards making money.
IF YOU HAVE MONEY, YOU WON'T BE HERE EXPLAINING TO ANYONE.
5) YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WITHIN YOU THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS LATE AND YOU CHOSE NOT TO REMARRY.
6) I MEAN TOTALLY IGNORE HIM AND EVEN HIS SHADOW AND SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN
7) FOR YOUR INFO, 95% OF MEN ARE INTO THIS MESS. EVEN PASTORS....

I WISH I CAN TALK TO YOU ONE ON ONE

Dothans:
God bless you for this wise response. I'm actually in same shoe like this woman's husband...just that I'm not married and gambling is what is delaying me from getting married. It's like I'm under bondage. Money hardly stays in my account. I'm always thinking of sportybet. And anytime I manage to win a little, I lose it all and become zero broke. I really need help. I hate gambling but it has become my addiction and I'm hating myself for it. I believe I need serious help as I'm really tired of everything.

Woman, please seek spiritual counsel for your husband, he might be under something stronger than his will. I'm talking from similar perspective.

You need tips on how to replace your gambling addiction with something else.

You need a hobby that's majorly offline.

Do you work?

Divorce is only accepted in the case of adultery, expect it you can only separate

kingviny:
Often times, we look at a problem on the surface. But if we look deeply, there could be more than meet the eye.

If he is a good man but just that he has money issues ; he has little and in a bit to make it big he is trying gambling but always loosing it, perhaps it could be that he needs spiritual help , he also need counselling and then let him search for Jeffrey Benson on YouTube and be his devoted student for 1 year since he already likes speculative endeavour. Trust me, he would be ok.

Gambling is just a means to an end, it is not an end itself. He would need to learn functional skills as well. He can go into food business, digital marketing etc.

What type of gambling is he doing? Hope not lottery o ? as that one is a no no but If it is Forex, there is money in it oo. He just need to learn from those who are doing well in it. Out of 4 things I am doing, it is Forex that is giving me the most money to run my home right now and we are talking of 6 figures expenses monthly. I have 2 kids like you too and my wife is a teacher.

I know of someone who makes at least 10m monthly trading , his wife can never say he is gambling, she would say my husband is a fund manager and is doing so well .

Please don't leave him yet, help him if not for anything but for the sake of your children who need the presence and love of the 2 of you.

I am happy that you are a good woman. You have tried to have held forth for him all this while, not many women would do that even though it is not supposed to be a big deal if it is temporary. But if there is no end in sight , then it is right to shout out for help. Taking care of kids is a big job on its own.

How is your husband's family like? Are there successful siblings there ? Is your husband a lazy man or is it that he has not found help/job?

Try and get someone you feel he would listen to to join you in this mission. I can be of help to talk with him if you wish. We need to save your home .

Most men would want to work and provide for their families, only an irresponsible ones would not .

Above all, you need God's intervention.

you have said many useful and valuable things in your writeup especially offering to speak with the man. Honestly i fell pained when good people especially women end up with wrong people in marriage. This is something I pray I don't get into because marriage to me should be enjoyable and not trying to manage someone.

I pray she is able to find solace in God and God's willing recover your home and husband who is already at the point of being lost. But she should have this at the back of her mind that only God can truly restore her marriage at this point.

The problem here is not who is the bread winner in the home. It is that the husband is not acting as a man. A man should be in control of his home. This is what it means to be the head of the home. This is what most women seeks for.

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

If all that you explain is true then I have my full support to divorce him.
But, please make sure u take ur lovely children along with you. And also I will say u seek spiritual solutions for him on his behalf cos it takes a serious spiritual problem for a man to behave that way

He just needs help in overcoming the addiction; ones that is settled, every other things fall in place.

I don't support separation at the moment in this case,
It's obviously bad for you emotionally and financially.

But i think alot more needs to be known, how and when did your husband start gambling, it is before or after marriage?
What kind of gambling does he do?
The genesis of these needs to be known, he obviously needs serious help both spiritually, mentally and physically.

What kind of friends does he have?

If he has a reasonable and close friend that you assume does not do gambling, you can seek their help.
Also, a close person you think he respects.

Another thing you should know about him is, why is he gambling? Is he into drug of any kind?
I believe if you can answer these, it would help you understand what you are dealing with and better attack it. Everything we do as human is as a result of a reason....you need to know the WHY.

You just have to plan yourself for now and manage to cater for your kids....may be you should remove him from your manage plan while you try to solve the puzzle.

Divorcing him now in my opinion is not an option, it's not easy for single mothers out there. You would likely be used and dumped like trash. Also, your children might suffer more.
If you plan to separate for some time, if you have a place in your parents house or his parents house would be better for you.... although this depends on your relationship with his family...but na wahala to add to them...the reason for this is because if everything comes back to normal, he would not assume you had affairs during the time.

Sometimes the worse husbands became the best, and the best became the worse, use your head.

The lord is your strength.

Fiscus105:



First of first ,seperate from and see if things would change for better, if he doesn't change and you dnt have interes in marriage going forward, I will advice you to divorce him.

OP. This is another satanic advice. Note all the advice encouraging you to divorce your husband are from the pit of hell. Do Not heed them.

SILVERLINES:


If all that you explain is true then I have my full support to divorce him.
But, please make sure u take ur lovely children along with you. And also I will say u seek spiritual solutions for him on his behalf cos it takes a serious spiritual problem for a man to behave that way

I don't support this position, solution is what she should be looking for.

