₦airaland Forum

Mimicle101:
someone said "Never to marry a Nigerian woman" look i dont support these quote but looking at the behaviour of most of our woman in these our current generation. Its really scary.
Infact with these kind of mentality marriages would never last. people would be divorcing within weeks of marriage.


having said that.

Look madam i kindly sympathise with you about what you are going through. infact i have been there. But in my case i was the husband. only that i causually started gambling few months beforei got married. Lockdown came in 2020 and that was when my demons started manifesting fully. I became an addict untill i lost my job, car frinds and then Marriage.

The irony of it all was that i could see the damage and the negative effect of the addiction in everything that has to do with me.
Even on my physical appearance.

I cry deeply in my heart as i was helpless. All my brain wanted was to win back all the money... the other irony of it was that.. even after winning it back i still find myself going back and losing all again.

the question is.. was i aware what was happening to me .. YES

was I happy.. No

can I stop.. No > Because I could not control my mind anymore.


Look Madam... I fully understand how you feel.

But am assuming your Husband might not be the worse husband in town.

But the fact still remains that his actions are hurting and ruining lifes.

About the violent

Madam..

like in my case mine got into 1 or 2 violents scenes (i allowed her to beat me) yes my wife beat me up ahaahahaa...

Have i ever beat my wife.. No

Would i ever beat my wife.. Never

But my wife became super abusive and disrespectful (talks or responds in a disrespectful manner, comes home late, stopped cooking, stopped any romantic activity, do anything she likes, keeps malice, always busy on the phone)when she became tired of Supporting the house.

My Sin was gambling/inability to provide. which lead to the above crisis.

Other than that things was going to remain good.



Now let me say these to you madam and any other woman who might be going through these.

Just know that you are not alone. infact Gambling has become a global pandemic which which is and has become a threat to families. Just like every other addiction out there.

And understand that anyone can become a victim. including your own kids. And am sure when you Son or daughter become sick you dont throw them away or disown them.

Now is divorce the only option? I strongly believe its Not.

because at the end of the day most of them those men suffers more.

So my point in all these..

There should be more awareness about the dangers of gambling

And the government should do something about the numerous gambling operators both ofdine and online.

Then Families should please with love and care start treating Gambling addiction as the demon it is.

An addict needs help every help they can get. In a developed countries there are program's available to rehabilitate addicts.

Ma i dont know your main purpose of wating to divorce your husband.. let me ask, If your husband was not addcted or losing and was providing... would you have thought about divorcing him?

if your answer is No.

Then on his behave.
please all he need is love, encouragment. tell him all the money he lost are all gone for good. let him know is okey to start over.

And try to manage him and his finances.. all in love. look like on my case it wont be easy. but with love I gurantee you you both will come out Strong.

Google him resources to help me.
Just help him ma.

These is not the time to fight your husband but a time for both of you to fight the addiction and win the fight.

Conaider these scenario...

You divorce him

You leave and continue he struggle alone.

you try new relationships... men use and disapoint you. You might still be lucky to find a good man who would stay. am not sure the chances.

But what is the gurantee the new man ma not have his own addiction. it might not be gambling..

Now your divorced husband is left shattered and loses maybe even shelter over his head.

Maybe one day He beats th addition alone and bounces back on his feet.

Now would you want him back?

Sir, I would love to ask. In your case, Did your wife left you? And at what point did you realize and stop?
Honestly, no woman who experience the life of a chronic gambler husband, can respect him. The effects are traumatizing. I can't even explain the level of anger they generate with that lifestyle

soulhelper481:
■ Sir, I would love to ask. In your case, Did you wife left you? And at what point did you realize and stop?
Honestly, no woman who experience the life of a chronic gambler husband, can respect him. The effects are traumatizing. I can't even explain the level of anger they generate with that lifestyle

Why does it matter to you whether his wife left him or not? Are you now wanting to become like her and model your marriage after his? You dey hear story from the man who abused his wife and you take that as some sort of upside down wisdom you should pay mind to? You are not at all tired of your situation!

soulhelper481:
The aim of leaving him is not to marry someone else

Thought you are ready to leaves him or wants to leaves him...

