₦airaland Forum

She's an adult. Let her be because she has chosen her path

I read some phrases in your tense where you wrote he buys food when coming back for only the children and not the wife and sometimes pay school fees 🤔

Can you tell me this statement is vague ??

Since you said he is not working and sleep all day

Mercylike:
boss no one is above mistake haba

I agree no one is above mistake.

Number one, It is expected that date someone extensively before agreeing to marry them. During the dating process, you are to find out if he has a job, his savings and consumption habits, his plans for the future and if he is ready for marriage or not. If you fail to do all these and deliberately jump into the marriage unprepared and with all the reflags, You are totally on your own. I will not alter the quality of life I have worked for because of a relative's wrong life choices.

Number two, The husband has refused to work and abuses his wife and yet, she went ahead to have child number 1, 2,3 - those are not mistakes but a deliberate wrong life choices. You will eventually go down trying to help people like that. Not everyone can be saved and she will have to learn the hard way.

In my candid opinion, both the husband and the wife are both efulefus!

Kobojunkiee:
How does a woman identify these "better man" you lot keep babbling about? How does a man identify this "better woman" your ilk keeps yapping about? Do they have a particular mark on their foreheads are into a particular profession or do they have a particular smell or expression about them?

Yes, they are gentle, some are introverts.
They are kind, nice and mostly what they call simp.

Kevineleven:
■ Yes, they are gentle, some are introverts. They are kind, nice and mostly what they call simp.

So, in your mind, all the men and women out there who fit this outward description you gave here are good people?

Nice2023:
In this country Nigeria,if u are married to a lazy spouse,u are already in hell on earth.


Best thing to do is to leave the man.

My dear I'm telling you. It's one of the reasons I'm finding it difficult to even settle down with any struggling man. Before them turn me to one haggard old woman with responsibilities.

Kobojunkiee:
So, in your mind, all the men and women out there who fit this outward description you gave here are good people?

70%

Kevineleven:
70%

Now, I got to ask, how old are you?

Skyview01:
I agree no one is above mistake.

Number one, It is expected that date someone extensively before agreeing to marry them. During the dating process, you are to find out if he has a job, his savings and consumption habits, his plans for the future and if he is ready for marriage or not. If you fail to do all these and deliberately jump into the marriage unprepared and with all the reflags, You are totally on your own. I will not alter the quality of life I have worked for because of a relative's wrong life choices.

Number two, The husband has refused to work and abuses his wife and yet, she went ahead to have child number 1, 2,3 - those are not mistakes but a deliberate wrong life choices. You will eventually go down trying to help people like that. Not everyone can be saved and she will have to learn the hard way.

In my candid opinion, both the husband and the wife are both efulefus!

Bia... Na my twin you dey talk about like that o..

Kobojunkiee:
Now, I got to ask, how old are you?

Calm down

Kobojunkiee:
Now, I got to ask, how old are you?

Korkor you don start?
E don do you abeg. If he comes at you now una go turn this place upside down. Biko kwa.

Kevineleven:
Calm down

I had to ask because some of the worst men and women on the planet fit the profile you put forward there. And I wonder how you have yet to realize this even at this point in time.

Jewessgratitud3:
Bia... Na my twin you dey talk about like that o..

Nor fex Nwanne.

I did the same with one of my own blood sister. I cut her off even when she was dying. I don't waste time with people that are not serious with their own lives.

You have to be willing to help yourself to get my attention, a relative or not.

It is a hard life and we should all work hard to make a meaning out of life and I usually try my best before I give up.

I have another sister who is teaching and earning a paltry sum and always broke. The husband is a complete bozo and I wonder where she met him. Now, I gave her my conditions. She has to quit the teaching job and learn sewing from a professional tailor. I will pay her monthly salaries for the one and half years it will take to learn, pay for the training, buy machines, rent a shop and set her up for business.

The big condition is if she drops out from training, I will cut her off and she will never get a dime from me in this life. I told her and she agreed. Also, she is to undergo family planning and no more kids.

You see,I always try my best before I give up on a relative.

Jewessgratitud3:
My dear I'm telling you. It's one of the reasons I'm finding it difficult to even settle down with any struggling man. Before them turn me to one haggard old woman with responsibilities.

Pls,shine your eyes.

Don't allow ur emotion to go before u. It is important.

Skyview01:
Nor fex Nwanne.

I did the same with one of my own blood sister. I cut her off even when she was dying. I don't waste time with people that are not serious with their own lives.

You have to be willing to help yourself to get my attention, a relative or not.

It is a hard life and we should all work hard to make a meaning out of life and I usually try my best before I give up.

I have another sister who is teaching and earning a paltry sum and always broke. The husband is a complete bozo and I wonder where she met him. Now, I gave her my conditions. She has to quit the teaching job and learn sewing from a professional tailor. I will pay her monthly salaries for the one and half years it will take to learn, pay for the training, buy machines, rent a shop and set her up for business.

