₦airaland Forum

Onegai:
Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

- tell her "Iremide...I don't want to just lead you, I want to be your king. Be my Esther. Look good for me. Please let me pamper you. Let me solve all your problems. The problems you solve yourself, share them with me, so I can praise you. Stain my eyes with your beauty and shake my mind with your wisdom. I love you". Tell her this twice a week. LOVE AND GUIDANCE.

- Look at your flaws and start correcting them. If you can't change, then neither can she. Change starts with you, not with her. Read that again. Go and read the bible, God is very clear whose He holds responsible for the health of a marriage. Change starts with you. SELF-REFLECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY

- Remember, you're the Head of the House, it's actually your job to lead your marriage. The reason so many marriages are unhappy are because men are being irresponsible and women are doing their jobs. RESPONSIBILITY.

There is no such thing as a submissive second-in-command who does all the work whilst Dangote stays lazy. Read that sentence again.

Do this. Work on yourself. Don't expect quick fixes, but start this December (I fit drop list of restaurants and hang outs. Come back and testify next year. Sha don't get pregnant o, because the last couple who did all this, surprise last baby at 46

So, it's upto you. Make your choice.

All the best
You must be a marriage therapist or Counsellor. I enjoyed every bit of the remedial plan of action to fix the marriage.

All these can actually work where both parties or the couple met with you individually first and were allowed to go and implement your suggestions for a period of 6 months for a start and return together for a review. This can be extended for additional 6 months for complete healing of the broken emotions.

Keep up the good work.

Onegai:
Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

zed7:
I had to cut off some of your advice as it was too long. I don't know if you're married or not, but trust me, if he has to go through that stress, then he married the wrong woman.

When you marry 'your own', you don't need all that work. I only wish people can experience what a beautiful marriage is. Anyways, it's not something you plan or strategize for, it just happens. Some call it favour, grace or luck.

Onegai:
There's no such thing as "Marrying your own". What that means is that someone is doing the heavy lifting to keep your marriage working. And it doesn't sound like it's you, bros.

Nothing in Life comes easy. There's no job that is "a great fit" without stress. Your dream house? Well, it requires maintenance to continue being your dream house. Your investments? Same hard work. Your grades? If you like, select the course meant for you. If you don't study, you'll fail.

Everything in Life requires work. And sometimes it is 30% from you, 70% from her. Other times it is 60-40.

The mistake is to think because you're having problems, it means you're incompatible. Because if it were "your own", you won't have problems, bah?

Well, even your parents didn't always love you perfectly and vice versa. So how do you expect a marriage to function based on "na my own"?

I'm married.

I'm just tired of seeing people make that mistake and divorce based on "this is so hard, therefore it means we made a mistake".

My uncle is in his 70s and he admitted that if he had the emotional maturity he had now, his first marriage won't have collapsed. His 2nd wife is okay but hindsight is 20-20.

Someone I know is about to divorce his wife and so many elders have said he'll regret it. I'd never understood why but now I'm beginning to see. And I wish I could knock sense into him, because his wife is now ready to reconcile (even though it was mostly his fault), but he's stubbornly on his high horse.

Fixing a marriage is initially hard work but pays off long term. Starting afresh is initially easy work but omo (and it is very hard to leave 2nd marriages in Nigeria, as you don't want to be seen as the problem. So you'll stay and endure what you couldn't tolerate with your first wife/husband).

I've seen fixed marriages before, where both parties did the work. They're the best marriages. The problem is that in Nigeria, we don't fix, we just tell the woman to go back and endure in silence. Then she and the man hate and resent themselves till they die.

Fix your marriage, work on your flaws first. By your changing, she will change.

OZIOGU1:
Honestly i like your point and submission, marriage is a work in progress, one of the challenge of men who go into marriage is high expectation, it happen to me, i just realized that, expectations are there deliverables may differ...

Onegai:
There's no such thing as "Marrying your own". What that means is that someone is doing the heavy lifting to keep your marriage working. And it doesn't sound like it's you, bros.

