₦airaland Forum

pansophist:
They dont usually like the guy. Sexual tension is very hard to surpress, but easy if you dont find someone attractive. Most men for example can be in the same room with a fat naked woman and wont move at all, or be disgusted.

So when a lady is bringing the no sex before marriage vibe, she is probably seeing him as a retirement plan, to hold down, while she enjoy herself with other men who wont marry her.

If a girl has suggested that, even if she changed, just ignore henceforth. You will most likely starve sexually in marriage. Except in cases where she probably have repented, and disgusted about her past lifestyle, and hope you can understand.

Men dont mind waiting to have sex after marriage, but men dont like to hear that from a woman who has slept with other guys for nothing, but me that will marry you, you are giving me conditions.

pansophist:
Masturbation can be cured with its true replacement, which is sex with a woman that actually loves and desire you, just as you desire her. Any other method is just coping mechanism.

So not just empty sex from a fork mate, but organic sex that involves exclusivity, trust, vulnerability, passion, and respect.

You're humans, your body need sex. It's left for you to strategize ways on how to secure it, and making yourself desirable to a potential partner is the surest way.

emmaodet:
Now, this statement is 1 reason I don't take anything Love serious anymore.

What kind of Love will restrict my goals?
Most times, what we need to survive and become better in life is not always in our immediate environment.
You will have to go school in another state to better yourself knowledge wise, get a job in another state like Lagos or Abuja or PH or doing biz that will take you away from your immediate environment for days if not months and the so called Love a thing can barely withstand distance.
What kind of rubbish Love is that? Only a gullible will take Love serious.
Most Nigerians japa because sometimes, you just have to leave your immediate environment to get a better life.
I been away from my family since late July just to put food on my table yet a useless Love can barely float while experiencing distance.
Many gfs are been banged by besties in school because bf is working in far away Lagos.
Many messing themselves up in NYSC camp just for a few months distance from someone you claim to Love.
Many guys who japad gfs are been banged here in Nigeria while the guy is hustling 2/3 jobs so as to bring the woman he thinks he Loves.
Bro forget Love and go anywhere in the world to better yourself.
You will never regret it because when you are doing better, you will never be short of women.
We are always scared of losing our gfs during our broke state because we are afraid we won't get a better deal if we lose them. A man will be short of quality options when he is down and so become clingy and also taking bulshits and rubbish from their so called gfs but when you are opportuned to grow, you will look back and laugh at yourself and foolishness for trying to keep your Ex.
All the crying, begging and regular subtle insults you receive all just to make sure the relationship doesn't break. All the efforts you were putting just to make sure the relationship doesn't go south while the other partner doesn't care where it goes.
Adding values to yourself as a man is not to be debated.
It is a Must and non-negotiable else your eyes go see weeeeeeen

pansophist:
You're 29, so I assume you're talking to women younger than you, who are in their prime, and have loads of guys in her DM. So from your angle, it may just be only one girl you're chatting with, but to her, you are one of many.

And you must know that you're competing with all the guys she is talking to, and in many cases, you will rank low not because you are not a good choice, but because the competition out there is brutal, especially for financially unstable men.

You're handsome, that's good, but other guys in her DM may be handsome and richer, and taller. She will go for the best. But by going for the best men, it doesn't mean those men mean well for her.

Women mostly go for the same kind of men, a very tiny percentage, because most men are not desirable to women. But since other women are also interested in the man she she is seeing, she unknowingly becomes his concubine, especially when sex is involved.

So yes, while she is thinking that she has found the one, he is thinking that he has found another option to change for the weekend. This is the situation many girls are in without knowing. Including the girl you're talking to probably.

He won't tell her about her usefulness in his life, same way women don't tell men that they are simps and are only useful to her for cash and attention. If a woman is in the sexzone of a man, she won't know as well. So your sweetheart is probably in a polygamous relationship.

Men generally have no standards when it comes to sex, women do (except prostitutes). And because she gives sex to the man that she likes, it's not the same for him. To him, It's just another day but to her, she is emotionally invested and dreaming of a future with him.

