₦airaland Forum

The "go and marry" people are the same people who will never empower you.

Saviola86:
My situation right now

I am 32yrs old and I am faced with a strong pressure to go and marry.

The worse culprits are my secondary school classmates. I am always a topic of discussion, every now and then in our WhatsApp group, on Facebook, in social gatherings these classmates of mine throw all sorts of shades to me.

They think I am a sorry loser. They even think that I am single without a girlfriend.

I don't even get offended, I laugh it off and even joke with them about my being single. Sometimes I crack jokes about their marriages and how marriage is eating them up

The thing is that, I come from a family where nobody mounts any sorts of pressure on anybody. My mom doesn't even have that time, I have never heard my mom tell me to marry neither has any of my siblings.

My mom's own is that you live a decent life.

My classmates making jests of me, what they do not know is that I have a fiancée whom I have been with for 7yrs.

I do not rush marriage because I waited her to be done with school, a lady my parents are aware of, my siblings so love and while I also love her.... See ehhh when you see a good woman, wait for her, build her and wife her and that's what we've done for the past 7yrs but kept on low key and privacy.

While she schooled, I took time to build my finances and make meaningful investments. I am comfortable and doing well for myself.

October is my wedding and yet my classmates do not know that I am in a relationship, while they throw their mockery, I look at them and sigh.

They think being married alone is an achievement. I know how many of them run to my DM every now and then seeking help of 10k, 6k to buy food for the home. I know how many have called to beg for house rent but these same classmates come to general group to make mockery of singles. I look at them and marvel at their ignorance. Rushing into marriage without a stable finance but thinking you've arrived

you dey try oooo. Dey make mockery of you and you still assist them with money.

popo1494:
I’ve overheard two neighbors talking about me ….. “TO SAY HIM DON MARRY HIM NO FIT GIVE DAT KIND AMOUNT LAILAI”

They’re talking about someone in a dare need that I helped financially within our environment

Even though I did the help privately but probably it’s the person that showed appreciation publicly which lead to their comment

These are the guys that randomly jokes with me like “ guy you’re ok to get a wife o coz no time” as if dem wan help me program my livelihood.

From that comment regarding who I helped I can see their advice on me getting married is for them to see me being same as their financial status struggling for survival with different dramas from their wives which sometimes it happens like a disgrace in d public all in d name of NO OR LESS PROVISION FOR THEIR FAMILY

my advice to you is stop helping them...na from that your help you go take get problem.

Zackattack:
Stop misleading people. It is senseless to take up a responsibility that one is unprepared for and incapacitated of.

You are the one losing direction

Marriage is a life time commitment. Just like the tertiary institution, no matter the delay, you surely know, no day, you'll graduate. Unlike marriage, you only can tell the day of admission, but, the day of marriage can't be known, hence, your preparation...

When preparing for marriage, you must be ready for psychology and mental evaluation, maturity in human and emotional affair, then financially reliable to an extent. I'm referring to both party.

In my own case, I read some books to better be informed, one of those book was "The Principles of Fatherhood" by Myles Munroe. That book shaped by ideology as would be father. Infact, I had to take some break, re-evaluate my total capacity, before taken the steps in family hood. All the same, you'll keep learning in marriage

Marriage is lovely and those who say to you, get married might be saying it from a place of love and concern, especially if they're enjoying theirs.

I agree that people should marry as early as possible but those who are pushing you to marry, would they be there when you need financial support or give advice on getting a job ? Some say marriage will bring blessings, but if it doesn't it can bring a level of frustration, plus which woman is ready to marry a man with no means of incomes, all these things are easier said than done.

shadrach77:
Never listen to anyone who tells you to go and marry. Marry only because you feel a genuine need to do so and you feel it will add benefits to your life.

85% of people who advice others to marry use that as a subtle way of mocking single people. Then some people are jealous of you because you don't have the kind of financial responsibilities they have so they want you to marry so that you can be like them.

Then you'll hear some people say unmarried people are irresponsible. Another foolish talk. When did marriage become an achievement? There are many married people who are irresponsible. Some of of the richest people in the world are unmarried - Bill Gates, Dangote, Elon Musk, Anthony Joshua etc.

Don't let anyone push you

I once said to some group of married men, that marriage is not an achievement; they nearly cried.

The best I can do for now is a dog

Is it okay to say go and die to someone who just clocked 75 and have lost several age mates?

People should stay on their lane o.

Saviola86:
My situation right now

I am 32yrs old and I am faced with a strong pressure to go and marry.

