₦airaland Forum

Hello Nairalanders,

I am completely lost and need advice. My name is Olumide Adeyanju(Not my real name), and I’m a 42-year-old civil engineer based in Lagos. I’ve been married to my wife, Tola, for seven years. We have a son together, Jidenna, who is five years old. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but I thought we had something solid—until recently.

When I met Tola, she was a divorcee. She told me her first marriage to a man named Dapo Olatunji ended after three years due to irreconcilable differences and I believed her. According to her, Dapo had anger issues and was overly controlling. She said she left the marriage to protect her mental health and focus on building a better life for herself. At the time, I admired her courage, and we built a beautiful relationship.

Last month, everything changed. Tola and I were invited to a wedding in Lekki. As fate would have it, Dapo was also at the wedding. It was the first time they were seeing each other in nearly 10 years. I noticed they exchanged pleasantries, and while it seemed cordial at first, something about the way they looked at each other didn’t sit well with me.

In the weeks that followed, I started noticing subtle changes in Tola’s behavior. She began acting distant and spending more time on her phone, often smiling at her screen like a teenager in love. When I asked her what was going on, she brushed it off, saying it was just "work stress."

Then, two weeks ago, I came home early from work and found her on a video call with Dapo. She didn’t realize I was home, so I overheard parts of their conversation. They were laughing and reminiscing about their past together—things like how they used to travel to Abuja for weekend getaways and the time he bought her a surprise gift for her birthday. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment between lovers.

When I confronted her, she admitted that she and Dapo had been talking regularly since the wedding. She claimed it was "nothing serious" and that they were just "catching up as friends." But I don’t believe her. Her behavior has changed so much. She’s more secretive, and I even found out she met up with him last Saturday without telling me. She said it was a "closure" meeting, but why does she need closure after all these years?

Now I’m stuck. I love Tola, but it feels like her heart is being drawn back to Dapo. I’ve spoken to my elder brother, Kunle, and he thinks I should stand my ground and fight for my marriage. But my best friend, Tunde, says I should let her go if she’s already emotionally checked out.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront Dapo directly? Should I give Tola an ultimatum to stop talking to him? Or should I quietly walk away and let her decide who she really wants to be with?

Please, Nairalanders, I need your honest opinions. Have you experienced or heard of a situation like this? How do I handle it?

He's in for a long duel and the game is rigged against him. He started at halftime when the woman was leading 0-1

Whatever he choose to do wont work as they are sure gonna F

He should tell his son this story and advice him not to marry a divorcee or single mom in the future

He's sure to lose out here. Accept your defeat in advance like a man

Sapasenator:
I am completely lost and need advice. My name is Olumide Adeyanju(Not my real name), and I’m a 42-year-old civil engineer based in Lagos. I’ve been married to my wife, Tola, for seven years. We have a son together, Jidenna, who is five years old.

This childish part is very unnecessary and even makes you story appear fictional. How can a Yoruba lady who has had two Yoruba husbands give her child an Igbo name? We know you don't want to be traced. So, don't bother telling us your names and making a fool of yourself by saying that your son's name is Jidenna. You are a Yoruba, your wife is a Yoruba, her former husband is a Yoruba, so what inspired the Igbo name for your child?

Sapasenator:
Her behavior has changed so much. She’s more secretive, and I even found out she met up with him last Saturday without telling me.

I wonder the colour of the blanket and how many rounds they went.

Sapasenator:
I’ve spoken to my elder brother, Kunle, and he thinks I should stand my ground and fight for my marriage.

You can't win the battle. You fighting her can only make her to become more secretive that you will no longer find out anything going on between her and her ex.

Sapasenator:
But my best friend, Tunde, says I should let her go if she’s already emotionally checked out.

Excellent.

Sapasenator:
Or should I quietly walk away and let her decide who she really wants to be with?

YES. Unless you are willing to have a co husband.

EmperorCaesar:


He's in for a long duel and the game is rigged against him. He started at halftime when the woman was leading 0-1

Whatever he choose to do wont work as they are sure gonna F

He should tell his son this story and advice him not to marry a divorcee or single mom in the future

He's sure to lose out here. Accept your defeat in advance like a man

What about our son? What happens to him?

