₦airaland Forum

Marc3500:
oga u better listen to ur mother u never build house u wan marry I even think say her reason for not allowing you to marry was senseless but from what I read ur mother has a point u gats develop urself before marrying u dey live for rented apartment u wan still marry on top
Buying a car is not necessary but building a house is very necessary before marriage na my advice be dat and besides u are still 29 yrs old u have enough time the best time for a man to marry is in his 30's when it becomes late is when you are approaching 40
Take ur mom's advice she has a point

so if l don't have enough money to build a house l shouldn't marry... Every married people living happy all own their houses and have cars?

Vikto17:
My mother is becoming something else honestly... l don't know if it selfishness or something else...

l will be 30yrs next year ,have a business that is paying me well , my fiancee is also doing well for herself .....

l realize that each time l raise issue regarding marriage. my mother keep on emphasizing on building house first and riding cars...l feel she is either not in touch with reality or she is afraid the help l am giving the family will stop once l get married...

In either way l am gradually smelling danger...my parents may disapproved my marriage because of their selfish reasons...

The thought of it annoys me honestly,, because l intend doing this marriage with or without their concept.. how do l start handling this issue? l intend getting married highest by 2026.please l need ur advice nairalanders..

Chill bro. The way you are threatening to turn your back on your family, cos of woman, e no gel

When e later sup this woman won’t think twice before dumping you. Take your time, keep talking to ur family, if they deem you not ready, consider the sense in what they are saying and prove yourself ready.

It’s not all about what you are sending them. They will gladly starve than watch you go astray.

I have a relative who felt like you currently do but they kept cool heads, kept talking to the parents who meant well for them, continued supporting them, and they are set to wed now

DaddyCoool:
That's how she sees it for now, until he gets a certain age, then she'll start saying "All your mates are married..."

ok you she want her to be 40 to be ripe for marriage That's selfish from her. I have a mother like that and I didn't take it lightly with her.

logan2:
ok you she want her to be 40 to be ripe for marriage That's selfish from her. I have a mother like that and I didn't take it lightly with her.

It's not selfish at all. What's the rush exactly? Watch "Fools rush in". Talk to married people. FOOLS indeed rush in

Vikto17:
it still doesn't justify anything.. l will still marry and start my own family bro...how do u think l should handle this,, if l lose this girl l won't be happy with them honestly...

Wetin the girl use cook for you ni

Vikto17:
My mother is becoming something else honestly... l don't know if it selfishness or something else...

l will be 30yrs next year ,have a business that is paying me well , my fiancee is also doing well for herself .....

l realize that each time l raise issue regarding marriage. my mother keep on emphasizing on building house first and riding cars...l feel she is either not in touch with reality or she is afraid the help l am giving the family will stop once l get married...

In either way l am gradually smelling danger...my parents may disapproved my marriage because of their selfish reasons...

The thought of it annoys me honestly,, because l intend doing this marriage with or without their concept.. how do l start handling this issue? l intend getting married highest by 2026.please l need ur advice nairalanders..

Come back here when you are ready to get married.
How can you be telling your mother that u want to get married when you are not yet ready.
Who is sure you will even get married in the 2026.
I was even thinking that you have a girl on ground you want to marry today tomorrow not knowing it is something you are still imagining that you are disturbing us with.

May be your mom has not seen you as a serious man.
Get yourself a good and homely girl. If you do, your mom will be the one disturbing you to marry the girl and start giving her grand children.

Vikto17:
my life my choice,, it is not all marriages that are like that of ur family members... ur wish for my marriage won't cone to pass

Since it's your life and your choice, why did you posted ur problem here dude? This is a public forum, ur life ur choice should be private! Since you have decided to marry her then go ahead na, why TF did you posted it here? Are we ur family members?

You have a very domineering mother. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I couldn't find a better way to put it. However, it might be wise to listen to her not because she wants you to spend your money on her interests but to give you time to thoroughly evaluate your potential partner. A combination of a domineering mother and a domineering partner is deadly.

You are a man; take charge of your decisions.

