₦airaland Forum

Nnamdipapa:
There is nothing like struggling to raise kids when you are financially and emotionally mature. The people who struggle to raise kids are those who married early or those who chose to have many kids.

The secret formula is to marry late and have one kid.

Nnamdipapa:
As a Nigerian man who got married in his early 20s, I can now look back with clarity and say I wasn’t fully ready. Back then, the pressure to settle down felt real. Family, church, and society made it seem like once you hit 25 and have a good job, marriage and having kids should be your next goal.

Nnamdipapa:
You be smart lady and your husband must be a lucky man. In 2025, I advice people to have only one child got the sake of their mental health.

I have 4 and three are teenagers but If I have a do over, it will be only one child.

Nnamdipapa:
I am not the jealous type, I allow my wife overnight parties alone, I even asked my friend to take her and her friend to clubs. Life is too short and sweet to fight over kpekus.

authority2006:
So, you didn't start family late but you somehow assumed that all what it takes not to struggle raising your kids is having money and mature emotionally, right? I'm laughing here.
You will be 60 years old when your kids are just hitting 20s and entering universities. It will dawn on you when they don't want you coming visiting them at school because they want their roommates or course mates to know that their dad is an old grandpa.
And what make you so sure that you will be financially okay? Because you took your time before marrying?

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

Nnamdipapa:
As a Nigerian man who got married in his early 20s, I can now look back with clarity and say I wasn’t fully ready. Back then, the pressure to settle down felt real. Family, church, and society made it seem like once you hit 25 and have a good job, marriage and having kids should be your next goal.

With time and experience, I’ve come to see that marrying in your 30s or even early 40s can be a much better decision for a man. If you're in that age range and people are trying to make you feel late, don't let it shake you. In many ways, it might actually be your advantage.

Here are 10 solid reasons why marrying late, for men like me, could make all the difference:

1. You Understand Yourself Better
In your 30s and 40s, you’ve had time to figure yourself out: your values, your habits, your triggers, and what kind of life you actually want. That self-awareness makes it easier to enter a marriage with direction and purpose, not confusion.

This one is the BIGGEST of my reasons for my discussion. In your twenties, you think you know yourself and your desires and as you grow and have more exposures your expectations will change and you may grow to despise what you loved10/15 years ago and are able to make better decisions.

2. You're More Financially Prepared
In your early 20s, you’re usually just starting out. Money is tight, and the demands of marriage can be overwhelming. By your 30s or 40s, you've likely built some income stability, gained work experience, and learned how to manage money, which can reduce stress at home.

3. You’re Emotionally More Mature
When you’re younger, pride and ego get in the way. Older men tend to respond to issues with more calm, they know how to apologize, and they understand that love is not always about feelings but about decisions and sacrifice.

4. You've Lived a Little
Some men who marry young later feel like they missed out on life. Marrying late gives you time to explore, make mistakes, travel, grow, and learn. You go into marriage with fewer regrets and a sense of fulfillment.

5. You Choose a Partner with More Clarity
In your 20s, it's easy to choose based on looks, pressure, or church vibes. Later in life, you know what you want, and you can see red flags early. You choose someone for real compatibility, not just chemistry.

6. Your Communication Skills Are Stronger
With age comes experience. You’ve probably been through disagreements, breakups, and reconciliations. By now, you’ve learned how to listen, explain yourself clearly, and handle conflict with less drama.

7. You Take Responsibility with Less Stress
Responsibility is part of marriage. When you're younger, it can feel heavy and frustrating. But older men tend to carry it better. They know it’s not about showing off; it’s just life.

8. Fewer External Distractions
By your 30s or 40s, your circle is smaller and more mature. Peer pressure fades. You’re less likely to be swayed by noise from friends or social media. That peace helps you focus on your home.

9. You're More Independent from Family Pressure
When you're younger, parents and relatives often have too much say in your personal choices. As an older man, you're more confident in your decisions. You set boundaries and protect your marriage from outside influence.

10. You Appreciate the Relationship More
At this stage in life, you’ve seen failed marriages. Maybe you’ve had your heart broken. So when love comes and it feels right, you treat it with care. You don’t rush, and you don’t take your partner for granted.

