₦airaland Forum

Men, this is the most eye opening thread to read.

Are men truly the gatekeepers of commitment, or have they handed that power over to women?

Traditionally, it’s said that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. This means that:

Women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions.

Men control access to relationships and marriage—they decide who they commit to and propose to.

However, in today's world, it doesn’t seem that simple anymore.

Are Men Really in Control of Commitment?

If men were truly the ones holding the keys to relationships, we wouldn’t see:

✔️ Men chasing women and constantly asking them out.
✔️ Men trying to prove their worth just to get a “yes.”
✔️ Men getting rejected while women sit back and choose.
✔️ Men investing first in time, effort, and resources, while women simply “decide” if they are interested.

It almost seems like women are now the gatekeepers of both sex and relationships.

How Did This Shift Happen?

1. The Rise of Female Hypergamy – Women naturally want the best man they can get, so they are extremely selective. This means they have the power to say “yes” or “no” to relationships, making men feel like they must “win” their approval.

2. Abundance of Options for Women – Due to social media and dating apps, women receive endless attention from men. They are no longer waiting to be “chosen”—they are picking from a large pool of suitors.

3. Men’s Willingness to Compete for Women – Most men have accepted the role of chaser, pleaser, and provider. Instead of maintaining power, they are willingly putting women in control.


The Harsh Reality: Women Make the Final Decision

Even though men may have the “intent” to commit, women have the final say. A man can ask a woman out, plan a future, and want to commit—but if she doesn’t choose him, none of that matters.

So the question remains:

Are men still the gatekeepers of commitment, or have they unknowingly handed that power to women?

What do you think?

If a man can control his sexual urge..
Then automatically,vvomen don't exist in his world

Nyascobar1414:
If a man can control his sexual urge..
Then automatically,vvomen don't exist in his world

This should settle it.

Contrary to what you wrote, “men are still the gatekeepers of commitment”. But it all starts in the mind; once you experience “rapture” (brutal and critical mindset shift) then u naturally shift sex at the back of your mind and make your purpose and family ur top priority, trust me bro women will be so easy for you to bed and it’s left for you to determine who to commit to from a pool of women. When I hear guys saying they love their girlfriends and can’t do without them, immediately I know they have the scarcity mindset. Make urself ur priority and work hard on urself (hit the gym, learn a high income skill, elevate ur status, work on ur confidence and tidy ur hygiene+grooming) get these right and u will know there are still babes who approach guys even in Nigeria.

I simp can never be a keeper of any. Your post can only apply when where women makes their own money.

Sex is the game changer.

Men want sex, women want commitment.




An alpha male does not commit cheaply

An alpha female does not sex cheaply.

AngelicDamsel:
Sex is the game changer.

Men want sex, women want commitment.




An alpha male does not commit cheaply

An alpha female does not sex cheaply.

U sabi game jare

Nyascobar1414:
If a man can control his sexual urge..
Then automatically,vvomen don't exist in his world

U cannot truly control ur sexual urge until u Bleep a girl well and even after making her cum multiple times she still leaves u to pursue the thrills of being with someone new, then u begin regretting all the sperm u wasted on her and what those sperm would’ve done to ur body (make u bearded, deep voice, dick becomes thicker, skin shiny, mood and mental health elevated, purposeful) if u didn’t give it cheaply to her. It is only when u can come to this realization and are ready to start again, only then will u be able to control ur sexual urge. This is what I call “rapture”. But na only Baba God de run am of not u fit just hate women and turn gay. But women seeet sha, just don’t rush to commit as a man.

You are right in your assertion.
But, that applies mostly to only the top 5% females.
Go to Facebook Dating and Hookup Pages and you see lots of women advertising that they're single and searching.
Yes, they are still selective though.
It's an evolutionary instinct.

