₦airaland Forum

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

A woman who has not given birth before menopause is useless to NATURE and have zero contributions to the sustainability of human race.

This sound cruel, but that's the truth... And it's applicable to men without offsprings too.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

shiloooooooh

You like lying to yourself, and that has always been your major problem. Every gullible person reading through this your submission will think that you're either a virgin or have had sex only once without knowing that the reverse is the case.

For an instance, you've done vagina tightening before, your word on this forum in one of your now deleted monikers not mine. So, you can see that you personify oxymoron.

There's nothing wrong in one choosing to marry, marry late, or not to marry at all. But there's everything wrong in one resorting to self-deceit and sententiousness in general. Sententiousness and self-deceit made you to make this post, which isn't necessary - quit them and hypocrisy in general for your own good. Self-righteous bumpkin!

See this werey old cargo
Don't go and marry, continue deceiving yourself

worksmart:
Yes but people have ways of deluding themselves until one day their eyes clear and regret hits hard.

It is a million times better to have a child out of wedlock than than to have no child and be regretting.

To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

KyleJason:
Madam Celibacy or Picker,

Keep on with your negative attitude and you'll later realize the hard way that time and tide wait for no woman.

All the sentences about your experience has shown that you have pride and it seems you're already stuck and a prisoner of it.

You're very lucky that all those guys you were able to get close to, were all docile simps... Assuming, you were able to meet an alpha male, your Toto for don tear anyhow.

You cannot find true happiness in a relationship or forced marriage, I repeat, you're loveless.

My candid submission to you right now, in order to get out of this quagmire, is to enroll yourself as a nun in one of these Catholic churches which is certainly your root.

Bst

Time waits also for no man...

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

I can see you are not ready for marriage...probably when you clock 62. You will find a tomboy to dey cuddle u.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

.
Do you have kids?

Let me be generic, my answer is not directed to you but you can pick a word or two from it.

I know it's not easy that when you were young, you saw older people getting married and now you are old, you see younger people getting married.

And you ask yourself, where do I belong?

From my personal experience you might have dated your suppose wife/husband as girlfriend/boyfriend and now those you are now considering as wife/husband are just girlfriend/boyfriend material.

My advice base male at these age are:

Stop looking for beauty, it will fade along the line.
Stop looking at complexion, it hold no merit when going through trials.
Stop looking from ladies in her 20's, they are not ready yet.

Look for someone who have been searching and willing to settle down. Ask me how to identify such and I will tell you.

Note:

Don't go for a liability that want iPhone, human hair, or those that knows the names and prices of all designer bags, clothes and shoe.

Only go for them, if their income can afford it.

For ladies:

Stop looking for a ready made man, who is handsome, rich or a multinational company ceo. Stop looking for ready-made that will take you to Dubai.

Look for a prospect, someone who is striving to make it and when given the opportunity he will conquer the world.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

You shouldn't mind too much about what people say about you.

But, you'll still have to pay attention and be aware that whatever they say, works for your benefit.

Even if ya wahala plenty, it's still preferable to some women wahala we've experienced.


This ancestor likes you...

Harddiskng:
It is not a death sentence. Living your happiness, stop writing like you’re some sort of victim.

Inviting us to your pity party. Or now you want the whole world to know you rejected men your whole life but you are still searching and you are happy? All the contradictions, I don’t get it lool

Let her go and get her rainy season and harmattan jackets cz single life can be lonely in the future since she is celebrating how she rejected suitors all her life.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

I know someone that had exactly same attitude like you
She is 43, presently single
Wasn't into Men

The problem is that you were used to being single
You don't tolerate nonsense

And honestly many women in Marriage tolerate a lot of bull.shit from there Men.

But that's life is
Humans are beings with weaknesses
Most of the people that have stayed long in marriage have had issues, battles and challenges
But in the end things pulled through
And that's Life for you


Like John Maxwell said in one of his books:

"Life is hard and difficult. He doesn't even understand who told people that Life is meant to be easy.
That anything you see successful be it marriage, business, Companies, careers all went through though challenges before they became successful"


This his analogy have given me a very good perspective to Life.