This is something old culture understood, hence they made sure women are married before having sex, since that's the only way a man's commitment is guaranteed, and because anything out side of that, is just she giving herself away for nothing and devaluing her value.

So lots of these girls are chilling in the sex zone of their first choice, just as you are chilling in their friend zone. Hence you hear women saying they dated a narcissist. It may be true, because if every woman wants you as a man, you'll develop narcissistic tendencies too.

Men earn Narcissism, but women are narcissistic because simps made them so. Men that are narcissist because they've worked hard to become desirable many women wants them, but women are narcissistic because of all the simps in their DM.

For example dating sites always releases matching data. Okcupid for example shows that most women swipe NO to most men, meanwhile, most men swipe YES to most women. If you're a fat, ugly woman on dating sites, the loads of attention you will get from simps will make you an egoistic narcissist.

The tiny percentage women swipe yes to are enjoying most women, ejaculating and evacuating. She will be so happy to be with such man, but to him, she is just a temporary option, just as the men in her friendzone.

The dynamic is one giant shitshake.

So what is the solution now? Well, the solution will always be to increase your value as man. I know it's hard. This is Nigeria, but the solution makes no exceptions and is unforgiving. It's why polygamy is a thing, since few men actually satisfies women desire.

Most importantly, the girls you're talking to won't mature until the attention dries up. Also, a man becomes mature when he stops giving attention. High value men get attention, low value men gives it.

So pick your battle, or poison. Work extremely hard to be up there, and pick your choice of women, polygamy is even allowed, after all, you've suffered enough. Or wait for the attention drugs that your future wife is enjoying that prevents her maturity to finish (as she gets older), then you marry her as her last option.

Sorry.

pansophist:
The opposite of friend-zone is sex-zone. Lots of girls that locked men in their friend zone Ironically may be chilling in the sex-zone of the man they want. Since women typically pursue the same kind of men, the price to pay is sharing (aka polygamy).

She is only aware of her attraction to him, not other girls in his rotational list. Many girls genuinely thinks they are his one and only, but to him, she is just one of many. She is in a polygamous relationship without signing up for one.

Just as men confuse female friendship with romance, these 'Alan Shearers" also confuse sex with commitment. For women, they assume that because you guys are having sex (or even kissed), that a relationship has begun. Meanwhile for the man, it's just another day.

This cold fact is what traditional societies understood, hence they want women to marry before having sex. Because the only time a woman is guaranteed of a man's commitment is under marriage, not relationship.

And the more she is having sex in every relationship she enters, the more she makes herself less desirable for the kind of men she really wants. Men are in competition with a woman's past, and for a good reason. Her past becomes the reference he will everly be compared with.

The dirtier the past, the more bullshit he has to deal with in the relationship. She would be less satisfied sexually, materially, emotionally et, because other men before him have messed her up. Modern women call it sexual liberation, but I call it sexual degredation.

This is also why it's very hard for some women to grasp the fact that men can fork and go, with no feelings attached. Sex for men is physical, not emotional. This also explains prostitution.

But most importantly, a girl can not lock you in the friend zone without your acceptance. Cut yourself off, no one will care about you than yourself. So yea. If she is not reciprocating equally, or waiting on the first floor while you've walked to the 10th floor, leave her there and move on.

pansophist:
1. Attaching morality to social status is wrong. There are poor/rich loyal people, as well as poor/rich unfaithful people.

2. Me think that any man that ditched a lady that was there for him in his unripen stage just because she is not posh enough is an idiot. And should not complains when the karashikas of the world deals with him.

3. Reasonable guys are mostly after women that was there before they made it big, simply because her virtue have been tested, trusted, and have stood the test of time. Think of Tuface, P square etc.

4. Lots of my friends abroad usually travel home to marry girls they were dating before leaving Nigeria. They simply do not trust women that they met at the ripped stage of their life. And as a man, I can tell you this is how the male mind works.

