₦airaland Forum

My take on this is very simple, if your motivation is to have kids look for another person, But if love is your motivation then you can marry her.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

You should be concern, and of dry kpekus too

Gerrard59:
Modern marriages are transactional. Na why everybody dey marry their class. Why did she not go to Nigeria in search of a husband? You think she would have given OP face if he was in Nigeria shining teeth with Tinubu?

Jesus Christ.

Which one be "shinning teeth with Tinubu" again?

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40-years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's bareen. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

A very detailed answer. OP Smile4mee01 listen to this man.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Marry her she is a citizen already and with advanced medical technology there child bearing should not be an issue.

My only issue would have been marrying an old liability but she is an asset.

you're lucky, just go ahead and don't listen to any advice here. some people are jealous of you. that's matured marriage that can give you high brain about future. not all these Bleep Bleep and nothing to contribute even ordinary advice they can not even give

PrinceofSarcasm:
You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

What nonsense did you type

No human being is capable of unconditional love it's always conditional, we always want something in our mate weather tangible or intangible.

So shut up

Abort Mission ooooo...!!!
I repeat Abort Mission

If u go market wan go buy Garri, shey u no go first taste am before u buy am.

She know shey her conceiving is slim and likely not possible; thats why she wan Marriage before child-bearing.

No like Her scam you ooooo....., taste weiting u wan buy before u go waste money oooo.

All these ladies are living copse and empty barrels

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

It's not a bad thing to share your thoughts on the social media but I'm sorry to say this...you may never get a solution here. I don't know your faith but regardless, all prays to God for a divine direction. In the olden days before the advent of major religions, our great-great grand parents had their way of communicating to God through Ifa and other means. That's why they never got it wrong not because they were illiterate. There's no illiteracy in marriage and no wonder we never heard of divorce or barren cases among them and not because they had no western education that would have liberated them. Don't forget bro, all women are same, illiterate or educated. But when God is a pillar of your marriage, you'd be just fine.

When entering marriage, you do so because of some basic things viz...companionship, intimacy and child bearing. Once God is involved, even if your wife is 45 years, she'd still bear children for you. Early 90s, there's this uncle who lived in America he was in his late 30s as you, he believed God and never wanted to go wrong in marriage. He kept praying. There was a program in usa which he attended. Pastor Adeboye was invited. After the programme, he approached him and said he should pray for him. In short, he told him his wife was between lagos and Ibadan toll gate in Nigeria.

In same vein, there was this lady who was still single at 38. She had been through a few broken relationships. What caused these was mainly cos of sexx. Whenever the man asked for it before marrying her, she'd cut off the relationship and that led to her delays. One day, she came for a program in our church and my pastor told her during counselling..don't worry, your husband is at challenge Ibadan and you'd find him soon. To achieve this, you must start selling pure water at challenge. She said, what pure water, a graduate, beautiful lady like her? What would the people who know her say when they see her? Reluctantly she picked a bag of pure water, went to challenge and sold everything. One day passed, nobody came, 2nd week, a month after, until the 2nd month. One day she was about going home so she rembered she needed body cream. She went to a supermarket at challenge called crown supermarket/chemist. As she picked up the cream, it slipped off her hand and fell to the ground. Meanwhile, the man too came to Nigeria, chartered a cab to Ibadan from lag. Getting to Ibadan toll gate, he saw no woman. He now said to the driver he'd need to buy water before returning to lagos as he was thirsty. He now said they should go to town and see if there could be a supermarket to get water. In the 90s, na pure water full everywhere and the man preferred bottled water. Maybe he'd have bought pure water instead and returned to lag from Ibadan toll gate

In short, the cream fell on the man's leg while looking for where they stocked water inside crown supermarket where he entered to buy water. The man picked up the cream and looked at her. He said you must be my wife and the lady too said yes, you must be the husband. They had both been told the features each of them had to be able to identify each other by both men of God who didn't even know each other


Your own story may be different but just pray to God. If she's the right one, you'd know and if she's gonna be a liability, you'd also know. Many failed to realise that, it's not only when a woman or a man is poor that he/she'd be a liability in marriage...what of health issues right from the early part of life, potency, bad character, etc? All these can make marriage boring and less interesting. I pray you find a great woman of your bones brother. I was a little younger than you when I met my very petty wife who was a virgin all her life at 30. Good luck

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Chill she never enter menopause. Just take her do fertility test. If she dey okay. Marry her.

Congratulations.

PrinceofSarcasm:
You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

I disagree. He no dey marry stranger.Na childhood friend. No dey make am feel guilty.

Everyone want wetin dem dey look for life partner.

Klass99:
His concerns are valid, however, is nairaland the best resource to address those concerns or healthcare professionals with expertise in male and female fertility?

At 39, you should be worried about the quality of your sperm not only about a woman procreating a child with downsyndrome. You men flatter yourselves too much, you think a downsyndrome child is procreated solely by the woman and men have no part in it, abi?

Naija men tend to live a life of excessive smoking, drinking and diicking around. But somehow they think their lifestyles have no effect on procreation or the quality of foetus. You flatter yourselves too much, after man-whoring up and down the nation, in the name of men are polygamous by nature.

Meaning no offence, I am just saying.

