₦airaland Forum

It was their first meeting... But wait, is an introduction a ceremony there?

frozen70:
This question shouldn't be directed to men alone

Bride price is always negotiated on that day not in advance

When your inlaws are seated, the father and his family takes the inlaw aside and they will negotiate the price, which is basically a commitment for marriage not that she is for sale

Then if the father makes an offer and the man can afford it, he will come back to the gathering that this is what he is taking as bride price and the suitor will make the payment to the witness of all

So for your inlaws bride price to be rejected means that there was no discussion about it in the first place

And he offered what he can afford which her dad rejected

To me it's a humiliated attempt and it's going to affect the entire both family relationship and to the pains of the wife to be

Samantha124:
Has your wife's family ever turned down your bride price and said that it was small? Did you go back to save more money or you had to borrow it from family members?

Reason I'm asking this is because my sister's boyfriend finally decided to do an introduction yesterday... He and his family had already set a date to come and pay for the bride price, which is next month... But my family turned him down and said the dowry was too small... They even fined him and his family for being late because they were supposed to show up at 8am, but they came at 11am.

My family went to the extent of telling him to stop rushing into marriage if he's too broke, that he should go back and save some more because the amount he wants to pay can't help plan for a wedding.

I kinda felt bad for the guy... If I was him, not only was I going to feel emasculated, I'd be very embarrassed.

So, nairaland men, have you guys experienced the same thing and is it common in Nigeria for a bride price to be turned down?

Why didn't your people give him the dowry list before he came or they don't do that in your culture?

They couldn't give him the list because it was their first meeting... They never met before.


It's like you guys are confusing introduction with dowry negotiations.

Here introduction is when the guy's family is meeting with the girl's family for the first time to discuss the guy's intentions with the girl.

Dowry negotiations is when the families meet to negotiate and finalize the bride price.

LordReed:
Why didn't your people give him the dowry list before he came or they don't do that in your culture?

Samantha124:
They couldn't give him the list because it was their first meeting... They never met before.


It's like you guys are confusing introduction with dowry negotiations.

Here introduction is when the guy's family is meeting with the girl's family for the first time to discuss the guy's intentions with the girl.

Dowry negotiations is when the families meet to negotiate and finalize the bride price.

You have experience in these matters
Samantha124 when are you coming to pay my "Groom price"?😎

Samantha124:
It was their first meeting... But wait, is an introduction a ceremony there?

Yes introduction is as important as the main traditional marriage

Samantha124:
They couldn't give him the list because it was their first meeting... They never met before.


It's like you guys are confusing introduction with dowry negotiations.

Here introduction is when the guy's family is meeting with the girl's family for the first time to discuss the guy's intentions with the girl.

Dowry negotiations is when the families meet to negotiate and finalize the bride price.

In my culture that first official meeting (introduction) is when the prospective groom is given the dowry list. When he comes to pay the dowry he can negotiate some of the items that are not essential.

Was it during the dowry negotiation that your people rejected the groom's offer?

Here it's a private meeting where the guy's family meet with the girl's family for the first time to discuss the guy's intentions with the girl.

frozen70:
Yes introduction is as important as the main traditional marriage

Samantha124:
Here it's a private meeting where the guy's family meet with the girl's family for the first time to discuss the guy's intentions with the girl.

And that is where they rejected his dowry negotiation?

Yep.

LordReed:
And that is where they rejected his dowry negotiation?

Samantha124:
Yep.

This is strange. Could it be they are just rejecting the suitor based on his current status not really about the dowry itself?

Well, we can't deny the fact that my sister is well educated and has got a decent job... I think that too also counts.

But honestly speaking, the money was just too small, you can't plan a wedding with just 20k, even if we convert it to Naira, it will still be peanuts... Things are expensive nowadays.

LordReed:
This is strange. Could it be they are just rejecting the suitor based on his current status not really about the dowry itself?