Final Thoughts
Getting married in your 30s or 40s doesn’t mean you're behind. For many men, especially in today’s world, it’s when you're finally ready , mentally, emotionally, and financially. If you’re still single and people are calling you late, remind yourself that it’s better to enter marriage prepared than to dive in early and struggle. Marriage is not a race. It’s a long journey. Starting it with the right mindset can make all the difference. Additionally, some of the reasons for early marriages are to start having children, but this is 2025, where having many children is no longer in vogue like it used to be. You are now able to choose the right fit for yourself with a mature mind and good mental clarity.

pocohantas:
If my dad is rich and responsible, please let him visit me in school. No vex.

Babes are dating and marrying men 40yrs older than them. Na me go come hide my papa?
Dey play! 😂😂😂

Nnamdipapa:
As a Nigerian man who got married in his early 20s, I can now look back with clarity and say I wasn’t fully ready. Back then, the pressure to settle down felt real. Family, church, and society made it seem like once you hit 25 and have a good job, marriage and having kids should be your next goal.

With time and experience, I’ve come to see that marrying in your 30s or even early 40s can be a much better decision for a man. If you're in that age range and people are trying to make you feel late, don't let it shake you. In many ways, it might actually be your advantage.

Here are 10 solid reasons why marrying late, for men like me, could make all the difference:

1. You Understand Yourself Better
In your 30s and 40s, you’ve had time to figure yourself out: your values, your habits, your triggers, and what kind of life you actually want. That self-awareness makes it easier to enter a marriage with direction and purpose, not confusion.

This one is the BIGGEST of my reasons for my discussion. In your twenties, you think you know yourself and your desires and as you grow and have more exposures your expectations will change and you may grow to despise what you loved10/15 years ago and are able to make better decisions.

2. You're More Financially Prepared
In your early 20s, you’re usually just starting out. Money is tight, and the demands of marriage can be overwhelming. By your 30s or 40s, you've likely built some income stability, gained work experience, and learned how to manage money, which can reduce stress at home.

3. You’re Emotionally More Mature
When you’re younger, pride and ego get in the way. Older men tend to respond to issues with more calm, they know how to apologize, and they understand that love is not always about feelings but about decisions and sacrifice.

4. You've Lived a Little
Some men who marry young later feel like they missed out on life. Marrying late gives you time to explore, make mistakes, travel, grow, and learn. You go into marriage with fewer regrets and a sense of fulfillment.

5. You Choose a Partner with More Clarity
In your 20s, it's easy to choose based on looks, pressure, or church vibes. Later in life, you know what you want, and you can see red flags early. You choose someone for real compatibility, not just chemistry.

6. Your Communication Skills Are Stronger
With age comes experience. You’ve probably been through disagreements, breakups, and reconciliations. By now, you’ve learned how to listen, explain yourself clearly, and handle conflict with less drama.

7. You Take Responsibility with Less Stress
Responsibility is part of marriage. When you're younger, it can feel heavy and frustrating. But older men tend to carry it better. They know it’s not about showing off; it’s just life.

8. Fewer External Distractions
By your 30s or 40s, your circle is smaller and more mature. Peer pressure fades. You’re less likely to be swayed by noise from friends or social media. That peace helps you focus on your home.

9. You're More Independent from Family Pressure
When you're younger, parents and relatives often have too much say in your personal choices. As an older man, you're more confident in your decisions. You set boundaries and protect your marriage from outside influence.

10. You Appreciate the Relationship More
At this stage in life, you’ve seen failed marriages. Maybe you’ve had your heart broken. So when love comes and it feels right, you treat it with care. You don’t rush, and you don’t take your partner for granted.

Final Thoughts
Getting married in your 30s or 40s doesn’t mean you're behind. For many men, especially in today’s world, it’s when you're finally ready , mentally, emotionally, and financially. If you’re still single and people are calling you late, remind yourself that it’s better to enter marriage prepared than to dive in early and struggle. Marriage is not a race. It’s a long journey. Starting it with the right mindset can make all the difference. Additionally, some of the reasons for early marriages are to start having children, but this is 2025, where having many children is no longer in vogue like it used to be. You are now able to choose the right fit for yourself with a mature mind and good mental clarity.

