₦airaland Forum

Beey:
While many blame you, let me analyze this issue as I see it. Based on your explanation
1. Your mom failed to put her priorities right after getting into her new marriage. Assuming this man is a Nigerian, he should understand the importance of Omugwo. Your mother should have put her foot down & let him know that you as her daughter are also important to her & so she would visit you for a while, especially being your 1st child. She however, chose to please the man at your expense. She should have set up those boundaries concerning how she relates with her children & the new husband, but she failed to do so.
2. After planning to come with her sister, she had to assassinate her sister’s reputation, which I think is due to the embarrassment of being overtaken by the sister in visiting the grandchild. She couldn’t stand someone seeing your baby before her especially because it would be a source of shame because she’s yet to visit. So she had to come up with lies in order to try & save face. She sounds like a manipulator. Things must go her way.
3. You didn’t stand up for yourself as a woman in her own home. You needed to stop your mom & let her know to stop causing chaos or else you’ll no longer be interested in her visiting. I understand she went reporting your Aunt to her husband. At that point, you should have canceled her visit. Stop dragging your husband & extended family into every issue that comes up. It’s not every dirty detail you’ll share with your husband. No matter how bad, she’ll remain your mother. Your husband may never respect her again. Learning to say YES & NO will save you a lot of problems in this life. All you needed to tell your Aunt was that you run your own home & your mother has her own home. She can invite who she wants and you can invite who you want.
4. There’s something called loving people from a distance. Sometimes for respect to reign, we need to give our loved ones done space & we need to make decisions and stand by them. Your mother owes everybody involved an apology. Let her know you felt like she was trying to destroy the relationship you have with your Aunt & with her behavior of lying to your Aunt’s husband, left you no choice but to expose her lies. As for your siblings, they’ll come around. You can call them individually & let them decide if they want to stay in touch with you. Stand your ground & let your Aunt know she’s welcome to your home. Next time, cover your family’s weaknesses from your husband, unless it’s something he’s seen with his eyes or one that needs his input such as financial or word of advise. We all are learners in this journey called life. Nobody has the monopoly of wisdom.

Quite a balanced view....

b3llo:
Wahala starts and ends with Women. 😄

Aswear

Something that doesn't even make any sense at all, they will twist and twist and twist it, until it turns into a full blown Isreali-Hamas war.

Tufiakwa.

bluefilm:
Aswear

Something that doesn't even make any sense at all, they will twist and twist and twist it, until it turns into a full blown Isreali-Hamas war.

Tufiakwa.

lol

LilX2:
b

You just wrote total nonsense! I would have done same over and over again!! Her mom is wicked and careless of her actions, and telling her aunty that her daughters husband refused her to come or worst still, going to tell her sis husband something that's not true, the needful was done

A fearsome and frightening future awaits you, child.

Kanixt:
You are not a good daughter
You are not a good wife
You are not a good sister
You are not a good niece
Hardly for you to be a good grandmother
Hardly for you to be a good aunty
Hardly for you to be Mum
Hardly for people to trust
Unless you work on yourself

You are too emotional and judgemental.
You need a councilor before you can engage in any decision-taken.

Take your baby, your husband and your aunty, go to your mother's house and settle this issue as soon as possible. Ready to take some responsibilities

I swear, the majority of una for this forum get serious craw craw for brain. You can only read but simple comprehension una no get.

Everything you wrote to her is exactly what you should be saying about her mother and not to her.

Her daughter put to bed for almost a year now and she's not even seen her. The sister is going to make a visit but her ego that did not allow her see her daughter for the nine months she's given birth SUDDENLY feels that the sister should not get to see the grandchild before her.


She bring the matter here only for mumu judge like you to dey talk nonsense.

OmugwoAunty, stupid advise like this should be dumped in the trash where they belong and not taken seriously.

Your mother messed up big time

Mom007:
You are not wise and you are not loyal. I feel like calling u mumu. Your first allegiance should be to your mom regardless of her flaws. She was trying so desperately to not have her sister visit you before she did. Why didn't you take the hint? Look how far you went to discredit your mom... your own mother... even sending screenshot. What were you trying to prove or achieve? I hope you are happy now. Even here on a faceless forum, you still call your mother unreliable abi dependable... she is not reliable and you and your siblings did not die in infancy or childhood...when will you people learn to give your parents honor? It's one of the governing laws of the universe set by God Himself! The other day one nzuzu was insulting his father here... later he will wonder why his life is not doing fine. God forbid children that insult and expose their parents to public ridicule, amen!

