₦airaland Forum

Kyng1:
■ Troublesome and disrespectful Is an understatement, they're extremely troublesome and disrespectful. I really do not want the episode I wrote up there to be a lot longer than it already Is, I have a lot to say, a lot that happened on the traditional weeding day, and it all boils down to how troublesome and disrespectful they're.

If you had respected your own self to begin with, you would not have ended up smack dab in that pot of soup you described.

You disrespected the girl when you got her pregnant knowing you were not ready for anything more. So, what makes you deserving of their respect? This is a classic case of trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am! Stop pretending this all happened out of the blue. You brought it upon yourself!

Klass99:
Are you in Lagos State? If yes, you should start listening to Barrister Olumide on Nigerian Info FM on the show called Relationship 360.

He was in a somewhat similar situation (I will be right back)

No sir, I'm not in Lagos state. I'm in Delta state, but is there anyway I can listen to Barrister Olumide via online? Radio, YouTube etc?

Kobojunkie:
If you had respected your own self to begin with, you would not have ended up smack dab in that pot of soup you described.

You disrespected the girl when you got her pregnant knowing you were not ready for anything more. So, what makes you deserving of their respect, to begin with? Stop pretending this all happened to out for no reason. You brought it upon yourself!

Yea, you're right. Part of all what transpired is all my doing.

It is well.

Reading this story pissed me off, which kind manipulative toxic marriage be this , na jagajaga family you go marry from, so get ready for wahala

Klass99:
Oh yes, you can. People tune in from obodo too, but I'm not sure how.

He has an Instagram handle, goggle him to get accurate details. Goggle Barrister Olumide relationship 360.

I have updated my other post you can go back to read it.

I will do that as soon as possible, thanks. I greatly appreciate, thank you.

AngelicBeing:
Reading this story pissed me off, which kind manipulative toxic marriage be this , na jagajaga family you go marry from, so get ready for wahala

Hmmmmm, I'll try to collect my bride price before something unexpected happens, I know for sure that it won't be in anyway easy, but I'll try all my possible best.

Kyng1:
Yes, my main concern is 1 trillion percent the money I spent, that's my pain.

As for my baby, not yet our. My wife is 7 months pregnant, remaining two months. But her belle is big already, but would still expand more than it is right now.

Simple solution is, when your baby arrives, go sell it for market for the exact same amount of money that concerns you. In fact, add interest to the price plus whatever you've spent on baby mother so you are not out of pocket.

Once you recoup your money you'd lose your pain. I hope.

Why did you get her pregnant for the first place since you don't intend to marry her?

Truvelisback:
Why did you get her pregnant for the first place since you don't intend to marry her?

I didn't intentionally got her pregnant.

Kyng1:
■ I didn't intentionally got her pregnant.

Please don't tell us your dick mistakenly fell into the space between her open legs abeg!

Kyng1:
I didn't intentionally got her pregnant.

You should have thought of that before getting her pregnant. You should consider her feelings too. You want to turn her to a single mother and give her difficult in getting married. Why don't you want to marry her? Give a concrete reason.

Truvelisback:
You should have thought of that before getting her pregnant. You should consider her feelings too. You want to turn her to a single mother and give her difficult in getting married. Why don't you want to marry her? Give a concrete reason.

Like I said before, I'd have married her but the timing she pressured me getting married to her, wasn't right. I'd have definitely married her, but I wasn't in anyway ready, physically, emotionally, and most especially financially.

Is peace no longer an option in this your marriage op? Have you two tried sitting down on different occasions to table all your issues and tackle them one after the other? Or probably see a marriage counsellor?

You mentioned that you guys were at peace during courtship to the extent of her getting pregnant, so which means all the trouble started when you start delaying marriage. Moreover, she's pregnant and alot of hormones could make her to be acting up.

Before you take the divorce route, give peace a chance and see if there could be peaceful coexistence between you two, If after all efforts no result then you can go for it.

Story too long
I got tired reading it but take care of your child inugo

Kyng1:
Hmmmmm, I'll try to collect my bride price before something unexpected happens, I know for sure that it won't be in anyway easy, but I'll try all my possible best.

