Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? (1248 Views)
| Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 7:40am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Being in the relationship for a good number of years, our final hopes to go to the altar finally pooped up and it was a unique moment of my life. Being single for than my timing wished, could not let me think twice before celebrating our decision to tide the knot. The joy in my face, could not be quantify with any achievements I had made being that the girl was the woman that I love as my soul. But my happiness was struck by an unexpected traditional demands which I don't know if it happens anywhere else outside AkwaIbom. When I went for an enquiry to know what dowries was. I was shocked to learn that... For me to marry the girl, I have to first marry the mother of the girl since her late husband did not pay her dowry, so no man can pay anything on the girl's head. I was left in shock because I didn't expect this. Right now I'm so confused on what to do because I just don't want to move in with this girl and start a family without doing the right thing to make her my celebrated wife. Please, is there any good advice to help me with? Is this a tradition in your culture?
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| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by immortalcrown(m): 7:42am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Kennitrust:Explain the bolded part. What do you mean by you marrying the girls mother? As for the bride price, there is a way my tradition handles it. You either take the girl without paying her bride price or her family will first pay the mother's bride price to enable you pay the girl's own bride price. The second option is the best. The first option is very bad because the girl will not be traditionally recognised as your wife until you pay her bride price. Her family can even claim the children she has with you. But these days, court judgement overrules traditions, meaning that with DNA test results and with evidence that you have been spending on those children, you can claim those children. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 7:46am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Nlfmod, please move this to FP let a brother learn. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 7:48am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:said it their tradition? It either I help the eldest son in the family to pay the Bride price of their mother on behalf of their late father or nothing can be done about it. 1 Like |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by PresidObi: 7:50am On Jan 03, 2025 |
That's abnormal. In my place, you never marry the mother or pay anything about her past, you do ahead and marry the girl because it's the man who owns the household, including the girl. You pay to the man of the house irrespective of what her mother's past is. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Peakdesign23(f): 7:51am On Jan 03, 2025 |
This is unbelievable. In most cases the parents of the bride perform these marriage rites before accepting their daughters dowry/bride price provided that they're alive. But In this case the burden will be too much on you, considering the fact that her dad is late. Tell your wife to be to discuss with her mom, perhaps they should cut down expenses and everything should be transactional. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by immortalcrown(m): 7:52am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Kennitrust:How on earth does this mean you marrying the girl's mother? 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Nazgul: 7:53am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:In Igbo land if you impregnate a girl and she dies without you paying her bride price, you must marry her before claiming your children. If you don't pay her bride price, you can't claim your children. Since the girls mom wasn't officially married her has to marry her before being able to marry the daughter. It doesn't mean he'll begin to have sex with her. It's just tradition. 1 Like |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Nazgul: 7:54am On Jan 03, 2025 |
@op Go ahead with the rites, there's nothing there. As long as you and your girl love each other, just carry on. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by PresidObi: 7:54am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Nazgul:Those two situations are not the same. The marrying the mother part is not same as forcing you to pay for your own stubbornness of not doing the right thing which you refused to do. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by immortalcrown(m): 7:55am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Nazgul:You are misinterpreting Igbo traditions here. It is true that the man will pay the late wife's bride price before burying her. But there's nothing like the man being asked to marry the wife's mother. 2 Likes |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 8:01am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:well if I have to give money for that, I'm subtle in the picture of the marriage na |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 8:03am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:that exactly what I mean too... Maybe I did not consider putting it... The girl's family responsibility because I was asked to provide the money. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by immortalcrown(m): 8:04am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Kennitrust:The family is either irresponsible or ignorant of the tradition. What the family is meant to do is to raise the money from another source or raise it indirectly from you by collecting part of the money that you are to use for your wife's marriage rites (example, the money you are to use to give them drinks or yam tubers) and using that money to settle the mother's bride price. The family is not meant to directly ask you to raise the mother's bride price for the family. 1 Like |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Nazgul: 8:09am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:I never said marrying your wife's mom was Igbo tradition. I only made reference to it so that the op would understand the different cultures and traditions that that exists across Nigeria. And it shouldn't stop you from marrying whoever you want to marry. 1 Like |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by eyenogoquiet(m): 8:11am On Jan 03, 2025 |
immortalcrown:E no tire you. Make e better no carry this kyn sense enter marriage |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Nazgul: 8:17am On Jan 03, 2025 |
