₦airaland Forum

Please what's your view on this matter.


I was deployed to a government owned secondary school for a year mandatory National Youths Service Corps (NYSC) program. I was taking SS1-3 science classes. I collaborated with two other fellow corp members in providing white marker board for all the classrooms (14 classrooms). It was a joint project during my service year and the money for the project was gotten from individual philanthropists, NGOs, Industries et al. The school management was very impressed. I was retained after the completion of my service. Although as a PTA teacher with a promise that I'd be absorbed in a year time (unfortunately nothing was done to that effect)

During my service year, i was sitting in the staff room but wasn't comfortable due to the level of gossip, non challant attitudes, laziness exhibited among the teaching staff (the male teachers are the worse) . I observed a particular teacher stood out among them all. Very discipline and upright. She's a senior staff (level 16) and she has her own office separately. I requested sharing the office with her and my request was granted. The school stopped using manual report sheets for the students and resorts to digital. I was helping this woman with her work. We became very close and i literally knew almost everything about her and her family. I have access to her phone, email, password, family et al.

This woman is married with 3 kids. Her first son is my age mate and he's about completing his youthservice. Her second son and last child (a girl) are still in school. I realised this woman is the breadwinner of her family.
She's the one bankrolling her family. She earned #328k monthly but go bankrupt before two weeks. She's responsible for her children tuition fees, accommodation,feeding etal. She buys food items and provisions from her colleague on credit. She will buy credit this month and pay for the one she bought last month. She took loan of 1m from bank to sort out family needs. I've been to her house and I've met her husband and children. That is how close we're. If i call her during weekend, her husband do pick the call if she's not around. This woman saved her husband's name as MY LOVE and she's the one bankrolling the family. Whenever the husband's call or she calls her husband. Her first statement is always HELLO LOVE.

The school pay me 30k as a PTA teacher and this woman do loan money from me too. That is how terrible her situation is. Sometimes she doesn't come to school due to her financial condition. God forgive me. Heaven knows I'm not mocking her. She borrowed 15k from me 1st of this month and she's yet to pay back. Any of her child can call complaining that they needed money in school right in my presence. This woman will asked if i could help her with something for her children. I don't even know how to say no. That was what led to the money i borrowed her. This woman looks inferior to her female colleagues, within and below her level.

We're very close and she never for once complain about her husband to me. I know the man isn't doing fine but this woman still love and respect him. This woman has made me go bankrupt. I now trekked to school now. I can't ask her for my money because i know she doesn't have. This woman is carrying the family burden. Her younger colleagues do gossip and make fun of her because she doesn't look like a level 16 staff. She has only one hair she often wore and has just 2 hand bag. I was discussing with her last week showing interest in farming at least to help alleviate our condition. We have access to land but there's no capital to farm. I reached out to the school principal if he could loan me 100k and hopefully i pay back monthly from my take home but my request wasn't approved. The principal claimed the school has lots of events for this term and the money left in the school account isn't enough yet. This woman is still paying back the 1m loan she collected from bank monthly. She doesn't have access to more loan.

This woman has just 5 years left in service and she doesn't have anything to her name. She uses all her earnings for her family and she never complained to me about it. Although she usually complain how things are hard for her family but she doesn't condemn or talk bad about her husband. This woman do asked her colleagues to lift her in their car to a particular place inorder to cut costs of transportation fare. I can't stop thinking about this woman and her family despite my own challenges. She's a devoted Christian woman but not sanctimonious.

She was telling me how her first son prostrated to her on his convocation day. Appreciating her for all her efforts towards him and his siblings and i was teary.

I'm just worried what would become of her after service.

Her choice to marry and procreate with a broke ass.

I try to mind my business and never you lend her a thime.

She understands the meaning of marriage.

The man is expected to be the main provider. But since the man, for an undisclosed reason, cannot provide for the home, what the woman is doing is not a crime in any law.

As long as the marriage is peaceful, she being the major provider is better than ending the marriage. She knows what she benefits from the marriage that is worth her sacrifice.

The post does not explain why the man is not the main provider for the home. The poster does not know why the woman is relentless in providing for the home. Every marriage has some secrets.

immortalcrown:
She understands the meaning of marriage.

Is that not too extreme for a woman whose husband is alive?

Someone earning 30k monthly is lending money to someone earning 328k monthly

GREATPIN77:
Is that not too extreme for a woman whose husband is alive?

Extreme in what sense?

The woman is earning 11 times of op but both of them are still poor. Omo this life no just balance.

I read this with sobriety.
All i can say here is that,there is no hope for anyone working in govt in Nigeria especially those in state ministries,federal ministries and other sub par offices.

Train ur children to be self employed,business owners and investors.

They can both be investors and self employed at the same time.

U see that govt job,I have been there and i am still
there...it is absolutely not sustainable but I don't wish it to any one in this life.

I know some people will come for me,but take my words and think ahead u will sure be better fo4 it.

Finally,that woman's husband is highly irresponsible and stupid.

immortalcrown:
Extreme in what sense?

no woman truly is obliged to take up such responsibility. Men are providers while women support. The woman is playing both roles in the family.

VTJN:
no woman truly is obliged to take up such responsibility. Men are providers while women support. The woman is playing both roles in the family.

1.
She knows the situation of her marriage. She knows what you don't know about her marriage.

2.
The man is expected to be the main provider. But what the woman is doing is not a crime in any law.

So, what is your point?

immortalcrown:
She understands the meaning of marriage.

