₦airaland Forum

chris51:
I support the idea of you
moving to your parents home if he doesn't pay the rent. He needs to wake up from slumber and face his responsibility

JOACHINpedro:
See wetin SM dey make some person feel
Madam face your home. Your expectations before marriage was too high, after all you came in with hymen.
Drop the mentality first and help your husband solve the problems in your home.
1- A gambling broke man is a curse to the society, he should quit it.
2- Talk to him about the job issue, you guys should agree on smth. Calmly remind him he has children, that rocket science dreams can be pardoned for singles.
3- Always show him love while you talk to him. He may not react positively instantly but the kind words will keeps resounding on his mind.
4- Pray for your family as you put in your best in this trying times.
God bless you for keeping yourself to your husband but you are a married woman. You keep forgetting that

frog12:
so if you overhaul the mindset, she must DIVORCE the husband immediately, right?

PhillipPHD:
Just dey play. Wake up call my foot! You don’t understand men one bit.

You move out and he’s happy that the nagging and burden is lifted. He gets a good job, accuse you of abandonment and start carrying other women. Who lose? Just dey play.

NwaliE01:
What about some of us that our wives have never worked all their lives?

For example, my wife has never worked all her life. I have single handedly taking care of our home including building and furnishing a 4 bedroom bungalor (with a full solar system installation) for her parents.

When a man alone provides for his family and his inlaws, there will be no problem. But, when the table turn and the woman find herself in same position as the man, she would turn to complain and even question her love towards the man.

There's no where even in the bible where it said that only the men should provide for his home. The bible actually said any "man" (both man and woman) that cannot provide for his house hold is worst than an infidel.

My sister, all you can do is to suppport your husband. He must have learnt his bitter lesson from his past job experience that made him to insist on seeking for employment with multinationals.
Don't compare yourself with anyone even your subordinate in the office. Everyone is going through their unique struggles which they would not like to show you.
Follow the principles in God's word, honour your husband. Your strength as a woman is in your honour of your husband.
If you can afford the rent, please renew it. Heaven will not fall and besides you will still sleep in the same house and enjoy yourselves at night too.

Abeg, follow the word of God and the leading of the holy spirit.

frog12:
because the woman must also take care of the children. if the children are already OLD enough, no problem

TheRealestGuy:
As I said, they probably deserve each other.

Also, I don't think divorce is a good option in any situation especially when kids are involved, although I appreciate that sometimes it is the practical option.

NwaliE01:
Awesome, by the grace of God. I am abroad and here, taking care of children is a 50-50 thing and I feel it should be the same at home. The worst that can happen to any man is to be poor and arrogant which I believe were not in the context of this discuss.
If the man has no work, then he should support to take care of the kids.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Mindlog:
I am making efforts to wrap my mind around a wife who has become the sole provider in the home, goes out to work and comes back home to thank the husband and biological father of their children for being "humble" enough to "emasculate" himself to look after his own children when his wife is out at work?

Child care is the responsibility of BOTH father and mother.

rezky:
If will advice you to leave that lazy ass of a man., go far away from him., if not he will continue to disturb your mental health while you are still with him.

You are better off living alone with the little money you make to fend for yourself and children..,let see if he won't find means to survive if you go.

If i were your brother., i'll definitely support your decision..100%

rezky:
If will advice you to leave that lazy ass of a man., go far away from him., if not he will continue to disturb your mental health while you are still with him.

You are better off living alone with the little money you make to fend for yourself and children..,let see if he won't find means to survive if you go.

If i were your brother., i'll definitely support your decision..100%

Dynast:
Have you seen what some men go through, some men fend for the family and the wife for the rest of their lives and to old age or get assisted with their childeren grow up.
No noise or alarm is ever heard anywhere but if a woman should do that for just 5years, it becomes world news. There are alot of good women who do that without publicity or ill maltreating the man but alot of women cannot and do not try it and at the same time claim equality or pro feminism. Your hubby should dudt his ass and go and work fast, he should be able to fend for the family and at the same time dont nagg him to hell or depression

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

madone:
This matter is going to be long where are the elders

Mindlog:

Wujio:
It is hypocrisy to only touch areas the woman needs to work upon leaving the lack of finances and the man out of it totally. Do you have partial blindness?

I didn't see you say a man who doesn't take care of his home is worse than an infidel and suggesting that the man like a true father should do should hunt for any kind of job. You bashed the woman toning down her goodness because you want women to appear guilty. A man that doesn't take care of his home is an infidel

Let's stop putting women in horrible state please

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

socialmediaman:
You're too opinionated. Asking questions will help you discern faster

Nlkay:
Marriage is hard work and you must understand that your husband at this time has sulked into his frustrations and pressures. That man is depressed as the country has failed him.
You need to sit up and take it God in prayers.
Your husband needs to be get back to being himself and this can only done by talking to him and motivating him to get back on his tracks and vision as the leader of the home. He must be convinced of the need to reel our his plans while it's critically scrutinized to see what outcomes can function in Nigeria of today. Don't let your values drop, hold it high and focus on what must be done.
Your husband must get back on track with the help of you and only few who are willing to speak to him continuously to not fall himself and his immediate constituents. He must change his circle and stop gambling to get his focus back on track.
I hope this helps you. Take his matter to God privately. I wish I can speak with you. Enjoy your day. Bye

edunaragold:
Your great problem now is social medial, social media got my wife thinking too that her class mate were doing ok,why I who have a job was struggling, although I work and your husband don't ,yet my wife still left me, thinking am sleeping with females around ,pls I know u may be an igbo lady for saying but want to go back, firstly before u go back let your parents call and talk to your man and his way forward,I don't buy the idea of my woman paying bills I will feel useless,pls take it easy with your husband,don't insult or disrespect him,call your pastor attention to it before I do anything.

Kobojunkie:

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

aameyah:
That is life (and men) for you.
When you saw that he was exhibiting these behaviours, first action would have been to halt childbearing (so that your load will be lighter). As it is now, don't make that mistake of a 4th child (because I know such a man will be running around with erect missile, because there is no other work to do than to be offloading surplus akamu).

Then again, stop covering up for him. Stop it at once. Again, do not cover up for him. Do what you can for yourself and children, but he is not your responsibility. Let him keep looking for multinational.

I was like you (good girl and a virgin). But I discovered people like us become preys in the hands of the ones who know how to choose their naiive victims. I was in the midst of money but I was deprived. Looking older, with tears as food and insulted and oppressed by inlaws.

My life turned around when I detached emotionally. I started taking decisions that would favour my life, rather than constraining my life to a guy who doesnt love, or cherish or protect me.

It would do you good to be logical and selfish with these set that betrays. How many of these men truly love and respect us? They only want women for the social relevance that comes with being married, free labour like clean house, cooked food, washed cloths and free nurse for their parents, free sex and free womb to perpetuate their lineages. The day you women tell yourselves the truth is the day you are set free.

These nigs don't give a fvc and why should you?