Maeve7:
I agree. But the biggest disadvantage is that you get to have kids rather late so you might not live long enough to see your grandchildren.

femi4:
Maturity n age aint synonymous. You can be 40 n still behave like 21.

You don't want to use your pension to train your kids in the university

Eniolohunda:
Although, you have your points but I disagree with marry 30s or 40s. That's late marriage, no matter how you package it. Any one who is not matured at age 26, 27 for marriage will remain immature in for life. There are numerous benefits to early marriage than to late marriage, especially for ladies.

Almunjid:
Seventy percent of what you said above is wrong—especially the part about two consenting adults having sex not being a sin. I’m sorry to tell you this, but your conscience must be numb due to your repeated practice of fornication. People who are in the business of killing others feel nothing wrong about it because they are accustomed to it; they justify their actions just as you justify fornication. There is nothing good about sleeping with random people under the guise of “consenting adults.” Some animals behave that way, which makes me wonder if some animals have been reincarnated into humans—looking like humans but still behaving like animals.

As for your first comment, you spoke about maturity, yet you equated it with age—when does age equal maturity? Our grandfathers and great-grandfathers married during their teenage years, often before they were mature, and they lived with their wives until death parted them. Likewise, our great-grandmothers did the same. This alone is enough to dismiss your claim about age in marriage.

Marriage is not tied to age and timing. When you feel ready, go for it—even if you are in your twenties. But if you don’t feel ready, don’t rush it, even if you are in your thirties or forties. Understanding oneself is not a matter of age; a young person in their teens can know themselves better than a man in his forties who is still struggling. The same applies to financial literacy—it is not about age or maturity. Your opinion is fundamentally wrong—about eighty percent wrong.

What really affects marriage nowadays is not the things you enumerated; it is mostly the influence of Western culture, irreligiosity, materialism, and moral decline. In the days when marriage worked well, people followed their culture and traditions—not the lifestyle of Westerners, which makes marriage difficult. We destroyed our culture, traditional religion, and customs and embraced a culture and way of life that kills marriage. Even Westerners in their fifties find it hard to sustain marriage. We are heading that way too, if we don’t abandon their lifestyle and return to ours.


Peace!

Jieta2:
He's just dishing out wrong advice, what can be more prideful than watching your children graduate from the University in your late 40s and early 50s?

Hhh4444:
says who? This life Dey twist and turn at any time oooo. Things Dey change every now and then so don’t say that.

Eniolohunda:
I will continue to preach early marriage. You don't expect a lady to start carrying pregnancy at 45, that's if she still have a viable egg self. And start the stress of motherhood when her mates are becoming grandma and enjoying their second sisi period. Well I thank God for myself sha. I always say, its person that will design his/her life while God will solidify their desires.

Nnamdipapa:
I used to think like that too but this is mental programming from our society which has been ingrained in us from birth. Your happiness or success in life does not depend on having kids early or late. I have kids early and I regret it because I had to spend all my early adulthood tending to kids. I know what I had to give up for this.

Kids are raised with resources and if you have invested and worked for some time before piling on responsibilities, you will be able to take care of your kids and you can even pay others to help out instead of spending your early adult life being stressed out.

Onegai:
Back then, a Man who married a woman with children KNEW that all her children were now his responsibility. He didn't insist that their biological father keeps them.

That ensured that children ALWAYS had a father present in their lives. Children need BOTH their fathers and mothers.

A lot of popular families will testify to this, MKO Abiola never refused a child. But it ended up causing problems because people are greedy.

Nowadays men treat single mothers like lepers, punishing them for being responsible and training their kids. Which is why women are now opting to send those kids to their dads (and a stepmother who will never love them). Causing even more problems.

And that is why Divorce is described as Violence in the Bible: it wrecks havoc on the family and that affects the society at large.

To quote an American commentator: "I ain't never seen a school shooter from a happy home, before".

Almunjid:
Seventy percent of what you said above is wrong—especially the part about two consenting adults having sex not being a sin. I’m sorry to tell you this, but your conscience must be numb due to your repeated practice of fornication. People who are in the business of killing others feel nothing wrong about it because they are accustomed to it; they justify their actions just as you justify fornication. There is nothing good about sleeping with random people under the guise of “consenting adults.” Some animals behave that way, which makes me wonder if some animals have been reincarnated into humans—looking like humans but still behaving like animals.

