₦airaland Forum

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

You're strong for sharing your story Jewess, knowing very well the society you come from. I see a few people are worried that you'll be trolled. I hope you know how depressed trolls are, so they shouldn't worry you one bit.

Newborn27:
Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.

Back to my former question ma....did you still have any plans of getting married or having kids of your own?


Kids are very beautiful my dear sister...money is enjoyable when spent with your loved ones..... watching your baby grow into an adult is also a beautiful thing... having a man who truly loves you for you is also nice.


I'm sure you're happy but more assured that there are days which you wish you were married with kids.
..

How have you being coping with stigmatization?

Pressure from family... friends... co-workers... church members?

You got me... Just say it...

Apt.

I can relate with this personally

franchasofficia:
Whenever a guy or a girl feels he or she is too special and better than others to commit to anybody, they always end up miserably single for long if not forever.


Only fools find love.

People who sometimes allow themselves to be deceived end up having meaningful life than those who always overthink life and always on guard against being cheated or used by others.



I was brought up just like you, very strict family, them no born you well to keep a male friend to talk of a female friend while growing up. My only friends were my siblings and few cousins.


I lived a miserable life growing up and even missed amazing people I would have become friends and acquaintance with while I was thinking I was too good and far better than anybody else.


Until I unlearned some of the wrong things I was inculcated into while growing up as a child, I lived a very miserable life; found it hard to talk to girls, avoided girls, always too shy around girls and even guys. My only companion was my book, house chores and my siblings. But when I unlearned and started being open and allowing myself to mingle and sometimes be deceived by others, I began to grow in all ramifications of life and I became more street smart and to the glory of God I ended up a great man with great wife, amazing kids, awesome friends, quality life and more than what I asked from God.


The only thing giving me stress in life now is the useless Nigerian government that always keep me angry at most Nigerians and my new academic study (a cross I carried oh in the name of growing my academic qualifications for bragging rights ).


So op, you made a lot of mistakes, you had lots of things you should have done differently.


Your quick in breaking up is a curse you need to pray over and break out of if not

Buharidgeneral:
I hope you're still a virgin because in all your story you didn't tell us you had sex with any of them?

Waiting for a [Nigerian] woman to analyze how she had sex with men she's dated, is just like waiting for Tinubu to resign as Nigerian President.

You go wait tire. 😂 😂

Offpoint1:
You were not put on earth to adopt, your primary reason of being here is to birth... There's no sustainability of the human race with adoption.

Remove your backward outdated African mentally

The world has moved so much past your type mentally

You are still behind

If you can't get a husband, try and get a child. Being alone in old age can be traumatizing for a woman

If they give a madman a cutlass to cultivate I'm sure he will favour himself too, you are laying all blames on men you have an encounter with and you are always perfect abi,women Sabi fabricate lies and also know how to plays victim card wella..

Jewessgratitud3:
......but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec.

The funny thing about life is that sometimes the person who would be a perfect husband or perfect wife for you may not necessarily be somebody you would naturally like or see as your 'spec'.

A mature person understands that love is a choice and a decision: there is no body you can not love if you make up your mind to learn how to love them.

There is a level of maturity you reach you begin to care little about a person's outward appearance. You are more interested about their mental and spiritual States. The fact that they have a good heart and a good nature and would never willingly hurt you should be what matters to you than them merely being your spec.

If you think you are ripe and ready for marriage I will advise you to give love a chance and allow things flow naturally. Stop looking for a perfect human. Non exist.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Your story is pathetic. I thought I'd read about someone who is a very strong and independent (financially especially) woman... But all I read about is a typical beggarly/parasitic Nigerian woman who was given the wrong programming by her over religious parents and is now looking to end up regretting her life in old age.

You expect men to provide your needs but you feel it is a taboo when they ask you to satisfy their need that is also a biological need both of you share.

You can comfort yourself by blaming all men for your problems. But ask yourself how come your mother stayed with your dad and birthed you? Why didn't she make the same decision as you now so that she would not have given birth to you?

You have shown that a woman at her prime is greatly desired by men for sex, relationship/companionship and marriage. The best woman is the woman who is able to starve off all the bad eggs and select the best companion that will help her start a family and also contribute her quota towards ensuring the survival of the human race.

As you continue to age, fewer men will desire you. With no husband and child/children to desire and give you companionship, you will discover the true meaning of loneliness, and you will try to hide it by hating on all men.

Your parents may not openly tell you or ask about why you chose to remain single for life but it'll be a pain they'll carry in their heart to their grave knowing that they failed to bring you up socially.

I hope you get to settle down and have a child or children to call your own.

And I hope the poison in your heart doesn't spread to other young innocent women out there.

djon78:
Remove your backward outdated African mentally

The world has moved so much past your type mentally

You are still behind

And this is exactly your problem... modern age, modern life.... see how its ending now??

If you're unlucky to find a husband is a different thing.... but saying you won't get married is a Sin before God.... because your purpose on earth has failed....

Come to think of it... If you have money people will accuse of of using your womb for money rituals.... If you don't have money.. .people will still see you as failure.

