₦airaland Forum

Sirqt5:
Just give her some of ur 25 million naira for her to do da surgery for peace to reign

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

franugo:
What's the cosmetic surgery for exactly? Is there a part of her body that's deformed and needs correcting?

Fahvvy:
This is why elders say it is unwise to allow your wife know about your finances - whilst transparency is encouraged, women in general have shown a reputation of putting frivolities above the welfare of their man (and family) especially when finance is involved ...

And no, you're no being unreasonable, your wife is the one being selfish here ...

She has that much savings and yet she's not thinking of supporting the travels of the family, rather she's even suggesting that you take out of your budgeted travel funds for some unnecessary surgery ...

This may sound harsh, but then, if your wife is making a fuss outta this, then I pity what you'll face when you're out of Naija ...

But then again, don't make any assumptions, speak to her about it in the kindest of ways you can think of and try to make her understand why that surgery is unnecessary ...

I wish you good luck ...

franugo:
You can't blame the wife fully, maybe the cosmetic surgery is to correct a deformity or maybe the husband was the one that brought up the surgery in the first place, making the lady feel insecure.

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

Down2earth101:
My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later after she is done giving birth

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth



Men will always be one sided.... After reading the OP tales.. then itook my time to go through the comments ..

Almost all if not all sef made no sense... At the end they still body_shame the poor woman...

Now would you blame a lady for trying to look good just to avoid all this venomous gender

Men are the major problem of this world... They don't know what they want

They want a whhhooore who can be a wife at home and they also want a wife who can be a whooooreee in bed.. confused devil's spawns

Down2earth101:
My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later after she is done giving birth

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth

U r a Mumu lady

Men will always be one sided.... After reading the OP tales.. then itook my time to go through the comments ..

Almost all if not all sef made no sense... At the end they still body_shame the poor woman...

Now would you blame a lady for trying to look good just to avoid all this venomous gender

Men are the major problem of this world... They don't know what they want

They want a whhhooore who can be a wife at home and they also want a wife who can be a whooooreee in bed.. confused devil's spawns

galantjoe:
Your number 1 mistake is letting your wife know that you have 25 million naira in your savings

She won't leave you alone untill that money is zero. Trust womenfolk she will be bringing up unnecessary expenses to deplete that savings to zero. then she will rest and start another set of disturbance.

Now my advice, make fake business by start to talk about investing the money in crypto and using the profit for her surgery. Let say one month after investment, break the fake news that you have been duped that your 25m is gone. You should Cry like baby very well.

This is only way to put her attention away from that 25m. Otherwise she can kpai you in order to get that money to do plastic surgery. Fear women

Balancing:

I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury.

Lalami3232:

Oga I patiently took my time to read over 80% of your writeup because you may need some of my advice, especially the DNA one. The following na wetin I observe:
1. It's obvious say na you bring the idea of surgery because from the writeup, you say both of una don agree about am before getting married.
2. E be like say you dey make your wife feel insecure about her body, hence I see no reason for you talking about breast wey still standard or not.
3. Your wife dey inconsiderate for demanding such at this moment, considering say both of una dey get plan to leave the country.
4. Both of una na babies in reasoning
5. I go advise make una dey Nigeria because if una carry this kind mindset/reasoning abroad, E fit no pay una laslas.
6. You say you and your wife agree not to discuss una marital issue with third party but you bring am to nairaland. I guess we're the ninth party.
Oga see eeh, I don learn a big lesson from this nairaland and the lesson be say, I can never bring my marital issue here. Do you know why? The people wey go give you advice about your marriage here na mostly single people, mumu, divorcees, underage and DNA test merchants like me. Now you go pick from one of the numerous suggestions and use it on your marriage. What do you expect to be the outcome ? Anyways, if I no scratch my yansh for outside, people no go know say I get craw-craw for yansh.
What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news

Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall atall

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

Badmashiii:
You be confirmed simp. A typical mumu simp.

Lalami3232:

Oga I patiently took my time to read over 80% of your writeup because you may need some of my advice, especially the DNA one. The following na wetin I observe:
1. It's obvious say na you bring the idea of surgery because from the writeup, you say both of una don agree about am before getting married.
2. E be like say you dey make your wife feel insecure about her body, hence I see no
reason for you talking about breast wey still standard or not.
3. Your wife dey inconsiderate for demanding such at this moment, considering say both of una dey get plan to leave the country.
4. Both of una na babies in reasoning
5. I go advise make una dey Nigeria because if una carry this kind mindset/reasoning abroad, E fit no pay una laslas.
6. You say you and your wife agree not to discuss una marital issue with third party but you bring am to nairaland. I guess we're the ninth party.
Oga see eeh, I don learn a big lesson from this nairaland and the lesson be say, I can never bring my marital issue here. Do you know why? The people wey go give you advice about your marriage here na mostly single people, mumu, divorcees, underage and DNA test merchants like me. Now you go pick from one of the numerous suggestions and use it on your marriage. What do you expect to be the outcome ? Anyways, if I no scratch my yansh for outside, people no go know say I get craw-craw for yansh.
What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news

Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall atall

BigBrother9ja:
This is the main problem from marrying a non-virgin, aka street food and borehole.
They're unreasonable...
They're insatiable...
Their eyes will forever remain "outside...
You can never trust them...
They will also seek the atten and validation of men outside even though they have a man at home...
It's not yours, it's just your turn...

Lalami3232:

Oga I patiently took my time to read over 80% of your writeup because you may need some of my advice, especially the DNA one. The following na wetin I observe:
1. It's obvious say na you bring the idea of surgery because from the writeup, you say both of una don agree about am before getting married.
2. E be like say you dey make your wife feel insecure about her body, hence I see no reason for you talking about breast wey still standard or not.
3. Your wife dey inconsiderate for demanding such at this moment, considering say both of una dey get plan to leave the country.
4. Both of una na babies in reasoning
5. I go advise make una dey Nigeria because if una carry this kind mindset/reasoning abroad, E fit no pay una laslas.
6. You say you and your wife agree not to discuss una marital issue with third party but you bring am to nairaland. I guess we're the ninth party.
Oga see eeh, I don learn a big lesson from this nairaland and the lesson be say, I can never bring my marital issue here. Do you know why? The people wey go give you advice about your marriage here na mostly single people, mumu, divorcees, underage and DNA test merchants like me. Now you go pick from one of the numerous suggestions and use it on your marriage. What do you expect to be the outcome ? Anyways, if I no scratch my yansh for outside, people no go know say I get craw-craw for yansh.
What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news

Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall atall

ShescreamEWOOO:
Agreeing with your wife for a cosmetic surgery is a low for me, that's if she Doesn't have any deformity.
The thing is, even if you give her the whole 25 million naira and can't satisfy her in bed she will still go knack another man outside so therfore, if you have weak erection, quick ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and want to improve your girth reach click on my profile and reach me on WhatsApp with the number on my signature.

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.