Stop feeling insecure just take Alibaba's words which says , once there always there and look away ... she has two husbands manage your side well.

Babangidapikin:
Stop feeling insecure just take Alibaba's word for there always there and look away ... she has two husbands manage your side well.

Calm down, I think I can still get her to come to her senses. We loved each other once.

Sapasenator:
Calm down, I think I can still get her to come to her senses. We loved each other once.

Women are emotional creatures not rational creatures ..so manage your side well.

immortalcrown:
This childish part is very unnecessary and even makes you story appear fictional. How can a Yoruba lady who has had two Yoruba husbands give her child an Igbo name? We know you don't want to be traced. So, don't bother telling us your names and making a fool of yourself by saying that your your son's name is Jidenna. You are a Yoruba, your wife is a Yoruba, her former husband is a Yoruba, so what inspired the Igbo name for your child?

I wonder the colour of the blanket and how many rounds they went.

You can't win the battle. You fighting her can only make her to become more secretive that you will no longer find out anything going on between her and her ex.

Excellent.

YES.

My wife's mom is Igbo while the dad is a Yoruba from Akure. Jidenna is the middle name and we usually like to call him that.

Sapasenator:
My wife's mom is Igbo while the dad is a Yoruba from Akure. Jidenna is the middle name and we usually like to call him that.

Alright.

Forbid her from going to see that man and from chatting with him. If she disobey you, there u have your answer.

See the silly question a man Is asking.

Perhaps, u should be the flower boy for their marriage

DonEd:
See the silly question a man Is asking.

Perhaps, u should be the flower boy for their marriage

Calm down bro. I need advice from the elders.

Mom007:
Forbid her from going to see that man and from chatting with him. If she disobey you, there u have your answer.

If she disobeys, what do I do. I don't want my child to grow in a broken home. Thanks

Is this something that actually happened? I hate wasting advice on fables. But let me indulge you all the same.

Number 1, you are a fool and a weak man. Your wife is regularly in contact with her ex and she makes light of it and you are here asking what to do? Should we also look forward to the day you will ask us what name to give the bastard child she will bring to the marriage? Are you okay?

She is flirting with another man right there in your own home and you are at a loss on what to do. Where is your self respect and dignity?

Kick that bit(c)h to the streets where she belongs and let catch up with her ex there. Young man, they are playing you for a fool and a weakling.

Dogalmighty17:
Is this something that actually happened?

Believe me bro. I am in shock myself.

You and mentioning names...

Why will you fight Dapo? We are not like animals who fight to inherit females. Tell her to go meet him if her heart is there. Never fight for something you can't see. PEOPLE needreality check, let her see if that fantasy will be a reality she likes but tell her it won't be under your roof she tests waters.

Sapasenator:
Hello Nairalanders,

I am completely lost and need advice. My name is Olumide Adeyanju(Not my real name), and I’m a 42-year-old civil engineer based in Lagos. I’ve been married to my wife, Tola, for seven years. We have a son together, Jidenna, who is five years old. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but I thought we had something solid—until recently.

When I met Tola, she was a divorcee. She told me her first marriage to a man named Dapo Olatunji ended after three years due to irreconcilable differences and I believed her. According to her, Dapo had anger issues and was overly controlling. She said she left the marriage to protect her mental health and focus on building a better life for herself. At the time, I admired her courage, and we built a beautiful relationship.

Last month, everything changed. Tola and I were invited to a wedding in Lekki. As fate would have it, Dapo was also at the wedding. It was the first time they were seeing each other in nearly 10 years. I noticed they exchanged pleasantries, and while it seemed cordial at first, something about the way they looked at each other didn’t sit well with me.

In the weeks that followed, I started noticing subtle changes in Tola’s behavior. She began acting distant and spending more time on her phone, often smiling at her screen like a teenager in love. When I asked her what was going on, she brushed it off, saying it was just "work stress."

Then, two weeks ago, I came home early from work and found her on a video call with Dapo. She didn’t realize I was home, so I overheard parts of their conversation. They were laughing and reminiscing about their past together—things like how they used to travel to Abuja for weekend getaways and the time he bought her a surprise gift for her birthday. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment between lovers.

