₦airaland Forum

Unwanted Advances in the Bank: Seeking Advice

Hello fellow Naijans,

I'm reaching out for some advice on how to navigate a tricky situation at work. I'm a bank staff, and I've found myself in a bit of a pickle. Some of my married female superiors and colleagues(all married )have been making advances towards me, and I'm not sure how to handle it.

The workplace dynamics are already complex, and I don't want to rock the boat. However, I also don't want to compromise my values or feel pressured into anything I'm not comfortable with.

They make me feel bad; like I don't want to date them when I am just being considerate of how their husbands would feel and how I would feel if it were me ( I am not even looking at it from any religious view)

Note: Some of them resulted to hostile interactions when they see that I jokingly but firmly won't give in.(Telling the superiors is not an option because they are cliques with the others and also make their moves at me too).

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? I'd appreciate any advice or insights on how to maintain professional boundaries while also keeping my job.

Thanks in advance for your responses!
Modified

Kobojunkie I wanted to mention you on this post since it was taking long for response from people before I got this response from the people below.
Your views are always unedited.Please your thoughts would still be appreciated.
Thanks !

No idea to this

Some of your female colleagues and superiors are showing interest including the married ones..
You did now even say one or two,some,as in more than two ooo
Na so you fine,macho or get money reach

Only U ..married and unmarried women in the same office......U go dey alright ....but all the same

Talkisneeded:
Some of your female colleagues and superiors are showing interest including the married ones..
You did now even say one or two,some,as in more than two ooo
Na so you fine,macho or get money reach

I never said unmarried ones. I be Gaybriel ? If an unmarried lady shows decent interest why would I come hear to cry.

Fake story

advanceDNA:
Only U ..married and unmarried women in the same office......U go dey alright ....but all the same

Nigerians and grammar comprehension...haba na..Bros be calming down now .

I never said unmarried ones oo.
Why would I be crying here if it were unmarried colleagues and superiors.

Even gaybriel would think twice about advances from an unmarried female banker.

Kobicove:
Fake story

Bro, it's how my life has been since university. although in uni. , it was mixed with singles.


I am happy am sharing my story online.
It makes me wonder how people would view me when I leave their presence after telling them my real story.

I have loads of work to do ,no time to leave it and start writing nonsense online.

Check my posts or comment intervals.
I hardly comment, I just read post and comments most of the time.

Keep managing them the way you've doing before you make this post. Its normal just keep your head up if not, dem go show you shege.

Welcome on board bro. Those are the crazy things some of us have been dealing with that made us to stop going out anyhow.

You will have to handle this maturely because Ladies don't know how to take rejection. They might blackmail you

I'm experiencing the same thing in my workplace which is dominated by females. The best way to avoid this regular occurrence is by making the ugliest and most look down girl over there to be your best friend and gist partner. When the other ladies continually start seeing the both of you together, it'll repulse and drive them away from you. Gaskia

Astonmartin:
I'm experiencing the same thing in my workplace which is dominated by females. The best way to avoid this regular occurrence is by making the ugliest and most look down girl over there to be your best friend and gist partner. When the other ladies continually start seeing the both of you together, it'll repulse and drive them away from you. Gaskia

Mistake. Treat all of them as same. You have no idea how jealous ladies can be

helinues:
Welcome on board bro. Those are the crazy things some of us have been dealing with that made us to stop going out anyhow.

You will have to handle this maturely because Ladies don't know how to take rejection. They might blackmail you

That's my fear sir( the blackmail part).
It's really tough being male too.

IblivinProgress:
That's my fear sir( the blackmail part).
It's really tough being male too.

Avoid anything blackmail from ladies as they can go extreme

Belurved1:
Keep managing them the way you've doing before you make this post. Its normal just keep your head up if not, dem go show you shege.

In my mind since they are married why don't we just be work friends and keep the relationship professional.

One jokingly threatened me with a serious tone of giving me cold treatment, the other began giving me cold treatment whenever she sees me.

It's really tough for a male who wants to keep his head up😔.

IblivinProgress:
➜ They make me feel bad; like I don't want to date them when I am just being considerate of how their husbands would feel and how I would feel if it were me ( I am not even looking at it from any religious view)
➜ Note: Some of them resulted to hostile interactions when they see that I jokingly but firmly won't give in. (Telling the superiors is not an option because they are clicks with the others and also make their moves at me too). Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? I'd appreciate any advice or insights on how to maintain professional boundaries while also keeping my job.
Thanks in advance for your responses! Modified...I wanted to mention you on this post since it was taking long for response from people before I got this response from the people below. Your views are always unedited.Please your thoughts would still be appreciated. Thanks !

I am confused. Is it that you would want to date them but are holding back because they have husbands, then? Sounds like you are not being straight here to me. 😏😏

2. Hope this is not a case of office bullying? If yes, please immediately report to the right authorities who can help with this. I don't condone bullying of any kind, and I don't think anyone should.

That said, are you certain you are not giving them mixed signals? Please check to be certain that this is not the case. If indeed you are not the source of their confusion, then it may be best to avoid all personal talk with them until they realize your resolve never to date any of them.

