₦airaland Forum

You think everything here is a Joke 🤷‍♂️

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.
And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Maybe you married too early in life.

funkmrflexx:
Omo it's not even about financial issue, I feel it's not just worth it

I'm sure you have a distorted view of what marriage is all about.

First, it's not the couple who got married but about the purpose and intentions of the third person in every marriage but who's ignored in most marriages; God that matters most. Reason for all the pains and sorrows of marriages.

Many thought marriage is the same thing as wedding.

Wedding is a ceremony to commemorate the beginning of the union, but most of the time turned into the highlight of the relationship.

So, how are we prepared for the union? In most cases; no preparation is made; knowing the purpose of God for that union, knowing the person of whom you're marrying and how you want to start the journey.

Then many now compound the strain arising from the listed issues above by adding inlaws matter to it.

Recipe for disaster.

How do you resolve your own case?

Sit back and ask questions on the various points I raised above.

The most critical of them all is this question:

Does God have a place in it? Was He consulted about the matter before you go do wedding?

If the answer to all of these are NO.

No problem. Just repent, ask God to forgive you for your sins you're born with and ask Him to give you a new heart. Pray for your wife too asking for same thing for her.

Then call her for a frank talk, that you'll like to start all over again though you don born one pickin o.

You'll be shocked the positive result you'll get.

Then find find a Bible teaching church to go.

On getting there introduce yourself to the leaders and be active there.

All the best as I wait for your testimony soon.

U need a second wife

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

I have been married for over 10 years. To better assist you, kindly outline the issues/challenges you're facing in your marriage, and you may receive valuable advice.

Sonnobax15:

Omoh,the kind of news I've been reading here on Nairaland recently especially since I started thinking about putting the ring into my banny's finger are so terrorizing and alarming

Make e no come look like say I no learn from other people mistakes cha .

Op,it's well with your soul...that's all I've got to say.

couldn't stop laughing...

I feel your pain bro. I just left mine. I cannot comman die after 6 years of abuse, domestic violence and assault. We men take too much but because we don't talk, the world see us as being the guilty one.

ayo6hammiey:
➜I feel your pain bro. I just left mine. I cannot comman die after 6 years of abuse, domestic violence and assault. We men take too much but because we don't talk, the world see us as being the guilty one.

Abuse, domestic violence and assault? Who told you to take it though?

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

As it is now your mental health is no longer stable, if she wants to leave, let her go but don't chase her away

A little break is all you need to heal your mind

Time will heal every thing

Trojan8:
You are not a serious person

Your baseless opinion though

1) You are tired and you want to run.
2) Your wife is also tired and has been threatening to run.

Given that you are both tired, I believe your wife feels the same way about the marriage. That it is useless and of no benefit to her.

This would even make separation easier.

If you ask me, I will say you should run.🤝

Tit4Tat1:
You don't have to break a bank to go on a vacation..

Organize a sleepover during the weekends in one of the hotels in ur town with good facilities like swimming pool, games etc...

And after the temporary sleepover at hotel, the man's problem will be solved?

tobore4u:
marry ur frnd una no dey hear

Hu con be my friend
Some women will be nice to u, till you marry them, then they will show u their true colors

funkmrflexx:
Omo it's not even about financial issue, I feel it's not just worth it

Wahala plenty ooo..
You guys should separate ni..
You are gradually drifting into depression unknowingly..
1

tobore4u:
marry ur frnd una no dey hear

Marriage is beyond all these
Marry you best friend, marry your friend.

Movichabiodun:
Marriage is beyond all these
Marry you best friend, marry your friend.

Even the one you once thought as a best friend could change. Rather,make friends with the one you marry;even better a best friend.

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

Sorry bro. Any realistic man will totally understand you. It is not easy at all.

For your lonely moment, it is very important.. if you live in the city, travel go your village house or any of your siblings place. Spend few days and have enough sleep. Life is easier, when you take things easy. Avoid pressure..And make your marriage work. If not for anything, for your son.

Lastly, women are big babies. If you understand this, you will have little or no issue with your wife. She can either be your first daughter or your second mom or both. Outside is risky o.

Kobojunkie:
Even the one you once thought as a best friend could change. Rather,make friends with the one you marry;even better a best friend.

