₦airaland Forum

TechCapon:
what is COS?

Certificate of sponsorship. What Agency give nurses to come from abroad.

Kingpele:
Deep ....I see alot of childish comments and am confuse how people will still bring personal stuff here...however my brother ,my advise is for u to give yourselves chance to adapt to your new environment...selfishness and greed is not good at all for marriage .....you only wanted to lay low so as to get paper next year common that's selfishness....u should take it easy and sake ways to earn respect and trust from your wife ...with it u could build lasting union even in Uk

People have proceeded with life bringing all their cards with them and got burnt. There is nothing wrong putting plans in place seeing the prevailing circumstances around you.

We4all:
Let me digress a little. I have read on. Nairaland several times that people on student visa depart the UK almost immediately after they complete their studies.

However, I know a couple of people who got their work visas as care givers immediately after completing their programmes. So, is it that there is scarcity of care giver jobs or they were just lucky?

There is post study visa for everyone on student visa in the UK now, it used to be a tiny percentage that stay back things are quite different now.

Ahmed0336:
I was discussing with my wife the other day and she brought the issue of relocating.
I told her I don't have plans to leave so she can go ahead. But as for the kids, they'd definitely leave this country when the time is right.
No be me woman go show shege for another man's land

Nigger!

Either I go meet her or she comes to meet me ,None will happen. I m not ready to be humiliated by any woman.

DrDoc:
Spend lesser time at home to avoid scenraios that creates tension.

Wisdom

Notfogotten:
Please I have a question to ask.

I don't want to go into details so my partner doesn't trace this to me.

My partner came to UK before me, though still on student visa. I joined her with my 3 children one months ago.

I have noticed some red flags which never happened while we where in Nigeria and I was footing the bills alone.

Each red flag, I pretend nothing happened because I don't want to be thrown out like the man I read about on social media.

My visa is dependent on hers and we are still on student visa.

My question, in the event that we get papers to stay permanently in UK and one day she decides to send me packing or I decide move out, will I be asked to return to Nigeria because she is the main applicant?

Please I need urgent answers. I may not play the fool for long. We are very certain of getting papers next year.

Until you get a permanent visa, you are tied together for the 5-10 years depending on the rout your visa extension takes. If you don’t want to be served a poisonous breakfast, better look for alternatives sharp sharp. Look for another woman and if possible impregnate her. If your partner serves you divorce, quickly arrange another marriage with the person. Make sure the other woman has permanent visa or citizenship. Otherwise your visa will cease to be valid and only you will be deported.

Get a backup

We4all:
Let me digress a little. I have read on. Nairaland several times that people on student visa depart the UK almost immediately after they complete their studies.

However, I know a couple of people who got their work visas as care givers immediately after completing their programmes. So, is it that there is scarcity of care giver jobs or they were just lucky?

My younger sister left for the UK after she secured a care giver job last year from here, her family joined her after 6 months.

PlushyRealtor:
Nice advice. Bro my question is, is it possible for someone on a tourist visa to get registered in a school in the USA?

Undocumented migrants get registered not to talk of someone with legal stay.

What are the red flags?

Hope you are not allowing SM to get into your head to the extent issues that you will discuss and resolve amicably is suddenly becoming a red flag because you are in obodo.

Kingpele:
Deep ....I see alot of childish comments and am confuse how people will still bring personal stuff here...however my brother ,my advise is for u to give yourselves chance to adapt to your new environment...selfishness and greed is not good at all for marriage .....you only wanted to lay low so as to get paper next year common that's selfishness....u should take it easy and sake ways to earn respect and trust from your wife ...with it u could build lasting union even in Uk

Your Mumu is very exemplary. For your mind now , you don help OP.

joebeckz:
Firstly, no amount of magic will give you paper next year. You don't need to exaggerate to get quick solutions cos we have good knowledge of student pathways even for In-demand professions. Except you are switching Visa type to COS or it's like. That being said.

You should double your efforts to make more money at the moment.
Your wife can't do anything now cos the hours she is getting for work won't sustain her should she chase you out of the UK.
She needs you at the moment to survive UK bills but might have plans to deal with you when the time is right. Therefore do not relent also.
Save for that time.
Look for a pathway that will make you independent.
Look for good direct streams of COS.