The big condition is if she drops out from training, I will cut her off and she will never get a dime from me in this life. I told her and she agreed.

You see,I always try my best before I give up on a relative.

Hmm.. you be hard man o. I like your strictness and firm ways sha.

Kobojunkiee:
I had to ask because some of the worst men and women on the planet fit the profile you put forward there, And I wonder how you have yet to realize this even at this point in time.

kindness is one trait that a bad guy cannot fake for a long time, most women have this habit of ignoring red flags besides, She was warned by her own sister, that the dude is a scum.

Kevineleven:
kindness is one trait that a bad guy cannot fake for a long time, most women have this habit of ignoring red flags besides, She was warned by her own sister, that the dude is a scum.

I am being serious here. How old are you?

Go see the movie "The Iceman" released in 2012, and come back and tell us these ridiculous tales again.

Jewessgratitud3:
Right now she needs advice on what to do and I'm also going to be sharing what I have advised her so far.

This man has used his foolishness to implicate my sister and their lovely kids. Before I go into details of what happened recently, I'll like to give a quick backstory of how all these came to be and how she even got herself into this mess

Backtrack to 2014 when she broke the news that someone was coming to see the family for her hand, I asked her who the person was but she refused to tell me saying I'll meet him when he comes. I was now like ha... This one you're hiding it. I never knew it was one useless guy that was living in our former area in the early 2000s that all he does then was stand at junctions disturbing girls. He also disturbed me one period like that and I so much dislike him because of his behavior plus he's fair and I dont fancy fair guys.

The day came and we started cooking. Already I had gotten a hint from my eldest sister that it's the guy and I said was that why she was hiding it? What's my own there. We move. As the day was approaching, my idowus husband called and told me to warn my sister that that guy she's pulling with is not it. That if she's trying to have something serious with him she'll be making a big mistake. I said, she's an adult and can make choices for herself.


He came with his people and we did everything and she moved in with him. Now, this guy doesn't do anything. He claims he's a lawyer but never goes to work. Most times he'll go for early morning training by 6am and after everyone has gone to work, he'll come home and be sleeping. initially my sister was covering him up that he's doing something but anytime I visit after school, I'll always meet him at home sleeping. I knew my sis was just covering him.

Before they married my sister owned a school that was doing well. After her first child the school was still doing well but they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house. Sometimes she would come to school with bruises on her face. Since she refused to talk, me I didn't bother asking because if I do she'll bark at me.it continue like that until she could no longer bear it and started opening up to me that the guy doesn't do anything. Just goes about from one junction to the other.

She took in for her second child and fell sick. The school suffered management and folded up. That was when the guy showed her his true color. They fought to the extent she left her kids and went to my sister's house. My elder sisters husband settled them and she went back.

She had her third child and the guy started his madness again. This time he would leave them and go for hours without food. When he's coming at night he'll buy food and call his children to come eat and leave my sister hungry. So anytime I go there I'll just find her something to eat. Sometimes not always.
The day I said enough is enough and decided pull her out of that nonsense was the day she called me, I was in bus and she said for two days now she has not eaten anything and she's having headache. That the guy said he'll deal with her. I told her to hold on and sent her the little I could that I'll come and see her.

I got there and told her she can't continue like this . I told her to start following me to school to learn how to do what I'm doing and I'll be giving her small small daily pay any day she goes with me and later she can start sourcing for her own schools and be making her own money. I put her through and took her to a school immediately and assigned her to some classes after watching me for a few mins.

We did that for a few weeks and I was giving her the small thing I could after each day. She started going out to look for schools and two schools called her. She now said she can't be following me again , I said no problem. God helped her, She now got more schools and started selling books too and making money.
When this guy saw it, he left feeding and only buys food for the children once in a while. Meanwhile their fighting continued.

Fast-forward to last year, the landlord called my sister that he has given the husband quit notice, not because he was owing but because he was always disrespecting the landlord. My sister tried to plead but he said it's not because of my sister but the husband. Now this guy's is so troublesome and brags a lot. He quarrels with the landlord a lot and always goes against the rules of the compound. I on the other hand have been telling my twin now that she has the money to get her own apartment and leave the lazy thing but she remained there.


Last two weeks Tuesday. during that heavy downpour, the landlord came with some police men and threw their things out in the rain as she was preparing her children for school. It was one of the police men that now had pity on her and said they should leave the things in the compound instead of throwing outside in the rain and helped my sister to bring then inside the gate. The husband ran away. After everything he called my sister to bring the children somewhere. When she got there it was a friend's house. He begged them to let his family stay the night and till now he's still there. I told my sister, shey I've been warning you about this guy. Bett look for a place and move in before this one's change their mind. Could you believe this man continued his laziness there? When everyone has gone out he'll go there and start sleeping till they come back from work and meet him. My sister said he has started quarrelling the man's wife . Someone who's squatting you you're challenging them.

he's talking about moving them to Mowe but my sister is not buying the idea and says she wants to get an apartment here on the mainland because of her job and move with only her children but I'm of the opinion that she should leave the children with him because if she goes with the children he'll run from his responsibility and never pay their school fees again.