That's not marriage but suffering.

Sapasenator:
That's not marriage but suffering.

Explain.

immortalcrown:
Explain.

A lazy man who has refused to work. It is ok to have a temporary set back as a man, it is totally wrong when the wife is slaving herself to feed the man and children.

Sapasenator:
A lazy man who has refused to work. It is ok to have a temporary set back as a man, it is totally wrong when the wife is slaving herself to feed the man and children.

Did she tell you that he refused to work?

immortalcrown:
Did she tell you that he refused to work?

He should work harder or smarter. Do not marry or have kids if not financially ready.
I never help such people as their hardships are self-inflicted

immortalcrown:
1.
She knows the situation of her marriage. She knows what you don't know about her marriage.

2.
The man is expected to be the main provider. But what the woman is doing is not a crime in any law.

So, what is your point?

and you think this really make sense to you? For a woman playing both roles in Nigeria? Using her family condition to affect op

Sapasenator:
He should work harder or smarter. Do not marry or have kids if not financially ready.
I never help such people as their hardships are self-inflicted

1.
Don't dodge the question. Did she tell you that he refused to work?

2.
Have I in any way encouraged anybody to marry and give birth to children when the person is not financially ready for the responsibility?

VTJN:
and you think this really make sense to you? For a woman playing both roles in Nigeria? Using her family condition to affect op

Explain why you think my comment does not make sense. Does she force the op to help her?

immortalcrown:
1.
Don't dodge the question. Did she tell you that he refused to work?

2.
Have I in any way encouraged anybody to marry and give birth to children when the person is not financially ready for the responsibility?

The woman is obviously the breadwinner in the family from the article so did the husband tell you he is handicapped? If he is working, why is the wife suffering to raise the family alone?

immortalcrown:
Explain why you think my comment does not make sense. Does she force the op to help her?

your point obviously doesn't make sense because the woman is playing the role of husband and wife at the same time. And she's also affecting another person struggling with life. Her 35 years in service is almost near and she has nothing to show for it. A married woman not a widow o. Even single mothers, their children father takes responsibility of their children.

Sapasenator:
The woman is obviously the breadwinner in the family from the article so did the husband tell you he is handicapped? If he is working, why is the wife suffering to raise the family alone?

Don't dodge the questions.

1.
Did she tell you that he refused to work?

2.
Have I in any way encouraged anybody to marry and give birth to children when the person is not financially ready for the responsibility?

It is illogical for you to ask me if the man is handicapped. I never said the man is handicapped. I never said it is good that the man is not working. I have not said anything to warrant that question from you. But my own questions are warranted by your statement.

immortalcrown:
Don't dodge the questions.

1.
Did she tell you that he refused to work?

2.
Have I in any way encouraged anybody to marry and give birth to children when the person is not financially ready for the responsibility?

It is illogical for you to ask me if the man is handicapped. I never said the man is handicapped. I never said it is good that the man is not working. I have not said anything to warrant that question from you. But my own questions are warranted by your statement.

I am done with your dumb questions.

VTJN:
your point obviously doesn't make sense because the woman is playing the role of husband and wife at the same time. And she's also affecting another person struggling with life. Her 35 years in service is almost near and she has nothing to show for it. A married woman not a widow o. Even single mothers, their children father takes responsibility of their children.

Until you explain how the woman forces the poster to help her, you are the senseless one here. Until you point out where I said it is good that the man is not working, you are the senseless one here.

Sapasenator:
I am done with your dumb questions.

You are the dumb one for being unable to defend your claim.

immortalcrown:
Extreme in what sense?

I pray for your daughters and sisters to end up like the woman. Say amen please

GREATPIN77:
I pray for your daughters and sisters to end up like the woman. Say amen please

Be it unto you according to your wishes for me.

As a matter of fact, what you wish me will happen to you in 100 folds, unless you point out where I wish any woman a poor husband.

immortalcrown:
Be it unto you according to your wishes for me.

As a matter of fact, what you wish me will happen to you in 100 folds, unless you point out where I wish any woman a poor husband.

Interesting

I thought she understand what marriage is? Won't your daughters and sisters understand what marriage truly is?

GREATPIN77:
Interesting
I thought she understand what marriage is? Won't your daughters and sisters understand what marriage truly is?

You cannot dodge the manifestation of my prayer in your life. It doesn't matter how you twist my statement.

I do not wish any woman a poor husband. My point is that poverty is not a reason to end a marriage. If my daughter gets married and her husband is unable to provide for the home but the marriage is peaceful and she can provide for the home, she should keep the marriage. How does this mean wishing my daughter a poor husband? Answer this question if you are not delusional.

GREATPIN77:
Interesting

I thought she understand what marriage is? Won't your daughters and sisters understand what marriage truly is?

Don't mind the mufo who does not know a lick what a marriage is all about.
Such women are often enablers of their indolent husbands.

This commenter above is just a coward who cannot directly quote me in the comment because he has no fact against me.

immortalcrown:
You cannot dodge the manifestation of my prayer in your life. It doesn't matter how you twist my statement.

I do not wish any woman a poor husband. My point is that poverty is not a reason to end a marriage. If my daughter gets married and her husband is unable to provide for the home but the marriage is peaceful and she can provide for the home, she should keep the marriage. How does this mean wishing my daughter a poor husband? Answer this question if you are not delusional.

your daughters and sisters too will understand what marriage is since they will end up like the woman. No need of dragging this matter too far