₦airaland Forum

First children are taught to be hardworking, caring and responsible. It's an honour to marry a first child.

Same here o!! She na first girl too. No be small thing.

Curiouscity:
I am married to a 1st girl, but second child. They initially appeared down to earth. But like play, like play, I trained the last 2 siblings through the University. At the moment, she is expecting me to help set up her married brothers in one business or the other. Everything always falls on my head. It comes with too many responsibilities and expectations.
It is very challenging thing!

Curiouscity:
I am married to a 1st girl, but second child. They initially appeared down to earth. But like play, like play, I trained the last 2 siblings through the University. At the moment, she is expecting me to help set up her married brothers in one business or the other. Everything always falls on my head. It comes with too many responsibilities and expectations.
It is very challenging thing!

So u mean ur marriage is poverty alleviation programme. U try send people to school and are still d one to set up. I know dey c u like mugu which u have been.

Let them go out and hussle. I never get anybody only me hussle till today since I finish school .

U encouraged them to be lazy and wen u setup and moni finish they will come back 4 more
My sister husband get money.

Define ur boundaries the one u done is ok..

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

It's mostly a poverty issue, a number of our people are poor and they deep themselves into extreme poverty by having more children than their income can carry. The behaviour of getting ones spouse to take responsibily for the extended family is a programming from when children are little. The irony is if you loose the breadwinning spouse that famil automatically becomes like the extended family broke as crazy.

Taking care for an extended family is not the best way to start a marriage, but poverty, irresponsibility and life makes it other wise.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Only insecure men bother about not wanting to marry a first child/daughter. Truly, some families comes with lots of financial baggages, and this is what most of these men fear.

Some families too, are very shameless. How they manage to heap their numerous needs and wants on the men is just so nauseating.

I can't even give any man that glory to take care of my siblings or parents for me. I too get pride abeg! It's your choice to help, if you want. No be say tomorrow go reach, one man go come give me my life history of how he catered for my family and I when we were nothing. Kolewerk!

How can you contradict yourself in your ranting, you admit the situation happens sometimes, and then you still went ahead to say only insecure men bother about it
So only insecure men try to plan and organize their lives or you think everybody has pride like you
Nawa o

It's by grace of God oooo, attimes logical thinking won't do it. One of those things I told my wife to plan her family down before marriage, I knew what it would amount to. Anything I give her, she doesn't mind to give everything out for her immediate family survival. I don't just want to think about it because It does not stop the blessings of God.
To the glory, I enrolled her in an apprentice program and have also focus on my job &business. It will only demand more from a man to have multiple sources. With God you will overcome.

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

only in igbo land such question should be asked .ada na him be head of the family,more responsibility is beckon on the first female daughter na,as she wan break record,in other nigeria state said east ,it's common there.as ada the woman will start manipulating the husband to come build or take up on responsibility in the family,before u know what,Ike done come dey stay with una,amaka ho join up,honey our last born is doing nothing pls let him come stay with us,my cousin want to sch,can u pay for him.etc

UyaiIncomparabl:
Only insecure men bother about not wanting to marry a first child/daughter. Truly, some families comes with lots of financial baggages, and this is what most of these men fear.

Some families too, are very shameless. How they manage to heap their numerous needs and wants on the men is just so nauseating.

I can't even give any man that glory to take care of my siblings or parents for me. I too get pride abeg! It's your choice to help, if you want. No be say tomorrow go reach, one man go come give me my life history of how he catered for my family and I when we were nothing. Kolewerk!

The fear of liabilities and going wreck is the beginning of wisdom!, there's nothing insecure about one being smart and avoiding unnecessary problems for themselves.

It's well

Curiouscity:
I am married to a 1st girl, but second child. They initially appeared down to earth. But like play, like play, I trained the last 2 siblings through the University. At the moment, she is expecting me to help set up her married brothers in one business or the other. Everything always falls on my head. It comes with too many responsibilities and expectations.
It is very challenging thing!

The Gods forbid!

Seems I have a new hill to die on: there is no benefit a Nigerian man gets from marriage apart from having biological children in a two-parent household.

