₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
Being unhappily married is worse for kids. You are an adult with will, so please come out of your bad marriage. If there is anything acceptable, it is practical lessons on where and how you got it wrong.

The successful young men shouldn't marry and when they don't, they should allow us hear word. Some of us do not notice who is married or not. Neither do we use it as a yardstick or shaming tool.

Easily said in theory, you think an average Nigerian lady will allow the husband divorce when the man is the breadwinner?

Nnamdipapa:
Easily said in theory, you think an average Nigerian lady will allow the husband divorce when the man is the breadwinner?

When did Nigerian women start stopping their husbands from divorcing, please?

Going through the comments here while comparing them to what I read online by foreigners (Westerners) and articles about marriage by East Asians shows a stark difference in cultural thoughts towards the institution of marriage. In South Korea, birth rates have plummeted so badly that an entire generation would be lost. In the West, many young women are letting go of marriage while men are sex-starved (both single and married). An entire generation of folks would have no children or partners in the next two decades. How society would be is an interesting feature to look forward to.

Nevertheless, I believe as social animals that we, just like other animals, crave companionship and an offspring of our own. How to reconcile this fact in a hyper-individualistic world like ours today is the issue. But I really look forward to the results of this new social development.

Kobojunkie:
Mumus like OP are unfortunately born every minute! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

guy man no insult Pls ,just share your thoughts and move on like others pls

accused:
guy man no insult Pls ,just share your thoughts and move on like others pls

I no insult! Just calling a spade, a spade!

Emma09:
Love and marriage is a beautiful thing. I got into a very wrong marriage in 2012. After 6 yrs in 2018, I got separated for 5yrs and remarried in 2023. Divorce proceedings is on it's final stage in the court now. My marriage is now a bliss. OP, no let anyone deceive you about marriage o. There are still good and beautiful women out there with a good heart. Just pray make u see a good one like my wife. Omo, My woman is God sent. She has made me forget all my 5yrs of turmoil and wandering around in the wilderness journey of life. I love you more wifey.

You are still in the first year of your marriage. Come back and say the same thing after 5 years.

We4all:
You are still in the first year of your marriage. Come back and say the same thing after 5 years.

No mind am because he has forgotten the first marriage too lasted for 5years before they knew each other very well and now this is d first year for d new wife and he has started chantting love love love 😂😆

advanceDNA:
Nor marry for love ...na wetin dey kill guys be that...marry strategically, ....see beyond the superficial....I know its not easy because most men are carnally driven and will first see brezz and shédí bàlà bàlà before they remember to look out for traits like kindness, empathy, team player, humility..etc

At the end of the day....nor overthink am...if u end marrying wèrèy...no let anybody blackmail u with marriage is not for kids so u should remain frustrated, putting up with you wife's crazy behavior.....lè wèrèy sî gbó.....if she nor gree comot....leave am for house...

Co signed

Jestin:
I am more than happy my brother. Getting married to the right woman is just the koko. Take time to court her and understand each other . I will say it loud again , I have never regretted my actions one day . Sometimes when I go out to chill with my single friends, I kinda feel sorry for some seeing that they re still living the life we lived 12 to 15 ago. Relationship stress, still spending on olosho to cure Konji, still drinking heavily and keeping late nights.

You can be married and still spend money to cure Konji, No matter how you try you can never understand female gender, they change character Pass APC. Above all do not go broke!.

Gerrard59:
The solution is marry someone who LIKES you even though modern women are built not to deeply like men. Have fewer children. Prepare financially for old age. Exercise. Learn to be independent - the reason financial stability is important. While one does not wish for divorce, be open to it. No die put for marriage. That worked then. In an individualistic world, as we have, the era of willing to die for wife and children has passed. Again, have fewer children. All man for himself. God for us all.

P.S. The bold is worse than marrying a woman.

Gerrard59:
Nevertheless, I believe as social animals that we, just like other animals, crave companionship and an offspring of our own. How to reconcile this fact in a hyper-individualistic world like ours today is the issue. But I really look forward to the results of this new social development.

The ultimate solution FOR MEN is try and accumulate enough money to invest in SURROGACY. Like Anderson Cooper of CNN did it. I know TWO Nigerians living in the USA that went to Nigeria and did it. The fertility medicine industry in Nigeria is booming, the quality and outcomes for various problems are good.

Surprisingly it seems marriages in Nigeria are breaking down just as much as the ones in the US&UK. The kinds of things happening among middle class married people in Nigeria is very surprising.

