₦airaland Forum

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all .

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Hello, never mind all those people insulting you, know that many of them would be worse than your husband if they find themselves in his shoes. How can a married man leave the responsibilities of taking care of his 3 children, house rent and all other bills to his wife while he wastes his own life away in this APC terrible time in Nigeria?
I will advise you let him know that if he will not make attempt to better his life by looking for a job to support you, you wont be able to cope with the financial burden any longer. What you plan to do is a right step, move with all your children into your family house, regard him as a dead man. He may want to manipulate you emotionally bu telling you that you want to leave him in his trying times, na lie. Tell him that when you see him become serious with his life, you may reconsider to come back.
The only thing I will condemn you for is that you are measuring yourself by what you are seeing people post online, never look at that. A lot of people are living miserable lives but put up a fake happiness on the internet. Many even suffer domestic violence behind the scene, some are in huge debt, a lot are living a fake life, dont ever make the mistake of looking down on yourself because of what others are posting online. Peace be unto you.

Kobojunkie:
1. Do you even know what a stay-at-home father is? You seem to assume a man with kids who refuses to work is automagically a stay-at-home father.

2. He is a Nigerian. You don't assume these things. You have to ask to be certain of it.

3. Big whoop!

1. He lost his job, decides to stay home while waiting for Tinubu to personally find him and offer him an executive job, and she steps up and starts providing, what does that make him?

2. There are many Nigerian men like him who are taking care of the homes while also pretending to be providers. I earlier hinted that when I made reference to the older generation

aameyah:
■ That is life (and men) for you. When you saw that he was exhibiting these behaviours, first action would have been to halt childbearing (so that your load will be lighter). As it is now, don't make that mistake of a 4th child (because I know such a man will be running around with erect missile, because there is no other work to do than to be offloading surplus akamu).

Then again, stop covering up for him. Stop it at once. Again, do not cover up for him. Do what you can for yourself and children, but he is not your responsibility. Let him keep looking for multinational.

I was like you (good girl and a virgin). But I discovered people like us become preys in the hands of the ones who know how to choose their naiive victims. I was in the midst of money but I was deprived. Looking older, with tears as food and insulted and oppressed by inlaws.

My life turned around when I detached emotionally. I started taking decisions that would favour my life, rather than constraining my life to a guy who doesnt love, or cherish or protect me.

It would do you good to be logical and selfish with these set that betrays. How many of these men truly love and respect us? They only want women for the social relevance that comes with being married, free labour like clean house, cooked food, washed cloths and free nurse for their parents, free sex and free womb to perpetuate their lineages. The day you women tell yourselves the truth is the day you are set free.

These nigs don't give a fvc and why should you?

@preshpraiz, please pay attention and become more logical in your reasoning of life and all things that pertain to life and living — marriage included.

socialmediaman:
1. He lost his job, decides to stay home while waiting for Tinubu to personally find him and offer him an executive job, and she steps up and starts providing, what does that make him?
2. There are many Nigerian men like him who are taking care of the homes while also pretending to be providers. I earlier hinted that when I made reference to the older generation

A Nigerian man who lost his job and is at home waiting for Tinubu to save him?

2. Taking care of homes doing chores, feeding and bathing babies, cooking, running to the market, etc.? Or sitting jobless at home while pretending to be providers?

Virusvetty:
I think your issue now is comparing yourself to your classmates online and offline,While it's not bad to manage a job before the one he desires come. Let God help you, submit the situation to almighty God in prayers.

Leave God and His mention out of your rubbish.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

Kobojunkie:
You forgot to indicate a source! PLease update it so we can read the rest abeg!

I just copy inspiring posts from different comments on videos I watch. I will start keeping track of the links for those interested in watching them.

Orinechi:
Marriage is for better; for worse.

That logic is according to your pastors and mogs who need you to stay married and breeding in order that they could continue to fill up their church businesses for generations to come.

Allisgud:
■ When they say life no balance,this is what they mean,I understand ur pain,they say keep urself clean as a woman better man will come for ur hands in marriage but he didn't work for u,what I will tell u is don't judge urself base on ur friends lifestyle on social media,all na packaging,make una dey pepper each other,they will only post when they have good food on their table,new clothes and when they are in a fine location

Life has nothing to do with that delusions though. Na human beings dey feed their fellow human beings with such lies regarding life in order to keep them gullible and subjugated.

ednut1:
Move back to your parents house. 3 years after marriage you still dey carry virginity trophy for head 🤣

Stop it!