5. If you see a man committing to a woman he met at the ripe stage of his life, she probably also have her own life together. She doesn't needs him for survival. So he is convinced that she loves him for him. Anything apart from this hardly happens.

6. If a lady broke up with a man that she struggled with, it is wrong to interprete it only through the angle of status. That he left her because he is rich.

7. She might have hold him down as the last option while she shops around, cheat on him, and as usual, billings and bad attitudes. But one thing I can always count on women is their natural ability to portray themselves as victims.

8. Perhaps I can admit that the worse a smart man will do is to just hang around with other women out there, but the loyal one at home has captured his heart and commitment guaranteed. He might fork the one outside, have fun with them, but will never wife them.

9. Don't forget that these successful men experienced the pains, rejections and invisibility these women ditch to them when they were building up. So he knows a good woman when he finds one, and won't mistake attractive body outside to the jewel he has inside.

10. So perhaps, if there are men that ditch good women when they became wealthy, they are the minority. And as usual, the tiny minority are used to judge all men.

11. Same way some foolish women judge society as patriarchal just because few men exist on top, meanwhile, the majority of men exist under, that everyday of their life is nothing but agony.

12. The idea that because a lady struggled with a man suddenly makes her virtuous is nonsense. And what do lady mean by this struggle with a man?

13. As I see it, two broke people were dating each other, but somehow for some weird reason, the lady sees herself as struggling with him. In other words, she has no responsibility towards herself to be financially sufficient.

14. She was patiently waiting like a dog to eat the fattest bone, and her wait is a virtue in her eyes. Nothing wrong with that, but what about your own financial independence? Or how else can a woman effectively supports a man without money in the picture?

15. So When the guy become wealthy and don't want to deal with such lady for valid reasons, he becomes a bad person. Mind you, she probably bills him everytime during dating, but because he lack female options due to his status, he endured.

16. And this are usually what happens when women make this statement of struggling with a man. Of course I'm not discounting the genuine cases of bad men (eg like the narration of romanoff above, but it's not black and white. There are lots of nuances in every story.

pansophist:
The simple meaning of the statement in layman's term is that marriage will not cure your loneliness. Marriage can only cures your singlehood, not loneliness. Marriage is a mirror. If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. If you're not interested in yourself, people won't find you interesting. And If you're lonely alone, you'll be lonely in Marriage.

Your partner can not cure your loneliness even if they try. It's an inside job every individual must contend with. It's an existential burden, which is, you can't love someone to a point that you'll prevent them from dying, and it's the same with loneliness. The cure to loneliness is to commit to something that brightens your life. Be it a writer, a sport person, or trying to leave a mark on the world.

One must live their life in such a way that everyday seems like a new life, where they are a new born, and the world around them is marvelous and interesting to them. Now think about this, children are not lonely, unless of course their parent prevent them from going outside and explore the world. To kids, everyday is magic, to play, experience and grow. The aeroplane that you don't notice anymore when it passes, you'll see kids jumping and pointing at it.

But it's sad that as many grow into adult, they stop exploring, seeing the world in its infinite fairy tale, that the world in its rich beauty and diversity, becomes boring to them, like a empty room. Lots of people having kids discovered that they could re lived their childhood, because that roaming goat you ignored, your kid would chase it around, and find it interesting.

Marriage is basically where two people that are happy with their life 100%, comes together, to merge as one, becoming a better 100%. Just like you add a detergent to bowl of water, it will foam, but if you add another sachet of detergent, it will foam even more intensely, and tougher on dirt. Because its two sachet of detergent doesn't makes it 200%, but became a stronger 100% inside the bowl. So going into a marriage when lonely with one life won't cure it, but you'll find yourself there, and even worse because your partner would suffer for your lack of internal sophistication.

pansophist:
As you grow into puberty and sexual maturity (12 years on avergae for boys), your hormones will rage for sexual stimulations and activities, and if you aint having sex, masturbation can be an outlet to push out those burning desire within.

