₦airaland Forum

Alright thanks for letting us know.

Thanks for the enlightenment.


But do you know this paragraph below is somehow confusing. @ OP


"Note that Dowry is not wedding gifts given to the couple. These are gifts for the two of them"

hilaryCU:
Learn and move on. Stop bringing irrelevant discussion on this simple explanation.

Learning goes both ways and it is relevant to understand why people do not care about the distinctions between the 2 and that they are indeed right not to care

Bahamas95:
Thanks for the enlightenment.


But do you know this paragraph below is somehow confusing. @ OP


"Note that Dowry is not wedding gifts given to the couple. These are gifts for the two of them"

Wedding gifts are for the couple to share.

A dowry most times is for the bride alone and remains her own even in a divorce.

Mynd44:
I have heard Nigerians use "bride Price" and "Dowry" interchangeably and they seem to think they are the same. People just assume the bride price is the dowry or that they mean the same thing but this is a wrong assumption.

I knew this in Social Studies when I was in Primary 5 and it shocks me when people who I think went to school around the same time (not the current era where I don't understand the curriculum) make the same mistake. Perhaps people just think because they are both possessions and gifts exchanged around the time of a wedding they mean the same but nah. They are very distinct things.

So here is the major difference



From the definition above

1. Bride Price is given to the family of the bride by the groom and/or his family and this is mostly set by the Bride's Family.

2. Dowry is the property or money given to the bride by her family when she marries and she takes these things to her marital home.

In some cultures, Dowries cannot be sold by the couple as it is wealth that passes through only the female line so only the bride's daughter can inherit them. Thats why you see where some families have jewelry that their great grandmother used and a female descendant still wears it. It can even be shares of a company etc.

There has been cases in India and Northern Nigeria called "Dowry theft" in these cases, they grooms family (mostly committed by the groom's family) tries to convert the properties of the bride and steal them. I know India had to pass legislation against it. Sometimes, the husband himself tries to steal these possessions.

Note also that in a divorce, the husband cannot lay claim to the dowry as these are personal gifts and are mostly acquired before marriage so are outside the purview of shared items.

In Nigeria, dowries can include, Kitchenware, livestock, land, jewelry and in some parts of the north, the father actually buys furniture.

Note that Dowry is not wedding gifts given to the couple. These are gifts for the two of them.

Your last paragraph is a bit ambiguous.

JoeRizzla:
Okay, so what should we do about it ?

Op is trying to make you remove your long throat from your wife's properties or assets given to her by her parent. She is only entitled to enjoy yours while her own can't be shared with you!

In igboland

We call the supposed dowry ( iduna or send off gifts and it's given to the bride, it can be anything)

Bride price

Many confuse this to the long list given by the wife's family or kinsmen

There are stages in marriage, some 3,some 4

And mind you, the most important in that list is the requirement for the ummunna and ndi Ada

This makes it possible for the bride's parents to partake in receiving their own shares whenever someone's daughter is wedding in the kindred, and it's not a must to fulfill all that requirements, you fit dey do am small small

Bride price na that token eg, e fit be 10 naira or 20naira
Note... E NO DEY THE LIST,IN MY OWN VILLAGE O
You first knock, na normal introduction wey no cost,schnapps and co.. then when you get the list, you can state the ones you can do at that particular time, but the most important thing be the BRIDE PRICE, which her father and one elder in the family will go inside the house with you to discuss, and e no cost, you give them the money and they will say words like... WE ARE NOT SELLING OUR DAUGHTER TO YOU, TAKE THIS MONEY BACK AND USE IT TO LOOK AFTER OUR DAUGHTER WELL ETC... and you get your money back, you can call it DOWRY

The list is not compulsory or IMMEDIATE it can be done gradually, the most important is to give the elders and the umuada theirs to make it possible for your parents to also partake in the sharing of anything that has to do with others daughter's marriage in the kindred

Mynd44:
I have heard Nigerians use "bride Price" and "Dowry" interchangeably and they seem to think they are the same. People just assume the bride price is the dowry or that they mean the same thing but this is a wrong assumption.