OP, since you're a male and since you say you can't go to your supervisors who are females because they're in cliques with the other females/women who have been harassing you and they themselves harass you, can you gather proof and take it to the superiors/people above your supervisors (e.g. manager, bank director, etc)? As you're a male, you need to have some evidence to make your claims more believable, plus it's your word against theirs. They can all deny it and say you're lying, but with some evidence then they wouldn't have any argument. You can record things they say to you, and if they ostracize you after rejecting their advances (e.g. they leave you out of activities) and you can proof that too, do so. No one should face any form of harassment at a workplace (be it bullying - yes, it's a form of harassment, sexual harassment, etc). Good luck.

Chubhie:
You've failed like Tinubu. From day one, you should've hit the ground running and not baying subsidy is gone---- wetin I dey even talk sef..... You should have stamped your position firmly from day one that no office romance.

Take to the mafia creed and self swear that all women linked to your bosses, office and businesses are off limits.

If you must break this rule, make sure you seek the clearance of your Bosses or their husbands.

I find your last sentence both amusing and Interesting.
It is really tough. I never gave them signals they ask me questions like do you have a girlfriend, are you shy when you are doing it with her etc.

I don't want to appear rude by cutting them off outrightly because I try to see it as a joke.

One came to the office I share with four other people after work(we normally play cool jams in our office on a low tune to entertain customers), she stood in front of me like literally in front of me while trying to show me something she sent to my system and was shaking her bum like it was part of the clip for the sound video that was playing (she was even trying to come back but I just took a step back,I almost tapped the ass but I said to myself "she is married, how would you feel if she was your wife and someone falls for her seductions"

I must re emphasize I almost tapped her bum because it was only me in the office when she came others were putting last minutes touch to things( You know that kind of ass that looks like bbl😂).

I know what's up but I don't think it's right.

Someone ince said that "When women chase you, then there is a next level blessing coming" and " Women are attracted to glory, this is a test, after you discipline yourself and pass, then you'll see that a breakthrough will come afterwards"


This may be true or false, but stay away from forbidden pleasures like married women.

Kobojunkie:
I am confused. Is it that you would want to date them but are holding back because they have husbands, then? Sounds like you are not being straight here to me. 😏😏

2. Hope this is not a case of office bullying? If yes, please immediately report to the right authorities who can help with this. I don't condone bullying of any kind, and I don't think anyone should.

That said, are you certain you are not giving them mixed signals? Please check to be certain that this is not the case. If indeed you are not the source of their confusion, then it may be best to avoid all personal talk with them until they realize your resolve never to date any of them.

Yes their husbands are the only reasons I won't like to date them.

I think they are all people I imagine how comfortable life would be to have an affair with them but in reality I don't let their cars ,look or position make me fall cheaply for them. I put my imaginations aside and face reality

AngelicDamsel:
Someone ince said that "When women chase you, then there is a next level blessing coming" and " Women are attracted to glory, this is a test, after you discipline yourself and pass, then you'll see that a breakthrough will come afterwards"


This may be true or false, but stay away from forbidden pleasures like married women.

Nice

IblivinProgress:
➜Yes their husbands are the only reasons I won't like to date them.
I think they are all people I imagine how comfortable life would be to have an affair with them but in reality I don't let their cars ,look or position make me fall cheaply for them. I put my imaginations aside and face reality

And you don't see how the double-signals you may be sending their way may be at the core of the advances which you would like for us to believe are unwanted?

Just imagine for a second, a Hot guy trying to win over a girl who keeps giving him double signals — she is not cutting him off completely, meaning she may not be too sure of her current answer. Don't you see how such a guy might continue pursuing her until maybe he finds himself some other rabbit to distract him after a while?😐😐😐

IblivinProgress:
I find your last sentence both amusing and Interesting.
It is really tough. I never gave them signals they ask me questions like do you have a girlfriend, are you shy when you are doing it with her etc.

I don't want to appear rude by cutting them off outrightly because I try to see it as a joke.

One came to the office I share with four other people after work(we normally play cool jams in our office on a low tune to entertain customers), she stood in front of me like literally in front of me while trying to show me something she sent to my system and was shaking her bum(she was even trying to come back but I just took a step back,I almost tapped the ass but I said to myself "she is married, how would you feel if she was your wife and someone falls for her seductions"

I must re emphasize I almost tapped her bum because it was only me in the office when she came others were putting last minutes touch to things( You know that kind of ass that looks like bbl😂).

I know what's up but I don't think it's right.

Bruv, the current odds is 1.10 for you to go haywire. At this stage, my duty is to remind you that actions have consequences. This world you see around you are illusions. Just like this clearnet and the darknet.

I've grown to understand that your Bosses and their husbands don't get to such positions standing on nothing or not getting backed mostly in Africa. When you get to some heights, security stays paramount to secure your assets. It's a natural law that the strong must take from the weak. Let me ask you, are you that strong to take from a strongman? Are you willing to pay the price of stealing the food of a strongman? That a woman flirts doesnt give you the clear to proceed. It is in their nature.