Getting a girlfriend and practicing safe sex helps. You cant surpress sexual energy, its there, you only need an healthy outlet for it. So focus your energy in getting a gf. I am not sure how old you are, but bros, you need to look good. Do masculine things like lifting weight, look good and dress well. Get busy, and focus your energy and frustration in getting better. Pick a skills and do it well, and with time as you grow, you will have option and meet lots of women who would genuinely like you.

All those negative emotions you have surpressed inside you (yes you have it, I am a man and I have been through that stage), is a bio-fuel needed to make you fight all odds to get out your natural despicable state. Men by their circumstances of birth have no value whatsoever, hence, our SMV (sexual market value) are not automatic like women, but worked for. If a man do nothing worthy with his life, even at 35 years, the peak of male smv, a man shall still be invinsible to women and undervalued by society. male smv is worked for. I am not sure how old you are, but I suspect that you are really young, and still passing through the typical male reality of finding himself in a world that sees him as disposable.

When you understand this realities that surround maleness, you will be able to navigate life with a sense of assurance and hope of a brighter days ahead. So suck it up, and those bitter emotions you feel should be used to transform yourself. Look around you, the world is built on male suffering and the need to prove themselves, and you must prepare yourself for these realities. These energies and dynamics plays in the background, even though current society treats men and women like they are not distinct. Both genders are educated the same way, marked the same way, etc, but in the end, humans tends to revert to the natural blueprint. Do not fall for the nonsense of being emotionally expressive and talk about your feelings, those are feminine energy, not masculine. Men do things, not talk about it. Stoicism is a fundamental quality of strong men, start cultivating it. This to shall pass.

JESHAL007:
I can tell you for free that the average man is very self-conscious about his broke state, and the unrealistic material needs of women exacerbate it. Being a good man doesn't cut it anymore. You have to 'not be broke' first, then she will care if he is good.

Also about looks, women are far more selective in looks than men. Of course, a woman will be with a man who doesn't turn her on lookwise, but that raw feminine sexual desire that burns like a furnace is something she will not give to him.

And sadly, he will never know he is missing that from her because he has never experienced it

mablie:
The Number 2 is nothing but "Magical Thinking" bullshit.

Apologises for my dismissiveness but the Number 2 is what it is,"Magical Thinking" bullshit.

Roarke:
That magical thinking bullshit is why my networth is in 8 figures a little shy of 9 figures. We're not on the same frequency so it won't make sense to you and that's fine. It like someone who spent his whole life simping to get women when he's introduced to a better way of getting women without simping he can't relate because he's been trained all his life to believe simping is the only way to get women.

GymVideographer:
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mablie:
Baba,you did not start making 8 figures because you wished/fantasized about making 8 figures and sat down doing nothing.

In reality,you visualized about making 8 figures & more,developed skill/s that would enable you to acquire such amount,worked hard at the skill/s and constantly improved on them,developed financial discipline,you exercised patience & were consistent/intentional in your actions.

These are generally an individual's steps to success in many facets in life not all these "Magical Thinking" brouhaha in your former post.

Success does not just magically happen,there are actions we must all broadly follow inorder to achieve it.

Faber:
3. Your handshake will determine if she likes you or not.

JESHAL007:
modern-day women are not interested in relationships. It is men forcing them into a relationship and it is also disheartening that men will sacrifice their lives, values, and reputation just to secure this damaged set of women.

There is a problem with modern man. Is as if he's under a spell, or be programmed to run against himself. However, it is a lack of awareness and the search for love and sex that leads them astray

JESHAL007:
Sexual urge would always be there, even sometimes ugly girls would be sexually appealing because you are craving sex badly and you are in scarcity, no matter the stupid choice you make whether it's randomly approaching girls on the streets or on social media,watching porn and masturbating, patronising prostitutes always remember this is a weakness, a very powerful and dangerous weakness, lust, your mind agrees with the truth on it but it's not disciplined enough to stop the body, the hormones are powerful and overwhelming, you want to fucck anything and everything in skirt, it becomes a deadly habit, get a girlfriend because no matter what you do, sexual urge is like hunger and thirst, it's primitive, it's not something that you can stop just like that, no matter how many redpills you swallow.