I knew this in Social Studies when I was in Primary 5 and it shocks me when people who I think went to school around the same time (not the current era where I don't understand the curriculum) make the same mistake. Perhaps people just think because they are both possessions and gifts exchanged around the time of a wedding they mean the same but nah. They are very distinct things.

So here is the major difference



From the definition above

1. Bride Price is given to the family of the bride by the groom and/or his family and this is mostly set by the Bride's Family.

2. Dowry is the property or money given to the bride by her family when she marries and she takes these things to her marital home.

In some cultures, Dowries cannot be sold by the couple as it is wealth that passes through only the female line so only the bride's daughter can inherit them. Thats why you see where some families have jewelry that their great grandmother used and a female descendant still wears it. It can even be shares of a company etc.

There has been cases in India and Northern Nigeria called "Dowry theft" in these cases, they grooms family (mostly committed by the groom's family) tries to convert the properties of the bride and steal them. I know India had to pass legislation against it. Sometimes, the husband himself tries to steal these possessions.

Note also that in a divorce, the husband cannot lay claim to the dowry as these are personal gifts and are mostly acquired before marriage so are outside the purview of shared items.

In Nigeria, dowries can include, Kitchenware, livestock, land, jewelry and in some parts of the north, the father actually buys furniture.

Note that Dowry is not wedding gifts given to the couple. These are gifts for the two of them.

Aaaahhhhh! 2025 is beginning on a good note, thank God!

Nice one!

I'm so glad for this thread!

In Ilorin in the old days, a bride took a dowry to her husband's house. It was usually in the form of cookware, footwear, cloth, etc. (even GOLD!!), which she starts to sell, so she has her own money. Back in the days, some women were far richer than their husbands, especially where the men were civil servants.

The wives took care of their kids, which was partly the reason why it was easier for the men to practice polygamy.

I may be wrong (because I was quite young those decades ago), but I think the women of the bride's family contributed to the dowry. I remember they carried all the stuff on their heads and walked to the groom's house, a long party of women carrying goods.

What a memory!

I'm not sure it exists anymore.

Poverty is deeply ingrained in our cultures in Africa. Even the oracles are not spared.

Mynd44:
This is a misconception. Giving the man money by the family of the bride happens because in the old days, people marry while very young and like Northern Nigeria where the bride's father gives the couple furniture etc, the bride's family gives the couple money and gifts to have a head start in life. Note that the groom's family also give to them as it is assumed that they are just starting out and don't have much.

This practice is not illegal in India though

Pocohantas explained what is obtainable in her culture and you outrightly said its no.
You know her culture more than her?

If the bride's dad is really rich, landed property is also given aside the normal.
It is a must from the bride's family but according to how wealthy the family is.
That is igbo culture. So yes bride price and dowry can be used interchangeably.

Meobizy, come and contribute on this thread

Better topic dey FP now, you disappear

Vinnie2000:
Whether Dowry or Bride Price, Before Any Man pays it, go for PROPER Investigations.

Bcus It is FOOLISH for Guys to be spending more than 500K on a lady's marriage expenses,
When the person who first fcvked her used Fanta and Digestive biscuits to get the coochie.

Like seriously? Hahaha laugh wan kill me here but looking at it very well is true oo

Girls with less than 50k as total assets wants to marry.. most corrupt pple.

Bishops10:
This is not true

He's right you ignorant fellow!

Some even for free self.

Vinnie2000:
Whether Dowry or Bride Price, Before Any Man pays it, go for PROPER Investigations.

Bcus It is FOOLISH for Guys to be spending more than 500K on a lady's marriage expenses,
When the person who first fcvked her used Fanta and Digestive biscuits to get the coochie.

Mynd44:
I have heard Nigerians use "bride Price" and "Dowry" interchangeably and they seem to think they are the same. People just assume the bride price is the dowry or that they mean the same thing but this is a wrong assumption.

I knew this in Social Studies when I was in Primary 5 and it shocks me when people who I think went to school around the same time (not the current era where I don't understand the curriculum) make the same mistake. Perhaps people just think because they are both possessions and gifts exchanged around the time of a wedding they mean the same but nah. They are very distinct things.