MUST DO
Get a USA visa
Get a Canadian visa
Get other visas. (NOTE You will be granted these tourist visas easily from UK cos of your status)

Why do you need these Visas?
You will need them should the need arise.
If she decides kicks you out.
Fall back to Canada or USA via student route or other pathways.
All you need to do is fly into these countries with your visa, look for a school and apply for a certificate program of one year and and migrate legitimately using the various streams available for students.
Therefore do these things quietly.


Don't forget to be a good husband to your wife.
Some women have seen shege from Nigerian men and when they get to societies that have their interest at heart. The quest for revenge sets in.

OP.
WHERE YOU A GOOD HUSBAND BACK IN NIGERIA?

I like how you ended this. Everyone just wants to make it seem like women are always the problem every time. The patriarchy system in Nigeria has cuddled men so much so that when they move to another climate they start thinking the world is against their gender. We all are humans and there’s something called human rights even though it’s not practiced in Nigeria.
When I wanted to bring my husband to UK, I was very concerned as well. I had to have many conversations with him. But he is here and it’s still not that easy as well.

I hope OP and his wife will be able to navigate their issue. I like the advice of that visa thing

jaxxy:
I think think men need to know how to address their displeasure with their partners without being offensive or escalating the issues.

How hard is it to have a civil conversation with ur partner or better yet a woman who bore u 3kids?

Why are u afraid she may send u out of the house in future just after a month of joining her?

Most of this is due to ineffective communication skills and then we allow the issue to fester and resentment to grow.

When they serve you breakfast, we go see how good a communicator you are.

Cutehector:
Why 9ja men dey knowingly put themselves in a situation to die before their time.


The only time i'd take my family abroad is when my wife is all grown up and nobody is looking at her again.

There is never a time she wouldn't be looked at especially when she has the olosho vibes, if you know you know, every item get buyer just list it.

Notfogotten:
Please I have a question to ask.

I don't want to go into details so my partner doesn't trace this to me.

My partner came to UK before me, though still on student visa. I joined her with my 3 children one months ago.

I have noticed some red flags which never happened while we where in Nigeria and I was footing the bills alone.

Each red flag, I pretend nothing happened because I don't want to be thrown out like the man I read about on social media.

My visa is dependent on hers and we are still on student visa.

My question, in the event that we get papers to stay permanently in UK and one day she decides to send me packing or I decide move out, will I be asked to return to Nigeria because she is the main applicant?

Please I need urgent answers. I may not play the fool for long. We are very certain of getting papers next year.

Why don't u go there first and she's dependent on u since u are footing the whole bill.... This is what they've been preaching, never put a woman ahead of u when relocating..... It'll burn u, several men has gone down but yet there are still men out there who choose not to learn. Now look at it are u sure u will be able to survive the 7months as claimed...

The story keeps changing

10thTenthMan:
The man works in the oil and gas industry in Nigeria.
He is not fully resident in the “Obodo Abroad”.

It is said that when she eventually picked and he told her the situation she did not hurry. She said she is in Walmart. When he called her back she was still there he scolded her and asked if she is mad to not have immediately gone home to open the door for the kids.

The woman is there and minding the kids. But that day she just was not available from around 8:00 am when the kids went to school, till around 6:00 pm when she eventually picked and had to be scolded by the man to go home. I think schools close around 3:00pm.

Idaytesj29:
When they serve you breakfast, we go see how good a communicator you are.

Serving breakfast isn't a big deal and anybody can serve it including u but it is ridiculous to eat breakfast b4 it's even cooked talkless of served.

Any small thing u start to think of walking because u don't know how to resolve the issue. the next marriage u may run out. Lol

Doesn't all marriages have issues bt it's how they handle it.

Notfogotten:
So let me lay low for the next 7 months.

If u use COS after the stident visa (which u are most likely to use) and she is the main applicant, u will be sent packing out of uk if she sends u out.

If u become d main applicant for d CoS, she wont dare send u out cos she is now d dependent and will not want to come back home.

If both of you get your COS separately, then both of u can send each other packing but not out of the uk.

