₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
Nor vex.

You know the quality of homes some people come from when they support nonsense.

How can a husband have the audacity to call his mother-in-law to insult her because he has a fracas with his wife.

It is a different case if it was an issue involving the mother and it degenerated.

But to call your MIL from the blues to insult her?

Most people who condone nonsense are people from an abused home for the most part and their self-esteem is seriously eroded. That is why they can easily condone and fall for abusers.

Proserpina:
You get it!

What do you want them to say? No pastor will plainly tell you to separate from your partner before they are not misquoted and you see members leaving their marriages at the slightest provocations.
Pastors will only subtly let you know the truth but it will be your decision to make.

Men like that are truly viruses. May God help us

My friend was, killed by her husband after remaining in an abusive marriage with prayers

Mille:
Doesn't even include love or hate. Being a good or bad wife/mother doesn't automatically mean the person loves or hate husband/children.

Good wife - Does many of the things expected of a wife (by her husband or societal standards)

Bad wife - Doesn't do many of the things children (or the society) expects from a mother.

For example, you can claim to love your child, but if after they close from school, you put a tray on their head to go and hawk groundnut on the expressway, you are a bad mother.


Take this scenario that unfolded this year in the estate I live in.

Husband is the breadwinner. Husband loses his source of income while wife only has a petty shop just outside the estate. Wife is supportive of husband in his downtime. Takes charge of the home using her petty business, uses her finance to make him able to attend interviews, and uses her contacts to find him job opportunities, and ultimately lands him a job. Home was kept running smoothly without husband having to borrow from friends or family.

The truth was wife's business was not flourishing either during this downtime. Turns out wife, without the knowledge of the husband or anyone else, has been pimping out her 12 year old daughter to the Hausa men who do security for many of the houses in the estate. It was only exposed when she tried stopping after the husband was back on his feet.

In less than 3 sentences, do you consider her a good/bad wife/mother?

Gosh.. What is this?

jify:
Secondly, I convinced him to learn social media management and marketing. I got someone to teach him one on one, even paid the person. I provided data for the online class, my husband didn't call nor attend any classes. Again, I said give me content, you have this particular skill, I paid social media manager for one month, to see how we can use online marketing to get him clients. It was his phone number on the page, I would just pay the manager for a while, after the first week, he stopped providing content, I begged and begged until I gave up. My husband is not the lazy type, he has strength and agility. I'm more of a think tank, generating ideas because I'm an avid reader, but he punishes me for the wrong I've done to him and that's not someone I want to do anything business with.

I don't think you know the meaning of lazy, perhaps you also do not think properly calling yourself a think tank because if you're not self-aware enough to notice this, then you're not a think tank at all.

Biggest characteristic of a lazy unserious man diligence, he is not diligent in his work. Laziness is not in lack of muscles or physical strength, It is in his mentality to work himself out of poverty grinding everyday even when things do not work.

A non-lazy man will never ever leave his work undone or uncompleted because a woman is fighting with him.

Mille:
Doesn't even include love or hate. Being a good or bad wife/mother doesn't automatically mean the person loves or hate husband/children.

Good wife - Does many of the things expected of a wife (by her husband or societal standards)

Bad wife - Doesn't do many of the things children (or the society) expects from a mother.

For example, you can claim to love your child, but if after they close from school, you put a tray on their head to go and hawk groundnut on the expressway, you are a bad mother.


Take this scenario that unfolded this year in the estate I live in.

Husband is the breadwinner. Husband loses his source of income while wife only has a petty shop just outside the estate. Wife is supportive of husband in his downtime. Takes charge of the home using her petty business, uses her finance to make him able to attend interviews, and uses her contacts to find him job opportunities, and ultimately lands him a job. Home was kept running smoothly without husband having to borrow from friends or family.

The truth was wife's business was not flourishing either during this downtime. Turns out wife, without the knowledge of the husband or anyone else, has been pimping out her 12 year old daughter to the Hausa men who do security for many of the houses in the estate. It was only exposed when she tried stopping after the husband was back on his feet.

In less than 3 sentences, do you consider her a good/bad wife/mother?

I'm so invested in this story, this daughter was 12 years old & is being pimped at that tender age?

Sapasenator:
The church is the wrong place for marital advice with most of the pastors not qualified to give advice in that area. I always ask couples to visit a qualified and certified marriage counselor. We tend to Idolize these pastors and ascribe to them knowledge they do not possess.

