₦airaland Forum

My name is Uchenna, Growing up on the streets of Ajegunle, Lagos, life was anything but easy. I come from a family of eight, and poverty was our closest companion.
My father was a roadside mechanic, my mother sold pepper at the market, and we often went to bed hungry. School fees were a luxury we couldn’t afford, but I was determined to change my story.

I did everything—hawked sachet water under the blazing sun, pushed wheelbarrows, washed cars—just to survive and get an education. It wasn’t easy, but I kept pushing. Today, by the grace of God and sheer hard work, I am a successful businessman in Lagos. I live comfortably, have my own car, and even travel abroad for business. But success comes with its own challenges, especially when you have family depending on you.

One of my biggest responsibilities has been my youngest sister, Abigail. She’s married to a man who, like her, is a teacher in a struggling private school in Ejigbo, Lagos. Their combined income of N80,000 barely covers the basics. Seeing their struggles, I’ve been supporting them consistently—sending monthly allowances, paying their children’s school fees, and stepping in whenever emergencies arose.

At some point, I gave Abigail ₦120,000 to enroll in a tailoring program. I thought this would help her gain a skill, start a business, and reduce the financial pressure on both of us. But she didn’t take it seriously. The money went down the drain, and she never completed the program. No business, no skills, just excuses.

Despite all this, I continued to support her. But then she told me she was pregnant with their second child. That’s when I snapped.

"Abigail," I told her, "if you have another child after this one, I will stop all financial support. I love you, but you and your husband need to take responsibility for your lives."

Now, my family is divided. Some people think I’m right, that I’ve done more than enough, and she needs to step up. Others think I’m being too harsh—that family should be unconditional, no matter the circumstances.

But here I am, wondering:
Was I wrong to set that boundary? Should I have kept quiet and continued supporting her no matter what?
If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?

Honestly, I'd have done more than what you did

Until you stop being supportive to them, they'd even go ahead and have their third child cuz after all, they have a very solid support system

In all of these,I don't know why men who aren't doing well financially always turn out to be very fertile in terms of impregnating women🤔

You did nothing wrong. Your sister is an adult and is now married. I see no reason why you should continue to play role of provider when she has a husband. You have tried.

Some Nigerian men looking for women that'd marry them as pauper. Look at what Abigail is going through despite being lucky to have a brother doing well financially and being supportive. Oya con judge the matter o

Op i have a neighbour having similar issues with your sister. She married a poor and lazy man. This my neighbour is a government teaching staff earning 400k+ as a level 16 officer. Her husband earned little to nothing. She's the breadwinner of her family and she has 3 years more in service. This woman has absolutely nothing to her name. Once she received salary today, before 2 weeks she'd start borrowing money. She's also lucky she has elder siblings doing fine financially and they do support her. She has 3 children and 2 of her children just graduated recently. She said her elder brother and sister wasn't in support of her marriage but she insisted to marry the man out of love. She said even level 10 staff that are women are doing pretty fine than her. They had their ride, properties and dress nicely courtsey their husband. I understand all women cannot marry rich men, but not a woman marrying a poor, unambitious and lazy man. It is better to be single for life than that.

Btw, @op you are on point

After the birth of her second child please take your sister to a competent doctor for a family planning procedure. Failure to do this then that hegoat of a husband will continue to impregnate her until there's no more children in her womb.

phorget:
After the birth of her second child please take your sister to a competent doctor for a family planning procedure. Failure to do this then that hegoat of a husband will continue to impregnate her until there's no more children in her womb.

Will the husband agree?

Nnamdipapa:
Will the husband agree?

No husband like this looks for children, so he has no choice. Let them tie her womb. Shikena.

Sonnobax15:
..In all of these,I don't know why men who aren't doing well financially always turn out to be very fertile in terms of impregnating women🤔

That is how God made it to be.

Nnamdipapa:
Will the husband agree?

Then the generous in law withdraws his support for the family. The husband can't keep procreating what he's not capable taking care of.

Nnamdipapa:
But then she told me she was pregnant with their second child. That’s when I snapped.

