₦airaland Forum

BigDickProblems:
Your siblings who are married, don’t they have children? Your parent’s grandchildren can now come in. So you and your elder siblings should plan well for any of the grandchildren that should be staying with them—the schooling especially. Once in a while you pay a visit and let the child also pay his/her own parents a visit for a while too. During Holiday, another grandchild can stay with them too.

Omo this is why I fear old age. Omo.

Gentlesoul2021:
And u think the husband of his elder sisters will want to release their children.

Notavictim:
If your parents are the owner of where you stay, and you can still find a space to build a room and parlour by the side or at the back, you can do that and start your family.


That is what I want to do thou I am practically going through alot.

Believe me staying home really helped with the way we join hand-with-hand to endure this Tinubu hard regime, if not for that my life would have been miserable.

My father left home since 20 years ago and I cannot leave my mother to herself. She has really suffered alot, I am the only male, all my sister's are married. She's an health conditioned patient hence I cannot leave her to herself. Who will she talk to, she would be too lonely.

My mom has been so good to my wife, my sisters pamper her too. My mother gave my wife a shop space to practice her trade. In any of our misunderstanding , my family will support my wife. They will even be telling me it's women supporting women world.

If I succeed to build my own space, I'll still move my mother along. She's very active with my child, she would wake up all the night tendering to her grandchild while me and my wife is sound asleep.

Find a woman that can reason along with you thou not every woman will want to be in this setting and it is because of the many bad stories for a wife to live in her husband family house made this setting a no go area. I can read my wife body reaction to this setting but do we have a choice even thou she's not contributing to any house welfare.

Stay by your parents, do not let this woke mentality people are throwing here and there mislead you. Your parents need you, it's clear and they even say it out to you.

BigDickProblems:
He didn’t specify if the elder siblings are husbands or wives. Whichever one that applies should work. Even if all of them are wives, it will still work.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Gentlesoul2021:
If all of his elders are wives, it MAY work not WILL work. I personally will never release my child to go and stay with aged parents...

SultanOfPuna:
ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.

The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.

They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.

Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

pansophist:
Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent did for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland account, I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

SisterAnn:
Op, by adopting a child for them, do you mean adopting infants or adopting grown up children for your aged parents?

I don't know why nobody is seeing the "cruise"

Klass99:
I think you have a good point but Pansophist also made some valid points, your response and reaction to him wasn't necessary.

Let's try and debate the issue sensibly and in a civil manner.

1. The difference between parents and children is that, parents made a choice to have children and that choice comes with responsibilities and obligations some of which you listed above. Children on the other hand didn't make a choice to come into this world, to have parents or to have the sort of situation OP is in thrust upon them. As children we try to make the best of it, by doing good, doing right and doing well by our parents.

2. It is a natural course of life that children will grow up one day and leave home. This is a normal and old practice, even the bible talks about a man leaving his parents to cleave to his wife. We leave the nest to build our lives and live out our dreams or purpose, most times that means physically parting from parents and leaving them behind.

3. Parents and children were never meant to be together until death do them part. That is an exclusive reserve of married couples. The OP"s parents are the ones who should be together till death does them part. I understand the sentiment you expressed about parents being old, doing things for us and wanting us around in old age, but I think what most of them truly need is companionship.

4. It can be companionship from one another as a couple, from their friends, church community, or a group of people with same interests, etc. It must not necessarily be from the physical presence of their children. This is one of the reasons why I believe companionship is more important in marriage than children. I also don't like this idea we have of birthing kids so they can look after us in old age. It creates scenarios like the one OP is in now and emotional blackmail as well.

5. I cannot relate to the desire or need, to bring non-existent people into existence, just so they can take care of us in old age. It is a lot work if you ask .

I am more quick to send that girl pocket money for her personal use, than I am, to send to some of my own blood relatives. Blood is not thicker than water for me when it comes to that girl, the value she has provided and continues to provide exceeds the value some blood relatives have provided.

lavylilly:
Thank you for sharing something this personal — your thoughtfulness and sense of responsibility are clear in every word. You're caught in a very human tension: between duty and desire, family and self, stability and growth.