Red ♥️, Black 🖤, Dark 🌑 Flag written all over this so - called Marriage, Dem don manipulate you, 4,3 million naira don enter voice Mail and the manipulative spirit from the entire family including your wife will continue, get ready, Dem go continue to collect egunje and bill you in this your jagajaga marriage

Kyng1:
Please I need your honest answers on this.

Guy enough of the manipulation. You don't need to apologize to anybody.

What you need right now is to fix your life and your home.

Truth be told, you were manipulated both by your wife and her mom. They knew they had little to contribute to the wedding but they manipulated you to do it all by trick while putting you down in front of people to make it look as if they did some while you have not done enough.

The drink they are supposed to provide, they made you do it. They informed you not to worry about cooking food on the trad day while her mum used part of what you already provided for reception food to cook on that the trad day while pretending she used her resources for it just to make it look like they contributed something.

So, look inward to see what you can do to start earning again. Move on and stop thinking about what you spent on the wedding.

Don't even plan to return the bride price and send her away except she is making life difficult for you. Overtime, you will be fine with her except she is not ready to cooperate and make the family grow and fulfilled. Otherwise, sending her away means you will have to repeat that same process again with another woman in the nearby future.

My point is first try to make the marriage work and make sure henceforth, she is not able to manipulate you again. If she refused to change for good, then you know the right thing to do for yourself.

Goin by your thread made me "Yuck".
https://www.nairaland.com/8069227/what-kind-brutal-std-sti. You want me to believe this recent post of yours? Lol, I don't and I won't because of your previous posts

And if it's true, you both are perfectly fit for each other, you deserve it.

When you get married, you have 4 women in your life. Your mother, her mother, if they are alive, your wife and your sisters. Women will play their emotional game, it is you as a man that must let them know who you are. If you don't do this, they will use you the way they want to, for their own gain. I am not against women but I am just telling you how it works. What they will come to know about you is your personality, what you can take and what you cannot take. That is how your wife will first know you and she will tell her mom and other women .

Your wife is from a toxic home and she has that attribute in her, their is nothing you will do to please her because of her entitled mentality and that's why she always threatens you with suicide. She and her family will show you shege bt be man enough and stand on your right. Don't let her control you and always stick to your decision provided they are in order. Put your self together and know how best to handle her and her family and remember you are responsible for your decisions.

Guy, na you do yourself. Yes sir, you do yourself. You saw all the signs but walked into the fire with your two eyes wide open.

You go suffer oh

Kyng1:
I tried to quit, but each time I fully and wholeheartedly make up my mind to end the relationship, she always threaten me with suicide, and she's always extremely serious about it, it has been this way for more than a year until date.

You are stupid...... Sumone threatened dt u must marry her by force and u did..

U r too slow and senseless for my liking

Kyng1:
Hmmmmm, I'll try to collect my bride price before something unexpected happens, I know for sure that it won't be in anyway easy, but I'll try all my possible best.

May it not be possible in Jesus name.

You will Continue wit her and her family will keep frustrating u. Amen

You obviously walked and took decisions alone without resorting to counsels. In the multitude of counsellors, there's safety.

The die is already cast, go back to the legitimate hustle that brought the unwisely spent money and learn to be a better manager of your resources henceforth.

Call your MIL for peace to reign, cos you need that peace. Peace be unto you.

Jeon:
Goin by your thread made me "Yuck".
https://www.nairaland.com/8069227/what-kind-brutal-std-sti. You want me to believe this recent post of yours? Lol, I don't and I won't because of your previous posts

And if it's true, you both are perfectly fit for each other, you deserve it.

l just clicked on his profile now, @ Op , how far with your STD

Kyng1:
Good evening nairalanders, I'm sorry but this is going to be quite an episode.

I got married barely two months ago, February precisely. I'm In my late thirties, 28 years precisely and my wife Is 24 years old, during the buildup and period of my marriage there was lot's of problems and confusion.

It started when my wife. (then girlfriend) got pregnant (September precisely) immediately after we found out things seems to be going smoothly until November last year when she popped the question "when are we getting married" I told her that I'm not yet ready for marriage but I'm willing to do introduction, that night was hell for me.