Anyway surrogacy is best. Then one can have a strictly sexual relationship with whoever, with no legal or emotional pitfalls.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

IbeOkehie:
The ultimate solution FOR MEN is try and accumulate enough money to invest in SURROGACY. Like Anderson Cooper of CNN did it. I know TWO Nigerians living in the USA that went to Nigeria and did it. The fertility medicine industry in Nigeria is booming, the quality and outcomes for various problems are good. Surprisingly it seems marriages in Nigeria are breaking down just as much as the ones in the US&UK. The kinds of things happening among middle class married people in Nigeria is very surprising. Anyway surrogacy is best. Then one can have a strictly sexual relationship with whoever, with no legal or emotional pitfalls.
Good Luck to Nigerians.

You have once stated, which is a fact anyway, that the best environment to raise children is the two-parent household. The children raised in that environment outperform those raised in different arrangements of upbringing. So, why advocate for surrogacy when it goes against the tenets of the two-parent household?

rapheal5:
You can be married and still spend money to cure Konji, No matter how you try you can never understand female gender, they change character Pass APC. Above all do not go broke!.

This is the worst thing that can happen to a black man in this world. Better to be a dead black man than a poor black man especially if hope no dey of breaking out of that poverty.

Gerrard59:
You have once stated, which is a fact anyway, that the best environment to raise children is the two-parent household. The children raised in that environment outperform those raised in different arrangements of upbringing. So, why advocate for surrogacy when it goes against the tenets of the two-parent household?

The best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk or cost of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. You can stop reading right here if you wish.

So surrogacy is best. Then if the man wants to get married, he can get a vasectomy, invest in LEGAL PROCESSES to protect his assets from ANYONE, then sign a PRENUP and get married. This is a recommendation from a seasoned family affairs lawyer.

Very fine distinctions, indeed.

Just as a free market is best for economic development and anyone can make reasonable exceptions for healthcare.

Migration from Nigeria is best, but there are people doing fabulously in Nigeria.

I used to be a big absolutist about marriage, but times have changed. I have females in my social circle that I've talked to about this, young BLACK AFRICAN and Asian Indian women, both migrants and USA born. In fact two of these young women, their parents asked us to talk to them BECAUSE they were so anti-marriage. We sat down and discussed heart to heart, in depth.

The females born in Africa are the most radically anti-marriage. These are educated, financially stable women from good families. One of them, an exceptionally beautiful lady, after listening to all our talk, just said, and I quote her word for word - "well, I'm just selfish, I just don't want any kind of compromise in my life at all, I just want to do what I want". Oh, by the way...her sister got engaged to a medical doctor and was asked to sign a prenup. She refused and they ended the relationship. This was maybe 10 years ago.

The "selfish" girl GOT MARRIED to a well to do guy, divorced after a few years and two kids, sued for half of assets and child support. She got a paid off townhouse. And as I write this is enjoying her life and dispensing relationship advice on Facebook & Tik-Tok. This is real, as in this is a real person. And I've already talked about how many 2nd generation young men of Nigerian background here in the USA have SHOCKED me with their preference for single parenthood over marriage. It was these young men, a couple of whom I babysat as toddlers, that convinced me to modify my views.

Oga Gerrard, men are being put through some terrible things in the US & UK because of marriage and many are POWERLESS to defend themselves due to the LAWS. So I've modified my views on marriage accordingly. It's the best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. While acknowledging happy marriage promotes good mental & physical health and even PROLONGS life, everyone should weigh their status and options and act accordingly.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

It’s natural to lose some of the excitement about something once you’ve been through it yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean the thing is bad, but your perspective changes with experience. As a pro-marriage advocate on this forum for over a decade and as someone who experienced a solid marriage to a perfect and complete "Proverbs 31" woman for a few years, I can say I no longer advise people to get married—except for consecrated Christians who are committed to avoiding the sin of fornication. Marriage has serious complexities that are absolutely beyond your control, and I’ve come to understand that it's not for everyone.

Don't get it twisted, though. Relationships these days are harder and more challenging. The only difference is that in a relationship, you can easily get out, but in marriage, you can't and often won't. I still believe that two heads are better than one—after all, 1 + 1 equals 2. But in mathematics, it takes less than a millisecond to add 1 + 1 to get 2. In marriage, that simple math can take two weeks to solve.

Finally, take some time to ask why they advise you against getting married. If their concerns are about money and you know you're not financially stable in terms of savings, earnings, or overall stability, I would join them in advising you to reconsider your decision. If you must proceed, open up totally to your woman before you dive in, and this is not even a threat, lol. Na only she go protect you when and where it matters.

Acidosis:
As a pro-marriage advocate on this forum for over a decade and as someone who experienced a solid marriage to a perfect and complete "Proverbs 31" woman for a few years, I can say I no longer advise people to get married—except for consecrated Christians who are committed to avoiding the sin of fornication. Marriage has serious complexities that are absolutely beyond your control, and I’ve come to understand that it's not for everyone.

I am challenged by this.
May God bless her soul.

