How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents - Family (2)

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How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by naija4life247: 2:38pm On Jan 10

You never see anything.

You want to join bad gang, your African parents will not allow it. You can call them any name you like. However, if your own parents have failed in life as you stated, do not generalize ,my parents are not failures, and yet, they will not allow any child to turn into monster under their roof

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Avareal: 2:38pm On Jan 10

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Cassandraloius: 2:45pm On Jan 10

Some parents don't deserve children.

5 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Karleb(m): 2:49pm On Jan 10

Purvan:
Nlders with toxic parents, how long did you take you to realize the only solution is to cut contact?

For me , I had a desire to cut contact since my teens but I could never understand why and stayed in denial. I moved out in my early 20s and kept contact to minimum. It was only when I turned 30 that I had the courage to examine the past and accept that my parents used me as a punching bag for their personal failures in life.

Now I'm working on fixing it because I understand that they will not be around forever and I don't want to end our relationship on a bad note.

My advice is that you talk with them about it and explain how it harmed you. They might understand

Stop rewarding terrible attitudes.

Your parents are adults too, if they can't make efforts to mend the broken relationship then keep it at the bearest minimum till forever.

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by DamolaDamola: 2:50pm On Jan 10

PencilBox:
Abeg make somebody help me with anything for transport fare to work for this month.

6014300409
Fidelity bank

Abeg

I hope it's not Sporty issue

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by olaztek(m): 2:53pm On Jan 10

You have to be very gentle and patient when dealing with toxic parents so as not to be judge as a bad child.

The best solution is to start developing your skill very early to become financially independent dependent and move out to stay on your own.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by olaztek(m): 2:53pm On Jan 10

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by bigdammyj: 2:56pm On Jan 10

PencilBox:
Abeg make somebody help me with anything for transport fare to work for this month.

6014300409
Fidelity bank

Abeg

Are you for real!!! Make somebody help you with transport money to go work for another person?

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by CJStarz: 3:00pm On Jan 10

Very tough dealing with a domineering parent!

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by nandyz(m): 3:06pm On Jan 10

I never wanted to say a word but most times it is good to say it out.

I spent little time with my parents from birth. But the little time I spent with them. I and my siblings had terrible memories that is affecting us today. Being the first son, I tried all I could to bring my siblings back but no way. They drive joy from friends. My elder sister has an everlasting mark on her right leg which was caused by my father over what my mum told him concerning her.
By the grace of God, I narrow escape Axe thrown to me by my father over what my mum told him because I went to plug mango from the bush. While we were growing up, they said different bad things to me n my siblings. We struggle to survive now. They can never giv us advice or tell us what to do up til today.
But God has been faithful to us.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Sammiegreg(m): 3:07pm On Jan 10

Mine was that my mum was always labelling me that my elder brother and I were witchcraft. She took us to so called deliverance churches. It was hell for me as she vented her frustration on me . I could not play with other kids in her presence as she will say I will initiate them. Though adult and 32, working and currently doing my MBA, I am the one taking responsibility for her up keep. One day I will ask her why she did that

Purvan:
Nlders with toxic parents, how long did you take you to realize the only solution is to cut contact?

For me , I had a desire to cut contact since my teens but I could never understand why and stayed in denial. I moved out in my early 20s and kept contact to minimum. It was only when I turned 30 that I had the courage to examine the past and accept that my parents used me as a punching bag for their personal failures in life.

Now I'm working on fixing it because I understand that they will not be around forever and I don't want to end our relationship on a bad note.

My advice is that you talk with them about it and explain how it harmed you. They might understand

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by KINGKUTTER55: 3:07pm On Jan 10

SOMETIMES SOME PARENTS TRANSFERS THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE FROM THEIR YOUTH TO THEIR KIDS, NO ONE STOPS THEM HERE IN NIGERIA,

SOME ARE SADISTS AND INTURN VERY TOXIC AND DRAMATIC....THE SOLUTION IS FORGIVE THEM AND MOVE ON ,

3 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by The1960writer: 3:14pm On Jan 10

Sirchiboy:
This is what I am facing.
My parents damaged my childhood and made me an object of ridicule.

I pray you get all the healing you need. The society, over the years, have chosen to be ignorant of how much damage dysfunctional families out there have caused children who then turn out to be adults burdened with so much trauma which, unfortunately, affects their relationships.

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by gfelo(m): 3:15pm On Jan 10

I see you healing, I see you overcoming it because first you have identify the problem and come to know who your parent are, all you have to do is work on yourself so that anytime their actions against come up you will be able to handle it in amicable way.

Made sure you never pass this to ur kids, you have been chosen to correct this trait it could be hereditary

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by ChybuzzDD(m): 3:18pm On Jan 10

KnowledgePower7:
No matter how pure and clean and gentle a SEED looks .it still need a dirty soil that is filled with manure and fertilizer inorder to grow up to a plant.
Sometimes, growing up in such environment push you to become a better version than your popsi.

There are mistakes my dad did that I can never do, I learnt from their mistakes

Forget!!!!
Our parents don't know shit!!!!

Our generation is 10 times more informed and aware of a lot of things

Our parents literally entered adulthood without any orientation other than church.

So you have parents who were so awful at raising kids but will use African culture and religion to cover it up

It's now we have internet we are more exposed and we now have awareness

The next generation will be more free
More liberals
More risk takers than the previous generation

Let that freedom also include financial freedom.

I wouldn't like my child forming freedom and still be depending on me financially after graduating from the university, all in the name of ''there's no job''

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by JustPowerApps(m): 3:21pm On Jan 10

Reborn yourself cool

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by madridguy(m): 3:28pm On Jan 10

You better don't allow the fake soothsayers hustling around for what to eat to deceive you.