Let me be honest with you, from both a practical and emotional perspective:

💬 The Truth Is: Both Sides Matter Deeply
On one hand, your parents are aging and you are currently their closest support system. They likely feel more secure just knowing you’re around — even if you don’t do everything yourself.

On the other hand, you’re a grown man with your own dreams, and it’s completely natural and necessary to want to move on — to build your own life, relationship, and legacy.

This is not selfishness. This is life unfolding. It’s not “either them or you” — the goal is to find a balance.

🧩 Let’s Break It Down:
1. You Deserve to Move Forward
You’ve worked hard, become financially stable, and now want to build your own family. That’s not just a wish — it’s a vital life stage. Suppressing that desire too long can lead to frustration, regret, or even resentment. You’re not just living for your parents — you are also allowed to live for yourself.

2. Your Parents’ Needs Are Real Too
Yes, they are old. Yes, they depend on you. And yes, things may become chaotic if you just disappear. But that doesn’t mean you must put your life permanently on hold. What they need is support — not your entire presence 24/7.

💡 Practical Steps Forward
Instead of viewing this as a “stay or leave” decision, build a gradual and supportive transition plan:

✅ 1. Talk to Your Parents
Have a gentle but honest conversation. Reassure them of your love and commitment to their well-being — even if you’re not physically living with them.

✅ 2. Stay Close By (If Possible)
Can you move out but remain within the same city or neighborhood? This keeps you close enough to help and check in regularly, while still giving you the space to build your own life.

✅ 3. Hire or Assign Help
If finances allow, hire a trusted caregiver — even if it’s for a few hours daily or weekly. Alternatively, see if a trusted neighbor, church/community member, or even a rotating sibling visit schedule can help reduce the burden.

✅ 4. Use Technology
Set up security cameras, smart home devices, or medication reminders. Regular video calls can help them feel your presence. Technology can bridge part of the gap when you’re not there.

✅ 5. Build a Routine of Support
Create a routine: grocery runs, weekend check-ins, house maintenance, etc. This provides them with structure and reassurance even if you’re not living under the same roof.

❤️ Final Word: You’re Not Abandoning Them
You are not leaving them out of carelessness — you are growing, and that’s what they raised you for. The best gift you can give them is not just daily presence — it’s becoming fulfilled, strong, and able to care for them in deeper ways.

You can leave the house, but not leave their lives. There’s a way to be a good son and build your own life.

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.

They have lived their own life they dont have to live your life with theirs. Look for someone to take care of them while you live your own life raising your own family. Just always look back to check on them
My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

columbus007:
So Op na nairaland you want come dey look for solutions, 😁. So you can't stay with your age parents? Wonder they say will never end. Oya continue.

northbird:
You are blessed. . Don't stay far away from your parents at this stage, since you are now financially bouyant.
Even if you rent your own apartment, make sure its not more than one hour drive from them.

Do this, you know your parents, there's a particular food or dish they like , it might even be an old school music recording,it could even be 100 or 200 naira mint notes ,maybe 7 or 8. you will be suprised at what shacks old folks. it might be individually.
Start preparing it, and when they want to thank you, jokingly, tell them to bless you.
Do this often, it will propel you forward, it's called, transference of grace.

Some will smirk at this key, . the current greatest world footballer lives with his Mother,.. he didn't just start, yes, he's good, he trains hard, true. But, there's a certain extra edge that pushes men into greatness.

.Trust me on this.

FameGlory:
There is no need talking on this matter.

Most of the comments are just plain DUMB.

Your Parents have lived their own lives.

So you won't live yours?

Even the Bible says "A man will leave his father and mother..."

The bible did not say "A man will stay and live with his father and mother...."

Was your parents living with their own parents in their own parents house when their own parents were old?

I have not read any sensible comment on this thread.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

damosade:
Get them a nanny and go find your life. Time is running.

Oyindamolah:
Let’s slow down a bit.

Dismissing other people’s views as “plain dumb” just because you don’t agree with them shuts down meaningful conversation, not elevate it. Everyone speaks from personal experiences, upbringing, and values—and that deserves respect, even if you think they’re wrong.

📖 About the Bible Verse
Yes, the Bible says “a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife…” (Genesis 2:24), but it doesn't mean abandon or neglect one’s parents.