Nicepoker:
Others said more than this. Today they are singing another song.

Why did you quote him

I just laughed and scroll pass when i saw the comment😂

Adults with Kids brain comment aren't hard to decipher.

The best way for MOST human beings most especially the Stupid Ones to gain Real Experience is to learn the HARDEST WAYS. It works all the Time. I have been there too until i attained Full Consciousness!

PS:I don't advice stupid people. It's one of my CORE Principles.

Esthered:
I am challenged by this.
May God bless her soul.

Amen 🙏 🕊️🕊️

Acidosis:
Amen 🙏 🕊️🕊️

I just mailed you.

Jestin:
I have been married for 9yrs now and never for once regretted my actions. I sometimes feel pity for men above 35yrs and still single . I for nor forgive myself if I was still single at this age

PITY Yourself Nigger!

You are Pitying people who are Drama Free, Independent, Freedom, Have Ample Time and living their best lives while they are the ones Pitying you who is inside a Prison. Wetin musa no go see for gate.😂

Pathetic Nigerian men and women with Mental Delusion😂

We4all:
You are still in the first year of your marriage. Come back and say the same thing after 5 years.

What you must understand is Most Humans are Unconsciously unconscious so they easily get carried away by Mundane Things. So leave them be to always satisfy their non-lasting Desires before they call you a Sadist

I can see you are a REALIST as well. Welldone.

Who is this nuisance above me trying so hard to spread his bile and misery. If you did not have a good marriage kindly allow those who have one or are looking forward to one to enjoy theirs. Enough of your poisonous bile. You are like a restless snake looking for who to bite when nobody is looking for you.

IbeOkehie:
The best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk or cost of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. You can stop reading right here if you wish. So surrogacy is best. Then if the man wants to get married, he can get a vasectomy, invest in LEGAL PROCESSES to protect his assets from ANYONE, then sign a PRENUP and get married. This is a recommendation from a seasoned family affairs lawyer.

Very fine distinctions, indeed. Just as a free market is best for economic development and anyone can make reasonable exceptions for healthcare. Migration from Nigeria is best, but there are people doing fabulously in Nigeria. I used to be a big absolutist about marriage, but times have changed. I have females in my social circle that I've talked to about this, young BLACK AFRICAN and Asian Indian women, both migrants and USA born. In fact two of these young women, their parents asked us to talk to them BECAUSE they were so anti-marriage. We sat down and discussed heart to heart, in depth. The females born in Africa are the most radically anti-marriage. These are educated, financially stable women from good families. One of them, an exceptionally beautiful lady, after listening to all our talk, just said, and I quote her word for word - "well, I'm just selfish, I just don't want any kind of compromise in my life at all, I just want to do what I want". Oh, by the way...her sister got engaged to a medical doctor and was asked to sign a prenup. She refused and they ended the relationship. This was maybe 10 years ago. The "selfish" girl GOT MARRIED to a well to do guy, divorced after a few years and two kids, sued for half of assets and child support. She got a paid off townhouse. And as I write this is enjoying her life and dispensing relationship advice on Facebook & Tik-Tok. This is real, as in this is a real person. And I've already talked about how many 2nd generation young men of Nigerian background here in the USA have SHOCKED me with their preference for single parenthood over marriage. It was these young men, a couple of whom I babysat as toddlers, that convinced me to modify my views.

Oga Gerrard, men are being put through some terrible things in the US & UK because of marriage and many are POWERLESS to defend themselves due to the LAWS. So I've modified my views on marriage accordingly. It's the best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. While acknowledging happy marriage promotes good mental & physical health and even PROLONGS life, everyone should weigh their status and options and act accordingly.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

I do agree that times have changed, and people, especially young men, should change with the times. No wonder marriage rates, ditto birth rates, have plunged across the West. The same applies to East Asia, but here, the women don't fancy single parenthood as it is a straight path to poverty. Although, the situation in South Korea is way worse compared to China and Japan.

In a decade or two, there would be many single adults in their 40s and 50s without a partner and children. I want to see how society would be by then.

Esthered:
I just mailed you.

Okay. I've responded.

Gerrard59:
I do agree that times have changed, and people, especially young men, should change with the times. No wonder marriage rates, ditto birth rates, have plunged across the West. The same applies to East Asia, but here, the women don't fancy single parenthood as it is a straight path to poverty. Although, the situation in South Korea is way worse compared to China and Japan.

In a decade or two, there would be many single adults in their 40s and 50s without a partner and children. I want to see how society would be by then.