Note, it wasn't hell and shocking to me because of what happened that night, it was shocking to me because it was the very first time she asked me such a question, and her reaction was shocking to me. If she has previously asked me this particular question severally and I'm not telling her what she wanted to hear I'd have understood why she reacted In such a way and manner, but it was the very first time she was throwing that question on me.

Back to what happened that night. Immediately I told her that I wasn't ready for marriage she started crying and laying curses on me, that I'm wicked, after suffering with me etc, then I responded that she never suffered with me that this should be the very last time that she should utter such word, I said so because she has been uttering it frequently on any slight quarrel, but on that faithful night, I couldn't take it any longer I told her that you suffered with me and I have two A.C on both parlor and room before I met you, that you suffered with me and I have a 75 inch TV, freezer, inverter, luxury center table, dstv etc. You suffered with me because of what, that I'm living in a self contain, or don't have my own house or car. This is someone that I'm feeding on a daily basis back then that I'm still a tenant and yet to have my own house, we went to eatery to eat almost on a weekly basis, to the extend that she refused to go to her parents house for months.

Back to the topic, she fought me that night from 10pm to 3am, after that night she kept popping up the question almost on a daily basis and it always leads to quarrel, arguments and fights, it came to a point that she began threatening me with suicide, holding knife that she's going to stab herself, using rope to tie her neck with all her strength which normally ends with her having reddish eye's, coughing, etc until I intervene, there was a day she drank tiles wash liquid, and hypo, that night I gave her oil, and nothing happened to her, that was the deal breaker, I finally agreed to proceed with the marriage, because I was scared that If anything should happen to her then I'd go to prison for the rest of my life and my life Is over.

Note I have 4.3 million naira on my account as at then, and I intend using the money to start up a business, as I wasn't doing anything. It is also worthy to note that after lots of pressure it came to a point that I no longer tells her that I'm not ready for marriage but started telling her that I don't have money, but her response was always, "na lie, na lie, na lie" you get money. She has seen my debit alert and saw my balance. So after she drank the hypo and chemical used for tiles wash, I agreed to proceed with the marriage.

By December, I began making marriage preparations, the adrenaline rush was something else. I went to the village to inform my father people, so they can come to perform the traditional rights, as my father was no more.

On the day of the traditional marriage, her mother called me early in the morning that I need to carry some drinks to my "girlfriend, now wife" father house that she'll support me with one wine, that she's doing it because I'm complaining that I don't have money, I took two carton of Heineken, two carton of maltina one wine + the wine she supported me with and two Gordon gin. "I have no idea that I was being brain washed, they're the one's that's supposed to present those and I'd have to double it during the traditional rights, she deceived me.

Before the traditional marriage began, my father's people that's supposed to perform the traditional rights didn't arrive on time due to the distance they're coming from, her mom was already angry, few minutes later my father's people eventually arrived, immediately after their arrival "my girlfriend, now wife" elder brother made a statement which provoked me, he said "if una nor one marry make una dey go, I go pay una all the money when una dun spend, rubbish"

Immediately I heard that, I took off my agbada remaining my inner senator shirt and trouser that I'm not doing again, her mom starter ranting and raining all sorts of insults on me, she made a statement that I should never near or come close to her ever again. After some few minutes my mom calmed me down and I put on my agbada again.

Few minutes later the traditional rites began, I was inside when my younger brother came to inform me that my wife half brother's have opened and drank some of the gins I brought for the traditional rites, I Immediately told him to count and look for somewhere to buy and have them replaced, he did and before he came back they have taken more. He had to go back and have the gins replaced a second time. Immediately after the end of the traditional marriage her mom handed me a nylon with 100 notes not up to 3,000 naira and she handed my wife another that's filled to the brim, that the one she gave to me was what they sprayed me and the one for her was what they sprayed her, I was in rage and I gave the nylon to her that how can she share money spared between husband and wife, she gladly collected the money. Shortly after that, I heard her elder sister, the one my wife is following directly by birth, saying "that her sister (my wife) don't know what she has gotten herself into, I Immediately cut her short that what kind of statement is that and what next she did? She started raining all sorts of insults on me " Daniel you dey craze, Daniel your head nor correct, Daniel na God go punish you, Daniel you be bastard, we go tie you flog we go lock you up" she repeated these words continously, she pulled her slippers and wanted to come and fight me, In which they held her off. This is someone that isn't up to the age of my younger brother, I felt really embarrassed because all my friends, brother's, sisters and my mom was there. Note that I single handedly carried every single expenses of the marriage, the only expense my wife family all agreed and contributed to was making "jotters notes" for the guests that sprayed us money, which they didn't do, until date I didn't saw any jotter, not even one.