Nothing in Life comes easy. There's no job that is "a great fit" without stress. Your dream house? Well, it requires maintenance to continue being your dream house. Your investments? Same hard work. Your grades? If you like, select the course meant for you. If you don't study, you'll fail.

Everything in Life requires work. And sometimes it is 30% from you, 70% from her. Other times it is 60-40.

The mistake is to think because you're having problems, it means you're incompatible. Because if it were "your own", you won't have problems, bah?

Well, even your parents didn't always love you perfectly and vice versa. So how do you expect a marriage to function based on "na my own"?

I'm married.

I'm just tired of seeing people make that mistake and divorce based on "this is so hard, therefore it means we made a mistake".

My uncle is in his 70s and he admitted that if he had the emotional maturity he had now, his first marriage won't have collapsed. His 2nd wife is okay but hindsight is 20-20.

Someone I know is about to divorce his wife and so many elders have said he'll regret it. I'd never understood why but now I'm beginning to see. And I wish I could knock sense into him, because his wife is now ready to reconcile (even though it was mostly his fault), but he's stubbornly on his high horse.

Fixing a marriage is initially hard work but pays off long term. Starting afresh is initially easy work but omo (and it is very hard to leave 2nd marriages in Nigeria, as you don't want to be seen as the problem. So you'll stay and endure what you couldn't tolerate with your first wife/husband).

I've seen fixed marriages before, where both parties did the work. They're the best marriages. The problem is that in Nigeria, we don't fix, we just tell the woman to go back and endure in silence. Then she and the man hate and resent themselves till they die.

Fix your marriage, work on your flaws first. By your changing, she will change.

Onegai:
And going back to the original thread,

I hope all men realise that side chicks don't love them.

If you stop giving those babes money, ask them to cook for you and cater to you and move in with them and be dumping all your emotional needs on them and stop taking them out and treat them like your wife...

...those babes will promptly leave your arse.

Those babes are se.x workers, period. That's the only reason they're with married men. Because even though I find men attractive, I'm not planning on dating any because I have Integrity. And those side chicks are willing to act without decency or integrity. So that means they have shitty characters and are willing to do that for one thing only. And it is definitely not a man's sparkly character.

A lot of men are basically falling in love with se.x workers and devaluing their wives for se.x workers.

If you don't believe me, best know that I knew runs girls back in the day who were carrying Politicians and the way these babes used to be rude to those men, their wives couldn't talk like that to the agbayas.

So continue sinning and wasting energy and money on babes that are insulting you behind your back to their smallie friends.

Or go home and love the woman who stayed faithful to you.

Your choice.

Onegai:
There's no such thing as "Marrying your own". What that means is that someone is doing the heavy lifting to keep your marriage working. And it doesn't sound like it's you, bros.

Nothing in Life comes easy. There's no job that is "a great fit" without stress. Your dream house? Well, it requires maintenance to continue being your dream house. Your investments? Same hard work. Your grades? If you like, select the course meant for you. If you don't study, you'll fail.

Everything in Life requires work. And sometimes it is 30% from you, 70% from her. Other times it is 60-40.

The mistake is to think because you're having problems, it means you're incompatible. Because if it were "your own", you won't have problems, bah?

Well, even your parents didn't always love you perfectly and vice versa. So how do you expect a marriage to function based on "na my own"?

I'm married.

I'm just tired of seeing people make that mistake and divorce based on "this is so hard, therefore it means we made a mistake".

My uncle is in his 70s and he admitted that if he had the emotional maturity he had now, his first marriage won't have collapsed. His 2nd wife is okay but hindsight is 20-20.

Someone I know is about to divorce his wife and so many elders have said he'll regret it. I'd never understood why but now I'm beginning to see. And I wish I could knock sense into him, because his wife is now ready to reconcile (even though it was mostly his fault), but he's stubbornly on his high horse.

Fixing a marriage is initially hard work but pays off long term. Starting afresh is initially easy work but omo (and it is very hard to leave 2nd marriages in Nigeria, as you don't want to be seen as the problem. So you'll stay and endure what you couldn't tolerate with your first wife/husband).

