Kobojunkie:
For 3 years, the welfare of the kids have not been tops on the man's mind, according to OP. But you suggest she continue to drag him along for the very welfare of same kids. How so?

As expected. You are more interested in passing on another delusion to OP than giving her advice for her current problem.

Lol.

When it comes to family matters, the worst logical people to listen to are Nigerian men. They will perform mental acrobatics to support their brother in his time of callowness and senseless evil, and the end result is you posting numerous times to try to understand them.

You can't understand them. They are keeping to the bro code. You'll see all manner of pointless advice. I'm sure the usual, "take someone he respects to talk to him, an old person" advice that means nothing has come up.

Switch the genders and a divorce/cheating is the best thing for her to do.

Wujio:




Treat the hypocrisy in you before you give people advice. You need it more

Well done sir

preshpraiz:


My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Good Evening Dear Sis.

Life can play a very funny trick on Us.
Sometime we wonder why the unserious and sometimes the ungodly seems to be doing well while we seems to be struggling.

Why everything seems to be working against us despite all our effort to ensure that we never had to face any trouble. We seems to have done everything right but everything seems not to be right with Us.

But Sis, I urge that you commit everything to God in prayer and let the Shalom (Peace of the Lord fill your mind).
Relax and calmly think and take decisions.
Don't take decision based on your emotions but based on available reality and Faith.

Considering that rent is expiring soon and there is no money for repayment yet, I urge that you wait and commit it to prayer.
If you have the leading to move your kids and yourself to your parents house do that for now so as to have a balance and prevent some avoidable stress.

Just let go of regrets and stop comparing yourself to others because our challenges are different.

Just keep Faith and commit everything to God and He would come through for you. Let go of the Regret and the Hate that your current situation is making you develop and let Love and Hope and Faith fill your mind.

May the Lord Satisfy you early with His Goodness, Kindness and Sure Mercies.

Hmmm it is well my sister. I married at 33 as a virgin. My wife was 27 YO as a virgin too and I have been married for 9 years now. So, I can relate with what it meant to you.

Your mental health is of utmost importance to you, your kids, your family and friends and even your husband. So, please, don't bottle your emotions up.

I am a Christian by God's grace. I'm assuming you are a Christian based on your profile name. So, my advice will follow that line. Talk to your pastor or his wife or marriage counselors. Let your family and his family know what you are going through as well. Please, I beg you by the mercies of God, avoid ungodly counsels.

I think it is clear that your husband is not a matured Christian and dealing with an immatured Christian is like dealing with someone who doesn't know the Lord. I Tim 5:8. A former colleague of mine has a husband exactly like yours. I thank God for her faith in the Lord and endurance.

If you handle the situation the way of the world, your marriage may not survive it.

I have a lot to say but please, trust God, pray, pray and continue to pray and take right actions. What God says about marriage and family is what matters. Not what the society says.

Use, the challenging situation to grow the more in your faith and walk with God.

Always ask yourself - What will Jesus have me do in this situation?

I met a couple few months back who have been married for 70 years. Marriage is not bread and butter. It is a life time commitment and it has ups and downs.

I pray that the Lord intervene in your marriage and give you joy and peace in Jesus name. Thanks, God bless you

theophorus:
■ Good Evening Dear Sis.
Life can play a very funny trick on Us.
Sometime we wonder why the unserious and sometimes the ungodly seems to be doing well while we seems to be struggling.
Why everything seems to be working against us despite all our effort to ensure that we never had to face any trouble. We seems to have done everything right but everything seems not to be right with Us.
But Sis, I urge that you commit everything to God in prayer and let the Shalom (Peace of the Lord fill your mind). Relax and calmly think and take decisions.
Don't take decision based on your emotions but based on available reality and Faith.....
Just keep Faith and commit everything to God and He would come through for you. Let go of the Regret and the Hate that your current situation is making you develop and let Love and Hope and Faith fill your mind.
May the Lord Satisfy you early with His Goodness, Kindness and Sure Mercies.

Stop using the name of God to lie to her.

Ask yourself! If God has not resolved all those many marriages in your church that has been falling apart I your churches, some since day one, why would God resolve anything that pertains to this one you are here lying to?.