Poverty is bad. Poverty is a curse. The country Nigeria is not helping matter. Over here in States no family disturbs you for marrying first or last female child rather family even help you more. If the man is well to do helping wife siblings or family can never be a problem. I will advise that it is important you ensure the first daughter have a good job before marrying her if you know you are not strong financially to establish her. If can establish her make it a point of duty for her to use her business profits to assist her family while you only come inn on major needs when it's arise but do not forget to always send token to your father and mother inlaws every month or once in three months .

missimelda01:
But that shouldn't be a problem if both the husband and wife are doing well financially

zed7:
Marrying most Nigerian women is a challenge. Poverty rate in the country is too much that a lot of people see marriage as a form of poverty alleviation.
Your wife expects you to shoulder her responsibilities, her family expects you to also shoulder their responsibilities while your own family also expects you to shoulder their responsibilities.

That's why alot of struggling young men take forever to stabilise. Men should either marry from a comfortable home or marry a woman whose family has pride. Some families are not rich but they have pride and will never bother any in law. After all they were surviving all these years before in laws started coming.

tensazangetsu20,

What we discussed a few days ago. Na why our men no dey ever build wealth except the very lucky or ambitious. This is the blackest tax ever!

ImaIma1:
It has nothing to do with being a real man. Parents should not abandon their own responsibilities and push them to their child and her husband to shoulder. It is a setup and if the guy refuses, they will say he's a bad person. Meanwhile they are the bad people for having children that they cannot cater for.

This is the root of the problem. People go just dey born anyhow then expect someone whose parents minded how they reproduce to become responsible for their irresponsibility.

Having too many visits if she is the type that has about 5 and above younger ones and also if the family is not well to do.

Curiouscity:
I am married to a 1st girl, but second child. They initially appeared down to earth. But like play, like play, I trained the last 2 siblings through the University. At the moment, she is expecting me to help set up her married brothers in one business or the other. Everything always falls on my head. It comes with too many responsibilities and expectations.
It is very challenging thing!

Na igbo lady your wife go likely be (especially Imo lady). Some of them are even known for doing things for their siblings with their husbands' money without the knowledge of the husband.

I know of one that sent her brother abroad with the money are husband gave her to boost her business (the man later found out).

In many cases, their bond with their siblings and parents is far stronger than the bond they share with her husband and children.

Jman06:
Stop typing jargon with this your "real man" nonsense! So, carrying a woman's responsibilities is what makes you a "real man"?

That's a f00lish man not a real man!

I hear you.

You will learn!

Person no dey argue with people like you, reality will kick in and you will learn or be the reference to others.

Note this date.

Curiouscity:
I am married to a 1st girl, but second child. They initially appeared down to earth. But like play, like play, I trained the last 2 siblings through the University. At the moment, she is expecting me to help set up her married brothers in one business or the other. Everything always falls on my head. It comes with too many responsibilities and expectations.
It is very challenging thing!

kai this is called marital exploitation and cruelty, what kind of nonsense is this financial drainage all in the name of marriage ?

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

Never knew this was an issue. Bride Price . To me it’s just the level of responsibility that befalls a first born child either man or woman.

Edusouls:
kai this is called marital exploitation and cruelty, what kind of nonsense is this financial drainage all in the name of marriage ?

It’s cultural sha. I don’t think it’s about position of child only but how wealthy the family is.

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

They are trying to avoid some billings ni oo. Definitely he will be ur sibilings second father which literally means his responsibility has increased stylishly though for man that’s responsible niyen if not e no go look their side . I got married to a first born myself , I’m the last born of my family so I take them like the junior brother and sisters I never had so it’s easier for me that way since I have the mentality I now have junior ones .Even though thier mom or dad never like them asking me for anything. Like d mum Dey always call me if I send dem money self that why am I disturbing myself. Once they see your sibilings like his ( one big family ) being a first born won’t chase dem alway. Most girls too don’t like getting married to a first born man cos they feel so much responsibilities on him. Na stupidity shaa to me cos being a first born , while in school I never ask any of my sisters husband 100naira reacharge card sef even though black man go drink garri tire that year 😂😂😂😂. Contentment ni koko shaa cos we ain’t brought up that way.

blaise26abj:
Not really the bride price but the responsibility that comes with being a first child. His house might just be filled with all your siblings if care isn’t taken.

Exactly, I'm still suffering it up till now.

missimelda01:
Leadership skills you say, he'd need that too when building his own home.. so what's the difference??

The problem is that most Nigerian ladies have an entitlement mentality. If they are working, they will rather spend their money on their siblings and parents leaving the man to pay all the family bills alone. At the end, the man's family is uncared for because the wife is extremely selfish and only thinks herself and her siblings are the only ones to benefit from her salary while she feels entitled to the man's salary. If the lady is not working, it gets worse because she expects her husband to fund her parents and siblings lifestyle as well as take care of his own marrital home.

