₦airaland Forum

Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.

Nengiraw:
how can I like someone I’ve never met? I don’t like him. I’m just being open minded, hoping that if I see him in person, I could change my mind. His red flags right now are too much for me to handle

IconicR:
You sabi spend bdat or you think they love you? Don't be carried away sha

Laslas you'll reach everybody 😂😂😂

shortgun:
Dear OP,
I've carefully read your post and it's unfortunate to see that all your conclusions about this man are drawn from subjective opinions and intuition.... it's all in your head

I strongly recommend you meet this man first in person before making any decisions that might lead to conflicts with your family.Dont listen to many commenter who want you to call your mother's bluff, I urge you not to dismiss the concerns and considerations of your family, particularly your mother. No mother would willingly lead her child into a life of suffering, especially a girl.

The age gap between you and this man should not be a cause for concern, there are countless happy couples with age gaps exceeding 30 years. An older man will bring tolerance, understanding, and experience in dealing with a women's emotions. Girls keep making this mistake of I am too young or he's too old until she becomes too old and he will still be eligible, the biological clock of a man and a woman is not the same.
At early 20 you are at your prime as a woman and the man is at his prime at 40.

It would be wise for you to give the man time to address any lingering issues with his first wife or baby mama. It's not uncommon for men to make bad choices driven by naivety and inexperience in their early relationships.
Furthermore, it's important you understand that time may not be as abundant as you believe or made to believe. You're not as young as you might think. Soon, you'll be approaching 30, and that age brings a different set of troubles and pressure, It's not unusual for girls as young as 17 to be managing households.
The path you want to tow or pushed to tow has played out countless times and the girls usually didn't come through as winners.
..........shortgun

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

Mcslize:
The problem is from you. Always listen to instructions. I stated it that I was only interested in correcting an old age impression. I was interested in only that and not the main subject of the matter.

You can't hold me accountable for being interested in only an aspect of the main topic. I don't want you and few other persons to make the same mistake of thinking a 25 yrs old lady is too young for an agile young man of 40 who can even marry a lady of 20.

Will you say that this Nolly wood actor called Bolanle Ninalowo who is 43yrs old is too old to marry a lady of 25 yrs if he was to re marry?

That's the impression I corrected in her write up and I wasn't interested in commenting in the main subject.

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

Jewessgratitud3:
I won't advise anyone to have anything to do with a married man or divorcee for that matter because there are always so many things involved that you may not be able to chest as time goes on in the marriage. So cut him off completely.

Don't let your family decide or choose for you cos they won't be there when you start having issues.

franchasofficia:
My sister them like me oh....maybe I am likable sha....cos right from when I was a small boy, older ladies like me a lot...I enter secondary school, girls were fighting to get close to me...and me no see any girl that time....I enter school, e come worst....I missed a lot of opportunities to enjoy girls while growing up lol.....I was still forming Saint Obi that wanted to go heaven alive like Prophet Elijah


My NYSC period was another mad period so many classy babes cherished me and wanted sth serious but inferiority complex, my extreme brokeness didn't let me commit to any girl.....so to the best of my knowledge, I am a ladies' man.....even my wife knows this and always make some funny remark like; them de think say u be innocent person


So I am trying to spoil small now before old age come na.....as for being generous, its in me...I am generous to both men, women, girls, boys, friends, relatives, employee....its a gift from God and also like my appreciation of God's blessing upon my life.....from rag to luxury without much stress.


Funny enough, I no even fine......

GO0DHardDick:
To avoid an expired damaged product who isn't a virgin?

Only an insane man will leave a fresh neat younger virgin for an old expired damaged evening newspaper like you.

Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.

IconicR:
I already know you spoil well well 😂 but with a good side that overshadows your weaknesses

Being a ladies' man has nothing to do with looks. I don't even give much importance to the looks of a man because I know what I want, na naive babes dy follow looks, just be ok physically and that's all.