Kobojunkie:
Why does it matter to you whether his wife left him or not? Are you now wanting to become like her and model your marriage after his? You dey hear story from the man who abused his wife and you take that as some sort of upside down wisdom you should pay mind to? You are not at all tired of your situation!

I am just inquisitive. Because the way he explained all his abuse on her and still call disrespectful.

soulhelper481:
Sir, I would love to ask. In your case, Did your wife left you? And at what point did you realize and stop?
Honestly, no woman who experience the life of a chronic gambler husband, can respect him. The effects are traumatizing. I can't even explain the level of anger they generate with that lifestyle

Yes she left.. I regreted it all. And i took the blame for the fact that i became Sick. And I am grateful to God all mighty that today I am getting better ( better from the abuse and crisis i recived in place of love). I am yet to fully recover financially But i still believed that my healling maybe would have came sooner if i had a support system in the person of my own wife. Rather she choosed to forsake me when i was afflicted and needed help. Its always about the Money. Nothing else matters.

At the point where she left was when she got tired of supporting the house. she was cooking and eating with our child alone. she stopped being a wife.. its was oky. i never bordered her as i took it as the punishment to who i had become. Untill she extended it with violent.

i cant really remember how it all became physical but one thing i know is i hated seeing her tears. so she would attack and hit me. slap me at a heated argument. i refused to hit her back. instead i restrained her from on few occasions from inflicting permanent damage on me. .


She was my world. I cant tell you one single reason why i love her but i love her more than myself . its still 7 months now. no day passes i dont think about her.

I would do anything for her happiness.

What i explained above... I dont expect most Nigerian woman including the Nigga kobojunkie who commented above me to understand it.

People always rush to use the word Abuse when men are involved. laugh.

Do you know the pain it feels when a mother would collect meat that a father gave to his 2 years old son and throw it away in front of the boys father? not once but 2 different occasions

Does 2 wrong make right? I accepts all my wrongs... Dont you think things would have been more different if A wrong behaviour is handled with a right behaviour?

Kobojunkie:
Why does it matter to you whether his wife left him or not? Are you now wanting to become like her and model your marriage after his? You dey hear story from the man who abused his wife and you take that as some sort of upside down wisdom you should pay mind to? You are not at all tired of your situation!

Am used to your way of thinking

Mimicle101:
Yes she left.. I regreted it all. And i took the blame for the fact that i became Sick. And I am grateful to God all mighty that today I am getting better ( better from the abuse and crisis i recived in place of love). I am yet to fully recover financially But i still believed that my healling maybe would have came sooner if i had a support system in the person of my own wife. Rather she choosed to forsake me when i was afflicted and needed help. Its always about the Money. Nothing else matters.

At the point where she left was when she got tired of supporting the house. she was cooking and eating with our child alone. she stopped being a wife.. its was oky. i never bordered her as i took it as the punishment to who i had become. Untill she extended it with violent.

i cant really remember how it all became physical but one thing i know is i hated seeing her tears. so she would attack and hit me. slap me at a heated argument. i refused to hit her back. instead i restrained her from on few occasions from inflicting permanent damage on me. .


She was my world. I cant tell you one single reason why i love her but i love her more than myself . its still 7 months now. no day passes i dont think about her.

I would do anything for her happiness.

What i explained above... I dont expect most Nigerian woman including the Nigga kobojunkie who commented above me to understand it.

People always rush to use the word Abuse when men are involved. laugh.

Do you know the pain it feels when a mother would collect meat that a father gave to his 2 years old son and throw it away in front of the boys father? not once but 2 different occasions

Does 2 wrong make right? I accepts all my wrongs... Dont you think things would have been more different if A wrong behaviour is handled with a right behaviour?

Had it been she didn't leave you, you wouldn't have change. That's why every woman in her shoe or mine have to leave.

soulhelper481:
Had it been she didn't leave you, you wouldn't have change. That's why every woman in her shoe or mine have to leave.

Very well. got your point.

So now whats the way forward?

In your own opinion..

I must get a new wife and start a new Family right?

Or better still I must remain single and die lonely.

Please i need your Honest opinion.