Think9ja:
More like saying she doesn't care whether she's rich or poor simply because she hasn't tasted wealth.
She said she doesn't regret her decisions one bit but want people to learn. The question is learn what exactly?

@bolded:

How to be single at 42 (Vol. 1, Limited Edition)

Your destiny is in Gods hands. In the place of God theres no time. So just believe and trust in God that he will bring you your desired partner. Prayer and living a holy life is the way to find your desired partener

LandMann:
[size=8pt][/size]

Your story is pathetic. I thought I'd read about someone who is a very strong and independent (financially especially) woman... But all I read about is a typical beggarly/parasitic Nigerian woman who was given the wrong programming by her over religious parents and is now looking to end up regretting her life in old age.

You expect men to provide your needs but you feel it is a taboo when they ask you to satisfy their need that is also a biological need both of you share.

You can comfort yourself by blaming all men for your problems. But ask yourself how come your mother stayed with your dad and birthed you? Why didn't she make the same decision as you now so that she would not have given birth to you?

You have shown that a woman at her prime is greatly desired by men for sex, relationship/companionship and marriage. The best woman is the woman who is able to starve off all the bad eggs and select the best companion that will help her start a family and also contribute her quota towards ensuring the survival of the human race.

As you continue to age, fewer men will desire you. With no husband and child/children to desire and give you companionship, you will discover the true meaning of loneliness, and you will try to hide it by hating on all men.

Your parents may not openly tell you or ask about why you chose to remain single for life but it'll be a pain they'll carry in their heart to their grave knowing that they failed to bring you up socially.

I hope you get to settle down and have a child or children to call your own.

And I hope the poison in your heart doesn't spread to other young innocent women out there.

She still has some options left.

Becoming a lesbian.

An old and very depressed lesbian.

BigBashiru:
What happened to her making her own money even in her 40s... No be small thief...

You're stupid. 2014 I was 40? Or you didn't read the part I said I was out of job? To show you don't have common sense at your age, you're calling me a thief. Did I steal from you?

You people think you can trash talk me? I ready for una. Jobless goat. Before you finished secondary school ( if you ever attended any) I have been working in insurance and finance companies and taking care of myself.

For your life you don buy shares? Do you know what it means to own shares with GTB and Nestle foods in the early 2000s at my age then? Where you dey by then?

If not for the bear market that affected the Nigerian stock exchange, wetin for make me dey ask him for money and even though, even though, is he not supposed to show me care?

ABEG GET OUT!

AfahaAbia:
Very interesting story indeed. I am actually same age as you although I am male. I have never been married though I already have two daughters in their teens... I always feel marriage isn't for me because I like my peace... It doesn't mean that if I see a good woman I wouldn't marry her, but I really need a woman that can connect with me at that level. Never put yourself in any pressure just keep your options open for a good man out there.

But you're able to sexually "connect" to your baby mama(s)


LMAO! 😂


Una no go kee person for dis forum.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

You have entitlement mentality. No man owe you any financial obligation until after marriage. Such mentality is enough to repel men from you

djon78:
Remove your backward outdated African mentally

The world has moved so much past your type mentally

You are still behind

I'm not interested about the world "moving forward or backwards' neither am I interested 'America or Africa" mentality.

I'm interested in nature and the truth, your very existence today right now typing this is because, someone hard natural sex and give birth to a human child.

The most grievous sins against nature is killing and refusing to reproduce.

Monaboo:
I read your story to the end.

Rita Dominic married at 46 and she is happy to day.

Delay is not denail.

Hope is not lost.

The bolded aforementioned is an isolated case.


An isolated case can't be used to draw up conclusion in critical matters. 💯

franchasofficia:
Whenever a guy or a girl feels he or she is too special and better than others to commit to anybody, they always end up miserably single for long if not forever.


Only fools find love.

People who sometimes allow themselves to be deceived end up having meaningful life than those who always overthink life and always on guard against being cheated or used by others.



I was brought up just like you, very strict family, them no born you well to keep a male friend to talk of a female friend while growing up. My only friends were my siblings and few cousins.


I lived a miserable life growing up and even missed amazing people I would have become friends and acquaintance with while I was thinking I was too good and far better than anybody else.


Until I unlearned some of the wrong things I was inculcated into while growing up as a child, I lived a very miserable life; found it hard to talk to girls, avoided girls, always too shy around girls and even guys. My only companion was my book, house chores and my siblings. But when I unlearned and started being open and allowing myself to mingle and sometimes be deceived by others, I began to grow in all ramifications of life and I became more street smart and to the glory of God I ended up a great man with great wife, amazing kids, awesome friends, quality life and more than what I asked from God.


The only thing giving me stress in life now is the useless Nigerian government that always keep me angry at most Nigerians and my new academic study (a cross I carried oh in the name of growing my academic qualifications for bragging rights ).


So op, you made a lot of mistakes, you had lots of things you should have done differently.