So your own now is to make up for opportunities that you missed in the past and funny enough your wifey understand you and not complaining, give her some flowers from time to time, she deserve am.

You already know the secret of wealth and that's why you don't joke with being generous, you get wisdom.

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and ......



........., “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

Acidosis:
Your experience is one of the reasons to avoid dating older men. The generational gap is weird. Imagine the nonsense he is sending to you, a 40 year old man with many garbage, still virgin hunting while acting like a clueless toddler. He wants the Regina but can't be the Ned. Shame.

Calm down, you would find someone within your age group.

Nengiraw:
Thank you. I have actually already blocked him, because for the life of me, my mental can’t deal with a lot of things surrounding him, even if I decide to marry him, I don’t know how the first wife will feel, cause I know that she will definitely still be in his life, because of their daughter, who still stays with the mother, and he has her on the weekend. He even started comparing me and the wife, saying that I look more attractive than her, so now she is ugly. I just felt it was childish of him, and I don’t want a man like that to be my husband

chris51:
My dear girl. Block the man completely. At your age, you will get a husband that has no baggage.
Imagine a married man with a child talking about virgin, he is a fool.
Do not allow anyone lure you into such a relationship.
Focus on your career or whatever you are doing and husband will come

IconicR:
Short man carry your wahala and go

Tinubu is your president and there's nothing you can do about it

franchasofficia:
Lolz


My wife na wonderful woman....she don master my spec of girls....as soon as she see girl with killer shape and nice bombom, she go turn to me and say see your babes lol......she is very understanding and I respect her a lot and will never over step my boundary.


As for making up for my lost romantic opportunities when single.....honestly it seems like it lol.....I just love seeing beautiful, friendly and happy ladies around even though I won't do anything with them but having them around makes me happy and lively lol


The generosity must have been a trait I inherited from my mother.....that woman can be generous to a fault. My mother can please others to dis to displease herself, and this always get my father mad then when we were growing up

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

Nengiraw:
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

IconicR:
Boundaries hmmm I pray you won't ever meet a Judy Austin kind of woman because she'll try to come in by all means.

You don't condemn women unlike others here, they said I'm troublesome but we are always cool. I'm sure all redpillers are looking at you with bombastic side eyes 😂😂😂😂😂

More blessings on you, you be good man.

Take your flowers 🌺🌺🌺🌺

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

franchasofficia:
Hehehe thanks for the flowers


I can play once in a while as a man ....its every man's curse (both white, black, Indian, Chinese, Arab), but I will never over step my boundary; in my culture, your success is measured by how well you take care of your family (wife, kids, parents, siblings, relatives).


Any sexually active man that is not cheating must fall under one or two or all of the below categories:

1.) He is broke or poor or struggling financially
2.) He is highly carried spiritually and have the special grace and backing of God Almighty not gods
3.) He has too many responsibilities and possibly living in fear or too many worries about life and future
4.) He hasn't gotten the opportunity to cheat maybe because of political, religious, career, academic or leadership commitment


Any man that tells you that he doesn't cheat because he married a very beautiful wife or that because he loves his wife so much is a big LIAR!

Being married to the most beautiful woman on earth can never stop a man from cheating....every man gets so used to his wife at a point such that her unclothedness most times doesn't excite or move him.....this is one of the sexual curse of men.

What makes a man have sexual orgazzm during sex is not only how beautiful the woman is, but how the woman reacts to his touches and moves....how the woman makes noise, how she turns, how she responds to his touches, kisses, whispers, etc....which makes men crave to witness the reaction or response of as many women as they can get, sadly



It is only God's grace that can make a sexually active rich or financially successful man to be faithful to one woman. Any other reason na wash....I love my wife so much I cannot cheat on her, na wash....pure lies....my wife is so beautiful what else am I looking for in a girl? na confirm lies from the pit of hell fire

cococandy:
He will be abusive as hell

Someone you’re not betrothed to and he’s already policing you

Nengiraw:
Hello