The mother had a whole 9 months to see her first grandchild. She no get that fûckin right to demand to be the first when she had that opportunity for 9 months and refused to do so

What nonsense!

❌Two sisters having grudges for one another...not good

❌Your mom 9mobths later never met her first grandchild...not good

❌Your mom is a new wife ...not good

❌You exposing your mom's chat history with you ...not good

Did you mother even attend your wedding? Or una nor do marriage?
.....in conclusion, your husband is the one I pity.
E DON MARRY! * Men should do their homework before the alter*

....Like father like sons, like MOTHER like ....

fkelly:
Ur mother is a very wicked woman, since 9 months she never cared how u are doing after child birth.

Then when someone showed interest to come assist u she started forming nonsense.

My mother died when my father was 43 years, my dad is 65 now, yet he didn't remarry, he dedicated his life ensuring he gave us the best a parent can ever give.

Tell ur mum to face her new family, while u face urs.

I'm telling you. The fact that the mother has any supporter here should tell you just how dysfunctional and mentally challenged most Nairalanders are.

You had 9 months but felt relaxed. Someone wants to do it, now you suddenly feel it's your right to be the first.

I love our African tradition of support system. However, times have changed. The family members you bring in may undo you, so be attentive to how more evil we as Nigerians have all become.
Maybe your mum is also avoiding temptation with your husband. She may know what she is capable of & may not want to snatch your husband from you. That may be why she is keeping her distance. Or her new husband who is now her crown, frowns at the visit. In that instance, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. He hubby is the leader. You also CANNOT disobey your hubby, can you??
God may be blessing you in disguise, but like typical women, it’s your way or the highway!
What if you live abroad & your mum is unable to secure a visa? Will you still be this distraught?!
Think outside the box and have you & your hubby fix this challenge amicably between you. Both of you enjoyed the act, so both of you should face the consequences.

OmugwoAunty:
Like I said before, I sent the screenshot because other people started saying that my husband is wicked for not allowing my aunty to come and visit. I wanted to vindicate myself. We have had soo many visitors and we have an open home.

You talk too much that is the beginning of your problem. Since your mother is yet to visit you why invite your aunty? You want to prove to her and everyone one that you are doing fine.

Avoid show off and work on your self esteem. You don't need to divulge too many information for people to understand you, or respect you. Stop giving too much information or happenings in your marriage to people as they will equally use those information against you in future.

DeepSight:
A fearsome and frightening future awaits you, child.

Same with you since you lack sense! Yours is already frightening, no need to await the future. Ode!

u made a mistake of handling it ursef instead of pushing it to ur husband to handle... u are young, naive & stressed so u needed someone to shed the stress on but u took the wrong path.
By the way, dnt u have advisers?

jmaine:
You are the one expounding Nollywood fables here...

Did you forget the part where the aunt volunteered to go visit her with the mum which shows she respects boundaries?

Did you also forget the aunt volunteered to visit but away from her home because of her close relationship with her niece, and to respect the wish of her younger sister?

Did you also forget that her mum slandered her aunt first?

Did you also forget that her mum decided to escalate the issue to the husband to the OP's aunt accusing her sister of unusual meddling in her daughter's home which was a lie?

Did you also forget that the OP's mum also went ahead to use TRIBALISM to slander the OP's husband and his family?

What did you think would happen if the entire family ran with the notion that the OP's husband and family were unwelcoming and disapproving of all his inlaws...

Isn't that a HOME WRECKING Mother?

She went about slandering her sister to break family bonds with her daughter, went about reporting her sister to her husband to cause problems, and then went about doing the ultimate to break her daughter's home with unfounded lies about her husband.

In all these, we should exonerate the mother entirely and put the entire blame on the OP for being forced to set the records straight...

Until you experience life... This is a Nollywood script to you with sentimental opinions that extended families are always the evil ones.