FHL3:
Hmmm it is well my sister. I married at 33 as a virgin. My wife was 27 YO as a virgin too and I have been married for 9 years now. So, I can relate with what it meant to you.
Your mental health is of utmost importance to you, your kids, your family and friends and even your husband. So, please, don't bottle your emotions up.
I am a Christian by God's grace. I'm assuming you are a Christian based on your profile name. So, my advice will follow that line. Talk to your pastor or his wife or marriage counselors. Let your family and his family know what you are going through as well. Please, I beg you by the mercies of God, avoid ungodly counsels.
I think it is clear that your husband is not a matured Christian and dealing with an immatured Christian is like dealing with someone who doesn't know the Lord. I Tim 5:8. A former colleague of mine has a husband exactly like yours. I thank God for her faith in the Lord and endurance.
If you handle the situation the way of the world, your marriage may not survive it.
I have a lot to say but please, trust God, pray, pray and continue to pray and take right actions. What God says about marriage and family is what matters. Not what the society says.
Use, the challenging situation to grow the more in your faith and walk with God.
Always ask yourself - What will Jesus have me do in this situation?
I met a couple few months back who have been married for 70 years. Marriage is not bread and butter. It is a life time commitment and it has ups and downs.
I pray that the Lord intervene in your marriage and give you joy and peace in Jesus name. Thanks, God bless you

Stop lying to her!

@preshpraiz, no matter what you do, you had better stay away from the trap of church people and family if you ever wish to tackle your situation. Churches are filled to the brim with women like you who have been praying for many many years, some even decades, for God to save their marriages. Many of the same women have had to watch the husband they have been praying for eventually abandon them yet the pastors and mogs urge them to continue praying even into their old age for what will never happen. Why? because those women fill seats and bring money and more customers into the church businesses through their many delusions.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

Kobojunkie:
....
Since 2020, the man has not figured out by now that the load is hard for one person to carry. Some of you ought to be getting your own heads checked rather than putting yourselves in a position of trying to advise others. So, her job, in addition to fending for her family will now be to get the man out of gambling? Una truly get mind.

I was going to suggest that you were sick in the head but on a second look at your bigotry, it's obvious you are lacking in Character. So stop learning as it would only exacerbate your character deficiency. Hopefully you know the difference between an advice and an inference.

Prosperity4All:
■ I was going to suggest that you were sick in the head but on a second look at your bigotry, it's obvious you are lacking in Character. So stop learning as it would only exacerbate your character deficiency. Hopefully you know the difference between an advice and an inference.

LOL... see this one desperately wriggling around like a worm after been caught in foolishness.

BRATISLAVA:


Vaginometer.

Once a woman is facing challenges in her marriage, it must mean she wants a license to cheat.

Her husband isn't frustrated. He's evil. And later men will say that once a woman starts footing bills she begins to announce it. When they got married where in the Nigerian marriage rules is she supposed to foot everything? For a man to be comfortable being an infidel and watching his family sink, he is unbelievably evil. What stops him from working like his wife does?

Gambling with what money? That's a frustrated man?

She mentioned her virginity because it has to do with her beliefs and her experiences. She chose to be a virgin believing in love, thinking it would mean she would have a good marriage and successful life. That's why she's mentioning it and how her promiscuous friends seem to have it better. So clearly she knows why she decided to be one. Yet you traced her mentioning it because she wants to cheat and that is repulsive. Vaginometer.

Oga virginity obsession (in case you are obsessed because you are one, you are not the only virgin), virginity doesn't equate a good life, the discipline only helps when we allow it to permeate all aspects of our lives. These are some of the lies we were told instead of working to improve our situation and environment. She clearly doesn't respect her husband either as a hard worker or a gambler. She simply settled for him as he was what she had available.

I have addressed something similar before and truth is most of these mistakes come from modern day approach to dating and lies we are told.


You can help her pack back to her parents house but I can promise you it will likely bring even more regrets in the long run. It's only a good fix temporarily, to reset the man's brain or make him miss the children. It seems you are one of the men vs women crew so you can enjoy yourself.

This woman was more concerned about appraising herself than finding solution to the challenge.


You have only heard the woman's half of the story. Go ahead and crucify everyone based on that.


I'm adding this after cause I may not reply you after. Check the older generation, they have lots of husband's that misbehaved, but such man always had someone in his life that would let him know he is mad and must get out of the house... Even if for a while, the man will leave the house to do concrete work or anything he has to do.

Clearly the man here has no such people in his life or maybe they existed and she disrespected them, but If you as a lady go on to marry such a man, what do you expect others to do for you if challenges arise?