FitCorper:
U cannot truly control ur sexual urge until u Bleep a girl well and even after making her cum multiple times she still leaves u to pursue the thrills of being with someone new, then u begin regretting all the sperm u wasted on her and what those sperm would’ve done to ur body (make u bearded, deep voice, dick becomes thicker, skin shiny, mood and mental health elevated, purposeful) if u didn’t give it cheaply to her. It is only when u can come to this realization and are ready to start again, only then will u be able to control ur sexual urge. This is what I call “rapture”. But na only Baba God de run am of not u fit just hate women and turn gay. But women seeet sha, just don’t rush to commit as a man.

..

Ever since I knew the benefits of semen retention..
I don't think, I'll ever let my sperm leave my dick in the next decades..

Man can be God ,it's all in the mind

Dpsychologist:
Men, this is the most eye opening thread to read.

Are men truly the gatekeepers of commitment, or have they handed that power over to women?

Traditionally, it’s said that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. This means that:

Women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions.

Men control access to relationships and marriage—they decide who they commit to and propose to.

However, in today's world, it doesn’t seem that simple anymore.

Are Men Really in Control of Commitment?

If men were truly the ones holding the keys to relationships, we wouldn’t see:

✔️ Men chasing women and constantly asking them out.
✔️ Men trying to prove their worth just to get a “yes.”
✔️ Men getting rejected while women sit back and choose.
✔️ Men investing first in time, effort, and resources, while women simply “decide” if they are interested.

It almost seems like women are now the gatekeepers of both sex and relationships.

How Did This Shift Happen?

1. The Rise of Female Hypergamy – Women naturally want the best man they can get, so they are extremely selective. This means they have the power to say “yes” or “no” to relationships, making men feel like they must “win” their approval.

2. Abundance of Options for Women – Due to social media and dating apps, women receive endless attention from men. They are no longer waiting to be “chosen”—they are picking from a large pool of suitors.

3. Men’s Willingness to Compete for Women – Most men have accepted the role of chaser, pleaser, and provider. Instead of maintaining power, they are willingly putting women in control.


The Harsh Reality: Women Make the Final Decision

Even though men may have the “intent” to commit, women have the final say. A man can ask a woman out, plan a future, and want to commit—but if she doesn’t choose him, none of that matters.

So the question remains:

Are men still the gatekeepers of commitment, or have they unknowingly handed that power to women?

What do you think?

I have been thinking about this too. And I also came to the realization that most men are not the gatekeepers of relationships/commitment.


First of all, let's see why women are the gatekeepers of sex.
As you said, "women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions." Take a random woman out there, let's call her Abiola. Being a woman, Abiola has many guys who would like to have sex with her. There are colleagues, classmates, neighbors, clients, churchmates, online acquaintances, and many more who have made their direct or indirect advances. But, whether any of these men get to have sex with her depends on her. She is the person who decides whether any of these men get to have access to her body. In effect, she gatekeeps sex FROM THESE MEN. If there are 15 men that would like to have sex with Abiola, then Abiola is the gatekeeper of sex from these 15 men.
Since 99% of women out there have at least one guy that would like to have sex with her (regardless of her age, beauty, economic status, intelligence or personality), any woman is EFFECTIVELY gatekeeping sex FROM AT LEAST ONE MAN. Therefore, it makes sense to say that "women are the gatekeepers of sex."

Now, let's examine the men side.
It is said that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment." But I have come to the realization that most men are not "gatekeeping" commitment/relationships from anybody.
Think about it. How many men have girls that would like to be in a relationship with them? The average man out there is not being checked out by any woman. No woman cares about him, no woman thinks about being in a relationship with him, and women couldn't care less about his commitment. So, if he is the gatekeeper of commitment, WHO IS HE GATEKEEPING THAT COMMITMENT FROM when there are no girls that would like to be in a relationship with him? If you are a man, and you believe you are the gatekeeper of commitment, please take a pen and a paper, and write down the names of the girls you think you are gatekeeping that commitment from. If you can't think of any girl, just know that you aren't gatekeeping shît. If there are, say, three girls that would like to be in a relationship with you, then you are the gatekeeper of relationship (only) AS FAR AS THESE THREE GIRLS ARE CONCERNED.
Since most men out there have no woman that would like to be in a relationship with them, I don't think it makes sense to say that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment."