Mimicle101:
Yes she left.. I regreted it all. And i took the blame for the fact that i became Sick. And I am grateful to God all mighty that today I am getting better ( better from the abuse and crisis i recived in place of love). I am yet to fully recover financially But i still believed that my healling maybe would have came sooner if i had a support system in the person of my own wife. Rather she choosed to forsake me when i was afflicted and needed help. Its always about the Money. Nothing else matters.

At the point where she left was when she got tired of supporting the house. she was cooking and eating with our child alone. she stopped being a wife.. its was oky. i never bordered her as i took it as the punishment to who i had become. Untill she extended it with violent.

i cant really remember how it all became physical but one thing i know is i hated seeing her tears. so she would attack and hit me. slap me at a heated argument. i refused to hit her back. instead i restrained her from on few occasions from inflicting permanent damage on me. .


She was my world. I cant tell you one single reason why i love her but i love her more than myself . its still 7 months now. no day passes i dont think about her.

I would do anything for her happiness.

What i explained above... I dont expect most Nigerian woman including the Nigga kobojunkie who commented above me to understand it.

People always rush to use the word Abuse when men are involved. laugh.

Do you know the pain it feels when a mother would collect meat that a father gave to his 2 years old son and throw it away in front of the boys father? not once but 2 different occasions

Does 2 wrong make right? I accepts all my wrongs... Dont you think things would have been more different if A wrong behaviour is handled with a right behaviour?

Now that you have changed why not go back and beg her to come back to you, I'm glad you know it was your actions or rather gambling that trigger all her reactions towards you.

I sincerely want to congratulate you for being able to conquer that gambling spirit that tormented your life and destroyed your marriage and I also pray your wife sees reasons to embrace you back again Cheers!!!

soulhelper481:
Had it been she didn't leave you, you wouldn't have change. That's why every woman in her shoe or mine have to leave.

Maybe you should take a break from the marriage, I will advise you shouldn't divorce him yet.

Please always put him in prayers pray fervently ask God to arrest every gambling spirit tormenting your husband because what God can't do doesn't exist.

MumEmdy:
Now that you have changed why not go back and beg her to come back to you, I'm glad you know it was your actions or rather gambling that trigger all her reactions towards you.

I sincerely want to congratulate you for being able to conquer that gambling spirit that tormented your life and destroyed your marriage and I also pray your wife sees reasons to embrace you back again Cheers!!!

Thank you so much.

Unfortunately the why i cant go back is that. i discovered that the marriage was never based in love.

She said she does not love me again.

I once knelt down to apologise to her so we work things out but she pushed me away.

She went Naked and cursed me that it will never be well with me.

She wished me death. while my father was laying in the mutuary awaiting the funeral date.

her family never came to my father (who went to marry there Daughter) funeral.

Her family never called my mom or family to wish there condolences.

She left with my Son ad refused me talking to him. for 7 months now.

her family never called or said anything to me since i informed them that there Daughter my wife left my house.

She blocked me from all form of communication.



Please where do i start?

Mimicle101:
■Yes she left.. I regreted it all. And i took the blame for the fact that i became Sick. And I am grateful to God all mighty that today I am getting better ( better from the abuse and crisis i recived in place of love). I am yet to fully recover financially But i still believed that my healling maybe would have came sooner if i had a support system in the person of my own wife. Rather she choosed to forsake me when i was afflicted and needed help. Its always about the Money. Nothing else matters.
At the point where she left was when she got tired of supporting the house. she was cooking and eating with our child alone. she stopped being a wife.. its was oky. i never bordered her as i took it as the punishment to who i had become. Untill she extended it with violent. i cant really remember how it all became physical but one thing i know is i hated seeing her tears. so she would attack and hit me. slap me at a heated argument. i refused to hit her back. instead i restrained her from on few occasions from inflicting permanent damage on me. .
She was my world. I cant tell you one single reason why i love her but i love her more than myself . its still 7 months now. no day passes i dont think about her. I would do anything for her happiness. What i explained above... I dont expect most Nigerian woman including the Nigga ....who commented above me to understand it.
■ People always rush to use the word Abuse when men are involved. laugh. Do you know the pain it feels when a mother would collect meat that a father gave to his 2 years old son and throw it away in front of the boys father? not once but 2 different occasions. Does 2 wrong make right? I accepts all my wrongs... Dont you think things would have been more different if A wrong behaviour is handled with a right behaviour?