Coming to marriage, it's very challenging

My parents are still alive, have been married for over 46 years and I know different challenges they went through.
But today they have raised 7 children all graduates, almost all happily married, plenty Grand children.

If you ask them the Joy they enjoy now in comparison to the challenges
They will tell you it's worth it

My sister our first daughter is 43
My parents made sure she married in her 20s she was 26 then
But today all her children are in secondary School. SS 2, Js3 and J's2

Likewise our second daughter is 41 with a 12 years old and a seven years old kids

But these my sisters, some of there friends from primary school and university are still not married in there forties


But from another angle one shouldn't compare
Just do what works for you

Like my mum's younger sister, she was 70 this year, my mum is close to mid 70s
But she didn't Marry
She always had issues with men
She retired a deputy director in the federal civil service
But she adopted a girl in her mid 50s.
I was talking with her last month
Her daughter will write waec this June
At least she has someone that makes her happy and she is fulfilled

So she did what worked for her


Op my advice: if you still want to get married, Men looking for matured women will come
But if not, just ensure you adopt a child, especially a baby girl
Nurture and grow her

But if you feel you are ok then just be

But in old age we all need someone either spouse or children. Better you adopt so that when your mates children are getting married, you won't be left behind

This advice goes for both men and women
If you are in your unmarried or without children in your 40s time is running out (and we have so many in this age range unmarried and without children, a very big problem this time)
Better either get married and have children or adopt

Because in the next 20 years you will be in your 60s
If you have children now it's still not bad
You ain't late even 50s
But doing it now is better
So depression won't finish you in old age

A stitch in time saves nine

Buharidgeneral:
I hope you're still a virgin because in all your story you didn't tell us you had sex with any of them?

Honestly, if she's not a virgin, she don fvck up as that was the major stumbling block in most of her previous relationships.

Coolsat:
No unmarried woman can ever be truly happy, no deceive yourself.
Bend your rules and get married na you be your own problems.

Really? Hey God. I wish youre close to me. You'll know that I'm the happiest soul on earth. I only withdraw when people become toxic to me.

Make I tell you my best friends, children. If you where we are playing and discussing you'll think we are mates. Im not only happy but a joyful soul.

Jewessgratitud3:
LoL... Abeg feel free to tell your story. It can help others to be strong. It can go a long way to help.

Me I don't care. If you like use am yab me after telling you, na your toro. So long as e no remove Kobo for my account.

Firstly ma, your choice is your choice as long as it makes you happy but yet I will still say this....Deep down , you are not totally happy like you are struggling to depicts and that's the truth. I knew this because those things that should make one happy is not there, you are lonely. Humble yourself madam and stop been too picky as there's no perfection in human .


All these money money account account happy happy you are saying can never complete without watching your own child growing because in this life kids is greater than money (My Yoruba people will say Omoyajowo) and it's a whole bundle of happiness.

You may not jealous your friends with kids now because they are passing through the phase of nurturing them which you are not but soon when those kids has grown to become men and women and are nurturing their parents which are your friends, I hope you won't still jealous then at old age...think am !

You said your mom married and died so early and people are seeing you all her children in her. Ma , what did you want people to see to remember you?

May you find love and happiness.
Thank you for sharing though.

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

I think like u wen I was young wen not married. U have a baby brain.wen I born I knew dat dat was my biggest achivement in life d best thing dat happen to me.wen u marry u will understand children are gift

Can you summarize this book?

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Abagworo:
When small or inexperienced children talk you'll know. I don't know aboit others but to me love does not exist but rather tolerance and compromise. If eventually you think you love someone and marry him your eyes go clear in one year and you will divorce and start looking for another love .

Good to know I'm not alone with such thought. I've never believed in love, but the bold, including forgiveness. Those three attributes are what I seek for, not love. I can only love myself.

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

Not until they hit 55 and realize they are now all alone... their friends have their own families... people now refer to them as "pa John"... theres no one to bury them if and when they die... and thats when the regrets start to kick in....they are all alone... no 55 year old wants new friends at that age and their own friends have their own families....