Dear OPs, your caption is misleading, your question is, as a Christian, are this grounds enough for divorce?

The difference between you and others having this same experience is that YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN.

You cant take your issues as a Christian to a non Christian for advice, definitely they will advice you based on what they know.

Madam, AS A CHRISTIAN ( IF AND ONLY IF ) THERE'S NO GROUND THAT'S GROUND ENOUGH FOR DIVORCE. AS A CHRISTIAN, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION.

If truly you're a Christian, then you should know where to go and what to do in your time of temptation, trials, difficulty, challenges, etc.

Have you forgotten that man that is born of woman has plenty troubles.
Read your Bible na.
Your marriage is big business, it's your destiny.
DONT MAKE IT A CARICATURE BY BRINGING IT HERE.

MAY GOD SEND YOU HELP TO INSPIRE YOU AND LEAD YOU ARIGHT.

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

But why would a reasonable man feel comfortable to allow his woman be the bread winner?
The least a reasonable man can do is provide shelter, food and clothing.
As a man, I'll never even feel alive if my woman is the bread winner, unless I'm just incapacitated by health or physical problems. E no make sense na

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

I'm a man and I won't support my sister to remain in a marriage where the husband is addicted to gambling and can't get his act together. Ideally the woman should be contributing to the home, not taking up everything when the man is not sick or temporarily incapacited.

Do not divorce your husband encourage him to look for job. You too look for job and stop complaining. Tell him how much you love him, show him love, let him know that gambling is not good. Please my dear don't leave your husband. He will change believe me follow him with peace and love.

AlaafinOfOyo:


OP. This is another satanic advice. Note all the advice encouraging you to divorce your husband are from the pit of hell. Do Not heed them.

When she dies of depression, "devil in suit" like you would also go to her grave yard and preach that her family should take heart, that she is going to paradise.

The kids she would leave, fool like you won't make any provision for them to become somebody in future


Oga Deputy Jesus, bible is our constitution, read 1 cor 7: 14-15 and interpret it for us

samsard:
I'm a man and I won't support my sister to remain in a marriage where the husband is addicted to gambling and can't get his act together. Ideally the woman should be contributing to the home, not taking up everything when the man is not sick or temporarily incapacited.

Then why can't you support your sister to help her husband.

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Your husband is suffering from Gambling Addiction. He needs help asap. You need to report him to his family members or any respected relative. If he refuses to seek treatment please get a job and separate from him till he comes to his senses. I know lots of married couples that cant divorce or separate because of finances and it seems that's your case too. You need to make a decision.

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Separation. That's after you have talked to him. Tell his relatives. Seek counseling from a professional.
If nothing changes. You better divorce him. Marriage is not a do or die affair.

Na wa oh..! Different angle to bad marriages. This one strong. Your husband is like a packaged material from the pit of hell. Gambling is addictive. Every gamble is a vengeful one to make up for losses in which lose is inevitable. Madam, whether he wants the kids or no, just leave to save your life first, as the kids grows with him and see how life is treating them under their father, na dem go take their legs find you come. Go and recover to be at peace with yourself & cleared conscience. No matter what anyone does in this life, just try your best to be safe and let God complete the rest in his own time. Salam..!

If she has the means, she won't be here complaining and seeking advice...

If she takes the kids, to where...
× No money to rent n furnish a new house...abia 9ja n accommodation be anybody mate...
× No money to cater for herself and the kids...
× But if luck shine on the mumu gambler... him 2000 odds with 1k enter now, everywhere stew, the gambler will become swrt hrt...
× Shittu happens dear, it's for better for worst... stay there now support him... you are only tired cos he has not made it...
× If we talk one side, we go talk the other side too... husband you too wake up and take some responsibilities abeg...

In anything you do, don't leave the kids with him. Since he doesn't want to be useful to himself, he should stay faraway.

I don’t see anything bad ur husband did to you rather than he dosent have money or job, which is the situation of most Nigerian men, women are selfish to to the core to the extent that once they provide for her own children and husband their system starts to react violently, only God knows how and why he created women

Have patience and pray for him, he is into gambling, which I will Neva support but pray for him, it might be a break through.

Well I don't even know what am saying, but the fact is is don't leave him.

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

A man should be able to provide for his wife, the Bible says so. This doesn't negate the fact that women can support.

ladywise:


Then why can't you support your sister to help her husband.

To help a married woman help her full-grown adult man that is old enough to be a family man but not reasonable enough to stay away from pathological gambling? You do realize this is majorly a gambling problem, don't you?

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

Only a handful of them can without making noise about it

mrblessed:
This is a tough one. I support separation to see if he would turn a new leaf, that's if all you narrated is the truth.

Turn which new leaf?waste your time not.

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Firstly, on behalf of the men in Nairaland I apologize for you going through all this.
But how did you marry this rubbish to the extent of having children for him?
He might be jobless but he's not making effort to get a job and still gamble with the little money he has!!!, he deserves to be flogged.
So he doesn't even send money to his mother at home. Tueh !!!
My advice:

Report to everyone around him, shame him, report to him to his brother, his mother and his father, his pastor so that when you leave him they won't see you as a bad woman.
if he doesn't show remorse or he's not Ready to change Japa !!! Because you have a bright future.

Such men shouldn't be called men.
As a man it's your job to provide even if you don't have the means to do so, you should have the intention through your actions by looking for the means. Having the intention itself will show you're not lazy.

if he doesn't change Japa before he put another child into you.