You literally helped turn the woman into a monster and an abuser, probably a complete shadow of her old self, yet you want us to believe it was all for the love you have for her?

2. Isn't the one wrong already too much for so many to bear?

As for what you said of people having a heart for people struggling with addiction, I can confidently tell you that addiction is one problem, wickedness is another when it comes to those who burden others with their demons.

For many many years of my life, I too had struggled with several demons of my own. Rather than burden those around me with them, I took to running as far away from them as I could in order not to hurt them with my problems. I kept contact and tried the best I could to explain but I made sure to stay away from having the pain of me inflicted on them in any way or form. You, on the other hand, literally sat your demon on the heads of your wife and children, and worse, expected them to happily deal with it in the name of the "loving" you, yet you dare wish for us to imagine you a bare with understanding of what it means to love others. That was not the addiction at work but wickedness on your part.

MumEmdy:
■ Now that you have changed why not go back and beg her to come back to you, I'm glad you know it was your actions or rather gambling that trigger all her reactions towards you.
■ I sincerely want to congratulate you for being able to conquer that gambling spirit that tormented your life and destroyed your marriage and I also pray your wife sees reasons to embrace you back again Cheers!!!

1. Go back and beg for the woman whom he helped turn into an abuser and a monster to return to him. This time around, if one of them ends up dead, will you be there to open your mouth that you were one of those who suggested they get back together?

By the way, the guy is still struggling, probably missing the pillow that used to support the weight of his abuse. If another woman were to get caught in that net, you would find that the memories of the other wife would probably all but disappear overnight. Care to send your own daughter into that web?

Mimicle101:
Thank you so much.

Unfortunately the why i cant go back is that. i discovered that the marriage was never based in love.

She said she does not love me again.

I once knelt down to apologise to her so we work things out but she pushed me away.

She went Naked and cursed me that it will never be well with me.

She wished me death. while my father was laying in the mutuary awaiting the funeral date.

her family never came to my father (who went to marry there Daughter) funeral.

Her family never called my mom or family to wish there condolences.

She left with my Son ad refused me talking to him. for 7 months now.

her family never called or said anything to me since i informed them that there Daughter my wife left my house.

She blocked me from all form of communication.



Please where do i start?

OMG!!! So sorry you are passing through an emotional phase in your life, your wife too must have passed through alot for her to have reacted the way she did. Pray for God's intervention in your marriage and everything that concerns you.

I will also advice if you can seek the service of a therapist they are very good in handling such cases. It's well with you my brother.

soulhelper481:
■Had it been she didn't leave you, you wouldn't have change. That's why every woman in her shoe or mine have to leave.

He afflicted his woman till she eventually became a monster and an abuser to him. Imagine that! Then he claims she would have helped change him if she had remained in that abusive environment with him, but he never mentioned how he would go about helping her change back from the monster and abuser he helped turn her into.

Mimicle101:
■ Am used to your way of thinking

If you were, you wouldn't come here writing noxious poems about how you supposedly loved a woman whom you helped turn into an abuser and a monster in marriage. You wouldn't open your trap to blame your wickedness on addiction. Addicts are not wicked people. Rather, wicked people who turn addicts are those who do what you did to your wife and kids in the name of love.

Kobojunkie:
1. Go back and beg for the woman whom he helped turn into an abuser and a monster to return to him. This time around, if one of them ends up dead, will you be there to open your mouth that you were one of those who suggested they get back together?

By the way, the guy is still struggling, probably missing the pillow that used to support the weight of his abuse. If another woman were to get caught in that net, you would find that the memories of the other wife would probably all but disappear overnight. Care to send your own daughter into that web?

Kobojunkie, the guy said he has changed for good and from his writeup I didn't see where he said he attack his wife back rather he allow her to attack him instead and he also admitted his wrongs.