But then I agree taking care of a baby is WORK requires 100% dedication and those who cannot give 100% dedication and commitment to the cause should not have babies....

Finally not every man or woman is father or mothers material... some will not be fathers or mothers - some are meant to be concubines and mistresses and just that (not mothers).... and its NOT A BAD THING if you are not inclined to be a mother...

Jewessgratitud3:
Really? Hey God. I wish youre close to me. You'll know that I'm the happiest soul on earth. I only withdraw when people become toxic to me.

Make I tell you my best friends, children. If you where we are playing and discussing you'll think we are mates. Im not only happy but a joyful soul.

I'll still advise you bend your rules and go slow in writing men off.
No one is perfect out there, so be more accommodating and tolerant.

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

I also agree with you that having a child is not a life achievement.... in fact, human beings are an evil specie full of sin and evil mindedness - why then do we continue to have kids as if kids are angels?

The primary reason for having children is to have a successor....

jaksmillioniar:
I think like u wen I was young wen not married. U have a baby brain.wen I born I knew dat dat was my biggest achivement in life d best thing dat happen to me.wen u marry u will understand children are gift

Better reanalyse your life... Your child is not an achievement... Any potent man and fertile woman can conceive regardless of their financial status...
So your child won't make your life better or worse... Maybe seeing them gives you joy, that's fine, but being happy isn't an achievement....
Are your living well?
Is your standard of Living high/good?
Do u have assets,?
Consider all those....

It is arguably our purpose on this earth. Your children are a rout to immortality in this world.

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

You dey see life the way i dey see am..... Godbless you dear. I love you

illicit:
U don't wanna have sex with that choir boy and u don't want him to get it


Selfish u

I guess you are getting it now

So what's d point of delaying?

No mind the girl...
Ego tey for house

Offpoint1:
A woman who has not given birth before menopause is useless to NATURE and have zero contributions to the sustainability of human race.

This sound cruel, but that's the truth... And it's applicable to men without offsprings too.

Not true people can adopt be it Man or woman

There are many children born without parental care and Love

Adopting a child and nurturing them till they grow is very fulfilling

There are even adopted children that are raised well and became valuable to there adopted parents in there old age who are better and more useful than children born by parents who become useless and untrained

The key is proper child rearing and upbringing. Training and nurturing them well

So they ain't useless

3ice9ce:
Just listen to this old glutton . Men want to nack this one and she's calling them suitors. Imagine the nonsense a 42-year old is typing.

If na ring you want, men will give you ring, nack you and dump you and your pot belly since you no wan get sense.

I don't know why you're pained. That was me just being witty to lighten up the tense mood of my story but your dumb olodo self cant recognize a witty saying when you see one hence holding unto it and reacting like a beheaded chicken.

At your age 42, you are still picky.. You are suppose grab any available man now, am sure by now you have lost 95% of your ovaries already, to get pregnant will be by the grace of God. Na menopause you dy now.. Most men now will only use you and move on because you are already old. Why would I marry you of 42, when I can get someone of 22 to marry? You have already lost your value in the eyes of men. My advice is try get Belle and be a single mother.. Your most productive stage is over my dear sister

BigBashiru:
I also agree with you that having a child is not a life achievement.... in fact, human beings are an evil specie full of sin and evil mindedness - why then do we continue to have kids as if kids are angels?

The primary reason for having children is to have a successor....

Yes... That's true...kids contunues our lineage... But the main question is as a man what lineage do you want to pass on when you/ the man is poor...
Even bible said A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children, so you need to look yourself well to know if you are able to take care of that child and keep "investment" for him to continue....
So everybody has reproductive organs, but not all has the money to train a child

Live your life dear.

I like the way you are not feeling pressured.

I give you a A+ for that. That peace you have is from above.

Anytime you feel like having kids in future and u don't want to carry the child.

Surrogacy is available.

worksmart:
It is arguably our purpose on this earth. Your children are a rout to immortality in this world.

Ok

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!

You'll soon reach menopause.