So in her aunt's shoes, you'd do the same and what does that prove? Give your niece up just to score a goal. It's an own goal in this situation and if after everything, you're still pointing at the mum and don't see that this aunt and her husband are total agbayas that should be avoided,then you don't really understand life and continue living your Nollywood reality.

The mum doesn't want that aunt near her daughter for reasons the aunt has now verified. Aunt is not wise at all and mama knows this. She's tried everyway to make her stay away from her daughter but aunt no want gree. If truly she loves her niece, she'd protect her.

Why do you think her siblings are mad at her? You're not seeing the bigger picture here. Everyone including her cousins won't ever share any secrets with the OP ever again. This is not a school project or dissertation where you disclose your source.

Aunt is over 60+ and a mother too. She should know better that such revelation should never be leaked.

OmugwoAunty:
Nairaland, please what should I do?

I gave birth 9 months ago and for some reason, my mom never expressed interest in visiting me and my child. She is a new wife now and I heard from some family members that when she wanted to come, her new husband said ‘your daughter has other people around, why are you worrying yourself’.

I did not take it personally at all. My mother has never been a dependable person. Me and my mom still talk everyday and my child is always on her status. This is her ONLY grandchild.

My mom’s elder sister’s (my aunty) youngest child is moving to my area. My aunty said that she’ll visit me during the move, and come and hold baby. She reached out to my mom and even told my mom that if they plan it, they can visit me together. My mom and my aunty are VERY close. I even consider my aunty my second mom in a way.

Suddenly, my mom starts calling me, saying she wants to plan her visit. I say okay. But with work and everything, my aunty will get here before her. She started telling me not to let my aunty into my house, saying that my aunty is a husband snatcher etc. she said my aunty will destroy my home. I tell her I don’t care about that. She started calling their mutual friends and telling them to tell me that my aunty is a husband snatcher. I did not fall for that.

Frustrated, she called my aunty and said that the truth is that my husband is uncomfortable. She said that MY husband is not from our town and that my husband’s people don’t like visitors. She said that I did not tell her about this out of respect.

My aunty called me and was apologizing, saying that she did not know. I responded and said that this is a lie. I even put my husband on the phone. Here’s my mistake - I sent her a screenshot showing my mom saying that she’s a husband snatcher and that’s why I should not let her into my home.

My aunty and I now agreed that we should let peace reign and that she won’t visit. She said she will still like to see me and we can meet somewhere. MATTER SUPPOSE TO END.

My mom decided to bring my aunty husband into this. She told my auntys husband that his wife is not respecting my husband’s wishes. My auntys husband now sent her my screenshot saying that he knows the real reason and that your child doesn’t even support you.

The screenshot has shattered my mom. She feels betrayed. My siblings who live with my mother are calling me a betrayer. I want to salvage the relationship between my siblings and I, not so much my mother. I have not spoken to any of them since the screenshot.

What do I do? How do I approach this.

How do you approach this let all of those childish and jobless adults find something better to do with their lives.

OmugwoAunty:
Nairaland, please what should I do?

I gave birth 9 months ago and for some reason, my mom never expressed interest in visiting me and my child. She is a new wife now and I heard from some family members that when she wanted to come, her new husband said ‘your daughter has other people around, why are you worrying yourself’.

I did not take it personally at all. My mother has never been a dependable person. Me and my mom still talk everyday and my child is always on her status. This is her ONLY grandchild.

My mom’s elder sister’s (my aunty) youngest child is moving to my area. My aunty said that she’ll visit me during the move, and come and hold baby. She reached out to my mom and even told my mom that if they plan it, they can visit me together. My mom and my aunty are VERY close. I even consider my aunty my second mom in a way.

Suddenly, my mom starts calling me, saying she wants to plan her visit. I say okay. But with work and everything, my aunty will get here before her. She started telling me not to let my aunty into my house, saying that my aunty is a husband snatcher etc. she said my aunty will destroy my home. I tell her I don’t care about that. She started calling their mutual friends and telling them to tell me that my aunty is a husband snatcher. I did not fall for that.

Frustrated, she called my aunty and said that the truth is that my husband is uncomfortable. She said that MY husband is not from our town and that my husband’s people don’t like visitors. She said that I did not tell her about this out of respect.

My aunty called me and was apologizing, saying that she did not know. I responded and said that this is a lie. I even put my husband on the phone. Here’s my mistake - I sent her a screenshot showing my mom saying that she’s a husband snatcher and that’s why I should not let her into my home.

