₦airaland Forum

Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

Some men do want to be present fathers, but the problem is their bitter ex wives who keep looking for a reason to pick a fight with them whenever they try to keep in touch with their children.

You'd hear a lady still picking up a fight over things that happened years ago whenever the father of her children tries to make amends with her for the sake of their children without necessarily getting back together with her... In as much as some men can be useless fathers by deciding to disown their children as a way to punishing their ex wives upon divorce, others are trying, but the problem is this gender of ours that keeps pushing them away.

Co- parenting is still a foreign practice in most parts of Africa as the parents are unable to put their sentiments of each other aside by doing what is in the best interest of the children ... They're selfish.

EverydayTipsfor:
➜Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?
How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

Spousal abandonment/divorce also implies abandonment of the children from the marriage... at least that seems to be the cultural understanding in much of Africa, including Nigeria. I saw quite a lot of that growing up in Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
Spousal abandonment/divorce also implies abandonment of the children from the marriage... at least that seems to be the cultural understanding in much of Africa, including Nigeria. I saw quite a lot of that growing up in Nigeria.

But that's not fair. If mothers are to be given up like that, what will happen to the child/children?

https://youtube.com/shorts/aIkditWlfTo?si=Y_Fk8nB_0_nYXIUN

EverydayTipsfor:
✓ But that's not fair. If mothers are to be given up like that, what will happen to the child/children?

It is both sexes that do it but usually men of course. As for the children, suffering pro max for most all of them after the separation.

Both genders can be guilty of this. As Samantha125 said above.

Samantha125:
Some men do want to be present fathers, but the problem is their bitter ex wives who keep looking for a reason to pick a fight with them whenever they try to keep in touch with their children.

You'd hear a lady still picking up a fight over things that happened years ago whenever the father of her children tries to make amends with her for the sake of their children without necessarily getting back together with her... [b]In as much as some men can be useless fathers by deciding to disown their children as a way to punishing their ex wives upon divorce, [/b]others are trying, but the problem is this gender of ours that keeps pushing them away.

Co- parenting is still a foreign practice in most parts of Africa as the parents are unable to put their sentiments of each other aside by doing what is in the best interest of the children ... They're selfish.

That's a sad one. Disowning your own children as a way of punishing your ex wife. God!
This is a very traumatizing situation, as the children are the one who suffers the more

Helpout12345:
Both genders can be guilty of this. As Samantha125 said above.

Yes. That's true, but it's mostly common with the fathers.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

it's not like u think

My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.


The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.

The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied access.


Imagine how annoying that would b?

He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.

So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

Factcheck0001:
✓ it's not like u think
My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.
The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.
The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied accesS
Imagine how annoying that would b? He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.
✓ So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.

EverydayTipsfor:
Yes. That's true, but it's mostly common with the fathers.

Not true that mostly common among men. It's because men don't speak up.

Mostly common is the cases of vendetta women that do everything to prevent men they have problems with, from seeing their children. These same women will be quick to accuse the man of abandonment at any given opportunity.

In most of these cases, you need to hear from the man before you conclude he actually abandoned his children as an irresponsible father. And when you hear his side of the story, most cases involve vendetta women believing they can punish the man by taking away his children or preventing him in their lives.

Let me ask Tonto

The next wife will not take care of the child as well as the child's mother. Thats why

Because the easiest way to tackle your problems is to run away, that's their mindset, any small thing they use it as an excuse to become a deadbeat, if they care about the welfare of the child in the first place they'd have considered what divorce would do to the child but it's always about them, innate selfishness.

So that I can have time to focus on my new lover. Besides the child would remind me of my ex wife and I don't want that. So everything about her including her children would be divorced.

Treat people well flesh and blood or not.

No man wish to neglect his children. Let me correct that notion most women keeps.
Divorce is a bitter thing on both. Men wish the best for the kids, like schooling, apprenticeship, and getting a better spouse. But you see that bitter jezebel in-between him and the kids. Always feed the kids with negative stuff about the man.
If you meet any divorcee. Let him tell you his experience.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

What’s happening to Nigeria marriage this days? 😳

But I think it’s very irresponsible for a man to neglect his kids after divorcing their mom

Thank God for the western countries… you must pay child support or else you go to jail

And you are allow to see the kids atleast twice in a month if you behave well

How could most Nigerian mother's separate their kids from their fathers just because they are divorced ?

And then in old age they start seeking for forgiveness from the children they abandoned. It's the height of irresponsibility.

Kobojunkie:
From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.

so for your mind u think I get strength to argue with someone like u?

This isn’t good at all except if DNA proves otherwise.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

The native hen will poison her kids against their father 🤷🏿

Are you sure of the paternity of the children?

EverydayTipsfor:
Yes. That's true, but it's mostly common with the fathers.

the basic truth is you can’t turn the children to revenue of making money from their father. Living fat on the one that supposed to be for the children. I knew someone who used the opportunity to milk the ex before the man finally gives up on sending things for the kids. He asked her to return the children but the woman said no because of the billing

Samantha 125 is very correct. Am experiencing this currently she took my kids along with her , i called and called if i could be paying school fees no responses, she called years later asking for school which i told her i dont have a problem with it i will pay school fees but Firstly i need to know the school they attend a d secondly the kids will be spending long vacation with me. Please Nairaland is that too much to ask? Ever since then no reply.

Why will i be paying for school i dont know about later she can be telling the kids she is the one paying

Factcheck0001:
it's not like u think

My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.


The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.

The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied access.


Imagine how annoying that would b?

He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.

So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

The big question is, why hasn't he gone back to the same court to inform of the visitation violation by the mother of his child?

"Giving up" on his child, is his low hanging fruit and probably hoping to tell his own side of the story when the child becomes an adult.

Often times, the women who still buttered by the reason for separation or divorce
1. Tends to keep the kids away from their father or keep the father away from the children to avoid bad influence or just to punish the man

2. Uses the children to get back at the man at every possible opportunity or even try to disrupt or complicate the man's life especially if they feel the man is moving on before them

3. Uses the kids as an excuse to milk the man of any and every available penny they can.


Whatever the case may be, men should understand their role in the lives of their children in or outside marriage and as required, live up to expectation.

Na the ashawo 9ja girls concern be that

They didn't divorce the child. The mother took them Away and deny the father Access to child/children to spite him.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

You can't divorce your child or children. You divorce only a spouse you are married to.