Yes correct to a large extent. Pastors are meant to interpret the bible and teach the followers about what God said, or perhaps what Paul said about marriage. Their job is not to settle disputes of marital affairs because most will likely give a bad advice based on their personal opinion, and those opinions are from 1990s when the Pastor met his own wife.

tosinhtml:
Yes correct to a large extent. Pastors are meant to interpret the bible and teach the followers about what God said, or perhaps what Paul said about marriage. Their job is not to settle disputes of marital affairs because most will likely give a bad advice based on their personal opinion, and those opinions are from 1990s when the Pastor met his own wife.

I also want to note that Paul, in the Bible, is not qualified to give marital advice as he died a bachelor.

Sapasenator:
I also want to note that Paul, in the Bible, is not qualified to give marital advice as he died a bachelor.

Yep, that's correct. I mean he only gave advice & never even practiced his own advice at all. He was a person who wrote driving manuals on paper how to drive but never drove in reality

Onegai:
Many, MANY men globally, fumble the good women. I've read forums from different countries and I'm frankly so afraid for my sons.

Because there's so very few good resources teaching men how to be Good, Upright Men. Even the Church and the Mosque are failing. Now, add Red Pill to it. Even my male uncles that are elderly now, look back at their mistakes and are full of regrets, some have remorse. But nobody's listening to them and learning from them. Marriage rates are plummeting, even in Nigeria (it's not yet noticeable, but young people are legit delaying marriage now).
.

Largely as a result of economic reasons: anameic economic growth for almost a decade with an increase in population, deaths of young men via ethnic clashes, security brutality, destruction of livelihoods, competition for scarce resources etc. Nigeria is a largely conservative country such that an increase in living standards would translate to higher marriage rates. Northern Nigeria, even with the economic crises, still adore marriage.

Social media rhetoric isn't a full representation of Nigeria. Nigerians (both genders) love marriage and wish to get married.

I am a strong advocate of the two-parent household, but in this case, there should be a separation. Maybe not outright divorce since OP does not like it, but for the sake of mental sanity, OP needs to be be separate from her husband. Since she has better finances, the kids stay with her. The man visits as arranged. I don't believe in a do-or-die situation/marriage. If e tire person, let it go.

jify, No vex, but wetin una dey discuss during courtship? I thought married folks married their best friends kini kon kini kon

tosinhtml:
I'm so invested in this story, this daughter was 12 years old & is being pimped at that tender age?

I wonder wetin men dey see for underage children. But seeing the demographic involved, I am not too surprised. Anything can happen.

tensazangetsu20:
Better wait till you hear the man's side before you start raining curses o

While this is true, but for him to have issues with the pastors after her side has been aired shows he has the biggest faults. Churches generally favour men in most cases, but he is not happy none is siding with him. That tells something.

jify:
I was finally allowed to enter the house around 11pm.

I have decided to get separated. My BP is at 200+ and I know I'm at high risk. I have to consider a lot of factors, my children school, when I decide to leave, school needs to be in break so there's no disruption for them.

My mum is away for a burial and won't be back till December, so I need to be sure I have someone to help me settle down, the last times, she was with the kids while I went to work, and the transition was easier for me.

Getting a one bedroom apartment in a good part of Lagos, I need about N1.7m which I never planned for. So I have given myself till December to be able to sort myself. I am done hopping to my sister's house. I also intend to as much as possible avoid any form of conflict, continue with status quo.

My brother would have been ready to help me out with finance but he would escalate the issue because he's already angry and I don't want any more drama.

My sister is aware of my current situation and I know I have someone who would be with me in secret through this whole process. Thank you all so much, I appreciate.

why are you scared of your brother escalating this? If he kills you before December ? Save your self first and do it now! You seems too cold headed, intelligent to be locked out constantly like a homeless dog.

Gerrard59:
I am a strong advocate of the two-parent household, but in this case, there should be a separation. Maybe not outright divorce since OP does not like it, but for the sake of mental sanity, OP needs to be be separate from her husband. Since she has better finances, the kids stay with her. The man visits as arranged. I don't believe in a do-or-die situation/marriage. If e tire person, let it go.

jify, No vex, but wetin una dey discuss during courtship? I thought married folks married their best friends kini kon kini kon


I wonder wetin men dey see for underage children. But seeing the demographic involved, I am not too surprised. Anything can happen.