The truth is, nowadays, women are indeed the gatekeepers of BOTH relationship and sex. For most (not all) men, it is women who decide who gets into a relationship and who gets sex. Virtually any woman knows at least one man that would like to be in a relationship with her; she is effectively gatekeeping commitment from that one man. But can we say the same for the average man out there? Is there a woman he is effectively gatekeeping commitment from? Is there a woman he can get into a relationship with today, if he wanted to?

Only a minority of men (I'd say around 30%) are truly gatekeepers of commitment. The rest have NOBODY to gatekeep their (undesired) commitment from.


@Nyascobar1414
@Dpsychologist
@ThinkSmarter
@FitCorper

In a day and age when most men have to beg, compromise, or pay to be in a relationship, can we really say that men are the gatekeepers of relationships?

Kipaji:
I have been thinking about this too. And I also came to the realization that most men are not the gatekeepers of relationships/commitment.


First of all, let's see why women are the gatekeepers of sex.
As you said, "women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions." Take a random woman out there, let's call her Abiola. Being a woman, Abiola has many guys who would like to have sex with her. There are colleagues, classmates, neighbors, clients, churchmates, online acquaintances, and many more who have made their direct or indirect advances. But, whether any of these men get to have sex with her depends on her. She is the person who decides whether any of these men get to have access to her body. In effect, she gatekeeps sex FROM THESE MEN. If there are 15 men that would like to have sex with Abiola, then Abiola is the gatekeeper of sex from these 15 men.
Since 99% of women out there have at least one guy that would like to have sex with her (regardless of her age, beauty, economic status, intelligence or personality), any woman is EFFECTIVELY gatekeeping sex FROM AT LEAST ONE MAN. Therefore, it makes sense to say that "women are the gatekeepers of sex."

Now, let's examine the men side.
It is said that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment." But I have come to the realization that most men are not "gatekeeping" commitment/relationships from anybody.
Think about it. How many men have girls that would like to be in a relationship with them? The average man out there is not being checked out by any woman. No woman cares about him, no woman thinks about being in a relationship with him, and women couldn't care less about his commitment. So, if he is the gatekeeper of commitment, WHO IS HE GATEKEEPING THAT COMMITMENT FROM when there are no girls that would like to be in a relationship with him? If you are a man, and you believe you are the gatekeeper of commitment, please take a pen and a paper, and write down the names of the girls you think you are gatekeeping that commitment from. If you can't think of any girl, just know that you aren't gatekeeping shît. If there are, say, three girls that would like to be in a relationship with you, then you are the gatekeeper of sex (only) AS FAR AS THESE THREE GIRLS ARE CONCERNED.
Since most men out there have no woman that would like to be in a relationship with them, I don't think it makes sense to say that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment."

The truth is, nowadays, women are indeed the gatekeepers of BOTH relationship and sex. For most (not all) men, it is women who decide who gets into a relationship and who gets sex. Virtually any woman knows at least one man that would like to be in a relationship with her; she is effectively gatekeeping commitment from that one man. But can we say the same for the average man out there? Is there a woman he is effectively gatekeeping commitment from? Is there a woman he can get into a relationship with today, if he wanted to?

Only a minority of men (I'd say around 30%) are truly gatekeepers of commitment. The rest have NOBODY to gatekeep their (undesired) commitment from.


@Nyascobar1414
@Dpsychologist
@ThinkSmarter
@FitCorper

..

Deep but true..
Cheii,men are sooo stupid!d so to say..
I don't think most men will do away with this ignorance.

Testosterone and sexual urge is the cause of all these nonsense 😹..
A man's life is just alone.

Actually,if a man can control his sexual urge,he won't see any value in any vvoman,or any reason to associate with a female..

Men fail to uphold their pride or ego over sxx or giving women attention ,the problem 🚶

Kipaji:
In a day and age when most men have to beg, compromise, or pay to be in a relationship, can we really say that men are the gatekeepers of relationships?