What should she do because the guy travelled for his brothers burial now and the owner of the house was heard asking the wife why the guy and my sister are still in their house and said let him come back first . Meaning they are tired.

I've told her to get an apartment now o.

With all these written above you mean your sister still decided to come back to him to do what, someone with a school, what are you not telling us abi na juju and why is she just giving birth for him... normal normal na to born one then lock up and achieve what you want, she should stop leaving her kids wilth him oh before they become miserable sef,I think the husband has always been like that but I don't understand y she chose to stay, she should rent an apartment,far from him and don't allow him access to the house because e get why, let's see if he would do anything for the children.

Skyview01:
I agree no one is above mistake.

Number one, It is expected that date someone extensively before agreeing to marry them. During the dating process, you are to find out if he has a job, his savings and consumption habits, his plans for the future and if he is ready for marriage or not. If you fail to do all these and deliberately jump into the marriage unprepared and with all the reflags, You are totally on your own. I will not alter the quality of life I have worked for because of a relative's wrong life choices.

Number two, The husband has refused to work and abuses his wife and yet, she went ahead to have child number 1, 2,3 - those are not mistakes but a deliberate wrong life choices. You will eventually go down trying to help people like that. Not everyone can be saved and she will have to learn the hard way.

In my candid opinion, both the husband and the wife are both efulefus!

You are very much right.. The lady was explicitly foolish to have bore 2 more extra for an irresponsible man.. We have a lot of senseless women

gggh

You women must really have a thing for bad guys sha.

Youll see beautiful hardworking women married to a useless man who treats her like trash and you'll be wondering "how manage".

Maybe your sister has a weakness for fair guys or his dic'k is too sweet, all due respect to her

Tron1:
■ You women must really have a thing for bad men sha. Youll see a beautiful hardworking women married to a useless man who treats her like trash and you'll be wondering "how manage"

If the same woman were to abandon that useless man to pursue instead another man, would you not be of those carrying a pitchfork condemning her for leaving?

Kobojunkiee:
If the same woman were to abandon that useless man to pursue instead another man, would you not be of those carrying a pitchfork condemning her for leaving?

No, I'd support her decision

Tron1:
No, I'd support her decision

Here's hoping you are being honest because a lot of folks on this same Nairaland have been known to suggest women remain chained in marriage even when the signs are obvious it may be best they find their exit.

Kobojunkiee:
Here's hoping you are being honest because a lot of folks on this same Nairaland have been known to suggest women remain chained in marriage even when the signs are obvious it may be best they find their exit.

I personally don't see Nairaland as a responsible forum, and think it's one of the worst places to bring family issues to for advice

Tron1:
■ I personally don't see Nairaland as a responsible forum, and think it's one of the worst place to bring family issues to for advice

As bad as it may seem here, I actually believe it aptly reflects Nigeria as it is even today.

Kobojunkiee:
As bad as it may seem here, I actually believe it aptly reflects Nigeria as it is even today.

This site is indeed a reflection of everything bad and wrong about Nigeria and its people

She bleeped up big time. The signs were there right from the start! Now 3 innocent kids are involved. My advice, she needs to work harder to increase her income, being an unofficial single mother is no joke. The guy is useless,no arguments.

I have no single pity for her, just the innocent children

Jewessgratitud3:
Right now she needs advice on what to do and I'm also going to be sharing what I have advised her so far.

This man has used his foolishness to implicate my sister and their lovely kids. Before I go into details of what happened recently, I'll like to give a quick backstory of how all these came to be and how she even got herself into this mess

Backtrack to 2014 when she broke the news that someone was coming to see the family for her hand, I asked her who the person was but she refused to tell me saying I'll meet him when he comes. I was now like ha... This one you're hiding it. I never knew it was one useless guy that was living in our former area in the early 2000s that all he does then was stand at junctions disturbing girls. He also disturbed me one period like that and I so much dislike him because of his behavior plus he's fair and I dont fancy fair guys.

The day came and we started cooking. Already I had gotten a hint from my eldest sister that it's the guy and I said was that why she was hiding it? What's my own there. We move. As the day was approaching, my idowus husband called and told me to warn my sister that that guy she's pulling with is not it. That if she's trying to have something serious with him she'll be making a big mistake. I said, she's an adult and can make choices for herself.