REALretep:
■ ... FOR BETTER FOR WORSE
FOR RICHER FOR POORER
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
TILL DEATH DO US PART...
■ Christ never promised life without challenges. But he promised to help us bear our burdens...to lighten our burdens.
Hold onto Christ. He can help you. You can't handle this on your own.
If you allow your current line of thought to persist and the societal pressures from people around you to keep getting to you and making you weep, then I can assure you that your marriage will crumble in a very short while. And to even make things worse, your husband might later get the high-paying multinational job...and you may then become the greatest loser and live the rest of your life in regret.
I don't wish this for you my dear. Please hold onto Christ... hold onto God. Ask God for strength to persevere. This is a trying time in your life. It is a phase. It will pass.Shallom

1. That lie was concocted by your pastors and mogs, all of them businessmen who know that so long as they keep you believing these lies and having more kids, their businesses will continue to grow from one generation to the next.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

atleast you didn't complain that he cheats.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Bash you for what? Leave the stupid man with your kids, at least, he will need to take care of himself. I'm sure his brain will reset, free food doesn't allow him to know that he's wasting away. If you leave him temporarily, it is either he sits tight or goes down completely

nahzyla:
OP, you shouldn't start serious topics like this on a forum like nairaland. This place is a cesspit of small kids typing all sorts of nonsense to gather likes because they lack attention and fulfillment in real life.
Post on women oriented Facebook/Instagram groups, like groups for wives and mothers etc.
Just look at the mumu advice that filled this thread, "thank him for staying home with the kids", "show him love and respect always", "intensify your prayers for him", all for a worthless lefulefu.
Abeg let me leave this thread before I get even more angry.

Nairaland will at least open OP's eyes to what all others really think about what she sees as an achievement in her case.

TOPMAN4LIFE:
Tell this story to his family members before u take ur decision

So since 2020, his family is still unaware that their son has slowly become a deadbeat dad? Wetin dey do una sef?

Nwodosis:
Virginity is good but it doesn't make one the best wife. It is never a ticket for a successful marriage.
The bitter truth, you no longer love your husband . Forget all these motivational speakers that will tell you that marriage is to be enjoyed, my dear in reality, marriage is to be endured while it is acted as being enjoyed.
Na you nagg the man into gambling to meet up, kindly return the undiluted love you previously had for him, it may be difficult but it is the first step if you need him to change.

Do you people even have conscience at all? Someone lost a job since 2020 but it was his wife who nagged him into gambling! Was she also the one who nagged him into not taking up another job? Useless people everywhere

Michaelkelvin1:
■ Hmmm .. look I believe your husband doesn't want to settle for less but on the other hand your a human being tooo.. maybe you try letting him know that the weight is bigger than what you can carry and he should find a way to come supporting the family in the ways he can ... But if he's to stubborn to hear your cry meh just move on. Ask for a devorce and go with your kids and try to focus on your kids or you may find love again

....

Prosperity4All:
Nothing last forever. Good times will pass Bad Times will pass. This current situation will also pass, that is for sure.
So do not allow a passing situation leave an indelible mark on your marriage. You say your hubby is pressing phone and gambling, you make it sound like you married an irresponsible man or he just turned into one overnight...hmmm. Think again, the situation is tougher for him than it is on you. Forget about your problems and focus on possible solutions. That will be your greatest takeaway when this situation passes.
Thank God you are earning monthly and now the breadwinner of your family, keep respectful communication with your husband centered around exploring options to restore his income. Cut cost drastically. Get a smaller apartment, maybe hubby can help with home-schooling the kids to save school fees, at this point only essentials like feeding and health care finances should not be compromised. Your family will be fine. Hang in Shalom

Since 2020, the man has not figured out by now that the load is hard for one person to carry. Some of you ought to be getting your own heads checked rather than putting yourselves in a position of trying to advise others.

qtx:
■ Its quite bad you are in that situation. How well did you even know this guy before marriage. Because its most likely you didnt know he was into gambling before you got married. The truth about gambling is that the gamblers always hoping and building plans on games the predict which even the game vendors 90% percent are also not sure of the results.
They can sell anything including human being to game. The reaso he is insisting on multinationals for employment is because he has an option and that is the fact that you are still supporting.
First, you need to find a way to get him out of the gambling habit , i know that is a herculean task. And have you spoken to him in the middle of the night i mean heart to heart discussion? Are you guys christians? Seek family assistance to advise, pastors , good friends, mentors etc to talk to him. Also while doing all that, pray. Discourage him from any friend that is luring him into that habit. He needs to get a job.