The women will always have children in societies with welfare systems that cater to them and also because men have higher concentrations of testosterone Especially the BEAUTIFUL WOMEN at the 90 percentile, they're the biggest winners in all this, followed by the 90 percentile MEN measured in beauty, POWER and wealth. Anyone getting involved with the opposite sex should avoid these kinds of people, they have options that they can exercise at any time. Not worth the risk, especially in lawless places like Nigeria.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

IbeOkehie:
Oga Gerrard, men are being put through some terrible things in the US & UK because of marriage and many are POWERLESS to defend themselves due to the LAWS. So I've modified my views on marriage accordingly. It's the best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. While acknowledging happy marriage promotes good mental & physical health and even PROLONGS life, everyone should weigh their status and options and act accordingly.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

Mr Ibe, this your comment sweet me plenty o. Abeg, I want to know about the prenup. How does one go about it? What's its content?

IbeOkehie:
The best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk or cost of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. You can stop reading right here if you wish.

So surrogacy is best. Then if the man wants to get married, he can get a vasectomy, invest in LEGAL PROCESSES to protect his assets from ANYONE, then sign a PRENUP and get married. This is a recommendation from a seasoned family affairs lawyer.

Very fine distinctions, indeed.

Just as a free market is best for economic development and anyone can make reasonable exceptions for healthcare.

Migration from Nigeria is best, but there are people doing fabulously in Nigeria.

I used to be a big absolutist about marriage, but times have changed. I have females in my social circle that I've talked to about this, young BLACK AFRICAN and Asian Indian women, both migrants and USA born. In fact two of these young women, their parents asked us to talk to them BECAUSE they were so anti-marriage. We sat down and discussed heart to heart, in depth.

The females born in Africa are the most radically anti-marriage. These are educated, financially stable women from good families. One of them, an exceptionally beautiful lady, after listening to all our talk, just said, and I quote her word for word - "well, I'm just selfish, I just don't want any kind of compromise in my life at all, I just want to do what I want". Oh, by the way...her sister got engaged to a medical doctor and was asked to sign a prenup. She refused and they ended the relationship. This was maybe 10 years ago.

The "selfish" girl GOT MARRIED to a well to do guy, divorced after a few years and two kids, sued for half of assets and child support. She got a paid off townhouse. And as I write this is enjoying her life and dispensing relationship advice on Facebook & Tik-Tok. This is real, as in this is a real person. And I've already talked about how many 2nd generation young men of Nigerian background here in the USA have SHOCKED me with their preference for single parenthood over marriage. It was these young men, a couple of whom I babysat as toddlers, that convinced me to modify my views.

Oga Gerrard, men are being put through some terrible things in the US & UK because of marriage and many are POWERLESS to defend themselves due to the LAWS. So I've modified my views on marriage accordingly. It's the best environment for CHILDREN, yes. For society, yes. For building wealth, yes. For ADULT MEN, no, because the risk of MARRIAGE to the mother of his children is VERY HIGH...it can cast him into poverty or prison. While acknowledging happy marriage promotes good mental & physical health and even PROLONGS life, everyone should weigh their status and options and act accordingly.

Good Luck to Nigerians.

[quote author=IbeOkehie post=132396761]Mr Ibe, this your comment sweet me plenty o. Abeg, I want to know about the prenup. How does one go about it? What's its content?

haybhi1:
Mr Ibe, this your comment sweet me plenty o. Abeg, I want to know about the prenup. How does one go about it? What's its content?

That's easy to find...Google makes EVERYTHING easy to research. At least a starting point.

https://www.google.com/search?q=prenuptial+agreements&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS1037US1037&oq=prenuptial+agreements&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyCQgAEEUYORiABDIHCAEQABiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIHCAUQABiABDIHCAYQABiABDIHCAcQABiABDIHCAgQABiABDIHCAkQABiABNIBCTEwODg0ajFqNKgCALACAA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/prenuptial-agreements-overview-29569.html

Good Luck to Nigerians

accused:
These are narrative from friends all around me since I declare my intention that guy it's time I settle down for marriage,but I keep hearing this same words from friends and even my guys abroad. That guy I re very lucky . forget that move and look for a baby mama.

How ever you go about it just be cautious

accused:
guy man no insult Pls ,just share your thoughts and move on like others pls

nice moniker

advanceDNA:
Nor marry for love ...na wetin dey kill guys be that...marry strategically, ....see beyond the superficial....I know its not easy because most men are carnally driven and will first see brezz and shédí bàlà bàlà before they remember to look out for traits like kindness, empathy, team player, humility..etc

At the end of the day....nor overthink am...if u end marrying wèrèy...no let anybody blackmail u with marriage is not for kids so u should remain frustrated, putting up with you wife's crazy behavior.....lè wèrèy sî gbó.....if she nor gree comot....leave am for house...

U have said it all " marry strategically "

May God bless you .

A4alpha:
Choose your poison wisely, baby mama not very good neither is marriage better but be wise and also avoid court marriage like shii

Very matured advise .

God bless u