Kobojunkie:
LOL... see this one desperately wriggling around like a worm after been caught in foolishness.

I can tell a psychopath from a mile. Your stereotype is obvious but coming here to flog people's personal opinions won't solve your marital and antisocial problems. In fact it affirms why you had them. Cry on.

Prosperity4All:

I can tell a psychopath from a mile. Your stereotype is obvious but coming here to flog people's personal opinions won't solve your marital and antisocial problems. In fact it affirms why you had them. Cry on.

***yawn***

Kobojunkie:
***yawn***

idiatt

I love your English

Prosperity4All:

idiatt

Look who's talking!

Fountainofyouth:



Kunle, so at your old age you still don't have sense? Quite unfortunate.

Lol...old age kee you Dia.... bigmouth

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

your husband is simply depressed, that's why he is gambling and has refused to work, we all have different coping mechanisms. Covid really bleeped people up. I guess he doesn't want to work with private organisation again to avoid disappointment. I will advice you calm down and be his friend, stop nagging and I believe he will come around and open up to you. Moving to your parents house is not the solution.

Phlakes:
your husband is simply depressed, that's why he is gambling and has refused to work, we all have different coping mechanisms. Covid really bleeped people up.
2. I guess he doesn't want to work with private organisation again to avoid disappointment. I will advice you calm down and be his friend, stop nagging and I believe he will come around and open up to you. Moving to your parents house is not the solution.

1. A man who has 3 kids has the luxury of wallowing in depression? Depressed people work too, you know that right?

2. So, OP should instead stay and wait until her children and belongings are tossed out into the streets, cause sheltering her children from that devasting experience is not important at all? What is more important is remaining friends with her husband and being homeless with him?

obviously you were so inexperienced or loveblind not to know your hubby is lazy!you have also been aiding him along same line by paying the billls!dont ever think he would even change because he wont!have you talked with his parents and family members about it?has he a mentor you can report to?what about your spiritual leader?i mean a pastor or imam?i am convinced you have encouraged him to be lazy for too long!HE WONT BE READY TO CHANGE!THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO MOVE OUT!GOODLUCK!!

nahzyla:
OP, you shouldn't start serious topics like this on a forum like nairaland. This place is a cesspit of small kids typing all sorts of nonsense to gather likes because they lack attention and fulfillment in real life.

Post on women oriented Facebook/Instagram groups, like groups for wives and mothers etc.

Just look at the mumu advice that filled this thread, "thank him for staying home with the kids", "show him love and respect always", "intensify your prayers for him", all for a worthless lefulefu.
Abeg let me leave this thread before I get even more angry.

BRATISLAVA:
Honestly, the sort of lazy men we read about on the forum is a disgrace to those who keep posting and asking what women bring to the table in marriages.
How can a man gamble and play games while he has children that need a meal and home?

Oh well, he has a productive hard working wife. Everything is sorted. He's the head of the home, the king, the prize, heaven and earth in flesh.

Abi.
What women bring to the table in marriages?
Women bring all things to the marriage.
Women are the foundation and bedrock of marriages, they cant run away from the children.
In many families the main breadwinner is the mother.
The mother trained the children upto universities.

I can see that you are a dignified woman, it's a virtue. It would be a good compliment if you can give your husband the morale needed in this is trying moment. He has lost his job don't make him have another loss.

Imagine he landed the dream job, it's going to be a fortune for all of you.
Respect him for the great concept, miracle happens.

Lincton:
■ I can see that you are a dignified woman, it's a virtue. It would be a good compliment if you can give your husband the morale needed in this is trying moment. He has lost his job don't make him have another loss.
■ Imagine he landed the dream job, it's going to be a fortune for all of you. Respect him for the great concept, miracle happens.

LOL.... 😁🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 After giving him "virginity" she also has to give him the morale needed to keep trying to be a better husband and father.... the demands never end, do they?

Oh, yes! They are about to have their belongings thrown out on the streets but wait, she first has to have even more respect for him in order for him to be able to work and pay the bills like a sane husband should.

I didn't lie to her. I only shared a personal and sincere advice with her. Ultimately, the final decision is hers to make but decisions do have consequences, either good or bad.

Kobojunkie:
Stop lying to her!