Your quick in breaking up is a curse you need to pray over and break out of if not

Point of correction, we were not the same. I didn't have a miserable life. My childhood was fun. My teenage years was great. My adulthood has been fantastic!
The only time I was down was in 2008 when I lost all my shares to a bearish market.

So stop confusing your case for mine.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm... You seem to understand my personality.

The thing is, they come anytime I talk to God about it but my fear is I keep getting what I don't really want. Like no feelings for them. Like now, as I was typing , one just called me. He's everything but the attraction is not there. I'm scared I don't want to enter and now regret. No feelings for him.

You must not have 'feelings' for a man before you marry him. Provided he's a good guy and has demonstrated that he really loves and desires you, go ahead and marry him. A man's love is the most important in marriage because that is what is needed most considering the enormous responsibilities marriage places on a man. Stop acting like an immature 16yo girl!

Telemundo is doing a lot of damages to the psyche of this generation's ladies! Their minds are always focused on the telemundo kind of love. Stop watching too much Indian love films and come to terms with reality. Wether you believe it or not, your desirability to men declines as you age. Don't be decieved by the attention you get from immature boys in your dm. Many of them are only looking for sugar mummies and sex without commitment. You'll be surprised to realize this when you decide to give one of them a chance.

So, if you're sure you still have a man who is serious about marrying you, I'll advise you to take a chance today because you might not have such opportunity tomorrow.

vikkogg:
Yes, you're older than me, but I don't mind getting close to you. If you don't mind also, send me your contact on mastervikk@gmail.com

This one dey find totoo

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Hmmmm
Tbh
You've really tried your best.
You seem to be the kind of person who finds it difficult to settle for less.

Not for any thing.Not even time.

Most ladies, would have desperately forced themselves into a loveless or unfair marriage because they feel they won't be relevant again after a while.

You are the kind of person that would prefer making herself into relevance instead of seeking it desperately.


That's completely admirable

That's the definition of a lady who knows what she wants and won't settle for less or bring herself down for anything.


You have grown to be a person who wants affections as much as she can give.


Interestingly,I can imagine you have gotten to this point with an incredible amount of love and affection you long to offer.

It's there in your heart.

The thing is,the more the years went by, the more the love you want to give increased and the higher your emotional criteria went.


When you meet a person,for you to really love this person, the feeling you must have for this person was increasing with time and now it has gotten really high.

This is why those people you have met recently are not your spec.




Now,There's this level of feeling you must have for you to see this spec you have been looking for






Let me just stop here for now...🙂

YesDaddy1:
''Being happy is not an achievement...''
Hello??

If u have all those things u listed: money, assets, standard of living etc and u are depressed or sick, u go know what happiness means.

Obviously u are still a yungin.....at least in mind.

Ok...

Your major problems didn't emanate from good virtues your parents taught you or their being overprotective of you but the issue with you then was that lack of free flow of communication with your ex-suitors or boy friends and impatience.In addition,you really had your chances lack of understanding and exposure made you to lose out of better and brighter chances though it is not over for you if you are ready to turn a new leaf.

Jewessgratitud3:
LoL... Na your own?

at 60... No pikin ahhhhhh.... Think am again o..go fvck o..

Now that you lost your virginity, have you now realised that sex doesn’t hold any man in a relationship. You said you are religious but it appears you don’t pray about your predicament, for God to give you your own husband? And it appears you are truly suffering from anxiety, and you might have closed your eyes to good husband materials. Not all men are two-timing or unfaithful. But you seem unlucky to find the right one. You need some form of counselling for your anxiety. There are ways to catch the right man.

djon78:
I don't know how old you are
But having your own children brings joy, happiness and fulfilment

Then nurturing them well and they become responsible and successful
There is no Joy that pass that


Loneliness no good at all at all
Even Baba God talk am for Bible that it's not good for Man to be alone

Loneliness not good at all
One needs either a spouse or children

What do u want to use to "Nurture" the children ?
Isn't it Money?
After God is money....
Although money is not everything...
But money makes life sweet... Children won't...
But rather, Money and kids make life interesting

Fine girl dey

eepeepook:
Fine girl no dey Nairaland.

Harddiskng:
Imagine having eyes on another person’s money, calling him stingy. She is a thief, you can tell.

😂😂😂

siofra:
I don't know why but your story is hilarious 😂
You write in a funny way.

Carry go OP, nothing do you♥️
You look very young too, like you're in your late twenties.

This is the path I want to take too. I'm not interested in getting married. I'm going to focus on me and build myself because I'm all I have in this world. May the odds be in my favor. Amen.

My dear. . No time to sit and be crying over what I can't help.

Enjoy your life.

3ice9ce:
You're a loser with nothing to show for your existence apart from a protruding tummy which is a symbol of your gluttony.

One day, you will want to play with your siblings' children and their parents will fabricate reasons to keep them away from you. You will remember this post that day.

E pain am. Kikikikiiiiiiii 😂😂😂

Godsonkemz:
I've never seen a courageous woman like you.
I like your boldness and unwillingness to compromise your standard or thinking of having child outside wedlock.
May your partner locate you this year and may you not be careless to lose him when he comes.

Amen.