Vikto17:
so if l don't have enough money to build a house l shouldn't marry... Every married people living happy all own their houses and have cars?

oga I no tell you say make you get car
Get a roof over ur head that's the most important thing

Vikto17:
nobody is pressuring me,, everyone with their priority... l want to get married and start raising kids ,, you want to keep fvcking around.... so each with their priority... l don't find joy in those things honestly...

Now I totally see why your mom is opposing the agenda.
Anyways, its your private business, no use am disturb our Internet space.

Mosdiii:
I am facing the same problem with my mother. I am an only son although I have two sisters. I married early and had a daughter via that marriage although unfortunately that marriage was dissolved because of so many issues. Now I am 39 years old and I have found love again with a 26 year old beautiful lady but my mum has refused me getting married saying why I am in a hurry. I'm so angry. She said if I must marry this new girl she will not come for the marriage

Bros, I support your mother.

That babe is too young but lust and infatuation won't let you see road. 13 years ago difference is not a joke and you don't want to enter and meet another gbese that you can't leave.

Let her stay for a while and vet her thoroughly, how well will she become a Stepmother. You need to think with your head, you're a package deal o.

Young people tend to not be as patient as older people.

Vet this babe.

Onegai:
Bros, I support your mother.

That babe is too young but lust and infatuation won't let you see road. 13 years ago difference is not a joke and you don't want to enter and meet another gbese that you can't leave.

Let her stay for a while and vet her thoroughly, how well will she become a Stepmother. You need to think with your head, you're a package deal o.

Young people tend to not be as patient as older people.

Vet this babe.

Thank you very much for the advice

Mosdiii:
Thank you very much for the advice

Let me share more about why your mum and I may be on the same page, concerning the age gap.

Because I've experienced it.

My relative had that type of age gap and it didn't matter that the wife was from a wealthy educated family in the 1950s, she was still unsophisticated when it came to her 15 years older husband who had schooled in the UK. It ruined her self-esteem and she withdrew emotionally for decades. He spent his entire marriage cheating on her with older women and more confident women.

Think Charles and Diana.

My friend, 14 yrs age difference with his wife. He said the first 2/3 years were very sweet, but it eventually became boring. His friends would visit and he will ask her to excuse them because it felt like a younger sister was hanging out with them. He said he was happy when babies started coming so it would keep her busy, and give him space. So his ego was getting pampered and he also got distance. Win for him, not for her.

I see several of these types of marriages around me. And those women are usually the ones cheating with their young boyfriends. And yes, married Nigerian women cheat well.

Same thing happens with older men and young babes in Lagos.

Me, I was 41 and a 62 yr old was on my case. I am an extremely intelligent and exposed woman. Yet there was nothing I could say, no wisdom or insight I could drop to impress him. He had heard it all in his 60 years of being on this planet. And he was one of Nigeria's big men, so there was no gift I could give him to make him feel loved. It was almost a Father-Daughter relationship with se.x.
If I had married him, he would have been bored shitless with me.

No self-assured 20-something wants to be married to someone over a decade her senior, who came with baggage of a kid or 2. Not unless she has insecurities or money issues and is looking for a father-daughter relationship. So you'll start out being her hero and stroking your ego. Then as she gets older and more confident, you're ageing and she stops needing you emotionally. So she focuses on her kids and you lack companionship. And that's several men I know.

You can't grow with her and no, you can't nurture her. She doesn't want it (I'm a woman, we're very strong-willed particularly after we've had children, which is a life-changing event).

Your age mate is about 3-5 years older or younger than you. You have things in common. There are insights that she can see, you can't. And vice versa. You grow together.

Companionship is more important in Marriage than anything else. And true companionship starts when the marriage is at least 4 years old, prior to that is the honeymoon stage.

Plus. You're a single dad, you have baggage, she's fresh out the box. She gets pregnant, you're paying for baby items and then getting ready to pay for secondary school (shey you know that schoolfees increases with time, uni being most expensive).

You don't have breathing space to plan with your new family unless you're loaded and even at that, she'll resent it because that money should be focused solely on her and her kids.

Also, you need to parent an older child as well as young kids, not easy. It requires patience (if they had given 26 yr old me a child of 10 to care for, we would hang out for a bit then I would disappear on her because kids are a lot of work). And if you try and force a bond, resentment breeds. And guess where that resentment will go?