If anybody here has any suggestions on what to do you can contribute, because this is one of the core of redpill, it's where simping starts

JESHAL007:
Don't have soulmate, don't have onetitis, don't be a mumu, don't be a fool, there is no special one, don't fall in love stupidly and easily, have plenty specs, create abundance, crave many women,have options because once you place a girl on the pedestal you automatically enter her frame trying to please her,you worship her, you start simping for her

Martinez39s:
Just read the discussion.

(1) The truth is that from the start of the human race, MOST men work tirelessly to put themselves in a favourable position where they qualify to procreate (ie. where they possess the qualities and resources that will make females be open to them). Passing on genes (aka "carrying on the family name" ) has always been a big thing for men; in fact, for many millenia, most men considered it a taboo, underachievement or curse if they didn't pass on their genes or they raised another man's children. As it has been right from time, most men are not alphas and most men want to establish families to pass on their genes; so in order to solve their reproductive issue, they had to work hard, compete with other men and be creative/innovative in getting resources to get the ladies. The hard work and innovation that results from this need to pass on one's gene are some of the major driving forces of civilisation. To procreate, you need women, and after getting women, you must have sex. If women's standard changed tomorrow and women didn't mind going for broke and fat men, most men would not achieve much and they would be satisfied with the barest minimum since it doesn't take much for men to survive and be happy. Most won't even go to the gym. This is how most men are.

This what Ubunja and emmaodet have been trying to say; maybe they should have used the word "procreation."

(2) Asides procreation, most men can't control their sexual urges and simping is getting bigger with ever generation. Secondly, there is this natural tendency for men to seek and pursue female validation and attention; they bask in these and can even badmouth their fellow men for this. Let's not forget how men brag about scoring chicks. These also contributes to many men seeking resources to get females.

(3) Lastly, I will have to admit that not all men achieve things because of procreation or women. Throughout history, a lot of men have pursue things and achieve things for love and passion. Some are motivated by their quest for knowledge; some are motivated by ideologies; some are motivated by self-love and living life to fullest; some were broke and faced a lot of disrespect and decided to get rich to stop nonsense; some lost relatives unnecessarily because of lack of money and they decided such will never happen again. I can list many more cases where people do things and achieve greatly without having procreation in mind or as their end goal. I can say much more, but let me stop here. These men are many, but their number greatly pales in comparison to the men that are in category (1).

CaveAdullam:
1. I know that men are hopeless romantics. But we are in a new social system. Learn not to fall in love. If you must, remember the 80/20 principle. Let her love for you be higher than yours and not vice-versa.

2. Don't beg a woman to see reasons with you. The moment you start going back and forth with her, it verifies why she must leave you.

3. Don't invest in dumb women. Don't be blinded by beauty and sex.

4. When she says a STERN NO, please, let her go. Even if you force her to say yes, it will be done out of pity for you. Meanwhile, you're the only one riding the relationship. Probably, to the Sahara desert.

5. Don't try to lead a woman who isn't under your authority. Women that want to be treated as scapegoats shouldn't be obstructed.

6. Don't be romantically merciful. She wouldn't do the same for you. Women are pragmatic with sexual relationships. They know when to detour as the relationship tastes sour.

7. Don't tell her what to do. A woman who loves you will ask you what to do because she sees you as her leader and protector.

8. Telling her to go there, stay here, do that, don't say that, makes her feel like a slave. Women are a conundrum in their raw existence. Factor in a highly neurotic woman who can't sustain her home causes the man many problems.

9. Long distance relationship is a four cardinal sin. Avoid it. The closer you are to any woman, the higher your influence. And vice-versa.

10. There is no way to avoid catching feelings. When she is kind, modest, beautiful, and sensible you will want to jump off the cliff. But don't do that.

Learn to minimize your feelings. Or, hide it. Once she senses this over-the-roof feeling for her she deems herself your idol. Be cautious.

Thanks.