So here is the major difference



From the definition above

1. Bride Price is given to the family of the bride by the groom and/or his family and this is mostly set by the Bride's Family.

2. Dowry is the property or money given to the bride by her family when she marries and she takes these things to her marital home.

In some cultures, Dowries cannot be sold by the couple as it is wealth that passes through only the female line so only the bride's daughter can inherit them. Thats why you see where some families have jewelry that their great grandmother used and a female descendant still wears it. It can even be shares of a company etc.

There has been cases in India and Northern Nigeria called "Dowry theft" in these cases, they grooms family (mostly committed by the groom's family) tries to convert the properties of the bride and steal them. I know India had to pass legislation against it. Sometimes, the husband himself tries to steal these possessions.

Note also that in a divorce, the husband cannot lay claim to the dowry as these are personal gifts and are mostly acquired before marriage so are outside the purview of shared items.

In Nigeria, dowries can include, Kitchenware, livestock, land, jewelry and in some parts of the north, the father actually buys furniture.

Note that Dowry is not wedding gifts given to the couple. These are gifts for the two of them.

I think this is a dictionary definition that may not be in tandem with the reality of the situations in the areas mentioned. Let’s take away the dictionary definition and look at it the way it is.

It is right to term dowry and bride price as they same, as they are rightly the same in our country. There is no mistake.

How do you pronounce dowry in your own language to start with? How do you refer to it in your own language? If you go around all the ethnicities in Nigeria and Africa, you will get a common “head money” when interpreted to English. That is money paid as the culture, tradition or religious belief holds as the foundation for a proper marriage.

In the typical African society, women do not pay this “head money” to their husbands or husbands families. It is not the practice and borders around the abominable for such to happen. The man pays the price and offers all the gifts that go along with it.

The northern part of our country goes ahead with sending the wife off to her husband’s house with the furniture and items needed to live in the house. That’s why you find the ladies with bed, chairs, cooking utensils, food and other items to build the home. In a lot of cases the ladies, with no space in their husband’s apartment, abandon the properties in their parent’s homes. For our Muslim brethren, it is rooted in the religion, with the groom’s family paying the price in cash, cows and camels, expensive jewelry, etc. The same for Christian brethren in the north, where dowries are paid according to the tradition of the people and other things follow.

It is the same in other cultures in Nigeria, Yoruba, Itsekiri, Efiks, Igbos, Ishan, Benin, etc, who give gifts like cars, houses and household properties to their daughters, as token of their love and for their comfort when they go to the houses of their husbands. It is not termed “dowry”, but “sending her to her husband’s house”.

The Indians have the unique case where the women pay the same dowry to the men. That’s why in India, you find many families advertising their daughters on pages of newspapers for possible suitors. Initially acts of generosity, these traditions have evolved into compulsory and often abusive expectations, causing immense suffering for many women. Hindu customs from long ago are the source of the dowry system. As part of the marriage ceremony, the bride's father presents gifts to the groom's family in an old custom known as "Kanyadan," which literally translates to "the giving away of a virgin daughter", "Stridhan," which translates to "women's wealth," describes the presents presented to the bride with the intention of securing her financial future. These optional customs eventually became required obligations, which paved the way for marriage's commercialization. Dowry payments have become issues of threats and deaths in India. The groom gives nothing in return. Why not call it bridegroom price which is the opposite? The Hindus have a unique case and system that has even been challenged in the courts.

I think this is a very good topic by OP and such issues should be discussed here for better understanding for all.

Thanks to MYND44.

pocohantas:
I always thought dowry is what is paid for the groom, as in India. But going by your explanation - dowry in my place is what we call IDU ULO. It is a compulsory gift from the bride's family to the bride and the standard is kitchen wares and baby items. If the bride's family has a lot of money, then you can see items like refrigerator, big gas cooker and oven...etc.

In the past my mum said they were always given sewing machines. So I guess the items are modified to meet the times.

I am surprised people are casting aspersions on Southern women because many places in Igboland practise this. I wouldn't know why it doesn't get as much noise as the marriage list.