Men have actually never been the gatekeepers of commitment. Only the top percent of men are. Most men aren’t desirable so they aren’t gatekeeping anything.

tensazangetsu20:
Men have actually never been the gatekeepers of commitment. Only the top percent of men are. Most men aren’t desirable so they aren’t gatekeeping anything.

This is why the dating and mating market is BRUTAL for the average man out there. He basically has zero leverage, is easily replaceable, and has pretty much zero option.

I now make a throwback to a recent discussion we had on the redpill thread where Nyascobar1414, Zaziboy, Pukkalolo, JESHAL007, luminous and emmaodet thought about the powerlessness of the average man in intersex yak dynamics. (It started here: https://www.nairaland.com/6048178/reality-every-guy-need-know/2317#133844124)

Kipaji:
I have been thinking about this too. And I also came to the realization that most men are not the gatekeepers of relationships/commitment.


First of all, let's see why women are the gatekeepers of sex.
As you said, "women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions." Take a random woman out there, let's call her Abiola. Being a woman, Abiola has many guys who would like to have sex with her. There are colleagues, classmates, neighbors, clients, churchmates, online acquaintances, and many more who have made their direct or indirect advances. But, whether any of these men get to have sex with her depends on her. She is the person who decides whether any of these men get to have access to her body. In effect, she gatekeeps sex FROM THESE MEN. If there are 15 men that would like to have sex with Abiola, then Abiola is the gatekeeper of sex from these 15 men.
Since 99% of women out there have at least one guy that would like to have sex with her (regardless of her age, beauty, economic status, intelligence or personality), any woman is EFFECTIVELY gatekeeping sex FROM AT LEAST ONE MAN. Therefore, it makes sense to say that "women are the gatekeepers of sex."

Now, let's examine the men side.
It is said that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment." But I have come to the realization that most men are not "gatekeeping" commitment/relationships from anybody.
Think about it. How many men have girls that would like to be in a relationship with them? The average man out there is not being checked out by any woman. No woman cares about him, no woman thinks about being in a relationship with him, and women couldn't care less about his commitment. So, if he is the gatekeeper of commitment, WHO IS HE GATEKEEPING THAT COMMITMENT FROM when there are no girls that would like to be in a relationship with him? If you are a man, and you believe you are the gatekeeper of commitment, please take a pen and a paper, and write down the names of the girls you think you are gatekeeping that commitment from. If you can't think of any girl, just know that you aren't gatekeeping shît. If there are, say, three girls that would like to be in a relationship with you, then you are the gatekeeper of sex (only) AS FAR AS THESE THREE GIRLS ARE CONCERNED.
Since most men out there have no woman that would like to be in a relationship with them, I don't think it makes sense to say that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment."

The truth is, nowadays, women are indeed the gatekeepers of BOTH relationship and sex. For most (not all) men, it is women who decide who gets into a relationship and who gets sex. Virtually any woman knows at least one man that would like to be in a relationship with her; she is effectively gatekeeping commitment from that one man. But can we say the same for the average man out there? Is there a woman he is effectively gatekeeping commitment from? Is there a woman he can get into a relationship with today, if he wanted to?

Only a minority of men (I'd say around 30%) are truly gatekeepers of commitment. The rest have NOBODY to gatekeep their (undesired) commitment from.


@Nyascobar1414
@Dpsychologist
@ThinkSmarter
@FitCorper

Man. You did well with your illustration and I have really began to doubt the phrase that "men are gatekeepers of commitment" when many guys are there begging ladies to be in a relationship with them.

For a man to beg a woman for commitment then worship the ground she walks on and even pay her monthly salary for being his gf doesn’t show him as a gatekeeper of anything. Here she is controlling both sex and the relationship. She can cut off sex any time and he will beg, she can decide to cut off the relationship and he will beg like his like depended on it.


It will be appropriate to say some men are gatekeepers of commitment.

Kipaji:
I have been thinking about this too. And I also came to the realization that most men are not the gatekeepers of relationships/commitment.