My aunty and I now agreed that we should let peace reign and that she won’t visit. She said she will still like to see me and we can meet somewhere. MATTER SUPPOSE TO END.

My mom decided to bring my aunty husband into this. She told my auntys husband that his wife is not respecting my husband’s wishes. My auntys husband now sent her my screenshot saying that he knows the real reason and that your child doesn’t even support you.

The screenshot has shattered my mom. She feels betrayed. My siblings who live with my mother are calling me a betrayer. I want to salvage the relationship between my siblings and I, not so much my mother. I have not spoken to any of them since the screenshot.

What do I do? How do I approach this.

All of you should rest, in Jesus name! Amen

Let's focus on the numerous problems T!efnubu has brought upon us, abeg

Never let any fukkin bitter soul control ur happiness I have been there before so don't give them that chance to manipulate u,stand ur ground and Tell them to their faces that they are wrong Las Las everyone go dey alright

As long as you and your husband are good, don't worry yourself about anybody else. As for your mum, she'll come around cause she can't hate you forever besides her grandchild is yours.

BALLOSKI:
How foolish and careless can you be to even set your mom against her sister knowing their relationship and what your mom said is just to trigger you to stop her visit?


Why don't you "extreme emotional beings" use your head or think before acting?

Is it everything you are told you reveal to the other person? Don't you know how to use diplomacy? Couldn't you just tell your aunt not to mind what your mom is saying and not reveal the husband-snatching part?


As a wife, you can't manage information and you're about to set your own family on fire. Don't go and set your husband against his own family and that might lead to your fall. It's not everything you hear you reveal.


People are really stupid these days.

As a 10 year old boy, my uncle would report my mom to me and I would tell my mom to correct her ways that her brother is not happy with whatever she did without revealing other details so i'd not cause more problems cos I know my mom. She's his only sister and he's her only brother from same mom and dad- though they step-siblings.

If I can do this at barely 10, I don't know why a married woman would be this careless.

Your mom and her sisters are going to be enemies forever because of your stupidity

Clap for yourself!

They were already enemies before the screenshots. They were fighting each other directly and she directly had accused her sister about coming to my house to wreck my home. They had already blocked each other.

The damaging part was that I said something around the fact that , I know what my mom said about you and I don’t support her.

tonididdy:
❌Two sisters having grudges for one another...not good

❌Your mom 9mobths later never met her first grandchild...not good

❌Your mom is a new wife ...not good

❌You exposing your mom's chat history with you ...not good

Did you mother even attend your wedding? Or una nor do marriage?
.....in conclusion, your husband is the one I pity.
E DON MARRY! * Men should do their homework before the alter*

....Like father like sons, like MOTHER like ....

She did not attend wedding. She was not given enough ‘time’ to prepare. Like I said, she’s not dependable or present (for myself and siblings). All of us still manage to keep our relationship.

Tzar:
I love our African tradition of support system. However, times have changed. The family members you bring in may undo you, so be attentive to how more evil we as Nigerians have all become.
Maybe your mum is also avoiding temptation with your husband. She may know what she is capable of & may not want to snatch your husband from you. That may be why she is keeping her distance. Or her new husband who is now her crown, frowns at the visit. In that instance, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. He hubby is the leader. You also CANNOT disobey your hubby, can you??
God may be blessing you in disguise, but like typical women, it’s your way or the highway!
What if you live abroad & your mum is unable to secure a visa? Will you still be this distraught?!
Think outside the box and have you & your hubby fix this challenge amicably between you. Both of you enjoyed the act, so both of you should face the consequences.

Not distraught about her not visiting. I have been doing it for nine months. I have never asked for her help even once. I never even brought it up. Her sister is passing by and chose to visit, I did not ask.

The concern was how to repair the damage with my siblings, not her.

@OmugwoAunty
You can't be at war with your mum and expect your siblings to be cool with you. The fact they're on her side makes it even worse. It's either they're blindly devoted or they understand what you don't.

At this stage, it all boils down to how forgiving your mum is. If your priority is your siblings, then you need to forgive your mum and seek her forgiveness too. Call your siblings or send them an epistle on your POV. Admit your mistakes and let them know you won't repeat them.