The situation is very worse when the lady is the first daughter because she tries to play mother to her siblings by channeling all her husband's resources to them. Her mum will keep blackmailing her husband until she kills her husband with responsibility of another man. In 90% of cases, no amount of explanation, the wife would never understood because they are not equipped to work and plan for their own life. They depend on men and hope to find another man that can shoulder the bills if her husband fails. That's the peril of marrying a selfish Nigerian woman.

Such women fail to realize their husbands have just a few active years to work, build houses or business, give their own kids the best of the best. They rather make their husbands invest in another family, other people who they stand to gain nothing from. It is a shameful and profitless investment to be busy training your wife's sisters, brothers and parents. What did such parents do with their youthful life?

I had a colleague who ensured he married a lastborn as wife to eliminate chances of meeting a selfish, uncorporative woman who would punish him with her father's responsibility. Men are getting wiser these days.

Only igbo people have this problem.

abimbola74:
They are trying to avoid some billings ni oo. Definitely he will be ur sibilings second father which literally means his responsibility has increased stylishly though for man that’s responsible niyen if not e no go look their side . I got married to a first born myself , I’m the last born of my family so I take them like the junior brother and sisters I never had so it’s easier for me that way since I have the mentality I now have junior ones .Even though thier mom or dad never like them asking me for anything. Like d mum Dey always call me if I send dem money self that why am I disturbing myself. Once they see your sibilings like his ( one big family ) being a first born won’t chase dem alway. Most girls too don’t like getting married to a first born man cos they feel so much responsibilities on him. Na stupidity shaa to me cos being a first born , while in school I never ask any of my sisters husband 100naira reacharge card sef even though black man go drink garri tire that year 😂😂😂😂. Contentment ni koko shaa cos we ain’t brought up that way.

You only gave gifts. The issues being avoided is not giving of gift. But situation where you have to be fully responsible for paying university school fees for like three or four younger siblings of your wife, sending them monthly upkeep and be fully responsible for their feeding until they finish university. That happens in some instance, not because your wife is from a poor home but because the parents are unsupportive or outrightly lazy to work. Those kind of parents would demand money from you through your wife and openly express their anger if you give less than their expectations. When those siblings of your our wife wants to marry, bulk of the funding will come from you. Your wife will nag and won't give you peace until you empty your savings and borrow just to please her and her family.

I had a neighbor that was in this exact situation I am describing. The wife was a firstborn. For the first 10 years now that he and the wife (a nurse) has worked, they are unable to buy a car, build house or even save up to N700,000 in total from what he told me. They will always withdraw to please the wife nagging over her siblings or mother's demand. That's when I understood how wicked, manipulative and selfish many Nigerian women really are

MrBrownJay1:
if a man meets someone, care for that person, possibly fall in love with them then turns around and change his mind about that person, SOLELY because she is a 1st born, then i would be safe to say that this man is pretty immature, yes!

If a woman meets a man, care for that person, possibly fall in love with him then turns around and change her mind about that man solely because he is poor, then I would be safe to say that this woman is pretty immature, yes!.....

Curiouscity:
Not supportive in any way.

From my experience, I will always advise anybody to look well and test his patience before marrying a first child.

And you couldnt say no to all that?

Not yet married but maybe soon. Everytime I listen to married men it is from one lamentation to another which a simple no could have been avoided or am i missing something?

MedicH:
What kind of financial blessings? The superstitious, audio, amen, bullshit type or the hustle, hands on deck type?

I folo u 2 hell.

horlahwaley:
And you couldnt say no to all that?

Not yet married but maybe soon. Everytime I listen to married men it is from one lamentation to another which a simple no could have been avoided or am i missing something?

If no is the magic band, y do u think folks don't rely on it? Till then...

Caringforall:
Poverty is bad. Poverty is a curse. The country Nigeria is not helping matter. Over here in States no family disturbs you for marrying first or last female child rather family even help you more. If the man is well to do helping wife siblings or family can never be a problem. I will advise that it is important you ensure the first daughter have a good job before marrying her if you know you are not strong financially to establish her. If can establish her make it a point of duty for her to use her business profits to assist her family while you only come inn on major needs when it's arise but do not forget to always send token to your father and mother inlaws every month or once in three months .

Hahahaha

They carry some burdens of family and their siblings. But they are strong in character and create energy around

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

More responsibilities. Pressure from your siblings etc
Although, it is a poor people mentality.