First of all, let's see why women are the gatekeepers of sex.
As you said, "women control access to intimacy—they decide who gets it and under what conditions." Take a random woman out there, let's call her Abiola. Being a woman, Abiola has many guys who would like to have sex with her. There are colleagues, classmates, neighbors, clients, churchmates, online acquaintances, and many more who have made their direct or indirect advances. But, whether any of these men get to have sex with her depends on her. She is the person who decides whether any of these men get to have access to her body. In effect, she gatekeeps sex FROM THESE MEN. If there are 15 men that would like to have sex with Abiola, then Abiola is the gatekeeper of sex from these 15 men.
Since 99% of women out there have at least one guy that would like to have sex with her (regardless of her age, beauty, economic status, intelligence or personality), any woman is EFFECTIVELY gatekeeping sex FROM AT LEAST ONE MAN. Therefore, it makes sense to say that "women are the gatekeepers of sex."

Now, let's examine the men side.
It is said that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment." But I have come to the realization that most men are not "gatekeeping" commitment/relationships from anybody.
Think about it. How many men have girls that would like to be in a relationship with them? The average man out there is not being checked out by any woman. No woman cares about him, no woman thinks about being in a relationship with him, and women couldn't care less about his commitment. So, if he is the gatekeeper of commitment, WHO IS HE GATEKEEPING THAT COMMITMENT FROM when there are no girls that would like to be in a relationship with him? If you are a man, and you believe you are the gatekeeper of commitment, please take a pen and a paper, and write down the names of the girls you think you are gatekeeping that commitment from. If you can't think of any girl, just know that you aren't gatekeeping shît. If there are, say, three girls that would like to be in a relationship with you, then you are the gatekeeper of sex (only) AS FAR AS THESE THREE GIRLS ARE CONCERNED.
Since most men out there have no woman that would like to be in a relationship with them, I don't think it makes sense to say that "men are the gatekeepers of commitment."

The truth is, nowadays, women are indeed the gatekeepers of BOTH relationship and sex. For most (not all) men, it is women who decide who gets into a relationship and who gets sex. Virtually any woman knows at least one man that would like to be in a relationship with her; she is effectively gatekeeping commitment from that one man. But can we say the same for the average man out there? Is there a woman he is effectively gatekeeping commitment from? Is there a woman he can get into a relationship with today, if he wanted to?

Only a minority of men (I'd say around 30%) are truly gatekeepers of commitment. The rest have NOBODY to gatekeep their (undesired) commitment from.


@Nyascobar1414
@Dpsychologist
@ThinkSmarter
@FitCorper

Na man wey never unlock himself for beast mode na him de beg woman for sex or relationship. One advice for all men have zero tolerance for disrespect, ie learn to cut people off without being mad at them. For those in relationships already use ur actions not words to let your girlfriend know if she misbehave u don run away be that, be stoic in ur dealings. U can’t imagine the number of girls I roll with and I don’t even have to sleep with most but some are comfortable enough to bath and change in front of me, afterwards they discuss their relationship problems with me afterwards indeed “some men are dogs” I spit on them. No self control whatsoever only sex, sex, more sex and money they have to offer. All I wrote will make sense only to the lucky few who have outgrown lust. I want to make it a point of duty to befriend as many ladies as I can so as to continue learning about women, in my quest so far I found nairaland will mislead u. Until u can take ur sexual urge u are just another zombie in the matrix.
I will proudly insist “MEN ARE GATEKEEPERS OF COMMITMENT”. Even that sex thing sex no be women get am, catch woman one on one sweet talk her ear and be bold enough to play with her hair, arms ( I no say make u break am) any body part not covered by cloth all these while maintaining eye contact and being jovial u go discover say them de sabi wet well well. 😂 But remember no means no.

FitCorper:
. When I hear guys saying they love their girlfriends and can’t do without them, immediately I know they have the scarcity mindset. Make urself ur priority and work hard on urself (hit the gym, learn a high income skill, elevate ur status, work on ur confidence and tidy ur hygiene+grooming) get these right and u will know there are still babes who approach guys even in Nigeria.

Exactly what have been preaching for a very long time.
If you focus on yourself and investment most in yourself, it will pay off by women getting attracted to you naturally