When I confronted her, she admitted that she and Dapo had been talking regularly since the wedding. She claimed it was "nothing serious" and that they were just "catching up as friends." But I don’t believe her. Her behavior has changed so much. She’s more secretive, and I even found out she met up with him last Saturday without telling me. She said it was a "closure" meeting, but why does she need closure after all these years?

Now I’m stuck. I love Tola, but it feels like her heart is being drawn back to Dapo. I’ve spoken to my elder brother, Kunle, and he thinks I should stand my ground and fight for my marriage. But my best friend, Tunde, says I should let her go if she’s already emotionally checked out.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront Dapo directly? Should I give Tola an ultimatum to stop talking to him? Or should I quietly walk away and let her decide who she really wants to be with?

Please, Nairalanders, I need your honest opinions. Have you experienced or heard of a situation like this? How do I handle it?

Thou a figment, but can happen. Infact, is happening.

Such husband has little or nothing to do, in other to stop them going forward, it appears the woman loves ex husband, despite she is a wife beater, when woman loves a man, no matter his flaws, she can't remove her heart from him, and the way you narrated your imagination, the wife doesn't love you, only want to be tagged, Mrs "married woman" in your home, and possibly for financial security.

Sapasenator:
Hello Nairalanders,

I am completely lost and need advice. My name is Olumide Adeyanju(Not my real name), and I’m a 42-year-old civil engineer based in Lagos. I’ve been married to my wife, Tola, for seven years. We have a son together, Jidenna, who is five years old. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but I thought we had something solid—until recently.

When I met Tola, she was a divorcee. She told me her first marriage to a man named Dapo Olatunji ended after three years due to irreconcilable differences and I believed her. According to her, Dapo had anger issues and was overly controlling. She said she left the marriage to protect her mental health and focus on building a better life for herself. At the time, I admired her courage, and we built a beautiful relationship.

Last month, everything changed. Tola and I were invited to a wedding in Lekki. As fate would have it, Dapo was also at the wedding. It was the first time they were seeing each other in nearly 10 years. I noticed they exchanged pleasantries, and while it seemed cordial at first, something about the way they looked at each other didn’t sit well with me.

In the weeks that followed, I started noticing subtle changes in Tola’s behavior. She began acting distant and spending more time on her phone, often smiling at her screen like a teenager in love. When I asked her what was going on, she brushed it off, saying it was just "work stress."

Then, two weeks ago, I came home early from work and found her on a video call with Dapo. She didn’t realize I was home, so I overheard parts of their conversation. They were laughing and reminiscing about their past together—things like how they used to travel to Abuja for weekend getaways and the time he bought her a surprise gift for her birthday. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment between lovers.

When I confronted her, she admitted that she and Dapo had been talking regularly since the wedding. She claimed it was "nothing serious" and that they were just "catching up as friends." But I don’t believe her. Her behavior has changed so much. She’s more secretive, and I even found out she met up with him last Saturday without telling me. She said it was a "closure" meeting, but why does she need closure after all these years?

Now I’m stuck. I love Tola, but it feels like her heart is being drawn back to Dapo. I’ve spoken to my elder brother, Kunle, and he thinks I should stand my ground and fight for my marriage. But my best friend, Tunde, says I should let her go if she’s already emotionally checked out.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront Dapo directly? Should I give Tola an ultimatum to stop talking to him? Or should I quietly walk away and let her decide who she really wants to be with?

Please, Nairalanders, I need your honest opinions. Have you experienced or heard of a situation like this? How do I handle it?

Let me repeat what I said about a story, similar to this few weeks ago here.

If you married a single mother, which her husband is still much alive, just know you are into a polyandry instead of monogamous marriage........fact 1.

If husband still struggling to separate ordinary ex boyfriend without kid from wife, how much more relationship that involves kids. ........communication, collecting gifts/money and even visiting, these are the things you can't stop single mother not to do with ex husband.

I have witnessed countless of such cases, where ex wife, who is now married to another husband, which exes still sleeping with them.