Yes, others have done it. But it wasn't easy and required maturity that no 26 yr old can summon up by herself.

So have all this in mind.

Also, one last story:

My friend divorced his wife who was about 7 months older than him, to marry a girl 11 years younger than him.

She had Daddy issues, he is a Mummy's Boy.

The only person happy in that marriage was his mother, as she was finally able to fully control her son and his wife (since they were both not emotionally mature). His Mother was very instrumental in supporting her son to scatter his first marriage, because the first wife was strong-minded.

It didn't matter that they had 3 kids. It didn't matter that the first wife was the one who helped build up her son and push him to success. She was a Stay At Home Mum with a small business, the new babe had one cushy job. So of course, infatuation made her husband call his first wife a "liability" and forget all the things she had done and only remember the things that were bad.

Now, the first 3 kids are superstars and the new wife is jealously stalking the ex-wife's page to try and pick up tips on how to be a better mum.

First wife is balling now. She's moved on finally.

Hubby is there looking for guidance and not trying to be under his mother's thumb. He quietly told me recently that he regrets leaving his first wife.

Mama is very pleased with herself. She finally gets to rule the roost of her son's home, she has power she never had in her own marriage, there.

But now the second wife's own mother is now ready to fight for her child and has said she's moving in January 2025.

So both mothers are about to clash.

And this is a very common story.

Well 2026 is still relatively far so there's room for more growth and achievement before then. You might not even need to argue with her then

Vikto17:
My mother is becoming something else honestly... l don't know if it selfishness or something else...

l will be 30yrs next year ,have a business that is paying me well , my fiancee is also doing well for herself .....

l realize that each time l raise issue regarding marriage. my mother keep on emphasizing on building house first and riding cars...l feel she is either not in touch with reality or she is afraid the help l am giving the family will stop once l get married...

In either way l am gradually smelling danger...my parents may disapproved my marriage because of their selfish reasons...

The thought of it annoys me honestly,, because l intend doing this marriage with or without their concept.. how do l start handling this issue? l intend getting married highest by 2026.please l need ur advice nairalanders..

na so my mama do me. I no send am I just continue my arrangement

Onegai:
Let me share more about why your mum and I may be on the same page, concerning the age gap.

Because I've experienced it.

My relative had that type of age gap and it didn't matter that the wife was from a wealthy educated family in the 1950s, she was still unsophisticated when it came to her 15 years older husband who had schooled in the UK. It ruined her self-esteem and she withdrew emotionally for decades. He spent his entire marriage cheating on her with older women and more confident women.

Think Charles and Diana.

My friend, 14 yrs age difference with his wife. He said the first 2/3 years were very sweet, but it eventually became boring. His friends would visit and he will ask her to excuse them because it felt like a younger sister was hanging out with them. He said he was happy when babies started coming so it would keep her busy, and give him space. So his ego was getting pampered and he also got distance. Win for him, not for her.

I see several of these types of marriages around me. And those women are usually the ones cheating with their young boyfriends. And yes, married Nigerian women cheat well.

Same thing happens with older men and young babes in Lagos.

Me, I was 41 and a 62 yr old was on my case. I am an extremely intelligent and exposed woman. Yet there was nothing I could say, no wisdom or insight I could drop to impress him. He had heard it all in his 60 years of being on this planet. And he was one of Nigeria's big men, so there was no gift I could give him to make him feel loved. It was almost a Father-Daughter relationship with se.x.
If I had married him, he would have been bored shitless with me.

No self-assured 20-something wants to be married to someone over a decade her senior, who came with baggage of a kid or 2. Not unless she has insecurities or money issues and is looking for a father-daughter relationship. So you'll start out being her hero and stroking your ego. Then as she gets older and more confident, you're ageing and she stops needing you emotionally. So she focuses on her kids and you lack companionship. And that's several men I know.

You can't grow with her and no, you can't nurture her. She doesn't want it (I'm a woman, we're very strong-willed particularly after we've had children, which is a life-changing event).