Make peace with her and make ur marriage work like before. At the same time, brace up as a man and prepare ur mind for the worst. But in all, if she decide to give u a red card today u won’t be asked to leave the UK immediately except u committed an heinous crime. You would only be asked to switch ur visa within 3 months or go home. So if you wish you can from now start looking for a job with sponsorship to at least be on a safer side.

Notfogotten:
Please I have a question to ask.

I don't want to go into details so my partner doesn't trace this to me.

My partner came to UK before me, though still on student visa. I joined her with my 3 children one months ago.

I have noticed some red flags which never happened while we where in Nigeria and I was footing the bills alone.

Each red flag, I pretend nothing happened because I don't want to be thrown out like the man I read about on social media.

My visa is dependent on hers and we are still on student visa.

My question, in the event that we get papers to stay permanently in UK and one day she decides to send me packing or I decide move out, will I be asked to return to Nigeria because she is the main applicant?

Please I need urgent answers. I may not play the fool for long. We are very certain of getting papers next year.

Gentlesoul2021:
Why don't u go there first and she's dependent on u since u are footing the whole bill.... This is what they've been preaching, never put a woman ahead of u when relocating..... It'll burn u, several men has gone down but yet there are still men out there who choose not to learn. Now look at it are u sure u will be able to survive the 7months as claimed...

So because some people got burnt, nobody shd make d decision? Tell me ehat is d percentage of couples that have relocated and what’s d percentage that their wives burnt them?

You know d failed ones are always d loudest. Amd they fail cos they are loud. Always want to be on social media

shiwex:
My Bro.....you missed the point....The issue about abroad is not that someone is looking at your wife or not. The issue is about females having more rights than the males. Females are valued more than males..so they dictate the order of the day. The issue is about your wife whether she is old or young exercising some yeye rights she does not have in Africa. It does not mean that someone is eyeing your wife.

Don't dismiss this pls, sometimes it's extra marital relationships that these women may have engaged in that made them change towards their partner and the laws are r easily there to achieve whatever they plan in their mind.

10thTenthMan:
The thing is most men do not know.

And when I say so, I am not exaggerating. Many of us do not know what our women will do once they have financial power and autonomy. A place where they are far away from societal and cultural demands, controls and expectations. A place where divorce isn’t frowned at and in fact the woman stands to gain from the separation.

No MAN CAN COME HERE OR SHOULD COME HERE TO VOUCH FOR HIS WIFE OR SPOUSE OR GIRLFRIEND.

E GO SHOCK YOU!!!

That women you think you know in Nigeria IS NOT THE SAME PERSON Abroad. Na two different people. It has nothing to do with Church, religion, denomination, tribe or ethnic group. We don see separation within all forms from Catholic, Deeper Life, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Hausa, Yoruba, Ijaw, Igbo etc.

IT IS A RISK THAT ALL MEN MUST PLAN FOR, ACCEPT AND KNOW PROPER MITIGATION MEASURES TO TAKE.

My advice. Factor this possibility of your spouse (husband or wife) misbehaving when you sponsor them or both of you support yourselves to go abroad.

The one wey I hear recently, Husband ask wife “Are you Mad” for not answering her calls for almost 6 hours and the kids were stranded outside the house in winter.She was no where to be reached. The man was afraid that neighbors might call child protective service people which will lead to questions and issues.

When she eventually picked and he told her the situation she did not bother to hurry. She said she is in Walmart. He informed her that Walmart has free Wi-Fi and he has been calling her on WhatsApp for over 6 hours and she didn’t pick. He informed her that the kids are stranded and neighbors are seeing them outside.
When he called her back like 30 minutes latter she was still claiming she is at Walmart and had not made any efforts to go home to the kids. He scolded her and asked if she is mad to not have immediately gone home to open the door for the kids.

The “Are you Mad” don cause quarrel wey people Dey pray Dey watch and hope say the woman get her sense back.

Lmaooo ..Walmart for 6 hours!!!

Mama don go collect better prick!!!

Mike008:
JAPA can be a double-edged sword. Do not allow the reason for Japa destroy your marriage.
You sound as though, Japa is more important than your marriage, so you should be on a mission to save your marriage not save your Japa.
Those who are advising you to create a backup plan, have you imagined the consequences of what will happen if your wife discovers your motive?
It's good to have an alternative plan, but carry your wife along and make her part of the plan.
Try as much as possible to save your marriage first.