I think the problem is from the definition, one of the definitions actually says, "given to the groom"... In this case, it'll be similar to the Indian culture

Maybe a family has to decide which of the definitions they want then, "given by the bride's family to the bride or given to the groom"

Yampotatocarrot:
I think the problem is from the definition, one of the definitions actually says, "given to the groom"... In this case, it'll be similar to the Indian culture

Maybe a family has to decide which of the definitions they want then, "given by the bride's family to the bride or given to the groom"

Nothing about the dowry in the article concerns Igbo culture. We do our things differently depending on the tribe or clan. Everything given to the new family belongs to both groom and the bride in Igboland.

Bride price is a token not a selling price.

pocohantas:
I always thought dowry is what is paid for the groom, as in India. But going by your explanation - dowry in my place is what we call IDU ULO. It is a compulsory gift from the bride's family to the bride and the standard is kitchen wares and baby items. If the bride's family has a lot of money, then you can see items like refrigerator, big gas cooker and oven...etc.

In the past my mum said they were always given sewing machines. So I guess the items are modified to meet the times.

I am surprised people are casting aspersions on Southern women because many places in Igboland practise this. I wouldn't know why it doesn't get as much noise as the marriage list.

Poverty and associated mindsets have pretty much wiped out that custom. Families just focus on what they can get from the groom.

My buddy married someone from the east, and the parents were pushing for the other two marriage rites—I can't remember their names—but totally skipped the "Idu Ulo" because it would cost them money.

Yampotatocarrot:
I think the problem is from the definition, one of the definitions actually says, "given to the groom"... In this case, it'll be similar to the Indian culture

Maybe a family has to decide which of the definitions they want then, "given by the bride's family to the bride or given to the groom"

You are right. I never thought of it that way.
We give the bride, but obviously the man benefits from it.

chigoziri2403:
Thanks for the knowledge sharing

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. "inter vivos" rather than at the owner's death .A dowry (or dower) establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her children. Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might include furnishings such as linens and furniture.

What about grooms that are asked to buy property for the bride and display for the community? You cant call that dowry.

descarado:
Pocohantas explained what is obtainable in her culture and you outrightly said its no.
You know her culture more than her?

If the bride's dad is really rich, landed property is also given aside the normal.
It is a must from the bride's family but according to how wealthy the family is.
That is igbo culture. So yes bride price and dowry can be used interchangeably.

No What the brides family provides for her to take to her husband's house is the dowry, places in Ebonyi state do this, but there are other Igbo tribes that dont do this, the husband is asked to provide everything for the bride including undies, Imo state is a good example where the groom is fleeced not just by the bride's family but her community as well.

Vinnie2000:
Whether Dowry or Bride Price, Before Any Man pays it, go for PROPER Investigations.

Bcus It is FOOLISH for Guys to be spending more than 500K on a lady's marriage expenses,
When the person who first fcvked her used Fanta and Digestive biscuits to get the coochie.

You have a point there, I mean why spend millions for something she has been giving away for free since she reached puberty?

Bishops10:
This is not true

I am 200% sure ur lineage are all illiterates such that this misconception passed on to u
I don't mean it as an insult

Bishops10:
This is not true

Or deh

Educative

Mynd44:
Wedding gifts are for the couple to share.

A dowry most times is for the bride alone and remains her own even in a divorce.

Alright. 👍

NothingDoMe:
Poverty and associated mindsets have pretty much wiped out that custom. Families just focus on what they can get from the groom.

My buddy married someone from the east, and the parents were pushing for the other two marriage rites—I can't remember their names—but totally skipped the "Idu Ulo" because it would cost them money.

Sorry about your buddy's experience. Some families are a handful, but without being told, it doesn't make sense to not give your daughter something.

Tallesty1:
Dowry is most times bigger than the bride price.

Not most times, it's ALWAYS bigger.

Interesting read.

But ermmm let's stick with pots and pans please to avoid stories that touch the oesophagus

nwirinedu:
What about grooms that are asked to buy property for the bride and display for the community? You cant call that dowry.

No
Dowry is like a goodbye gift to the bride from her family, to enable her marriage less stressful