So, her job, in addition to fending for her family will now be to get the man out of gambling? Una truly get mind.

Myer:
■ I'm curious, in this outpouring of your heart, you never mentioned God. That's the missing piece of your puzzle. Virginity is a virtue and obviously you and your husband seem to be good people. However, the world is evil and unpredictable. We need God to navigate through life and it's unpredictability and intricacy.

Please don't wait any longer, invite him into your life. Let Jesus Christ become the Head of your home. Things will start adding up with time. And your path will start shining brighter and brighter until the perfect day. Grace, Mercy and Peace multiplied to you.

OP, stay away from people trying to rope you into yet more lies/delusions.

God of the Bible cursed marriage and childbearing in Genesis 3 vs 16, and Jesus Christ equally said that the marriages of men are not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. But your pastors will not tell you this part because their businesses depend on you staying with the many delusions surrounding marriage today.

TheWinterBird:
He's basically living like a single man (he's not helping you take care of the kids and is all about himself in the house) while married. If you move out to your parents house, he will be free to live that single life that he so craves. It's better you stay put and don't let him get away any further with being irresponsible towards your children. He's their father and needs to step up.

Imagine that! A man, after having 3 kids, chooses to ignore their welfare and goes back to chasing dreams like a single man again.

REALretep:
■ Sorry honey... you are missing the pointAnd you are quoting the Bible completely out of context.
■ I understand marriage gets you pissed off and you will therefore look for every opportunity to attack the marriage institution. Truth is that marriage is not meant for everyone. I think you should make peace with this. If you know that you are sincerely not cut out for marriage, try not to allow overzealous folks force marriage down your throat; and don't allow yourself to be used to destroy the marriage institution for those who are genuinely cut out for it especially at their weak moments when they face turbulent times in their marriages. Let peace reign honey 💋

Do you even begin to understand what it means to quote something out of context?

2. Marriage has never been a problem. Rather, the problem here is the many lies you lot tell of marriage using the many mentions of God to deceive people. OP's thread is clearly evidence of some of those lies. Atheists have even better marriages than you folks with your many delusions since they approach it from a logical standpoint which works in tandem with the real world, something that cannot be said of the many delusions you lost weave around your marriages.

Dynast:
■ Have you seen what some men go through, some men fend for the family and the wife for the rest of their lives and to old age or get assisted with their childeren grow up.
No noise or alarm is ever heard anywhere but if a woman should do that for just 5years, it becomes world news. There are alot of good women who do that without publicity or ill maltreating the man but alot of women cannot and do not try it and at the same time claim equality or pro feminism. Your hubby should dudt his ass and go and work fast, he should be able to fend for the family and at the same time dont nagg him to hell or depression

Marriage is a contract agreement between a man and woman. If a man chooses from day one to carry 100% of the financial burden in marriage, their is nothing wrong with that. If a woman chooses from day one to carry 100% of the financial burden in the marriage all by herself, there is also nothing wrong with that. However, when a man or woman becomes burdened with 100% of the burden in marriage when it was never agreed upon from the beginning, it is a problem.

Kobojunkie:
So since 2020, his family is still unaware that their son has slowly become a deadbeat dad? Wetin dey do una sef?

It's the OP that knows it all. It's possible the woman has not reported to her husband family.

TOPMAN4LIFE:
It's the OP that knows it all. It's possible the woman has not reported to her husband family.

What in the world.... so the man has not communicated his truth to his own family since 2020, and it is not until the wife tells the family that they would then become aware of it?

By the way, what does their being aware of it change for OP and her predicament? Will the family pay for all that the husband has refused to for the past 3 years or something?

adanny01:
I met my wife a virgin. I was also a virgin. I dated othe people before we got hitched. I met and broke off with other virgins.

My experience with virgins is that they always delude themselves thinking virginity is a gift that will ensure them a perfect partner. They seem to think there is a reward for their chastity.

Madam, there is no reward for virginity in our current world, The fact that you are still mentioning it means you are still hoping for the reward. You expect God or your husband to reward you with everything your heart desires. Life isn't that straight forward.