The worse culprits are my secondary school classmates. I am always a topic of discussion, every now and then in our WhatsApp group, on Facebook, in social gatherings these classmates of mine throw all sorts of shades to me.

They think I am a sorry loser. They even think that I am single without a girlfriend.

I don't even get offended, I laugh it off and even joke with them about my being single. Sometimes I crack jokes about their marriages and how marriage is eating them up

The thing is that, I come from a family where nobody mounts any sorts of pressure on anybody. My mom doesn't even have that time, I have never heard my mom tell me to marry neither has any of my siblings.

My mom's own is that you live a decent life.

My classmates making jests of me, what they do not know is that I have a fiancée whom I have been with for 7yrs.

I do not rush marriage because I waited her to be done with school, a lady my parents are aware of, my siblings so love and while I also love her.... See ehhh when you see a good woman, wait for her, build her and wife her and that's what we've done for the past 7yrs but kept on low key and privacy.

While she schooled, I took time to build my finances and make meaningful investments. I am comfortable and doing well for myself.

October is my wedding and yet my classmates do not know that I am in a relationship, while they throw their mockery, I look at them and sigh.

They think being married alone is an achievement. I know how many of them run to my DM every now and then seeking help of 10k, 6k to buy food for the home. I know how many have called to beg for house rent but these same classmates come to general group to make mockery of singles. I look at them and marvel at their ignorance. Rushing into marriage without a stable finance but thinking you've arrived

I share almost same story, same 7yrs relationship and she's graduating by the end of the year so I did the consultation last year and wanted to pay the rite this year but she broke up cos I couldn't pay everything at once 😆. I'm down but I'd be back up

Henrydata:
Others won't read this Ur write up o.

When reality sets on them at old age, they will know. As long as you are close to God. There is always a blessing attached to marriage. Trust me, except you don't believe in God.

I got married at the age of 32 in one room apartment. After a year, we moved to a Room and parlour and now 9 years down the line, we have our own building of two bedroom flat. With three kids now.

Sometimes, I imagined if I didn't marry then, I would have been kind of irresponsible. Cos I am very handsome and girls were all over me. And I don't know how to say no to them. Maybe by now, I for don get Aids or born children out of wedlock.

Lol. That's not it. YOU ARE AMONG THE FEW ONES THAT FOUND A GOOD WOMAN! otherwise you for see hell.

udeh3:
Marriage is a life time commitment. Just like the tertiary institution, no matter the delay, you surely know, no day, you'll graduate. Unlike marriage, you only can tell the day of admission, but, the day of marriage can't be known, hence, your preparation...

When preparing for marriage, you must be ready for psychology and mental evaluation, maturity in human and emotional affair, then financially reliable to an extent. I'm referring to both party.

In my own case, I read some books to better be informed, one of those book was "The Principles of Fatherhood" by Myles Munroe. That book shaped by ideology as would be father. Infact, I had to take some break, re-evaluate my total capacity, before taken the steps in family hood. All the same, you'll keep learning in marriage

Marriage is lovely and those who say to you, get married might be saying it from a place of love and concern, especially if they're enjoying theirs.

People enjoy marriage?? Are you joking?

Nackzy:
I am due for marriage, I am 40 yet not married because there no money, my body needs it

Talk with your Mind and Spirit.....
The body is the enemy...least for now
......one life only

Cti28:
I once said to some group of married men, jthat marriage is not an achievement; they nearly cried.

As long as it is achieved and achievable... it's an achievement

Marriage is good when you get the right partner your children will play with you and help to wipe away your depression. Let them learn good skills even no matter the educations they will äcquired. Freedom of sex, companionship, discussing your challenge's with your wife can easily free your mind. When you remain single no respect for you people fill you lack tolerance, you have bad attitude, depression will kill you when you see your friends children call you Aunty's, konji will not allow you rest, sleeping around gaves you deceases. Transfer of aggression to your colleagues at work please choose wisely

Chief2410:
you dey try oooo. Dey make mockery of you and you still assist them with money.

I don't even have that time.

samcolee:
I share almost same story, same 7yrs relationship and she's graduating by the end of the year so I did the consultation last year and wanted to pay the rite this year but she broke up cos I couldn't pay everything at once 😆. I'm down but I'd be back up

Sorry. For me all through 5yrs she spent in school I used that period to build my finances.

Memberclub:
I'm turning 30 soon. Why at 40 brother

Long ugly Tory I don't want to talk about

Not a bad thing especially for men.