The context is about establishing a new home—not a license for emotional or physical disconnection. In fact, the same Bible also says:

“Honor your father and your mother…” (Exodus 20:12)

That includes caring for them when they are old and vulnerable. The early church even emphasized the duty of children to care for aging parents (1 Timothy 5:4, .

“Your Parents Lived Their Own Lives” – True, But...
Yes, they lived their lives—but many sacrificed theirs for us. The idea isn’t that we live under our parents forever. The point is that if you’re in a position to make their old age easier, why not? Especially in cultures like ours where there are no robust elderly care systems.

Not All Comments Need to Be Dismissed
You may not have seen a “sensible” comment—but that doesn’t mean they weren’t there. Maybe they just didn’t align with your viewpoint.

Different doesn’t mean dumb. It means diverse.

Living your life and caring for your parents aren’t mutually exclusive. You can do both with wisdom, boundaries, and love.

Let’s debate, not insult.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

FameGlory:
Are you still living with your own Parents in their own house at 37?

SultanOfPuna:
ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.
The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.
They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.
Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

lavylilly:
Thank you for sharing something this personal — your thoughtfulness and sense of responsibility are clear in every word. You're caught in a very human tension: between duty and desire, family and self, stability and growth.

Let me be honest with you, from both a practical and emotional perspective:

💬 The Truth Is: Both Sides Matter Deeply
On one hand, your parents are aging and you are currently their closest support system. They likely feel more secure just knowing you’re around — even if you don’t do everything yourself.

On the other hand, you’re a grown man with your own dreams, and it’s completely natural and necessary to want to move on — to build your own life, relationship, and legacy.

This is not selfishness. This is life unfolding. It’s not “either them or you” — the goal is to find a balance.

🧩 Let’s Break It Down:
1. You Deserve to Move Forward
You’ve worked hard, become financially stable, and now want to build your own family. That’s not just a wish — it’s a vital life stage. Suppressing that desire too long can lead to frustration, regret, or even resentment. You’re not just living for your parents — you are also allowed to live for yourself.

2. Your Parents’ Needs Are Real Too
Yes, they are old. Yes, they depend on you. And yes, things may become chaotic if you just disappear. But that doesn’t mean you must put your life permanently on hold. What they need is support — not your entire presence 24/7.

💡 Practical Steps Forward
Instead of viewing this as a “stay or leave” decision, build a gradual and supportive transition plan:

✅ 1. Talk to Your Parents
Have a gentle but honest conversation. Reassure them of your love and commitment to their well-being — even if you’re not physically living with them.

✅ 2. Stay Close By (If Possible)
Can you move out but remain within the same city or neighborhood? This keeps you close enough to help and check in regularly, while still giving you the space to build your own life.

✅ 3. Hire or Assign Help
If finances allow, hire a trusted caregiver — even if it’s for a few hours daily or weekly. Alternatively, see if a trusted neighbor, church/community member, or even a rotating sibling visit schedule can help reduce the burden.

✅ 4. Use Technology
Set up security cameras, smart home devices, or medication reminders. Regular video calls can help them feel your presence. Technology can bridge part of the gap when you’re not there.

✅ 5. Build a Routine of Support
Create a routine: grocery runs, weekend check-ins, house maintenance, etc. This provides them with structure and reassurance even if you’re not living under the same roof.

❤️ Final Word: You’re Not Abandoning Them
You are not leaving them out of carelessness — you are growing, and that’s what they raised you for. The best gift you can give them is not just daily presence — it’s becoming fulfilled, strong, and able to care for them in deeper ways.

You can leave the house, but not leave their lives. There’s a way to be a good son and build your own life.

Ilekokonit:
This is a lesson a lot of women fail to realise. They neglect and ignore their husbands in the guise of looking after the kids and by the time the so called kids grow up and leave home, they and their husbands are no longer friends but are now strangers who a lot of times can no longer stand one another's company or even look each other in the eye due to built up neglect and resentment.

As women are focusing their energies on raising their kids, they should also realise that the kids will one day grow up and move out to get married and if they and their sons wife do not get on, then the only person whose face they WILL see EVERYDAY is their husband and if they can no longer stand looking into each others eyes, then their old age may be miserable for both of them or the man may start avoiding staying at home if the wife is at home.