Another thing that really got me angry was few weeks before the marriage my wife mom was assuring me that there's no need to cook, that we only have to cook for reception only, which I fully agreed. But at same time I send my mom some money to prepare something just in case things didn't went as planned and because of my father's people that's coming from distance.

Two day's to the traditional marriage I sent her 490,000 naira for chicken and ingredients. Note, I have already bought two bags of rice and 2 gallons of groundnut Oil for cooking at the reception whereas I gave my mom half bag of rice as back up and three cartons of chicken for the reception refreshment. But to my surprise I saw that she, my wife mother cooked jollof rice at the traditional marriage day and while sharing she was talking continously, that I'm supposed to give her money to cook but I didn't gave her any money that she cooked the rice with her own money. I was in rage because firstly I sent her 490,000 to cook for the reception, in which she used my chicken, groundnut Oil, and ingredients to cook the jollof rice she cooked at the traditional marriage day, she only used her two basket of rice which they already have at home. And because of that two basket of rice she was downgrading me in front of my father's people, my mother's people, my brothers, sisters, friends. If she had told me that she wanted to cook rice at the traditional marriage I'd have gladly sent her the money, If I can send 490,000 for just chicken and ingredients, what's 14,000 that I can't send for two baskets of rice, this was someone that told me we aren't cooking anything on the traditional marriage day but only for the reception.

Also, before the marriage my wife mother has already arranged for us doing court weeding, which I wasn't comfortable with but since my wife was pregnant and she insist that she must wear a white weeding gown, our both churches refused to Wed us with her wearing a white wedding gown with pregnancy. So I had no choice than to settle for the court weeding that her mother proposed, but 3 weeks to the weeding my elder sister talked to her pastor and he agreed to wed us with her wearing a white weeding gown and with her pregnancy, I informed my wife and she was angry, It lead to lots of quarrels but I stood on my ground that I'm no longer proceeding with the court weeding. 4 days later I saw a chat with my wife and her elder sister, she was telling my wife that I refused to do court weeding because of the rubbish that I'm thinking that their mother said she isn't going to attend and she her self won't attend. I snapped the chat and pretended like I didn't noticed but waiting to see how everything unfolds, on the day of the weeding, her mom didn't appear in church, neither her 3 sisters. But they all came to the reception ground, at the reception when they were spraying they focused on her only, my wife mom and her sisters, none of them sprayed me, not even 50 naira, but I sprayed my wife mom. I'm not saying this because I'm expecting the money, I'm saying this because as their sister husband they're supposed to spray us both, it felt embarrassing when they were dancing and spraying only her and I was just there like I'm nothing.

Less I forget, on the morning of the reception which was the day after our traditional marriage, I called the MC and explained everything that transpired on the traditional marriage. "her mom, sharing money that was sprayed between us" and gave him names to announce as those that'd pick any money that was sprayed, I didn't included any of her sisters neither mine. My wife was angry and asked me severally to include one of her sister which I plainly disagree, she became cold, and on the reception day refused to dance. When the marriage was over we counted the money and it was 233,100 naira. For a marriage I spent 4 million plus. After everything my wife started mocking me that they've stolen my money that I think I'm wise by not allowing her sister to be among those picking money, she mocked me endlessly and started using her hands on her eye's to tell me "onwonyi" I told her that I'm not doing again that I'm returning her bride price and she called me by my name daring me to return it. I was in rage and started remembering when she was pleading with me to marry her and remove shame from her eye's, in my mind this was someone that was begging me to marry her few weeks ago, threatening to commit suicide, now daring me to return her bride price and now mocking me. I slapped her that night on our hotel room, and she fought with me for hours, and the next day she reported me to my younger brother and her best friend, the one that did chief bridesmaid for her, that I beat her on our weeding night.