God bless you my brother
Just love the person you marry unconditionally

funkmrflexx:
Omo it's not even about financial issue, I feel it's not just worth it

It's worth it if both of you work as in team.. Set your individual And collective goals and work towards them reviewing your steps daily if possible... Guy it's interesting especially when both of you keep meeting your set targets..

Or do you mean both of you never discussed what you wanted to achieve in the marriage before setting out for it?

Marriage is. Not easy... And is. Not for everyone...
But e sweet wen u guys have d same goals and aspirations.. I. Love my woman... Despite the struggles we dey sort our shit

Tit4Tat1:
It's always like that.. Try something new with ur spouse, go on vacations, play and joke as often as you can.. Just try to have some fun and see the spike coming back into your marriage

A lizard in Nigeria is a lizard anywhere.

Brother take calm, urs is just 4 years , u just stated the journey, keep it calm with her,us ur wisdom and don't let her prompt u into home violence.

Even me as well always feel like running 4/40 distance away not think of coming back, but wisdom apply keep me going for the sake of happy home and kids futures.

funkmrflexx:
Omo it's not even about financial issue, I feel it's not just worth it

This is what happened when you married a woman that's not submissive, but arrogant and insulting .
The same goes to woman that married a man that doesn't love them, but forced herself on him.

Advice to unmarried.
Never marry a man that does not love you dearly because of age or family pressure

Man never marry a woman that is not submissive and see you as her lord.

My advice to you, separate for while don't kill yourself and don't remarry too quick, If it's the will of God two of you will later realised your mistakes and like Tiwa Salvage, you will return to build a great home.

alpharoyalty:
There are two things that will keep your marriage
Money and a good dîck.
The rest are manageable

Na so s3x matter for marriage? Haa!

zmanto:
couldn't stop laughing...

you funny bro,you know today's woman is not like our mom who endured, technically has changed the way people think.

Sonnobax15:

Omoh,the kind of news I've been reading here on Nairaland recently especially since I started thinking about putting the ring into my banny's finger are so terrorizing and alarming

Make e no come look like say I no learn from other people mistakes cha .

Op,it's well with your soul...that's all I've got to say.

My son we have a saying, if I advice you, you will say you have been insulted. " Marriage is a bad business, which a wise man or woman will encourage his friends to invest in, because the profit is too much"

This is why you have to know your woman very well
Before setting down with her... don't marry because of beauty or shape, always pray for the right partner

funkmrflexx:
I've been married close to 4 years now with a 2 year old boy, but marriage isn't what I envisioned it to be.

Like the said, if marriage was renewable every 5 years, I wouldn't even bother. I feel like I'm losing myself to this thing called marriage, aside from the responsibilities that comes with providing, the mental and psychological stress.

I've never been this stressed in my life and I'm someone who's usually able to handle a lot of stress, I just feel like I need time alone from everything and everyone, no calls, no text. Nothing.

And my wife even makes it worse with threats of leaving the marriage over any small issue. I think the biggest mistake of my life is getting married and I know a lot go men go through this to but they can't talk.

And that's why a lot of men die young these days.

I can tell your marital problems in two words

NO MONEY!

Relationships and marriages grow and change over time.
There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth.

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage
This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage
This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage
This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to the next stage

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage
This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage
This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them.

You should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.

#copied
Credits to:
https://www.rocksolidmarriages.com/the-5-stages-of-marriage.html

alpharoyalty:
There are two things that will keep your marriage
Money and a good dîck.
The rest are manageable

But my brother has money and small dick but he is happily married with kids

alpharoyalty:
There are two things that will keep your marriage
Money and a good dîck.
The rest are manageable

But my brother has money and small dick but he is happily married with 2 kids

Bobodee09:
Is people like you that makes men feels marriage is of no benefit to them...take a look at your last sentence??

A man should treat the woman the same way you want someone to treat your sister if you have one and see how sweet your marriage would be ?? Like men are the issue?? How she treat him in return doesn't matter??

First of all the fact doing that doesn't guarantee anything no even pain me , what pain the most is the fact you don't even care how she treat the man in return or you just assume all women are good and angels??

Learn to balance things when talking about Marriage....both partners needs to treat each other good.

You need to be a Nigerian politician.

You read that guy's post, quoted it and still deliberately misinterpreted it.

Na wa!