Let's try to show a little bit of love and kindness to a friend who is weak and in need..

Kobojunkie:
If you were, you wouldn't come here writing noxious poems about how you supposedly loved a woman whom you helped turn into an abuser and a monster in marriage. You wouldn't open your trap to blame your wickedness on addiction. Addicts are not wicked people. Rather, wicked people who turn addicts are those who do what you did to your wife and kids in the name of love.

hahahhaha I still like your way of thinking.

MumEmdy:
■ Kobojunkie, the guy said he has changed for good and from his writeup I didn't see where he said he attack his wife back rather he allow her to attack him instead and he also admitted his wrongs. Let's try to show a little bit of love and kindness to a friend who is weak and in need..

You are one of those naive bits of humans out there, aren't you? Just hope neither you nor your children ever encounter the kinds of manipulative beings that the world outside of your home and mind are filled with.

Person dey dey literally tell you A and absolutely A but you dey blindly read B and only B from the same text. Na special talent your kind get be that. I can't imagine why for the life of me.

Mimicle101:
Very well. got your point.

So now whats the way forward?

In your own opinion..

I must get a new wife and start a new Family right?

Or better still I must remain single and die lonely.

Please i need your Honest opinion.

The same thing my husband is doing right now. I'm fed up and I'm ready to leave him.

MumEmdy:
Maybe you should take a break from the marriage, I will advise you shouldn't divorce him yet.

Please always put him in prayers pray fervently ask God to arrest every gambling spirit tormenting your husband because what God can't do doesn't exist.

Yes. I have to

Kobojunkie:
You are one of those naive bits of humans out there, aren't you? Just hope neither you nor your children ever encounter the kinds of manipulative beings that the world outside of your home and mind are filled with.

Person dey dey literally tell you A and absolutely A but you dey blindly read B and only B from the same text. Na special talent your kind get be that. I can't imagine why for the life of me.

I am unavailable Biko...

Mimicle101:
■ Very well. got your point. So now whats the way forward? In your own opinion.. I must get a new wife and start a new Family right? Or better still I must remain single and die lonely. Please i need your Honest opinion.

Arrghh! The equation is still majorly about you and you alone. Nothing about the children whom you hurt by your wickedness, just you and how your life has to turn out. Imagine the love of this one.

soulhelper481:
The same thing my husband is doing right now. I'm fed up and I'm ready to leave him.

I cant really advice you at these point. My story is already out there for you and others to see and make up your mind on what you feel is right for you.

Like at these point.

Am stucked. dont know if i must remin single or marry another woman. you know am not based in 9ja. imagine having to marry another woman and take her out of 9ja again. how would people see me... foolish or wise? and the last thing i wanted was to marry a lady from these country where i live. i believe in marrying from my tribe. and also if i wait further. am not getting younger.

though i have 1 child but i wanted more than 1.


Now, how about her.... does she finding it easy? or would men use and dump her?

you know in life no matter where or what happens its always important to try and consider the easiest part to take. and in my case i consider it a hard way.

am not sure about her. but for me its hard.

so dear,
you check if if you want it easy or hard. Remain Blessed.

I pray God see you through.

Kobojunkie:
Arrghh! The equation is still majorly about you and you alone. Nothing about the children whom you hurt by your wickedness, just you and how your life has to turn out. Imagine the love of this one.

What i love about you is the fact that you keep cring over a spilled milk.

you love blame game.

you love beating around the bush.

you keep talking and never offer solution or a way forward.


let me ask you... What point are you making what are you trying and fighting so hard to archive

Mimicle101:
■ What i love about you is the fact that you keep cring over a spilled milk. you love blame game. you love beating around the bush. you keep talking and never offer solution or a way forward.
■ let me ask you... What point are you making what are you trying and fighting so hard to archive

The one who came here playing the blame game is you, not me.

2. I am not trying or fighting hard for anything. I am simply on here to debate thoughts, and ideas churned out by the worms in your mind and that of others. After all, that is what an open forum such as this one is meant for.

Kobojunkie:
The one who came here playing the blame game is you, not me.