"Abigail," I told her, "if you have another child after this one, I will stop all financial support. I love you, but you and your husband need to take responsibility for your lives."

Basically, your financial assistance, in your opinion, gave you the right to tell your sister to abort her pregnancy?

I think you gone a bit too far, and should have congratulated her and told her she's now grown enough to bear her own burden instead of assuming she was having a second child for you to care for.

budaatum:
Basically, your financial assistance, in your opinion, gave you the right to tell your sister to abort her pregnancy?

I think you gone a bit too far, and should have congratulated her and told her she's now grown enough to bear her own burden instead of assuming she was having a second child for you to care for.

who was she having the second child to cater for before?

VTJN:
who was she having the second child to cater for before?

For the person who got her pregnant with the first child?

Or did I miss where she at some time told her brother she was having children for him?

budaatum:
Basically, your financial assistance, in your opinion, gave you the right to tell your sister to abort her pregnancy?

I think you gone a bit too far, and should have congratulated her and told her she's now grown enough to bear her own burden instead of assuming she was having a second child for you to care for.

Bro, I can't see where he told the sister to abort the pregnancy...

budaatum:
Basically, your financial assistance, in your opinion, gave you the right to tell your sister to abort her pregnancy?

I think you gone a bit too far, and should have congratulated her and told her she's now grown enough to bear her own burden instead of assuming she was having a second child for you to care for.

When I assist financially, you come under my direct control and rule, if you dont want that, then go make your money and set your own rules.

phorget:
After the birth of her second child please take your sister to a competent doctor for a family planning procedure. Failure to do this then that hegoat of a husband will continue to impregnate her until there's no more children in her womb.

u people n saying stupid things

Take someone else wife for family planning without d husband's consent?

Which kind carry jump behaviour b that?

The best op can do is to look into their issue n see how he can establish them to b independent, the reality is that so far they are still on salary job they can never b independent

Nnamdipapa, the best u can do is to get keke napep for d husband or buy bike for him

Anything less than that they will keep demanding money from u, with keke napep the man will make a minimum of 20k per day

In this kind of situation u go just close eyes buy d keke napep n make the husband sign never to sell it or u jail him

Simple

Nnamdipapa:
When I assist financially, you come under my direct control and rule, if you dont want that, then go make your money and set your own rules.

this your mentality is very wrong guy

U give what u can afford n not what will make u turn God over their life

If u know u can't lock up when u give people money then don't give them, try to get keke napep for d guy

Even if u will b d one to buy it through proxy n let a soldier present it to him so he will b serious to pay back

Don't think they can ever be okay doing salary job

Sharpsharp00123:
u people n saying stupid things

Take someone else wife for family planning without d husband's consent?

Which kind carry jump behaviour b that?

The best op can do is to look into their issue n see how he can establish them to b independent, the reality is that so far they are still on salary job they can never b independent

Nnamdipapa, the best u can do is to get keke napep for d husband or buy bike for him

Anything less than that they will keep demanding money from u, with keke napep the man will make a minimum of 20k per day

In this kind of situation u go just close eyes buy d keke napep n make the husband sign never to sell it or u jail him

Simple

The guy claim to have a post graduate degree, too posh to do Keke or get his hands dirty

Nnamdipapa:
When I assist financially, you come under my direct control and rule, if you dont want that, then go make your money and set your own rules.

I am your slave because you feed me?

Please come back in future and let me know how that life philosophy works out for you.

m4una:
Bro, I can't see where he told the sister to abort the pregnancy...

He didn't. I exaggerated for effect.

Nnamdipapa:
The guy claim to have a post graduate degree, too posh to do Keke or get his hands dirty

e don give u d easiest escape route

Tell him to go n meet those who sponsored him through post graduate or get money from where he did post graduate or enter d street

If he's still forming posh then hands off their case n enjoy your life to d fullest

A grown man is expected to have sense, when hunger touch him e go enter street

budaatum:
I am your slave because you feed me?

Please come back in future and let me know how that life philosophy works out for you.