I truly wonder, I am waiting for his reply because what body or beauty does a 12 year old have that want to entice any man. Maybe he meant 22.

mrjojo:
why are you scared of your brother escalating this? If he kills you before December ? Save your self first and do it now! You seems too cold headed, intelligent to be locked out constantly like a homeless dog.

Nope, the brother should not escalate, it is her cross to bear. I suggest Op separate from the dude as soon as possible. I have a case where a brother was killed while fighting for her sisters. Una go marry anyhow man come put the whole family for trouble.
I can only advice and support my sisters if they listen to my advice but will never fight any man for them.

Sapasenator:
Nope, the brother should not escalate, it is her cross to bear. I suggest Op separate from the dude as soon as possible. I have a case where a brother was killed while fighting for her sisters. Una go marry anyhow man come put the whole family for trouble.
I can only advice and support my sisters if they listen to my advice but will never fight any man for them.

pocohantas:

You dey laugh Poco. Na tru na. lol

Sapasenator:
You dey laugh Poco. Na tru na. lol

If we no marry, una no go let us get peace of mind na. Though I believe it is very important the husband knows she has a support system, I also agree with you that violence isn't the way. I even thought it was a troll until I saw her account is an old one. She is a full grown woman. If she is tired, she should come out.

pocohantas:
If we no marry, una no go let us get peace of mind na. Though I believe it is very important the husband knows she has a support system, I also agree with you that violence isn't the way. I even thought it was a troll until I saw her account is an old one. She is a full grown woman. If she is tired, she should come out.

Abeg my sister, he better not to marry than to enter into a marriage with an immature narcissistic man. I honestly never look down on any single lady or guy who refuses to marry as times have changed. When a marriage work out, it is great but always better remain single than marry some kind of men.

I have one like that with my sister and she is always defending him. Me, I don taya for their mata and what surprises me is that over 90% of the useless men were found in the churches so these ladies always relaxed and failed to properly scrutinize before marriages thinking they had found the Godly " bone-of-their-bones"

Sapasenator:
Abeg my sister, he better not to marry than to enter into a marriage with an immature narcissistic man. I honestly never look down on any single lady or guy who refuses to marry as times have changed. When a marriage work out, it is great but always better remain single than marry some kind of men.

I have one like that with my sister and she is always defending him. Me, I don taya for their mata and what surprises me is that over 90% of the useless men were found in the churches so these ladies always relaxed and failed to properly scrutinize before marriages thinking they had found the Godly " bone-of-their-bones"

Contrary to what I read online, I know most women defend these men. Buy themselves things and claim it was the husband. Shoulder the bills and claim it is done by the man. It is okay if he is going through a temp setback, but to keep doing it for a man with a low sense of responsibility and awareness is suicidal. Better to speak out on time to your family, let them know how to save you. Because when it goes far, the man sef go deny and it would be her words against his.

pocohantas:
Contrary to what I read online, I know most women defend these men. Buy themselves things and claim it was the husband. Shoulder the bills and claim it is done by the man. It is okay if he is going through a temp setback, but to keep doing it for a man with a low sense of responsibility and awareness is suicidal. Better to speak out on time to your family, let them know how to save you. Because when it goes far, the man sef go deny and it would be her words against his.

This one is not working at all. My sister is paying for everything. He once told my sister the reason he married her was because he heard she was from a rich family. I despise healthy people who refuse to be productive and I never give him a dime. I was applying for my sister to travel for a vacation and he told her he will not allow her to go without him. She even fixes his car and he likes to wear fancy clothes bought by his wife.

Sapasenator:
This one is not working at all. My sister is paying for everything. He once told my sister the reason he married her was because he heard she was from a rich family. I despise healthy people who refuse to be productive and I never give him a dime. I was applying for my sister to travel for a vacation and he told her he will not allow her to go without him. She even fixes his car and he likes to wear fancy clothes bought by his wife.

I hope he is at least helping her to run the home. She seems to love his, he shouldn't make it harder for her.

pocohantas:
I like as you talk true because we done argue this thing before and I told you to leave me alone biko.

Lol


I no even know wetin I wan type.

Proserpina:
Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

How many men can provide 100%?

Even if he provides 100% and does a 9-5 job, your job with a baby is 24/7. His work finishes after 8 or 9 hours, yours doesn’t. You will be happy if you manage to eat a proper meal. No breaks, no weekends, no vacation. Forget about sleep. The baby wants to be fed every few hours.

pocohantas:
Contrary to what I read online, I know most women defend these men. Buy themselves things and claim it was the husband. Shoulder the bills and claim it is done by the man. It is okay if he is going through a temp setback, but to keep doing it for a man with a low sense of responsibility and awareness is suicidal. Better to speak out on time to your family, let them know how to save you. Because when it goes far, the man sef go deny and it would be her words against his.