2. I am not trying or fighting hard for anything. I am simply on here to debate thoughts, and ideas churned out by the worms in your mind and that of others. After all, that is what an open forum such as this one is meant for.

Let me go google and reeducate myself on the meaning of the word DABATE. it seems i missed tbe meaning..



Or better still kindly educate me on the meaning of debate

Mimicle101:
■ Let me go google and reeducate myself on the meaning of the word DABATE. it seems i missed tbe meaning.. Or better still kindly educate me on the meaning of debate

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

de·bate

● a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward.
● an argument about a particular subject, especially one in which many people are involved.

Notice how the one thing you think I somehow owe you is missing from the definitions of the word?

soulhelper481:
Pls, Nigerians, come and rescue me from my husband before we both loss it. I need an accomodations for me and my two children. I don't want to keep enduring anymore. I'm tired. It has reached the stage of forcefully and violently taking and using whatever I struggle for to gamble. He gambles with everything. Even if we're hungry, he wouldn't provide, yet the little I could afford, he struggles with me and still gamble it away living us to suffer.


The present accomodations we have, I paid for it and it's expiring towards ending of the year. But I want to peaceful give him some distance to regain myself.
Family members have adviced him and they're all tired.
I need help. I can't even sleep comfortably in the night, I'm always afraid he might hurt me because of everyday quarrel and disapproval. I want to be alive to take care of my children.

Pls I need to go away. I need help. I'm in Abuja. I need accomodation, I want to be able to breathe. I'm suffocating here.

I have tried all I could, but he's not willing to change. His family members (his mom) testified he has this habit even from the university. It's a long story. I have been trying to save an addict, but all my efforts, wasted.
Now, he's acting violent with me. I don't want to move to my family house because he will start coming over and acting like he has change. As usual.

Honestly at this point, if your own family I mean siblings are aware of your predicament and can't afford a room for you, then they are part of the whole problem

Just carry those children out and run to anywhere you like, then get anything you can do with your hands

That man is a beast and you will definitely be his target if you don't act fast

Kobojunkie:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
[/size] Notice how the one thing you think I somehow owe you is missing from the definitions of the word?

I thank God you self know say you owe me that particular one. anyways. keep well 1Kobo

These posts is not about me. its about our lovely sister whose home and marriage is in danger.

what we owe her is our prayer and discouragement.

Sister.

please dont divorce you husband oky.

talk with him. if thing are getting violent. tell him becuase you desire peace and wants your marriage. and becuase you love him let him see the danger his addiction is causing in your home. In love let him know whats best for both of you is for you to go to your parents home for a while while he sorts himself. peace

Mimicle101:
■ I thank God you self know say you owe me that particular one. anyways. keep well 1Kobo These posts is not about me. its about our lovely sister whose home and marriage is in danger.
■ what we owe her is our prayer and discouragement.
■ Sister. please dont divorce you husband oky. talk with him. if thing are getting violent. tell him becuase you desire peace and wants your marriage. and becuase you love him let him see the danger his addiction is causing in your home. In love let him know whats best for both of you us for you to go to yiur parwnra home. for a while while he sorts himself. peace

What she instead told you is in danger is not her home and marriage but her sanity and that of her children. Those are rightly greater priorities than the violent environment that is her marriage. Those children do not deserve to be put through such wickedness in the name of keeping a marriage.

2. It is so funny how those of you who wrought wickedness on others by your own hands are always the first to invoke God whenever cornered. It is like an expected reaction from manipulative beings. OP, does not need prayers nor does she need to pray to any god out there unless she worships some sort of actual god of marriage that she is sure will save her from this marriage contract that binds her to an abusive man and endangers regularly the mental health of her children.

3. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 - Yes o, Sister, remain enduring as a punching bag in marriage. That marriage badge will bear you witness after your health and probably life has been thoroughly damaged all in the name of love. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

frozen70:
Honestly at this point, if your own family I mean siblings are aware of your predicament and can't afford a room for you, then they are part of the whole problem

Just carry those children out and run to anywhere you like, then get anything you can do with your hands

That man is a beast and you will definitely be his target if you don't act fast

Lol.. take it easy. you dont know nothing about the man. and i beat. you have never seen a beast before