PresidObi:I've read about cultures in Africa where the groom would be asked to sleep with some of the bride's aunt's and they would confirm if he's potent enough for her. Some you'll be flogged with horse whip and you must not cry. It's just to prove that you're a man. Some, you and the other suitors would fight each other, the winner marries the girl. There are countless traditions in Africa. Just accept the one that looks normal to you. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by keemsleek(m): 8:19am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Once you pay the Mother's bride price technically you married to her. If you are a Christian then you should know the tradition is wrong. Bride price is the essence of marriage. Talk it out with your family |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Samantha125(f): 10:11am On Jan 03, 2025 |
What I know in my culture is that if you're a woman and you're dating a man who's been to an initiation school while you didn't, chances are his family is going to want you to go and attend it before you guys can get married. Some families can be understanding, while most of them are still not ready to let go of the tradition... You'll see grown women amongst children during the graduation, all in the name of love...  |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Tallesty1(m): 11:41am On Jan 03, 2025 |
Nazgul:Not so in my place. Nothing can be done to claim the child a woman had for you outside marriage unless her family do not want the child. Doesn't matter if she's dead or alive, the child belongs to her father forever. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by hakeemhakeem(m): 3:56pm On Jan 03, 2025 |
What happened to the paternal side or are they not involved in the marriage rite because it sounded you were relating to the maternal side. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Nazgul: 8:35pm On Jan 03, 2025 |
Tallesty1:It's certainly not Igbo land. Maybe delta. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Tallesty1(m): 2:59am On Jan 04, 2025 |
Nazgul:😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂. Pocohantas dey don carry your brother dash ndị Delta oo. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by PantShifter(m): 8:12am On Jan 04, 2025 |
Kennitrust:You have been fùcking the girl and her pûssy is good so just close your eyes and do all the marriage rites so you can marry her |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kennitrust(op): 9:20am On Jan 04, 2025 |
PantShifter:
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| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by pocohantas(f): 1:17pm On Jan 04, 2025 |
Tallesty1:Hahahahaha. A whole nwafor Enugu. It is the girl's father/family that is supposed to pay sha. The family done see scapegoat and they want to hook it on the guy. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Kobicove(m): 1:22pm On Jan 04, 2025 |
If you plan on marrying the girl then I don't see how you can escape performing the necessary marriage rites  |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Dtruthspeaker: 8:21am On Jan 05, 2025 |
See proof people are still the same old adultery laden pagans their ancestors are. See Jacob vs laban things and this time instead of sister, now it is mama they are loading on him. One day we shall read of someone being given grandma to marry thereby making an innocent man to commit worse and worse adultery by marriage (polygamy) |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by essentialone1: 8:26pm On Jan 05, 2025 |
The tradition you're describing, where you're expected to "marry" your fiancée's mother due to unpaid dowry, is not a widely recognized or common practice in most cultures. In Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria, where you mentioned this tradition is prevalent, there might be some unique cultural or customary practices. However, it's essential to approach this situation with sensitivity and understanding. Here are some advice and potential steps to consider: 1. Seek clarification and understanding: Have an open and honest conversation with your fiancée and her family to understand the roots and significance of this tradition. Try to grasp the cultural context and the importance of this custom. 2. Negotiate and find alternatives: Depending on the family's willingness to adapt, you might be able to negotiate alternative solutions that still respect their cultural heritage. For instance, you could offer to pay a symbolic dowry or perform a different ritual that acknowledges the family's traditions. 3. Involve elders or community leaders: If you're struggling to find a resolution, consider involving respected elders or community leaders who are familiar with the local customs. They might be able to provide guidance, mediate discussions, or offer alternative solutions. 4. Prioritize your relationship and well-being: While it's essential to respect your fiancée's cultural background, your relationship and well-being should not be compromised. If you feel that this tradition is unreasonable or unsustainable, it's crucial to communicate your concerns and work together to find a mutually acceptable solution. 5. Consider seeking professional advice: If you're unsure about how to navigate this situation or need guidance on cultural sensitivity, consider consulting with a professional counselor, anthropologist, or cultural expert. Remember that every culture has its unique customs and traditions. Approach this situation with empathy, respect, and an open mind. By doing so, you'll be better equipped to find a solution that honors your fiancée's heritage while also respecting your own values and well-being. |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Dtruthspeaker: 7:33am On Jan 06, 2025 |
essentialone1:Clear proof that many people are still pagans even though they claim Christian. 1 Like |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by AreaFada2: 5:58am On Jan 11, 2025 |
immortalcrown:I wonder. Poor sentence structure. The girl and her family should find a way to sort out their mother's dowry. Your late father-in-law's family are the ones shirking their responsibility. Before they can sit down and collect their niece's dowry, let them pay dowry for the girl's mother. Why did they not help their brother pay the dowry when alive? Kennitrust, it's the girl's paternal family trying to put all the burden on you. You can support your babe to contribute, but it can't be your job to "marry her mother for her late dad." |
| Re: Do You Have This Rite In Your Culture? by Silentgroper(m): 6:19am On Jan 11, 2025 |
Nazgul:That's shiit tradition ... What business do I have with the mother .. If I do that, I'm fvcking the wife and one more female in that family since the mother won't be fvck able .. All in all, it's a shiit tradition... |
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