₦airaland Forum

funkmrflexx:
Vacation costs money, that one join wetin dey stress man sef

Your problem is not marriage, your problem is money. This statement says it alot.

Maybe you were of the notion that "when you get married, blessings begin to flow"

Now you don't see that financial blessings coming, you want give up.

Life is hard either way, single or married, especially in that zoo called Nigeria, when you don't have money.
Tell yourself the truth why you feel bad about your marriage and talk things out with your wife

Since 2023 your only topic is about your canterous marriage

Nawa o

Go meet a mediator maybe it can be savaged

Kobojunkie:
What does it matter if I am in my 12th marriage when it comes to taking care of what is your own child? Are you sure you are OK at all? Suppose society makes it well known to even single parents that their children are their responsibility. What makes you think or believe that you as a married individual can escape that same?

A simple question has gotten you on the offensive.

You are in your 12th marriage or 12 years in your only marriage?

Your reaction now just raised a red flag 🚩 about your mental state.

There's good news for every trouble marriage


Both of you can have a good conversation, short, long or whatever about any problem, might not be the major issue, but just have a conversation that shows you are ready for a change.


After that conversation, just change to what you have learn to be good for her, you just know what is good for her that ordinarily it's in your possession to give or do.


Just watch and see her change too, she will change too. And all trouble gone. But let there be that small conversation o

Why are you not giving into her threat of leaving? If she says she wants to leave, let her leave!

Divorce is a tool to end marriages that are not working, don't die in it

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

Marriage is a scam






Women will be like don't cum inside me oo 😏 They think is easy to jump down from a running train😄😄

Kobojunkie:
So, the woman has no right to threaten to leave if she is violated by her husband in the marriage? Una tio dey like to talk like say una no understand the main reasons why fit result of those threats. OP conveniently avoided mentioning them and you all took it upon yourselves to conclude that that the woman must be the problem. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I judged hastily. My comment was based on the kind of character that threatens to leave even without provocation or over little things. When I looked further into this particular matter, I realized that might not be the case here.

sylve11:
How?

If you don't gerit, forgerit

Kobojunkie:
Please seek professional marriage counseling at this time so you and your wife can get on the same page on how you feel at this point in the marriage. Bring up the topic of separation during your counseling session, and if after some time you decide divorce is the best route then legally file for divorce.

It is OK to say you are tired of marriage or don't think you were cut out for it to begin with. Humans change and divorce is not a crime. What is never OK is abandoning your marriage and child. Only cowards and deadbeat dads resort to such measures. Couple that with the fact that marital abandonment is a criminal offense even under the code in Nigeria.

Great submission!!!

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

Lol. Welcome to the real world of marriage and leant that all those fairy tales you hear about love and marriage are not real.

I'm going 20 years now with my wife and the first couple of years was difficult. With time, you will adjust and get use to it

.

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

Op, let’s connect. We can learn a thing or 2 from each other. I feel a community to breathe is what we need.

Veggieseeddies:
Your baseless opinion to my comment though

You are not a serious person

Kobojunkie:
So, the woman has no right to threaten to leave if she is violated by her husband in the marriage? Una tio dey like to talk like say una no understand the main reasons why fit result of those threats. OP conveniently avoided mentioning them and you all took it upon yourselves to conclude that that the woman must be the problem. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Hi
My feminist friend. Happy Weekend

XXCASH:
➜Hi My feminist friend. Happy Weekend

I am afraid you have me confused with someone. I am not a feminist. I rather consider myself a commonsense-er.

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

If you wedded in the church or in the court, then you would know that marriage is a life time commitment. You have to make sacrifices continuously for your marriage to work. Marriage is not a life of isolation or renewable contract. Marriage is a union where a man and a woman come together to become 1 i.e 1 +1 =1. You need to pray to God for grace and continuously work out your marriage and build your home together with your wife

chiboycue:
➜If you weded in the church or in the court, then you would know that marriage is a life time commitment. You have to make sacrifices continuously for your marriage to work. Marriage is not a life of isolation or renewable contract. Marriage is a union where a man and a woman come together to become 1 i.e 1 +1 =1. You need to pray to God for grace and continuously work out your marriage and build your home together with your wife

Nonsense!

These people in those marriages are human beings who are prone to change, the one constant in our lives as humans. Pay attention to what OP is letting you know. He is tired and ready to leave before his mental worsens.

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense!

These people in those marriages are human beings who are prone to change, the one constant in our lives as humans. Pay attention to what OP is letting you know. He is tired and ready to leave before his mental worsens.

You don't get married with a view to be proned to change. When you have difficulties in marriage, you seek help from couples or friends that have stayed longer that yourself in marriage so that they can advice you on how to resolve conflict that arises in marriage

chiboycue:
➜You don't get married with a view to be proned to marriage

Divorce, you mean? It is the same with most of what we do in life — getting a job, having a child, growing up, etc. We don't look forward to the end but it will all eventually end.

Angel15:
Ya all need to first consider your sanity and health before going into marriage. Let that consideration guide your choice of partner. Not after commitment and bringing children into world, you'll suddenly remember mental health, then use it as yardstick to dump your responsibilities on your partner. Marriage was never promised to be a bed of roses all the time. Both parties have to work out what they want their marriage to be for them. You are the pilot, Mr husband, be incharge, for good and your will enjoy it. Be intentional, and if doesn't work, be man enough to cater for the children you bring into this world, if not...