Days passed, weeks passed, two months has started passed since the day of our weeding and I'm now living from hand to mouth, this same woman that was telling me back then that we'd live as a couple that even if it's Garri that we've we'll soak it and no one will know or hear about it, is now the one crying for food whenever she's hungry, she doesn't eat rice without eggs or meat, nor does she eats Eba talk more of Garri. Right now I felt deceived, manipulated into a marriage that I wasn't actually ready for, I'd have invested my 4 million into something tangible and reaping the fruit by now, right now there's no money to eat properly or go out on Sundays to have some bottles of achohol.

We're querrelling almost on a daily basis, there's no peace, sometimes I do sleep at my brother's place to have that few hours of peace than to go home to her, but it's been since a month I last did that. Recently I have been informing her that I'll return her bring price and I'm not marrying again, that marriage isn't by force that I wasn't even ready to get married if not for her suicide manipulation, that I'm just waiting for her to give birth and after 6 months I'd return her bride price, but she think I'm joking. I'm sure going to surprise her. After all I'm not sexually attracted to her, she's short, not fat and not slim either, and fair. And I I'm sexually attracted to extremely fat, dark or chocolate skinned ladies. I find myself getting extremely aroused by just staring at the pictures of fat ladies on Instagram or anywhere I come across them, on the internet, bike, etc. But my wife totally naked and close to me doesn't in anyway arouse me, not even slightly. Until date I can't get over the 4 million naira plus that I spent marrying her, it hurts me a lot till this very moment.

And for what her mom did by deceiving me to be the one to bring drinks, wines, and gin and also the one that have them replaced, by lying to me and insulting me in front of my family that I didn't gave her any money to cook because of two basket of rice she cooked, by sharing money for I and my wife etc, since the day of our marriage until date I haven't visited her, and since then also my wife also refused to visit my mom or my family because I refused to visit her mom. My mom has pleaded with me on several occasions to visit her and apologize, but I don't know why I should apologize to someone who tricked and insulted me. Right now I really wished to know if I did the right thing by not going to see her until date or just overreacting. Please I need your honest answers on this.

In all of this, please ensure to do a paternity test on the baby secretly. E get why.

.

Kyng1:
No sir, I'm not in Lagos state. I'm in Delta state, but is there anyway I can listen to Barrister Olumide via online? Radio, YouTube etc?

Yes there is bro..download the Nigeria info app..99.3 fm..his show.starts by 7.30am on saturdays..Pls listen and key into it..
It will help u alot and give u more directions and understanding on how to handle this

Kyng1:
No sir, I'm not in Lagos state. I'm in Delta state, but is there anyway I can listen to Barrister Olumide via online? Radio, YouTube etc?

Yes there is bro..download the Nigeria info app..99.3 fm..his show.starts by 7.30am tomorrow..Pls listen and key into it..
It will help u alot and give u more directions and understanding on how to handle the situation

fyzaila:
Is peace no longer an option in this your marriage op? Have you two tried sitting down on different occasions to table all your issues and tackle them one after the other? Or probably see a marriage counsellor?

You mentioned that you guys were at peace during courtship to the extent of her getting pregnant, so which means all the trouble started when you start delaying marriage. Moreover, she's pregnant and alot of hormones could make her to be acting up.

Before you take the divorce route, give peace a chance and see if there could be peaceful coexistence between you two, If after all efforts no result then you can go for it.

op , pls ignore this oo
I dislike these words 'have u sat down to have a conversation with her ?"Always coming from the female gender..
After all the rubbish they have performed ,
U want op to sit down with who ?
The people who insulted and disgraced him publicly ?na wa oo..these gender never disappoints I swear

Mercylike:
May it not be possible in Jesus name.

You will Continue wit her and her family will keep frustrating u. Amen

Is it frustration that making you utter such words at the op?? What atually making you angry?? 😕