I have been in your husband's shoes and have refused to do a job my friends are doing and making money from.

It is obvious you are not contented with what life has given you and feel you deserve more.

My advice; your chastity is in the past, contentment should be your present, prayer and hope is what your future needs. Your husband needs a loving home and a caring wife to encourage him.

U have 3kids, I am sure you know someone that has tried but doesn't have kids. You have a husband, even as a broke guy, another woman would love to have him. Count your blessings and pray for more. Continue to be the foundation your husband stands on.

What if he gets money today and start womanising or marries another wife. What if you get money and lose your home. God knows what we don't. Maybe these challenges are to make your home solid and stable before success.

well written bro. I love this

adanny01:
■I have been in your husband's shoes and have refused to do a job my friends are doing and making money from. It is obvious you are not contented with what life has given you and feel you deserve more.
■ My advice; your chastity is in the past, contentment should be your present, prayer and hope is what your future needs. Your husband needs a loving home and a caring wife to encourage him. U have 3kids, I am sure you know someone that has tried but doesn't have kids. You have a husband, even as a broke guy, another woman would love to have him. Count your blessings and pray for more. Continue to be the foundation your husband stands on. What if he gets money today and start womanising or marries another wife. What if you get money and lose your home.
■ God knows what we don't. Maybe these challenges are to make your home solid and stable before success.

1. You sat without a job or income for 3 whole years while your wife had to carry the load that is you and the kids all by herself for all that time?

2. Women dey see things in marriage for real! So basically, because some other woman could be willing to carry him as her load, she should hold onto him as a load instead?

3. The worst of it all is God, who made clear that marriage has nothing to do with His Kingdom, is always being roped into it all by those without a conscience.

Kobojunkie:
What in the world.... so the man has not communicated his truth to his own family since 2020, and it is not until the wife tells the family that they would then become aware of it?

By the way, what does their being aware of it change for OP and her predicament? Will the family pay for all that the husband has refused to for the past 3 years or something?

The family can advise their son to change his lifestyle and turn a new leaf.
It's possible the couple is appearing as if all is well to everyone.
What do you really want, do you want them to divorce straight away.

TOPMAN4LIFE:
■ The family can advise their son to change his lifestyle and turn a new leaf. It's possible the couple is appearing as if all is well to everyone.
■ What do you really want, do you want them to divorce straight away.

So, without their advice, the grown-arse man does not know that he needs to turn a new leaf for the sake of his children? Will advice pay the rent or put food on the table at this time?

2. So this is all so as to avoid divorce, not in order to reasonably resolve problems?

The meek shall not inherit the earth
Evil grossly prevails
Except you have really high IQ or you go on to learn & master really high income skills
Times have totally changed

yinkeys:
The meek shall not inherit the earth Evil grossly prevails Except you have really high IQ or you go on to learn & master really high income skills

Who lied to you virginity makes you meek?

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Your problem is not that you married as a virgin but because the running cost of the home is choking you. I am of the opinion that you call your brother or sister into this. At best, call your husband's sibling to this. It is unfair but don't allow negative thoughts drive you out of your marriage. More so, the man may be having a hard time without telling you. It is not sane for a man who has a family to abandon the expenses of the home for his wife.

Kobojunkie:
So, without their advice, the grown-arse man does not know that he needs to turn a new leaf for the sake of his children? Will advice pay the rent or put food on the table at this time?

2. So this is all so as to avoid divorce, not in order to reasonably resolve problems?

I don't understand how u reason o.
So if the family advise the man and he changes for better, will he not begin to pay rent and be responsible again.
The lady needs advice that can help her, l proffer my own, you can also proffer yours, and move on

TOPMAN4LIFE:
■ I don't understand how u reason o. So if the family advise the man and he changes for better, will he not begin to pay rent and be responsible again.
■ The lady needs advice that can help her, l proffer my own, you can also proffer yours, and move on

So, if the family does not advise the man, the man has no reason whatsoever to change at all? More importantly, how does the advice given, maybe today, translate to income and rent tomorrow since OP said rent is already past due?

2. So, advice that can help her is for her to call up his family to ask them to pay the rent for them or for them to call up her husband and advise him now to go get a job so that at the end of several months they can get money for already overdue rent?

You claim not to understand how I reason yet I am wondering if you reason at all.