As for your first comment, you spoke about maturity, yet you equated it with age—when does age equal maturity? Our grandfathers and great-grandfathers married during their teenage years, often before they were mature, and they lived with their wives until death parted them. Likewise, our great-grandmothers did the same. This alone is enough to dismiss your claim about age in marriage.

Marriage is not tied to age and timing. When you feel ready, go for it—even if you are in your twenties. But if you don’t feel ready, don’t rush it, even if you are in your thirties or forties. Understanding oneself is not a matter of age; a young person in their teens can know themselves better than a man in his forties who is still struggling. The same applies to financial literacy—it is not about age or maturity. Your opinion is fundamentally wrong—about eighty percent wrong.

What really affects marriage nowadays is not the things you enumerated; it is mostly the influence of Western culture, irreligiosity, materialism, and moral decline. In the days when marriage worked well, people followed their culture and traditions—not the lifestyle of Westerners, which makes marriage difficult. We destroyed our culture, traditional religion, and customs and embraced a culture and way of life that kills marriage. Even Westerners in their fifties find it hard to sustain marriage. We are heading that way too, if we don’t abandon their lifestyle and return to ours.


Peace!

Onegai:
I know someone who told his pregnant wife that exact line "maybe I didn't know myself before I got married", before running off to greener pastures and FB babes. He swears he's happy now, living with another woman. Saw him recently and "hmmm" was all I could say.

A lot of people don't know what they truly want till they've lost it.

A lot of men in my family got married not younger than 39-mid 40's. It's been a mixed bag of results. That's why I don't think there's a set age for anything. I had my kids later (one pregnancy was a geriatric one ) and I think I'm a better Mum now, not really because I waited.

A lot depends on whom you marry, because the guy I would have married in my early 20's was actually my friend (he still is) compared to whom I ended up with.

authority2006:
First lie! No pressure on any Nigerian young man to get marry at his early 20s

From another thread:

Is there any decision you ever made that you don't regret?

From another thread:


You look like someone who would say anything to get attention

Spiff20:
This post was never about women. Women are better off getting married between 18 and 28 because of pregnancy and menopause - a limitation.

Onegai:
Whilst there are some good points to this write-up, there are problematic areas as well.

Nobody knows the right time to get married, because there is no right time. Lagos High Court is filled with divorce cases of people who got married in their 20's, 30's and 40's. And I live in an area where I'm surrounded by marriages from men who waited till later to get married and they're not happy either.

I thought I knew myself but the me I am right now, will be different from the me in 10 years' time. Why? Because people aren't static. Life will test you and push you. And in a weird way, the me I am now is similar to the me from my 20's. So as people change, they remain the same.

You're not going become a Responsible man because you hit 42, if that were true there would be no deadbeat dads 😉

You have to work on yourself if you want a good marriage. Especially if you're a man. And that has nothing to do with your age. You have to be honest and look at yourself and ask yourself:
"am I worthy of God giving me my helpmate to love, nurture and cherish or will I destroy her and myself?"

(Most times, almost all of us are not and most of us will forget this halfway through marriage due to anger, resentment and disappointment. A lot of men don't realize how much their part to play in a marriage is and how the success of it depends on them).

Finally, I'll say is this:

Everyone, please be careful of whom gives you advice. People speak from their own experiences, rather than what is biblically sound.

So test whatever you read and learn against God's unchanging Word.

And I'm saying that last line as someone who wasn't a Christian until recently. Even when I wasn't a Christian, I still read the Bible and it made sense from a logical standpoint. Which, compared to other philosophical books and even religious books, is quite hard to beat.

ejieddy:
Don't marry too late. Think of your kids too. It's better to actually be done raising kids early. But I do see your point and they are very very good and thoughtful points. I got angry when I couldn't marry before 30. Got married at 33 and I feel it's one of the best age to do so. Say between 30 and 37. That's a good age to marry. It also helps you with whom you will be married to as you can marry a lady between 27 and 33. If you are 40 and you marry a lady below 30, that's a generation apart and it could be a challenge at times. Once a lady starts hitting 35, there's pressure on her for marriage and kids. You really don't want that for your wife. A man at 40 is more likely to marry a lady above 33.