Then I stop feeding you. Mind you I pay her monthly salary past 2 years. I will simply cut it off the support.

When a country get a loan from IMF, they obey the terms and conditions. That is the way it works. You cannot be poor and proud at the same time.

Nnamdipapa:
Then I stop feeding. Mind you I pay her monthly salary. I will simply cut it off.

When a country get a loan from IMF, they obey the terms and conditions. That is the way it works.

Stop feeding is exactly what you must do, not because she does not obey you though, but because of her ill life choices, which she should be funding herself.

As for IMF, we'd simply renegotiate new terms and conditions, since supporting countries in renegotiating loan terms through debt restructuring, is exactly what IMF does.

Sharpsharp00123:
u people n saying stupid things

Take someone else wife for family planning without d husband's consent?

Which kind carry jump behaviour b that?

The best op can do is to look into their issue n see how he can establish them to b independent, the reality is that so far they are still on salary job they can never b independent

Nnamdipapa, the best u can do is to get keke napep for d husband or buy bike for him

Anything less than that they will keep demanding money from u, with keke napep the man will make a minimum of 20k per day

In this kind of situation u go just close eyes buy d keke napep n make the husband sign never to sell it or u jail him

Simple

Why would the Goodman buy keke for an unrepentant poverty minded husband? The poor man should zip up and concentrate on building his family without always running to people for assistance.

phorget:
Why would the Goodman buy keke for an unrepentant poverty minded husband? The poor man should zip up and concentrate on building his family without always running to people for assistance.

When he gets money, he leaves the little kids hungry and goes outside to eat.
Some men are very useless I swear.

phorget:
After the birth of her second child please take your sister to a competent doctor for a family planning procedure. Failure to do this then that hegoat of a husband will continue to impregnate her until there's no more children in her womb.

That's taking it to far. He can only advice the couple and it is their decision to either take his advice or otherwise.

He can tell them he's withdrawing his support however, i think the brothers statement is too harsh except if they have had the discussion on them putting a hold on childbearing before now.

VTJN:
➜Op i have a neighbour having similar issues with your sister. She married a poor and lazy man. This my neighbour is a government teaching staff earning 400k+ as a level 16 officer. Her husband earned little to nothing. She's the breadwinner of her family and she has 3 years more in service. This woman has absolutely nothing to her name. Once she received salary today, before 2 weeks she'd start borrowing money. She's also lucky she has elder siblings doing fine financially and they do support her. She has 3 children and 2 of her children just graduated recently. She said her elder brother and sister wasn't in support of her marriage but she insisted to marry the man out of love. She said even level 10 staff that are women are doing pretty fine than her. They had their ride, properties and dress nicely courtsey their husband. I understand all women cannot marry rich men, but not a woman marrying a poor, unambitious and lazy man. It is better to be single for life than that.
Btw, @op you are on point

If and when she decides to finally cut loose the unnecessary cargo, she might begin to see her salary go further than it has all this while.

Nnamdipapa:
When he gets money, he leaves the little kids hungry and goes outside to eat.
Some men are very useless I swear.

This life is funny 🤣
Honest men marry ungrateful women, while hardworking women marry riffraffs. Some scientists need to look into this enigma

budaatum:
Basically, your financial assistance, in your opinion, gave you the right to tell your sister to abort her pregnancy?

I think you gone a bit too far, and should have congratulated her and told her she's now grown enough to bear her own burden instead of assuming she was having a second child for you to care for.

Malicious ediot, where did he mention that he told the sister to abort the pregnancy

Does telling someone not to get pregnant automatically translate to encouraging abortion?

The ultimatum was necessary!!!!

Houseofglam7:
The ultimatum was necessary!!!!

A rule I have is when I help someone, they must be helping themselves in one way or the other. I would have cut off without the ultimate.

Something tells me this is a Reddit story wey Nairaland child gwo gwo gwo ngwo.

meobizy:
Something tells me this is a Reddit story wey Nairaland child gwo gwo gwo ngwo.

I will give you 200k if you can find this story on reddit.