P.S.
You don't need Japa to have a happy marriage.

SIMPDERMORT!!!

advanceDNA:
U said she's on a student visa..and u just arrived one month ago....so how are u already due for permanent papers.??.

The story doesn't add up

10thTenthMan:
The thing is most men do not know.

And when I say so, I am not exaggerating. Many of us do not know what our women will do once they have financial power and autonomy. A place where they are far away from societal and cultural demands, controls and expectations. A place where divorce isn’t frowned at and in fact the woman stands to gain from the separation.

No MAN CAN COME HERE OR SHOULD COME HERE TO VOUCH FOR HIS WIFE OR SPOUSE OR GIRLFRIEND.

E GO SHOCK YOU!!!

That women you think you know in Nigeria IS NOT THE SAME PERSON Abroad. Na two different people. It has nothing to do with Church, religion, denomination, tribe or ethnic group. We don see separation within all forms from Catholic, Deeper Life, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Hausa, Yoruba, Ijaw, Igbo etc.

IT IS A RISK THAT ALL MEN MUST PLAN FOR, ACCEPT AND KNOW PROPER MITIGATION MEASURES TO TAKE.

My advice. Factor this possibility of your spouse (husband or wife) misbehaving when you sponsor them or both of you support yourselves to go abroad.

The one wey I hear recently, Husband ask wife “Are you Mad” for not answering her calls for almost 6 hours and the kids were stranded outside the house in winter.She was no where to be reached. The man was afraid that neighbors might call child protective service people which will lead to questions and issues.

When she eventually picked and he told her the situation she did not bother to hurry. She said she is in Walmart. He informed her that Walmart has free Wi-Fi and he has been calling her on WhatsApp for over 6 hours and she didn’t pick. He informed her that the kids are stranded and neighbors are seeing them outside.
When he called her back like 30 minutes latter she was still claiming she is at Walmart and had not made any efforts to go home to the kids. He scolded her and asked if she is mad to not have immediately gone home to open the door for the kids.

The “Are you Mad” don cause quarrel wey people Dey pray Dey watch and hope say the woman get her sense back.

The woman dey nack one dick as the man dey call, which yeye Walmart. Make men just travel alone, when your child reaches 14 years old, dey bring them abroad one by one. Forget all these shit.

billionman:
Sacrifices that are associated with japa syndrome

It's a serious matter

Kobicove:
The UK is happening to Nigerian marriages back-to-back!

It has broken many marriages

Men without values

seborrhic:
But won't it be factored that the kids were left in the cold for that long?
I know the worst offence is child abuse or neglect.
This story get as he be unless the man is not telling the truth.Leaving kids out in the cold because they cannot access their home due to the woman's absence,is even the woman in this case that should be scared shitless that the story doesn't get out.

Woman wey dey ontop another dick wey dey sweet am no dey reason her kids. At that point, she no send

Thastie:
I like how you ended this. Everyone just wants to make it seem like women are always the problem every time. The patriarchy system in Nigeria has cuddled men so much so that when they move to another climate they start thinking the world is against their gender. We all are humans and there’s something called human rights even though it’s not practiced in Nigeria.
When I wanted to bring my husband to UK, I was very concerned as well. I had to have many conversations with him. But he is here and it’s still not that easy as well.

I hope OP and his wife will be able to navigate their issue. I like the advice of that visa thing

You don't love that husband biko. You had to have conversations with the man you married for naija...for what? You married an abusive man or what? Unless you married him from the UK and una never date for naija.

I thank my stars for the redpill. A nurse who got sponsored visa moved heaven and hell to marry me and kept dangling 'i will take you to the UK' before me. I refused and told her NO. She is rude, classless and lousy. Someone who abused her own mother in front of me won't change when she gets to the UK. And I am no woman's bîtch. She is still single as we speak and I am onto better things.

The point is, if you can't be submissive to your husband even while in the UK and expect him to do what's right by you, that marriage has failed already. Why is it that a woman starts earning money and she feels 'Oh! I have arrived and don't need a man'!!!