₦airaland Forum

no20022:
➜This is why I am refusing to do family therapy. It's not because I don't want to change/grow up, but it's because I think my family will never change and it's a waste of time.
➜ The truth is, I am no longer intersted in a close relationship with my brother because I don't think he's safe to be around when he gets angry. Yeah he showed remorse for it, but I don't care and I still feel a certain way about it to this day. My mom would always blame me for my father and brothers‘ behavior towards me. If I get beaten, it's my fault for not behaving. If I get my brothers angry, it's my fault for doing something to provoke them.
➜ It's funny how women complain about how men are sexist against women, but women do the same thing to each other.

Kobojunkie:
You didn't tell us how old you are. Whatever advice we would give would have to depend on that.

1. Family therapy? Who suggested it, and how is it expected to go?

2. Sounds like a very toxic environment you live in there. Does your brother or father also react violently towards your mother, or is this just a you thing?

It's just me that my brother acts like that towards because I think I am an easy target, but I find it unfair that he never physically attacked my father for how he treated my mom sometimes.

3. Is your mother one of those women who complain about men being sexist?
-not

Sonnobax15:

Your mom is simply preparing you for the future but you're here ranting and even mistaking and misunderstanding it for hate

no20022:
Sounds like I am being prepared to be a immature loser womanchild that blames others for my actions and resort to physical violence whenever others anger me. I'm 32 I'm too old for that behavior. It's a shame that my father was in his 40s acting like that

Ever since my experience, I don't tolerate people who resort to physical violence nor blame others (while refusing to reflect). That sounds like narcissism and it's pathetic.

no20022:
1. Ironically, my brother suggested family therapy and my father had a fit and refused therapy. I suggested it too, but things went nowhere. It seems as though I think people in my family love blaming others for everything rather than to look within.
2. It's just me that my brother acts like that towards because I think I am an easy target, but I find it unfair that he never physically attacked my father for how he treated my mom sometimes. My dad is deceased, but I still have mental issues from what I went through.
3. No. She doesn't complain about the sexism against women. I am beginning to think she's male identified because she got upset when I complained about how I hated having large hips and getting the wrong kind of male attention. IMO, I think some older women can be sick in the head when it comes to male attention. She even complained when I didn't want to wear certain clothes that would draw attention to my body.

Sonnobax15:

Your mom is simply preparing you for the future but you're here ranting and even mistaking and misunderstanding it for hate

Don't worry,in due time, you will realize the outcome of everything your mom is currently doing to you ,and how it has yielded good results

Sonnobax15:
. Perhaps your mom's reminding you that by now you ought to have been in your husband's house and not trying to fight your brother over minor issues .

no20022:
I'm 32/F. When I tried to have a conversation about how my brother's violent actios towards me affected me, she aid "but do you even think about what you did that led up to that? She brushes off adult siblings fighting aas regular sibling rivalry and expects me to sweep everything off the rug all because my brother showed remorse. The thing is, numerous boys and men have put their hands on me without any physical provocation from my end since I was a preteen.

My hates being told about herself (or family members), but I am expected to take any criticism no matter how harshly the criticism is delivered. My mom lets my brothers have dirty rooms, but she will throw childish tantrums if my room is dirty (but in my defense, I haven't had a dirty room in years).

This is why I am refusing to do family therapy. It's not because I don't want to change nor improve my behavior, but it's because I think my family will never change and it's a waste of time.

I'm not saying that I am a saint, but I am getting fed up with being blamed for other people actions. I was also blamed for my father's rage/temper tantrums a lot too.

The truth is, I am no longer intersted in a close relationship with my brother. I realized that I don't care if he felt bad for what he did because it's not the first time. Plus, I find it unfair that I am not allowed ot tolerate men outside my family assaulting me, but I should sweep my male family members' behavior under the rug. I don't like my brother too much because I don't think he's safe to be around. Yeah he showed remorse for it, but I don't care and I still feel a certain way about it to this day.

My mom would always blame me for my father and brothers‘ behavior towards me. If I get beaten, it's my fault for not behaving. If I get my brothers angry, it's my fault for doing something to provoke them.

It's funny how women complain about how men are sexist against women, but women do the same thing to each other.

Baronthecelebri:
Then leave the family, and stop complaining

CrownOfClay724:
What's all these whining about?

If I read correctly, you claim to be 32 and complaints like this ought to have ended some 15 years ago.

You're too old to be subjected to any kind of maltreatment and whatever you claim to be going through now is what you have accepted to happen to you.

The least you can do is leave them and start your own life.
They'll be the one begging for reunion if family therapy is important like that.

no20022:
Yeah but I’m not the only one acting bad so stop complaining about my post.

Plus my family members themselves are too old to be blaming others for other people’s actions. Blaming others is a sign of emotional immaturity.

Fiscus105:
✓ At 32, you still staying in your mama house, anything ur eye sees accept it, even if you haven't married, move out and rent ur own apartment and leave with the way you want.

Kobojunkie:
Is the older brother not equally there in the mama house? Why make it seem it is OK for him to be there for not for her?

no20022:
He’s younger. Plus he’s long gone and moved out. This stuff happened years ago and he hasn’t been violent since. I think my mom blames me for his actions because of internalized misogyny. Plus she tolerated our dad putting hands on her so she probably expects me to tolerate the same thing too. She even thinks that siblings hurting each other is normalised (I mean as kids yes but adults…no).

The thing is I think I hate my family because I’m expected to tolerate their bad behavior but if a man outside of the family did the same thing, he would be condemned.

Plus this is why I wish I started working instead of going to college. I’m stuck with useless degrees that aren’t helping me with a job search. I envy people who moved out at younger ages like 18-20 because I feel they are more mature than me.

no20022:
✓ He’s younger. Plus this is why I wish I started working instead of going to college.
✓ I’m stuck with useless degrees that aren’t helping me with a job search. I envy people who moved out at younger ages like 18-20 because I feel they are more mature than me.

no20022:
✓ He’s younger. Plus he’s long gone and moved out. This stuff happened years ago and he hasn’t been violent since.
✓ I think my mom blames me for his actions because of internalized misogyny. Plus she tolerated our dad putting hands on her so she probably expects me to tolerate the same thing too. She even thinks that siblings hurting each other is normalised (I mean as kids yes but adults…no).

The thing is I think I hate my family because I’m expected to tolerate their bad behavior but if a man outside of the family did the same thing, he would be condemned.

YOUNGELDER1:
Just find a way to rent your own place.
When you do all this would stop.

Your brother's don see you finish.

no20022:
✓ This is why I said I am jealous of the Americans who didn't go to college and started work immediately after high school. They were wiser than me because they found an opportunity to get away from their family. Plus college doesn't even guarantee you a good job.

Kobojunkie:
High school did not guarantee the Americans jobs withers. What instead did was their using their heads and the skills they already had where they could. You have advanced certificates so what is stopping you from doing the same even now?

Kobojunkie:
High school did not guarantee the Americans jobs withers. What instead did was their using their heads and the skills they already had where they could. You have advanced certificates so what is stopping you from doing the same even now?

no20022:
➜What’s stopping me is that the fields that I picked doesn’t even care about degrees. Why are people refusing to accept the fact that jobs these days don’t care about degrees? I have two degrees and a cert and that still hasn’t helped.
➜People with high school diploma are surpassing me and they were smart to not go to college. Times have changed and nobody cares about your degrees just job experience.