One thing I studied about woman is,... any man that succeeded in sleeping with them before, no matter how the relationship ended, couples with the present status of the woman,(marital or financial) , ex can still come back to her life, thou, such ex must knows how to play his game very well. fact 2. ......more reason why husband shouldn't totally leave wife by way of not monitoring, once in a while.(woman won't know, when she mess herself in the hands of ex. .......fact 3

Op, use your common sense and do the right thing.

Op na correct SIMP with a capital letter. What's wrong with you? Be a fvucking man in your own home.

Is this for real? I advice you find a way to win your wife back if you truly love her. In the end, love conquers all.

I don't blame the lady one bit . Men cheat all the time, why can't the ladies too. All men deserve to be cheated on.


Rolls eyes, Mtchewww!

Op you are a fo.oool.


The woman spirit soul and 80% body is gone.




Will you use the rest of your life saving who can't be saved or dosent want to.

She had no regard for you.

Let her go and f.u.ck the guy and I promise you in 6months to 1 year she will realised she was a fantasy to someone hell bound to destroy her life...but of you simp and in 6months to 1 year the guy f.u.ckrd her recklessly and dump her while she is still in your house , you will suffer for it.

In physiology if a woman has done that which is her mind ( emotion) she will be restless.

Sapasenator:
Hello Nairalanders,

I am completely lost and need advice. My name is Olumide Adeyanju(Not my real name), and I’m a 42-year-old civil engineer based in Lagos. I’ve been married to my wife, Tola, for seven years. We have a son together, Jidenna, who is five years old. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but I thought we had something solid—until recently.

When I met Tola, she was a divorcee. She told me her first marriage to a man named Dapo Olatunji ended after three years due to irreconcilable differences and I believed her. According to her, Dapo had anger issues and was overly controlling. She said she left the marriage to protect her mental health and focus on building a better life for herself. At the time, I admired her courage, and we built a beautiful relationship.

Last month, everything changed. Tola and I were invited to a wedding in Lekki. As fate would have it, Dapo was also at the wedding. It was the first time they were seeing each other in nearly 10 years. I noticed they exchanged pleasantries, and while it seemed cordial at first, something about the way they looked at each other didn’t sit well with me.

In the weeks that followed, I started noticing subtle changes in Tola’s behavior. She began acting distant and spending more time on her phone, often smiling at her screen like a teenager in love. When I asked her what was going on, she brushed it off, saying it was just "work stress."

Then, two weeks ago, I came home early from work and found her on a video call with Dapo. She didn’t realize I was home, so I overheard parts of their conversation. They were laughing and reminiscing about their past together—things like how they used to travel to Abuja for weekend getaways and the time he bought her a surprise gift for her birthday. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment between lovers.

When I confronted her, she admitted that she and Dapo had been talking regularly since the wedding. She claimed it was "nothing serious" and that they were just "catching up as friends." But I don’t believe her. Her behavior has changed so much. She’s more secretive, and I even found out she met up with him last Saturday without telling me. She said it was a "closure" meeting, but why does she need closure after all these years?

Now I’m stuck. I love Tola, but it feels like her heart is being drawn back to Dapo. I’ve spoken to my elder brother, Kunle, and he thinks I should stand my ground and fight for my marriage. But my best friend, Tunde, says I should let her go if she’s already emotionally checked out.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront Dapo directly? Should I give Tola an ultimatum to stop talking to him? Or should I quietly walk away and let her decide who she really wants to be with?

Please, Nairalanders, I need your honest opinions. Have you experienced or heard of a situation like this? How do I handle it?

U no be man?

Getat.

Until she makes you a regular at a HIV clinic your small brain will not wake up..

Why are guys so dumb. Should i be a role model to all you mf's?

No

Enjoy

Who dey give birth to all these Weak men??

The weakest generation ever!!

Monetise your story by selling it to Nollywood.

As much as I think this is a fictional work, I'll recommend leaving her sorry ass.

According to the guy above me:
Weakest generation ever liveth.

You too find your Ex.

Oga go Bleep yourself. You lack the required masculinity to lead your woman and as such pushed her to contact her ex to get what you can’t give her and u want to bore us to death. You are a weak man, let her enjoy her life and go work on yourself, you’re such a “wuss”.