Samantha124:
Well, we can't deny the fact that my sister is well educated and has got a decent job... I think that too also counts.

But honestly speaking, the money was just too small, you can't plan a wedding with just 20k, even if we convert it to Naira, it will still be peanuts... Things are expensive nowadays.

Wait what?! 20k Dollars??!!

20k Rands... Do you think that'll be enough to help plan for a wedding nowadays?😂😂😂

LordReed:
Wait what?! 20k Dollars??!!

Samantha124:
20k Rands... Do you think that'll be enough to help plan for a wedding nowadays?😂😂😂

It's enough for a low key wedding. If they are into that then it's doable.

Well, it's not up to them to decide, but it's up to the elders and so far the elders have spoken.

If they want to have their low key white wedding then that's their choice, but traditional marriages are always packed and some people who are not invited would just invite themselves... In order to make it a success, money need to be spend.

LordReed:
It's enough for a low key wedding. If they are into that then it's doable.

Samantha124:
Well, it's not up to them to decide, but it's up to the elders and so far the elders have spoken.

If they want to have their low key white wedding then that's their choice, but traditional marriages are always packed and some people who are not invited would just invite themselves... In order to make it a success, money need to be spend.

Then the elders are not wise. They sound like greedy status chasers and the exact problem with our country.

Firstly I'm not a Nigerian and secondly, if it was your daughter, would you be okay with her having a poor traditional wedding just because the guy paid little money for dowry?

And this can reflect negatively on the guy because it also shows that he's not ready for marriage.

LordReed:
Then the elders are not wise. They sound like greedy status chasers and the exact problem with our country.

Samantha124:
Firstly I'm not a Nigerian and secondly, if it was your daughter, would you be okay with her having a poor traditional wedding just because the guy paid little money for dowry?

And this can reflect negatively on the guy because it also shows that he's not ready for marriage.

Where ever you are from doesn't make your elders wise in this regard.

If it were my daughter there are more serious criteria I would be evaluating than how much her suitor wants to spend on a wedding. If fact I would encourage them to spend less and save more towards a house than blowing all their money on a wedding ceremony because I am not a greedy status chaser.

Ok.

LordReed:
Where ever you are from doesn't make your elders wise in this regard.

If it were my daughter there are more serious criteria I would be evaluating than how much her suitor wants to spend on a wedding. If fact I would encourage them to spend less and save more towards a house than blowing all their money on a wedding ceremony because I am not a greedy status chaser.

jackmrandy:
Things like these are what discourage men from getting married. And not just does it discourage men, it makes some to go into illegal act just to get that money. More so, if this man finally pay and do the party your family wants, don't be surprise after the marriage, he might not even reason the in-laws again. Like make anything sup, he nor go show body. This must be in the East. Those people sell their daughters out. E nor get waitin you wan tell me. Anywayz I am not married. Let me allow those who are married to share their views

na by force to marry 😁😁😁 ..

Some weak men out there though..

sageb:
You have experience in these matters
Samantha124 when are you coming to pay my "Groom price"?😎

dunce

She's the one getting married..




So she really is going get married ..



I"m heart brokened 😭😭😭😭

I was talking about my sister and not me.

The conversation has nothing to do with me... My dowry was paid last year.

Silentgroper:
dunce

She's the one getting married..




So she really is going get married ..



I"m heart brokened 😭😭😭😭

Samantha124:
I was talking about my sister and not me.

The conversation has nothing to do with me... [/b]My dowry was paid last year[b].

Opps!!

Sorry, my bad ...,😇😇😇...

I thought it was you ... Since you once told me you were getting married.. so I thought it was all about you ..

At the bolded, wow... So the marriage ceremony has been done or not yet??

It's not yet done.

Silentgroper:
Opps!!

Sorry, my bad ...,😇😇😇...

I thought it was you ... Since you once told me you were getting married.. so I thought it was all about you ..

At the bolded, wow... So the marriage ceremony has been done or not yet??