Your age mate is about 3-5 years older or younger than you. You have things in common. There are insights that she can see, you can't. And vice versa. You grow together.

Companionship is more important in Marriage than anything else. And true companionship starts when the marriage is at least 4 years old, prior to that is the honeymoon stage.

Plus. You're a single dad, you have baggage, she's fresh out the box. She gets pregnant, you're paying for baby items and then getting ready to pay for secondary school (shey you know that schoolfees increases with time, uni being most expensive).

You don't have breathing space to plan with your new family unless you're loaded and even at that, she'll resent it because that money should be focused solely on her and her kids.

Also, you need to parent an older child as well as young kids, not easy. It requires patience (if they had given 26 yr old me a child of 10 to care for, we would hang out for a bit then I would disappear on her because kids are a lot of work). And if you try and force a bond, resentment breeds. And guess where that resentment will go?

Yes, others have done it. But it wasn't easy and required maturity that no 26 yr old can summon up by herself.

So have all this in mind.

Wow wow. Thanks a lot for this great advice. You have really opened my eyes alot to some things I never really thought about. Thanks again for this beautiful piece!

Bizmind95:
Listen to your mom bro...what an elder sees while sitting down...a child won't see it even if he climbs a tree!!!

she no Dey see anything. It’s just hard for them to let go

Onegai:
Let me share more about why your mum and I may be on the same page, concerning the age gap.

Because I've experienced it.

My relative had that type of age gap and it didn't matter that the wife was from a wealthy educated family in the 1950s, she was still unsophisticated when it came to her 15 years older husband who had schooled in the UK. It ruined her self-esteem and she withdrew emotionally for decades. He spent his entire marriage cheating on her with older women and more confident women.

Think Charles and Diana.

My friend, 14 yrs age difference with his wife. He said the first 2/3 years were very sweet, but it eventually became boring. His friends would visit and he will ask her to excuse them because it felt like a younger sister was hanging out with them. He said he was happy when babies started coming so it would keep her busy, and give him space. So his ego was getting pampered and he also got distance. Win for him, not for her.

I see several of these types of marriages around me. And those women are usually the ones cheating with their young boyfriends. And yes, married Nigerian women cheat well.

Same thing happens with older men and young babes in Lagos.

Me, I was 41 and a 62 yr old was on my case. I am an extremely intelligent and exposed woman. Yet there was nothing I could say, no wisdom or insight I could drop to impress him. He had heard it all in his 60 years of being on this planet. And he was one of Nigeria's big men, so there was no gift I could give him to make him feel loved. It was almost a Father-Daughter relationship with se.x.
If I had married him, he would have been bored shitless with me.

No self-assured 20-something wants to be married to someone over a decade her senior, who came with baggage of a kid or 2. Not unless she has insecurities or money issues and is looking for a father-daughter relationship. So you'll start out being her hero and stroking your ego. Then as she gets older and more confident, you're ageing and she stops needing you emotionally. So she focuses on her kids and you lack companionship. And that's several men I know.

You can't grow with her and no, you can't nurture her. She doesn't want it (I'm a woman, we're very strong-willed particularly after we've had children, which is a life-changing event).

Your age mate is about 3-5 years older or younger than you. You have things in common. There are insights that she can see, you can't. And vice versa. You grow together.

Companionship is more important in Marriage than anything else. And true companionship starts when the marriage is at least 4 years old, prior to that is the honeymoon stage.

Plus. You're a single dad, you have baggage, she's fresh out the box. She gets pregnant, you're paying for baby items and then getting ready to pay for secondary school (shey you know that schoolfees increases with time, uni being most expensive).

You don't have breathing space to plan with your new family unless you're loaded and even at that, she'll resent it because that money should be focused solely on her and her kids.

Also, you need to parent an older child as well as young kids, not easy. It requires patience (if they had given 26 yr old me a child of 10 to care for, we would hang out for a bit then I would disappear on her because kids are a lot of work). And if you try and force a bond, resentment breeds. And guess where that resentment will go?

Yes, others have done it. But it wasn't easy and required maturity that no 26 yr old can summon up by herself.

So have all this in mind.

Thank you for this

.