He came with his people and we did everything and she moved in with him. Now, this guy doesn't do anything. He claims he's a lawyer but never goes to work. Most times he'll go for early morning training by 6am and after everyone has gone to work, he'll come home and be sleeping. initially my sister was covering him up that he's doing something but anytime I visit after school, I'll always meet him at home sleeping. I knew my sis was just covering him.

Before they married my sister owned a school that was doing well. After her first child the school was still doing well but they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house. Sometimes she would come to school with bruises on her face. Since she refused to talk, me I didn't bother asking because if I do she'll bark at me.it continue like that until she could no longer bear it and started opening up to me that the guy doesn't do anything. Just goes about from one junction to the other.

She took in for her second child and fell sick. The school suffered management and folded up. That was when the guy showed her his true color. They fought to the extent she left her kids and went to my sister's house. My elder sisters husband settled them and she went back.

She had her third child and the guy started his madness again. This time he would leave them and go for hours without food. When he's coming at night he'll buy food and call his children to come eat and leave my sister hungry. So anytime I go there I'll just find her something to eat. Sometimes not always.
The day I said enough is enough and decided pull her out of that nonsense was the day she called me, I was in bus and she said for two days now she has not eaten anything and she's having headache. That the guy said he'll deal with her. I told her to hold on and sent her the little I could that I'll come and see her.

I got there and told her she can't continue like this . I told her to start following me to school to learn how to do what I'm doing and I'll be giving her small small daily pay any day she goes with me and later she can start sourcing for her own schools and be making her own money. I put her through and took her to a school immediately and assigned her to some classes after watching me for a few mins.

We did that for a few weeks and I was giving her the small thing I could after each day. She started going out to look for schools and two schools called her. She now said she can't be following me again , I said no problem. God helped her, She now got more schools and started selling books too and making money.
When this guy saw it, he left feeding and only buys food for the children once in a while. Meanwhile their fighting continued.

Fast-forward to last year, the landlord called my sister that he has given the husband quit notice, not because he was owing but because he was always disrespecting the landlord. My sister tried to plead but he said it's not because of my sister but the husband. Now this guy's is so troublesome and brags a lot. He quarrels with the landlord a lot and always goes against the rules of the compound. I on the other hand have been telling my twin now that she has the money to get her own apartment and leave the lazy thing but she remained there.


Last two weeks Tuesday. during that heavy downpour, the landlord came with some police men and threw their things out in the rain as she was preparing her children for school. It was one of the police men that now had pity on her and said they should leave the things in the compound instead of throwing outside in the rain and helped my sister to bring then inside the gate. The husband ran away. After everything he called my sister to bring the children somewhere. When she got there it was a friend's house. He begged them to let his family stay the night and till now he's still there. I told my sister, shey I've been warning you about this guy. Bett look for a place and move in before this one's change their mind. Could you believe this man continued his laziness there? When everyone has gone out he'll go there and start sleeping till they come back from work and meet him. My sister said he has started quarrelling the man's wife . Someone who's squatting you you're challenging them.

he's talking about moving them to Mowe but my sister is not buying the idea and says she wants to get an apartment here on the mainland because of her job and move with only her children but I'm of the opinion that she should leave the children with him because if she goes with the children he'll run from his responsibility and never pay their school fees again.

What should she do because the guy travelled for his brothers burial now and the owner of the house was heard asking the wife why the guy and my sister are still in their house and said let him come back first . Meaning they are tired.

I've told her to get an apartment now o.

One chance

mrjojo:
She bleeped up big time. The signs were there right from the start! Now 3 innocent kids are involved. My advice, she needs to work harder to increase her income, being an unofficial single mother is no joke. The guy is useless,no arguments. I have no single pity for her, just the innocent children

So many married women in Nigeria are indeed just glorified single mothers. Glorified in the sense that dem carry Mrs. badge by title only and nothing else.

Kobojunkiee:
So many married women in Nigeria are indeed just glorified single mothers. Glorified in the sense that dem carry Mrs. badge by title only and nothing else.

Ggbam!

Curse777:




*and I so much dislike him because he's fair and I can't stand fair guys.

*they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house.

Summary of this long epistle

1: He first asked you out and you rejected, as a man he moved on to your sister and you resented him deeply

2: He is currently financially handicap and he irritates you, you hate poor men and poor men neither deserve marriage, or children

3: To you financial burden of a family is exclusive responsibility of a man


PS:

Dear Men, stay completely away from marriage if you are not financially bouyant as you are only rated for your financial strength by Women



.

This is what you could decipher from what she put up there? Where is your conscience? That guy is obviously irresponsible according to what she put up there and doesn't deserve a sane girl from a good home. He deserves his own type of women

Anyway, @Op your sister finally got what she wants. She loved the wrong person and she knows that herself reason why she wasn't proud of him when you guys asked who he was.