@preshpraiz, no matter what you do, you had better stay away from the trap of church people and family if you ever wish to tackle your situation. Churches are filled to the brim with women like you who have been praying for many many years, some even decades, for God to save their marriages. Many of the same women have had to watch the husband they have been praying for eventually abandon them yet the pastors and mogs urge them to continue praying even into their old age for what will never happen. Why? because those women fill seats and bring money and more customers into the church businesses through their many delusions.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

<smile>
More doors would open for you to fornicate
and commit adultery, don't yield to that, real assistance and favour would show up by other Real Angels.

Provided you get some cash before times runs out, don't hesitate to move to your parent house if palatable to do such.

I just hope you can chew it; your husband is under the influence of some minor forces, I pray he get over it, provided if what you wrote here was real. However, you shouldn't nose dive the act of constant communication with God on your daily basis. <Be prayerful>

Since he's your husband, fight with him at your own detriment on this issue.

One of the best move is to gather 👌 courage and source for more income and start an added business if not new, so as to take care of your own "fruit" and have a meaningful ways of life. As per your husband, report him to his families, and that is not limited to his parent alone.

If he doesn't change within 2.5years, get a new husband if you're interested, subject to paragraph one.

Oops, I still have other news to read here on Nairaland , happy Sunday. I rest my thoughts.

MICVOCT

Those that preached abstaining from Sex and watch how God will bless you with all the goodies of life are meant to be blamed for this faulty thinking.

DND069:
I don't like the way some guys were trashing her virginity scenario up there. Isn't that what we men demand from women?

Why trash it? Y'all guys just wanna push feminine women into doing nasty things then come back and blame them.

Op, I understand your plight. Sit your man down; talk calmly and kindly to him.

The majority of Nigerians are hypocrites.

Having from the beginning to the end, I'm stunned by the responses by most men lampooning her for mentioning virginity and being chaste before marriage. You people have effectively told young women that there are no marital benefits through virginity. Yet the same men are chanting on twitter, Instagram and other sections of Nairaland that virginity is the best prize a Nigerian woman can offer to her husband.

Too bad! This is how you people mold women into something else then later come to complain. The same people wey dey praise virginity like it's a Nobel prize in physics or chemistry SUDDENLY says it's worthless. The other day, I advised hookup babes to be very ruthless in their enterprise as Nigerian men can be very funny. Just see the bash towards her virginity status from the people who preach it for a living.

On the other hand, this thread further reinforces the belief that without money, most men are worthless to the society. I have seen it all. Without money, man no get use for this world. It's important young men know this before entering marriage and having PLENTY children. This woman's case (assuming it's true and not one of the monikers Seun creates) would have been easier to handle had it been she had a child or two. But with three children and a possibility of another, things get complicated. I don warn una tire say to dey born plenty children no dey good, especially in Africa.

For we wey no too dey interested in marriage, we watch and learn.

Who told this mumu that she would have married "right" if she was wayward?? Make your decision and stop the emotional blackmail

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

madam relax. Not all that glitters is gold. Only that man knows what he have seen in private companies. Besides you got married to him he was working and all was fine, now his no longer work it time for you to support. It's your job as the wife to stand up now for him. He might be going through depression and some personal struggles and from your statement you are not helping. Also you leave in Nigeria and honestly things are very hard now harder for men. So give that man a break and double your hustle. Stop looking at other people success and dey you lane.

Kobojunkie:
Is she a mental health counselor that she should be the one to do that for a man who has 3 kids?

Metal health is job of everyone. Untill he commits suicide, you will not know his importance. Ppl like you have no empathy. You think it's easy to marry under this economy, talk more of having 3 kids.

I understand ur plight ur sacrifice, reading all comments above not everyone get what u mean being a virgin and loving wife...in all ur being pure and sacrifices u want is a soft landing but now it other way round.....anyway no advice or whatever to give u jst wants you to knw someone understand what you are going through and all I can say is that's life will never be rosy for everyone do what ur will pleases you, in between I hate lazy partner

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Jamie1000:
■ Metal health is job of everyone. Untill he commits suicide, you will not know his importance. Ppl like you have no empathy. You think it's easy to marry under this economy, talk more of having 3 kids.

LOL.... mental health is everybody's Job yet the same you did not insist on this woman demanding the same level of empathy from her husband. Strange!

It is not easy to be married under the economy as though somehow they were forced into marriage with 3 kids and so deserve pity? You are not serious at all.