JayPeeOham:

How do you deal with a mother who has confessed that she used your destiny and is the reason why you have been struggling all your life and living from hand to mouth. Despite all your hard work and perseverance, nothing to show for it!
She even go as far as transferring such ill-treatment to your wife and children, her own grand children, please how do you deal with such?

This question has been on my mind since late last year when I got the news and it has been a huge burden to me!

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by iamtardey: 3:30pm On Jan 10

Purvan:
Nlders with toxic parents, how long did you take you to realize the only solution is to cut contact?

For me , I had a desire to cut contact since my teens but I could never understand why and stayed in denial. I moved out in my early 20s and kept contact to minimum. It was only when I turned 30 that I had the courage to examine the past and accept that my parents used me as a punching bag for their personal failures in life.

Now I'm working on fixing it because I understand that they will not be around forever and I don't want to end our relationship on a bad note.

My advice is that you talk with them about it and explain how it harmed you. They might understand

the mental harm here sha … I can’t talk right now jor

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by killsmith(f): 3:38pm On Jan 10

dalass:

Toxic people are usually narcissists. They prey on people they perceive to be soft / weak... Until you deal with them by cutting off, you can't escape their toxicity. But once they realize that you're actually doing good without their controlling grasp, they will sir up because they're usually manipulative and stubborn in that horrible attitude.

When you cut them off, they blackmail you reminding you of what they did in the past, to give you a better life. I instantly remind them that what they gave me is nothing compared to what I'm giving them now.

3 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Klass99(f): 3:39pm On Jan 10

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by PencilBox: 3:42pm On Jan 10

DamolaDamola:

I hope it's not Sporty issue

No Sir
I'm just shut of fund for transport fare to work

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Lasgidi90(m): 4:09pm On Jan 10

PencilBox:
No Sir I'm just shut of fund for transport fare to work

Hmmm. Yinmu

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by CandidAdmin(m): 4:54pm On Jan 10

Reminds me of my dad!

He rarely accepts things are his fault. And once she tells his wife anything, she doesn't even confirm anything. She just shouts on you also.

You can talk back because of respect.

It's just frustrating.

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by dalass(f): 5:01pm On Jan 10

killsmith:

When you cut them off, they blackmail you reminding you of what they did in the past, to give you a better life. I instantly remind them that what they gave me is nothing compared to what I'm giving them now.

You are right they love to use cheap blackmail... I hate that thing ehn...

This year, no gree for anybody, as in, ive set boundaries and though I respect family and all. Na to dey play "I'm unavailable" in my head for some peeps grin

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by Cogs(m): 5:30pm On Jan 10

I am sorry that you are going through a situation list this, you can consider going through this article. It may help in some ways:

https://5wayshow.com/2024/01/10/5-effective-strategies-for-managing-relationships-with-toxic-parents/

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by JaySmart4422: 6:05pm On Jan 10

The day you wake up to realise that your parents are no more is the day you will appreciate them.
Ask those without parents they will tell you how it feels.
Bad as e bad you have parents who can stand up n fight for you, defend u outside. Wish you luck sha

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by BabaRamota1980: 6:23pm On Jan 10

Purvan:
Nlders with toxic parents, how long did you take you to realize the only solution is to cut contact?

For me , I had a desire to cut contact since my teens but I could never understand why and stayed in denial. I moved out in my early 20s and kept contact to minimum. It was only when I turned 30 that I had the courage to examine the past and accept that my parents used me as a punching bag for their personal failures in life.

Now I'm working on fixing it because I understand that they will not be around forever and I don't want to end our relationship on a bad note.

My advice is that you talk with them about it and explain how it harmed you. They might understand

I hate when relationship between close family members turn sour. It brings out deep empathy within me.

So, they are not toxic. I will walk you through what you are experiencing. I will also advise that you find a competent babalawo to help you diagnose the issue and find ways to soften the barrier.

The problem you experience is a blockage. It is not your fault, not their fault, but the dynamics of your presence with one another throw up flares that make you all get hot under the collar. When you are in each other's company there is great amount of pressure and impulse to push each other's button and irritate the other person. It is not voluntary. This is not you doing something willfully to offend. It is an involuntary action that happens spontaneously...a heat, or energy. Heat and energy can exist for positive action, but it can also support negative and annoying action. Naturally there should be love between close relatives. This is expected. But expectations can fail. The failure becomes blockage and unless the parties involved are able to understand why they are having conflicts and to consciously manage it, it will only get worse.

In astrology for instance the placement of three planets in the birth chart, the composite chart or sonastry, can reveal source of blockage. They cannot be removed, but conscious management is what will be advised. The planets are... moon, mars and pluto.

If these three have bad aspects then it will explain the blockage.

Stop blaming your parents, stop calling them toxic. It is not them, and is not you, you all are suffering under the dynamics deficient harmony, or disharmony, in physical contact.

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by FRANCISTOWN: 6:43pm On Jan 10

KnowledgePower7:

Forget!!!!
Our parents don't know shit!!!!
Our generation is 10 times more informed and aware of a lot of things.

It would be better to say that your own parents don't know shit.

In terms of technology and science. Our parents really may not know much.
But in terms of life and it's philosophy. Believe me. Our parents know too much. They made mistakes and they learnt from them.
No matter how exposed we think we are, we can never buy experience with money.

These people have what we can never have. They have series experience. They have the advantage of experience while we have the advantage of time.

Your parents may not know shit. But my own parents know so much about life in general that I can never get enough of their wisdom.

"What an elder sees while sitting remains unseen to a kid even if he climed the tallest mountain."

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With Toxic Parents by SaturnNick(m): 7:10pm On Jan 10

Sirchiboy:
This is what I am facing.
My parents damaged my childhood and made me an object of ridicule.

Too bad. God help us

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