The rate you are fast becoming a comedian, portable needs to watch is back

Women buy things for themselves but claim its the husbands.. wow !
Little wonder chinwe in big brother house told the whole house she is the one feeding and clothing her fiancee
No wonder Tiwa savage did a 60min video to tell us how useless teebillz was

All the luxury Tonto dikeh bought and claim churchhill got for her, since churchhill left aunty no longer buy them ... ki lo se lè


Why am i even acting surprise, if chioma leaves davido tomorrow weytin e do for me lo ma gbeyin è, God dey

Gerrard59:
Largely as a result of economic reasons: anameic economic growth for almost a decade with an increase in population, deaths of young men via ethnic clashes, security brutality, destruction of livelihoods, competition for scarce resources etc. Nigeria is a largely conservative country such that an increase in living standards would translate to higher marriage rates. Northern Nigeria, even with the economic crises, still adore marriage.

Social media rhetoric isn't a full representation of Nigeria. Nigerians (both genders) love marriage and wish to get married.

Marriage in Nigeria is popular as a socio-economic apparatus: it affords both genders social and financial benefits.

We're actually very bad at Marriage in Nigeria. And the only reason the Divorce rate isn't higher is because of archaic marital laws which makes it hard to legally dissolve your marriage. A lot of Nigerian marriages end in Separation.

The Middle Class isn't marrying as much because it's easier for them to japa as a single person than with a young family. They're also not reproducing at a high enough rate for proper population replacement (ignore than 200million Census number).

You're getting a country of poor people with a population replacement of the poorest and most uneducated lot. And even in that demographic, they're now avoiding Marriage and Reproduction.

It's hard to see but will be more noticeable in the coming years. People who monitor these things have already noticed it.

tosinhtml:
Yes correct to a large extent. Pastors are meant to interpret the bible and teach the followers about what God said, or perhaps what Paul said about marriage. Their job is not to settle disputes of marital affairs because most will likely give a bad advice based on their personal opinion, and those opinions are from 1990s when the Pastor met his own wife.

Some Churches have changed, House On The Rock is now trying to get their Counselling Unit to be certified and they will also tell you that Divorce is an acceptable outcome after Marital Counselling.

I've heard them say it with my own ears, I'm not a member.

OTOH, there are some certified marriage counsellors that are still very biased. Same as I've heard Medical Doctors say some wild stuff.

Nigerians don't let education get in the way of their personal biases. E dey happen.

Proserpina:
Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday. I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

Interesting.

No harm intended, but what would you use your money for?

Proserpina:
Lol
:DI no even know wetin I wan type.

You are sha doing well.

Onegai:
Some Churches have changed, House On The Rock is now trying to get their Counselling Unit to be certified and they will also tell you that Divorce is an acceptable outcome after Marital Counselling.

I've heard them say it with my own ears, I'm not a member.

OTOH, there are some certified marriage counsellors that are still very biased. Same as I've heard Medical Doctors say some wild stuff.

Nigerians don't let education get in the way of their personal biases. E dey happen.

There is nothing wrong with Divorce.

Onegai:
Marriage in Nigeria is popular as a socio-economic apparatus: it affords both genders social and financial benefits.

The Middle Class isn't marrying as much because it's easier for them to japa as a single person than with a young family. They're also not reproducing at a high enough rate for proper population replacement (ignore than 200million Census number).

Maybe for Canada Express Entry, but if I am to go by the media opinions surrounding UK japa, I would wager that the majority were married, especially as the naira's value plummeted and immigration rules tightened. Student visa japa to other countries generally favours single people.

You're getting a country of poor people with a population replacement of the poorest and most uneducated lot. And even in that demographic, they're now avoiding Marriage and Reproduction.

At the bold, the birth rate begs to disagree. But I do agree that marriage cum birth rates in the south are lower than in the north.

It's hard to see but will be more noticeable in the coming years. People who monitor these things have already noticed it.

Any place you could point me to? Like journal studies or guest opinion articles. Thank you.

Gerrard59:
Interesting.

No harm intended, but what would you use your money for?

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pocohantas:
You are sha doing well.

Thank you.

I have learnt.