Some parents know their kids more than they k ow themselves. Most times.e,when a parent tell you to go and marry, that parent know very well that having a family of your own will make you have a sense of purpose and in most cases stir you to the right direction.
Most men get their acts together the moment they marry and or have kids. That marriage is costly is bla bla bla. Na una make marriage ceremony expensive. 2 heads are always better than 1.

Mekuseh11:
When you pay attention to the intent of a word of advice, then you can gauge if it's from a place of care, concern or disguised mockery.

The " Go and marry" tag falls in line with the disguised mockery often packaged as a genuine concern.

Age, finance and status are mostly the determinant of these fallacious shows of sportsmanship as it is always a subtle way to remind you of your decline.

Rarely does happiness, companionship or even peace of mind be considered as a criteria for the supposed " Go and marry" advice.

Isn't it surprising that if there is a refusal on your part to cling onto the marriage ship, they throw in a subtle jibe and undertone caricature, reminding you of your anticipated decline and risk of losing out in life.

Every other achievement is discarded and you are faced with multiple reasons why you are on your way to doom.

Then the game starts,
Pressure from onlookers
Constant reminder of your lack of purpose (marriage wise)

Subtle jibe and derogatory insinuations
Age shaming and broke shaming.

It's like there is a calculated arrangement to undermine every good thing in your life outside of marriage.

Soon it gets to a stage where the pendulum swings and they become loud, aggressive, judgmental, mean, disrespectful and what have you! Just to sway and hasten your decision.

The question is why do you get offended at my refusal to heed your supposed advice?

Why am I getting mocked all of a sudden?

Why are my achievements secondary to your concerns?

Why do I need to prove my intent of life with marriage?

Think about it slowly!

We are all a product of life and it is expected through procreation to give life too. I understand that sometimes you need a slight push to make future decisions especially when it concerns others.

What I don't understand is why there is pressure to act quickly, a timer to determine my right to what fulfillment entails.
Maybe I'm overthinking, just maybe?

" Go and marry" is far from what it looks like, it has become a source of pain, caricature and a reminder of a looming failure.

The pressure takes a toll on people.

The sigh of relief that comes after marriage is mostly from a place of freedom against the society, instead of a genuine path to a beautiful next chapter.

Marriage is a social construct that is used by society to fulfill the desire to have some form of companionship, children, and for bragging rights. Do NOT be pressured into marriage when you are NOT mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for it... Especially for the men. Marriage is ALSO a continuous educational journey and especially for men and women, you MUST keep working on improving yourselves.

If things don't pan out right as planned in marriage and you already have children, it's BETTER to engage in co-parenting for the sanity of everyone instead of patching things up that would lead to unintended consequences such as murder down the road due to suppressed anger. Period.

samcolee:
I share almost same story, same 7yrs relationship and she's graduating by the end of the year so I did the consultation last year and wanted to pay the rite this year but she broke up cos I couldn't pay everything at once 😆. I'm down but I'd be back up

You dogged a bullet 👌🙌💯. Use that funds and develop your self, You can consider Japa as a skilled worker 📌, consider manufacturing from your garage, Startup a empire for your self. Life is too short

/
There is time in life for everything. Even gestation has its period. If after 9 months there is no delivery, people get worried. If a child is born earlier than 8 months, it calls for concern as well. At 2, a child is supposed to have crawled and then walked. At 24, one should have graduated from college or learned a trade skill. There is also a retirement age. We may pretend but life has its cycle: Silver, golden age, you name it. Can we redefine life because we want it to selfishly fit into our loser lifestyles? Of course! Your life, your prerogative.

If you are 40 and single, there is no more vivid way to define a COLOSSAL failure. You are a loser! The person's conscience tells him/her. No pretense necessary. Must everyone get married? No! But those who don't or can't shouldn't try to convince others that it is normal. Isn't that what trans is all about? Forcing others to believe that alternative lifestyle is normal.

Go and marry!!!

/

Konquest:
Marriage is a social construct that is used by society to fulfill the desire to have some form of companionship, children, and for bragging rights. Do NOT be pressured into marriage when you are NOT mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for it... Especially for the men. Marriage is ALSO a continuous educational journey and especially for men and women, you MUST keep working on improving yourselves.

If things don't pan out right as planned in marriage and you already have children, it's BETTER to engage in co-parenting for the sanity of everyone instead of patching things up that would lead to unintended consequences such as murder down the road due to suppressed anger. Period.

If things don't pan out right as planned in marriage and you already have children, it's BETTER to engage in co-parenting for the sanity of everyone instead of patching things up that would lead to unintended consequences such as murder down the road due to suppressed anger. Period.