I fully agree to this
Once you get married
Ensure to give it all your best

If after all it doesn't work out
Kindly move on
But if children are involved
Make sure you must be
Responsible for them
Play your path
You may even have to sacrifice
To endure because of your childrens

Lolz..im serious oh, There's joy when you're connected with your maker

Kobojunkie:
Stop lying o'jare! 🙄🙄🙄

Jesus will save you. Invite Him to your marriage.

ROK123:
➜Lolz..im serious oh, There's joy when you're connected with your maker

Which one? There are currently over 4000 deities that have been identified so far. Which of them is this maker that you believe cares about such human issues as marriage and where is the evidence of this concern to be observed?

Tit4Tat1:
You don't have to break a bank to go on a vacation..

Organize a sleepover during the weekends in one of the hotels in ur town with good facilities like swimming pool, games etc...

Why can't you sleep at home?

tuoyoojo:
It's mainly bad news that makes headlines
There are many marriages that are working where the couples are happy so no one should feel marriages are bad

stop lying, statistics say otherwise
In Yankee divorce rate is 80% and 80% of the remaining 20 just stay for their children and financial sake. Wetin remain. Most ppl are not enjoying any their marriage. Forget eye Service. Look at the stats

However only the marriages with issues are brought here. If someone comes to share that he is happy in his marriage, many bad belle people would call him a simp and wish his marriage would fail so few people come online to talk.

My apologies to the OP for the issues you are experiencing but it important to look every well before marrying. Most times the red flags are there but we ignore it, leave it unresolved or have this larger than life expectation that we can change the person

When kasala burst we then come to blame the institution rather than blame ourselves

Marriage is sweet don't let anyone deceive you. Pray that God would guide you to marry a good woman who has a kind heart and who is also God fearing Also you as a man, treat the woman the same way you want someone to treat your sister if you have one and see how sweet your marriage would be

Marriage is still beautiful and a blessing too.

Kobojunkie:
Which one? There are currently over 4000 deities that have been identified so far. Which of them is this maker that you believe cares about such human issues as marriage and where is the evidence of this concern to be observed?

Jesus is the way, the truth and Life, cut out from Him, you can do nothing!..(John15:5) When you're connected with God by prayer, studying the word of God and keeping His commands, His Mercy and grace will be sufficient in your life and above all, He will guide you in all your life endeavours!

ROK123:
➜Jesus is the way, the truth and Life, cut out from Him, you can do nothing!..(John15:5) When you're connected with God by prayer, studying the word of God and keeping His commands, His Mercy and grace will be sufficient in your life and above all, He will guide you in all your life endeavours!

Funny thing is that the Jesus Christ of Israel who said that EQUALLY said that His Father sent Him only to the Lost Sheep of Israel — the blood descendants of Jacob. So, I am not sure why you feel mentioning Him on this thread filled with non-Israelites should mean anything.

He equally never said anything about studying but my guess is you don't really give a flying f-ck what he in fact said at all.

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

It's well. There are fundamental issues, but please, don't let your life be wasted by stress. Are you both Christians? Are your parents alive? Whatever makes your wife to issue threat of leaving the marriage should be addressed. How did you both get married in the first instance? Did you engage in courtship?

Do you have any family support system like a relative who is also a friend and confidante?

Your wife will seem like someone with family support for her to be issuing such a threat.

IF a woman or man uses threat in a marriage, there is a problem with communication. IF it's now the threat by the woman of leaving the marriage, then the problem is bigger.

A woman with the mindset that she can leave a marriage anytime she feels like, has a completely WRONG MINDSET about marriage and her marriage MAY not really work out.

MIKOLOWISKA:
stop lying, statistics say otherwise
In Yankee divorce rate is 80% and 80% of the remaining 20 just stay for their children and financial sake. Wetin remain. Most ppl are not enjoying any their marriage. Forget eye Service. Look at the stats

It would be important to share the link to your stat where almost a 100 percent of marriage are unhappy....more so I was not talking about the American culture when dem nor send marriage

If Marriage that as bad as you claim why do people get married often because from your stats, so almost 100 percent of those in marriage are unhappy.

People make poor decisions in choosing partners and turn around and blame the marriage institution.

Marriage is definitely not for everyone, if you don't like it or it didn't favour you or people around you that doesn't mean 100 percent of marriages are happy

Klass99:
Thank you. Coming from a man/nairaland male user, this comment is appreciated.

There have been this wrong narrative that marriage is not to be enjoyed, polluting the minds of young people who may be interested in the beautiful institution.

Marriage is enjoyable when you meet the right partner. People make wrong choices and end up blaming the institution of marriage

Martinez39s:
Lol. Did the OP denigrate marriage? Chill. He only came here to vent and let things off his chest. If things were going great for him, he wouldn't be here.

As I have said, If things were going great for him, he wouldn't be here. Besides, no would call a man a simp because his marriage is happy and going well except he exhibited simpish attributes and behaviours.

I put up what I did in response to someone who said he wanted to propose to his girlfriend but was having some trepidation