If a woman is worried about the quality of my sperm cells, I can give her my SFA result to keep her mind at ease
Show me 1 medical text or study that says a man above 40 years has an increased risk of birthing a child with down's syndrome

And all this comparison you people do on nairaland has to stop. For a fact, I produce new sperm cells(millions) every blessed day whereas a woman was born with around 450 to 500 ova which depletes in number and quality as she ages(once she starts puberty). Please don't blame that on me or men, blame GOD or mother nature!!!


Modify: I'm so sorry for the wrong info. At puberty, a woman has about 400,000 -450,000 ova. Out of which she releases 450 - 500 before menopause. I'm soooooo sorry for the wrong info!!!

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma

You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

You cap nonsense at the end. Ned Nwoko produce children at him age, naim you dey doubt 39 years man..

tobenuel:
Age is just a number....

femi4:
Age is just a number

Stop deceiving yourself.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40-years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's bareen. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

Women should note people like you and run as far as possible from you. You don't even know her name but somehow you know her destiny. Ol boy, you be Yaba left patient oh! Some of you people that think like this are not different from demented patients.

sometimes you should be concerned about it because most ladies do experience menopause at young age

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

I can only speak to you about fertility. I had my last child at 37 years and was the most effortless pregnancy I had compared to the first two I had in my twenties. At 39 years, yes she can birth children except she has fertility issues which will not make a difference regardless of her age. As per other reasons please ensure you do your due diligence about her spiritual, financially, mentally and all other criteria needed. Marriage isn't an event it is the binding of one soul to the other, ensure she is someone you wish to take in her essence into yours. Thanks

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

This should be the least of your worries!

If you love her go ahead babies will always come. Have your heard of surrogate or artificial fertilization or IVF. This are all ways to have babies if she is not fertile or there are complications after first birth. Love and hate are choice no matter how the baby comes its up to you to make the choice to love and cherish them and their mother. So first be sure you really love the woman before going down that path

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma

You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

Appears harsh but you are totally right.
Thumbs up.

Let love lead. If you don't love her, don't marry her

dealslip:
I can only speak to you about fertility. I had my last child at 37 years and was the most effortless pregnancy I had compared to the first two I had in my twenties. At 39 years, yes she can birth children except she has fertility issues which will not make a difference regardless of her age. As per other reasons please ensure you do your due diligence about her spiritual, financially, mentally and all other criteria needed. Marriage isn't an event it is the binding of one soul to the other, ensure she is someone you wish to take in her essence into yours. Thanks

Ma, your own case is VERY different from this woman's case. When this woman finally gets pregnant, her pregnancy will be referred to as an "high risk pregnancy" because she is an elderly primigravida!!!

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma

You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

Nawa o...see how you exhibited your own warped mentality by going emo-high on OP's post.

Why are you this triggered? Go grab Yoghurt and calm dafuq down

lastkingsman:
Jesus Christ.

Which one be "shinning teeth with Tinubu" again?

😂 😂 😂

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

You never said you loved her

Your were carried away by her Canadian status as a citizen

She wants marriage

You want a child

Get her pregnant and go ahead with the marriage

As you are afraid of her fertility status remember you too, your sperm strength is dropping too

You are their you are concerned about you having kids,not concerned about marriage before having kids, meanwhile, you are considering her because she is a citizen in Canada. Omo ole

FuckYeyeMods:
Trash... she's 39yo.
What is citizenship. Do women have class.

What does class have to do with being 39 years old? What type of bullshit you on? Citizenship is what people who japa strive for. You wouldn't know, you can't find your way put of your face to face

Klass99:
His concerns are valid, however, is nairaland the best resource to address those concerns or healthcare professionals with expertise in male and female fertility?

At 39, you should be worried about the quality of your sperm not only about a woman procreating a child with downsyndrome. You men flatter yourselves too much, you think a downsyndrome child is procreated solely by the woman and men have no part in it, abi?

Naija men tend to live a life of excessive smoking, drinking and diicking around. But somehow they think their lifestyles have no effect on procreation or the quality of foetus. You flatter yourselves too much, after man-whoring up and down the nation, in the name of men are polygamous by nature.

Meaning no offence, I am just saying.

Just keep quiet!!!

I will suggest you have a heart to heart discussion with her about child bearing. As an introvert, psychologically evaluate her body language and draw your inference.I will suggest you have a heart to heart discussion with her about child bearing. As an introvert, psychologically evaluate her body language and draw your inference....

My problem is her real age to determine her up coming monopours, for a lady to agree to be 39yrs 😃?
She may have reached 49yrs old or more
If am you, I will insist she get pregnant and I will marry her in a month or two she got pregnant for me.
Marriage with bearing child issue is wat I will not wish anyone, I have been dia.
But if ur a strong man, you can face it...

drimzsmoke:
Ma, your own case is VERY different from this woman's case. When this woman finally gets pregnant, her pregnancy will be referred to as an "high risk pregnancy" because she is an elderly primigravida!!!

The guys worry is not whether she is elderly and be pregnant. He knows that already. His concern is if she will be able to conceive. Besides not every elderly primigravida turns out risky. Risk means it may happen and it may not happen. The risk here is not fertility but complications during pregnancy.