Gbammm 💥

What if I don't genuinely want to just get married and don't even want kids ..? Why is marriage a criteria for most black people. Can't they think beyond marriage as an achievement?

tanigororo:
I am 40, I have stable income, I am okay.
If you pressure me I pressure you back!!!

please save pocohantas or TheGreatIyaebe

It is people who don't count and who have nothing better to say to you, or people who can't even bring any bright idea that always say this, a friend will bring business, hang out with you for fun, a wise good friend will never mock you, because as a grown man you know what you need, and your marriage is your prerogative, not theirs, your marriage won't affect anyone in anyway...so those people telling you that are not friends, they have been looking for a way to mock you, and your unmarried state is all they can find to feel better, but it is stupidity because almajiris marry,. beggars marry, and lots of married people are living poverty stricken miserable lives, with lowlife ugly women you can't spend a moment with, the type of women you will reject even if dem dash you...so marriage and children is a natural process not an achievement...it is normally the lowlives that do this, people with low IQ. Take heed, those are not friends.

shadrach77:
Never listen to anyone who tells you to go and marry. Marry only because you feel a genuine need to do so and you feel it will add benefits to your life.

85% of people who advice others to marry use that as a subtle way of mocking single people. Then some people are jealous of you because you don't have the kind of financial responsibilities they have so they want you to marry so that you can be like them.

Then you'll hear some people say unmarried people are irresponsible. Another foolish talk. When did marriage become an achievement? There are many married people who are irresponsible. Some of of the richest people in the world are unmarried - Bill Gates, Dangote, Elon Musk, Anthony Joshua etc.

Don't let anyone push you

This ur analogy just dey somehow oo @bolded😐😕

So that you will follow and suffer like the are doing

Mekuseh11:
Are you due for marriage because you are 40 Or because you genuinely want a companion and life around you?
Sometimes we allow societal standards determine our course of action. Don't be pressured into anything.
Your priority now should be getting a stable source of income and then you can find a partner to build with ( there is someone out there for you).
Afterwards you can get married and still enjoy your life.

You are giving bad advice to "40" year old man! Biologically he will have issues with offspring, half old age start at 50! Do you suppose motal humans will live forever?

Henrydata:
Others won't read this Ur write up o.

When reality sets on them at old age, they will know. As long as you are close to God. There is always a blessing attached to marriage. Trust me, except you don't believe in God.

I got married at the age of 32 in one room apartment. After a year, we moved to a Room and parlour and now 9 years down the line, we have our own building of two bedroom flat. With three kids now.

Sometimes, I imagined if I didn't marry then, I would have been kind of irresponsible. Cos I am very handsome and girls were all over me. And I don't know how to say no to them. Maybe by now, I for don get Aids or born children out of wedlock.

There is no blessing attach to marriage, you religious zealots are the one confusing the young ones!
Marry for your physical need and if it does not work out, you can get out!

maasoap:
Alaye go and marry if your age, finance and status is okay for marriage. Happiness, companionship and your peace of mind can also be found in the woman you chose to marry

Hmmm. Alaye, i had thoughts going through my mind after reading your comment, then i remembered the preacher's words.
Now, if my age is Ok, finance not Ok, Status(mostly attached to financial resources) is not Ok. Based on these 3(three) parameters. One scored 1/3.(Not a pass mark to marry),cos, half of it is 1.5.
Now, the pursue of happiness is never ending, it is natural and one of our problems as human. Mr A will work days just to unwind at the end of the week, while Mr B looks forward to hurting their next victim, society would condemn the Mr B, but as individuals, both Mr A and Mr B find happiness(pleasure) in their pursuit.

Politicians steal government funds to help themselves and their loved ones live large both home and overseas, thats happiness to them. Wicked men give good gifts to their children, and venom to others. Happiness vs Unhappiness.

Typically, speaking from what i have seen, several times. A man with a gov' appointment started stealing in order to make his growing family happy. The stealing ways of the appointed man would now affect and make a lot of families unhappy.
Can people be compatible or coorperate for that long if they don't have the same interests? I doubt. You want to talk about sci-fi and Yamal of Barca while she wants to talk about Verydarkman and latest celebrity weddings, marriage and divorce.
I hope she gets the piece of your mind for you guys to live peacefully.

I believe that one can find happiness, companion and peace of mind in a partner. We struggle with these three virtues daily from external to internal forces. So, finding one person to give you all three is an angel.

Faposky95:
As long as it is achieved and achievable... it's an achievement

They were making it seem as though marriage is the ultimate achievement in life.