Last warning, avoid that aunt of yours as she's proved your mum right already. Your aunt can't be trusted and she doesn't love you. If you think your mum is selfish, your aunt is worse than your mum. I ain't a prophet but I see your relationship with this aunt leading to chaos in your home. Your mum knows her sis and let's leave it at that.

kaydee:
@OmugwoAunty
You can't be at war with your mum and expect your siblings to be cool with you. The fact they're on her side makes it even worse. It's either they're blindly devoted or they understand what you don't.

At this stage, it all boils down to how forgiving your mum is. If your priority is your siblings, then you need to forgive your mum and seek her forgiveness too. Call your siblings or send them an epistle on your POV. Admit your mistakes and let them know you won't repeat them.

Last warning, avoid that aunt of yours as she's proved your mum right already. Your aunt can't be trusted and she doesn't love you. If you think your mum is selfish, your aunt is worse than your mum. I ain't a prophet but I see your relationship with this aunt leading to chaos in your home. Your mum knows her sis and let's leave it at that.

I agree with you. I actually just heard from one of my siblings and she’s talking like nothing even happened. So it seems like everybody is calming down.

I’m deeply disappointed in my aunty as well.

This issue is serious and you need wisdom. I like that you've been able to identify where you got it wrong. Another mistake I see here is that you should have taken a cue from your mom as to when your aunt can come. You mom may know what you don't know, even with her "undependability". Clearly, things are not right between the two of them at the time they were planning a visit.

Now unto what you can do, you need to find a way to apologize to her in a language she understands. You need to also let her know it was wrong for you to send your conversations to your aunt or to ignore her counsel. I hope this helps

OmugwoAunty:
Nairaland, please what should I do?

I gave birth 9 months ago and for some reason, my mom never expressed interest in visiting me and my child. She is a new wife now and I heard from some family members that when she wanted to come, her new husband said ‘your daughter has other people around, why are you worrying yourself’.

I did not take it personally at all. My mother has never been a dependable person. Me and my mom still talk everyday and my child is always on her status. This is her ONLY grandchild.

My mom’s elder sister’s (my aunty) youngest child is moving to my area. My aunty said that she’ll visit me during the move, and come and hold baby. She reached out to my mom and even told my mom that if they plan it, they can visit me together. My mom and my aunty are VERY close. I even consider my aunty my second mom in a way.

Suddenly, my mom starts calling me, saying she wants to plan her visit. I say okay. But with work and everything, my aunty will get here before her. She started telling me not to let my aunty into my house, saying that my aunty is a husband snatcher etc. she said my aunty will destroy my home. I tell her I don’t care about that. She started calling their mutual friends and telling them to tell me that my aunty is a husband snatcher. I did not fall for that.

Frustrated, she called my aunty and said that the truth is that my husband is uncomfortable. She said that MY husband is not from our town and that my husband’s people don’t like visitors. She said that I did not tell her about this out of respect.

My aunty called me and was apologizing, saying that she did not know. I responded and said that this is a lie. I even put my husband on the phone. Here’s my mistake - I sent her a screenshot showing my mom saying that she’s a husband snatcher and that’s why I should not let her into my home.

My aunty and I now agreed that we should let peace reign and that she won’t visit. She said she will still like to see me and we can meet somewhere. MATTER SUPPOSE TO END.

My mom decided to bring my aunty husband into this. She told my auntys husband that his wife is not respecting my husband’s wishes. My auntys husband now sent her my screenshot saying that he knows the real reason and that your child doesn’t even support you.

The screenshot has shattered my mom. She feels betrayed. My siblings who live with my mother are calling me a betrayer. I want to salvage the relationship between my siblings and I, not so much my mother. I have not spoken to any of them since the screenshot.

What do I do? How do I approach this.

OmugwoAunty:
She did not attend wedding. She was not given enough ‘time’ to prepare. Like I said, she’s not dependable or present (for myself and siblings). All of us still manage to keep our relationship.

I'm not judging your mum because I don't know her story. However, I believe she could have done better. Not attending your wedding, not seeing her grandchild since birth and now trying to block a willing family member isn't fair.