Kobojunkie:
And you don't see how the double-signals you may be sending their way may be at the core of the advances which you would like for us to believe are unwanted?

Just imagine for a second, a Hot guy trying to win over a girl who keeps giving him double signals — she is not cutting him off completely, meaning she may not be too sure of her current answer. Don't you see how such a guy might continue pursuing her until maybe he finds himself some other rabbit to distract him after a while?😐😐😐

Double signals

Please tell me more and what I can do to stop it.

Modified
I think I have a little clue about what you mean.
I interact with them everyday and I try my best to be professionally friendly to them so I don't know if my professional attitude is what they misinterpret.
I laugh off some talks, I try to see it as jokes because I think telling them I don't like such talks would be too direct and their after reactions like blackmailing etc might be too much to deal with.

Chubhie:
Bruv, the current odds is 1.10 for you to go haywire. At this stage, my duty is to remind you that actions have consequences. This world you see around you are illusions. Just like this clearnet and the darknet.

I've grown to understand that your Bosses and their husbands don't get to such positions standing on nothing or not getting backed mostly in Africa. When you get to some heights, security stays paramount to secure your assets. It's a natural law that the strong must take from the weak. Let me ask you, are you that strong to take from a strongman? Are you willing to pay the price of stealing the food of a strongman? That a woman flirts doesnt give you the clear to proceed. It is in their nature.

I ain't playing.
I understand what you are saying and I am doing my best to manage things .

I understand their desires(thoughts)are human.
I have such desires(thoughts)too but I don't let them see it or let them know.
I know some thoughts should remain as thoughts.
I just wanted to know how others crossed such hurdle peacefully.

When I read posts like this, I get very angry at the posters. Women flirt with available men and men flirt with available women. If you have been doing exactly what you went to that office to do, no woman will flirt with you. You have been acting a nice guy when you were supposed to be earning your living and that's why this is happening. I tell people that if men know your wife is married and still follow her around, watch her closely and you will notice she is doing something to attract them. Oga, face your work and stop unnecessary familiarity with anyone, the flirting will stop.

IblivinProgress:
I understand what you are saying and I am doing my best to manage things .

I understand their desires(thoughts)are human.
I have such desires(thoughts)too but I don't let them see it or let them know.
I know some thoughts should remain as thoughts.
I just wanted to know how others crossed such hurdle peacefully.

Do it stoically if you wish to live long and get to the peak of your career. All the very best. I can forward you premium pdfs to master this your stage.

Nonexisting1:
When I read posts like this, I get very angry at the posters. Women flirt with available men and men flirt with available women. If you have been doing exactly what you went to that office to do, no woman will flirt with you. You have been acting a nice guy when you were supposed to be earning your living and that's why this is happening. I tell people that if men know your wife is married and still follow her around, watch her closely and you will notice she is doing something to attract them. Oga, face your work and stop unnecessary familiarity with anyone, the flirting will stop.

Facing your work when your superior is giving you cold treatment for not reciprocating their advances?
Even if your performance is 99%, you will get serious scolding than people who performed below average.

I tried your advise in one of my former branch and it was remaining for one of them to fight me 🥊🥊.

Nothing I did made sense after becoming blunt (I won't wish what I saw in that branch to happen to an enemy).

IblivinProgress:
➜Double signals Please tell me more and what I can do to stop it.

Your previous post...

IblivinProgress:
➜Yes their husbands are the only reasons I won't like to date them. I think they are all people I imagine how comfortable life would be to have an affair with them but in reality I don't let their cars ,look or position make me fall cheaply for them. I put my imaginations aside and face reality

...indicates that you may actually be giving them yellow-light rather than full-on red light.

IblivinProgress:
Unwanted Advances in the Bank: Seeking Advice

Hello fellow Naijans,

I'm reaching out for some advice on how to navigate a tricky situation at work. I'm a bank staff, and I've found myself in a bit of a pickle. Some of my married female superiors and colleagues(all married )have been making advances towards me, and I'm not sure how to handle it.

The workplace dynamics are already complex, and I don't want to rock the boat. However, I also don't want to compromise my values or feel pressured into anything I'm not comfortable with.

They make me feel bad; like I don't want to date them when I am just being considerate of how their husbands would feel and how I would feel if it were me ( I am not even looking at it from any religious view)

Note: Some of them resulted to hostile interactions when they see that I jokingly but firmly won't give in.(Telling the superiors is not an option because they are cliques with the others and also make their moves at me too).

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? I'd appreciate any advice or insights on how to maintain professional boundaries while also keeping my job.

Thanks in advance for your responses!
Modified

Kobojunkie I wanted to mention you on this post since it was taking long for response from people before I got this response from the people below.
Your views are always unedited.Please your thoughts would still be appreciated.
Thanks !

I don't know what you want to hear. But I can tell you this one thing that might not suffice: say No to them all.

Since those ladies have no marital integrity, do as much as you can to avoid them.