I've seen fixed marriages before, where both parties did the work. They're the best marriages. The problem is that in Nigeria, we don't fix, we just tell the woman to go back and endure in silence. Then she and the man hate and resent themselves till they die.

Fix your marriage, work on your flaws first. By your changing, she will change.

uchkochi:
In other words side chicks are not to be married

zed7:
All that talk of using money to buy loyalty and affection doesn't work. What happens when the man no longer has the zeal or funds to keep impressing the wife?

A good marriage is by luck, whether you like it or not. Most people are just enduring their marriage with no true happiness.

pryme:
Most men cherish women that will give them good f-ukc and peace, it's that simple.
Most side chicks play these part very well even if it's a script

Onegai:
The difference between a Wife and a Side Chick is that one made a commitment to you, when you were growing and the other didn't make a commitment to you but met you, when you were grown.

So you can buy one with money. And that is your side chick.

I come from the generation that saw their fathers marry their side chicks as 2nd wives and every single one of them (walai, I can even bet crypto on this) regretted it. Including my dad and every uncle who did it. It's why my generation of men and the generation before them will cheat but will never leave their wives, we all saw the mistakes of our fathers. It's also why my generation will divorce but won't remarry. I had uncles who remarried and most weren't happy.

Your wife's loyalty is tied to the commitment she made. And when you see a wife who isn't loyal, then she's a bad woman.

A lot of marriages are not happy and it is sad.

There's this account I see on Instagram, @iamdennisagbeti and Pastor Femi Lazarus. If husbands and men can watch their videos and implement just 30% of what they're saying concerning the role of husbands in marriage, I swear to you, your happiness will be complete.

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color]

Very big lie... all men cheat because of lack of self control.

Nnamdipapa:
I married at 21 my dear, my biggest mistake. At that age, a guy does not really know what he wants plus she hid most of her characters then like most of our women do who desperately want to marry a well to do guy. That was 17 years ago.

uchkochi:
Most men after marriage realise that its their mistress they actually love. They discover that too late. The wife stops trying to win her man after marriage. The truth is men love to be seduced. After marriage and child birth women call their husband Papa John while side chicks call them baby.

pryme:
Do you believe you will get a good man that will Cherish you and treat you the way you want to be treated?

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color]f

I'm already married.won't consider marriage again if this one ends.

A4alpha:
Wow Nothing is new under the surface I must admit because it's as though I'm the one talking here, almost the same experience though mine gives sex no wahala that side but lack basic life necessity when it comes to emotional intelligence, her companionship and support is close to nothing. what she lacks in positivity she made-up in negativity, she's also a smart and happy liar without conscience.

I look good too and dress fairly well but I try not to cheat because I know whoever I cheat with will definitely tag along or show qualities that my wife does not have, which will increase my agitation or hasten our breakup. for over 16years now bro, I have been waiting for her to change but with the looks of things I don't think an adult can change especially those who reject advise and snobs moves that will bring her at par with me.

But I don't want to grow old with her in her condition and also wish to keep her is change happens soonest. CONFUSED!!

placeofallure:
Why? I said whatever suits you, it's good for you. Many men always return home after a long sojourn playing away match.

So what is the cause of Ori è ti daru in that one now?

Nnamdipapa:
Why use "lomo eranko" for me when I never insulted you and was not even talking to you?
Respect beget respect nau!

placeofallure:
It's because you don't understand the language. 'lomo ẹranko is metaphorical in that proverb, it has no direct connection to you. Anywhere or whatever circumstances that will warrant one to use the proverb, we use ọmọ eranko as the subject.

What half literacy will do,ehn! Your understanding of that language is not deep, otherwise you'd know ọmọ eranko isn't you per ṣe.

Nnamdipapa:
I tender my apologies then. I don't like fighting with women.

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color]

Very big lie... all men cheat because of lack of self control.

Kobicove:
It's mainly boredom that causes it

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color]

Boredom from what?