For your peace of mind, consider the fact that she knows her sister better than you even if there's some envy involved. I think it's better to avoid both of them for now. Live your life. Don't bring problems into your home. God has helped you weather the storms of early motherhood. He'll not depart from you.

BTW, you shouldn't have sent the screenshot to Aunty. Never get involved in sibling rivalry/disagreements on that level. Yours is to sue for peace and stay clear. They'll resolve their issues in due season.

Stay blessed.

OmugwoAunty:
She did not attend wedding. She was not given enough ‘time’ to prepare. Like I said, she’s not dependable or present (for myself and siblings). All of us still manage to keep our relationship.

...I was expecting you would attack me but I'm surprised hence I hope&pray youre nothing like your mother.

Whatever it is, she has no excuses for her absentism at important moments of your life.

I'm not one to advice one to abstain from the mother or parents and no matter what mending happens ( the feeling will never be mutual).

My advice....love your husband and your kid(s) be nothing like your mother because trust me your husband is alread listening to hearsay and thinking " which kain family I marry from sef"

....again I repeat, be nothing like your mother!
GL

OmugwoAunty:
I agree with you. I actually just heard from one of my siblings and she’s talking like nothing even happened. So it seems like everybody is calming down.

I’m deeply disappointed in my aunty as well.

Why are you disappointed in your aunt?
If I'm not mistaken, she tried to tag your mom to come along for the visitation.
Your mom brandishing her own sister as a husband snatcher is the greatest low of all time
As in....who does that!
Your mom should be matured enough to talk to her sister not to attend instead of calling her names to you her daughter.
And you....did you really think your mom's sister will snatch your husband?

Una family sef....just weird

kaydee:
So in her aunt's shoes, you'd do the same and what does that prove? Give your niece up just to score a goal. It's an own goal in this situation and if after everything, you're still pointing at the mum and don't see that this aunt and her husband are total agbayas that should be avoided,then you don't really understand life and continue living your Nollywood reality.

The mum doesn't want that aunt near her daughter for reasons the aunt has now verified. Aunt is not wise at all and mama knows this. She's tried everyway to make her stay away from her daughter but aunt no want gree. If truly she loves her niece, she'd protect her.

Why do you think her siblings are mad at her? You're not seeing the bigger picture here. Everyone including her cousins won't ever share any secrets with the OP ever again. This is not a school project or dissertation where you disclose your source.

Aunt is over 60+ and a mother too. She should know better that such revelation should never be leaked.

A mother who did not care to visit her daughter and grandchild in over 9 months citing a flimsy reason is a PERFECT MOTHER...

She only picked interest when her elder sister who was MORE SENSIBLE than her volunteered to do a duty she absconded from for GOOD 9 MONTHS...

She did not only show an egoistic interest but went out of her way to ensure she destroyed the entire family in the process..

Una well done....

.

Wahala,what seems to be their bone of contention?

OmugwoAunty:
They were already enemies before the screenshots. They were fighting each other directly and she directly had accused her sister about coming to my house to wreck my home. They had already blocked each other.

The damaging part was that I said something around the fact that , I know what my mom said about you and I don’t support her.

KosiGee:
Sorry I have to say this, your family seems highly dysfunctional. Your mum is newly married and with a new man, you are married and with a baby…the issue isn’t just your relationship with your mum/family. Something is wrong…your mum’s younger sister being accused of husband snatching…your screenshot!! Who does that? Why would you screenshot your mum’s conversation with you and show to your aunty??

Madam, any reasonable person would avoid your family. You all display the RED FLAGS. Pls post your photo and details so we would all avoid you all. There’s so much acrimony, so much malice, so much gossiping, there’s just so much of all the negative vibes.

Put a huge sign in front of your house reading…AVOID THIS FAMILY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

🤣🤣🤣 you're so mean 🤣🤣🤣

FaceTanke:
You have let ur husband know too much about your family

He may hurt you with this information

Walai!! She just expose the kind "yeye" family she has. E no sweet for hear at all!!!

Map1:
what makes her Mother elderly? don't you think the 3 women involved here are kid?if her mother can accuse her aunt of husband snatcher is shows the aunt is around 30,if her mother could still be remarried it shows her mother is around 40 and OP will be around 20 0r 22, they are still a kid, what do you expect from them.

Lol. Me wey know. I just don't want to go that route. I no want type paragraph