₦airaland Forum

gerizzim:
can you break this down you said may be with example or case study. How do you mean culture, tradition and rules is the issue affecting marriage.

OK hopefully you are open to learning...

Culture is oyibo culture does not encourage marriage (for example)

Tradition is the involvement of everyone into marriage according to culture... This needs to be reviewed

Rules are man made rules from court, tradition and culture that they never want to be reviewed.

These are just the summary... I no get time to explain now

occfx:
Your narrative is wrong... Imagine been raised by a single mother.

Biology is nature at work and you cant defeat it.

The problem with marriage is culture, tradition and rules. Remove these three things, you will see like minds cohabit peacefully with each other. Goto university hostels... Some people are living happily with themselves like husband and wife but immediately society is informed, problem starts.

There is a reason why poor people last in marriage than rich and enlightened people. Funny thing is you see the poor man and his miserable wife having 7 to 9 kids in peace. That's the level of connection they have with constant intimacy... The only problem those kind of people have is food. Not gender equality or any nonsense. Imagine if economy is good and they feed well, they will likely have a happier home than most elites.

Human beings should emulate animals... Simple and short.

Simply put; the concept of marriage is an abnormality.
We humans do a lot of abnormal things contrary to the normal things done by lower animals.

Cohabitation is a very normal phenomenon, that naturally kills the idea of divorce, unreasonable financial obligations, monogamy etc

Eg: Mr A works in ogoja and cohabits with a lady. Mr A gets transferred to Asaba and cohabits with another lady, moves to kogi, cohabits with another lady.... that's the nature of man ... When you try to suppress nature, you are only reducing "Life expectancy"

Kobojunkie:
Why manage it when, like FFK, they can get a divorce and claim full custody of the children and their freedom?

it’s just societal reasons and people like FFK does care or give a F***.

Experience is the best teacher they say...If it goes well, thanks to God..If it doesn't,no kpai urself join.

Kobojunkie:
Does the male shoulder all the responsibilities? You say this assuming that making money is the only responsibility that exists in a marriage, right?

2. A marriage partnership would entail having the male also sharing in all of the duties/responsibilities formally relegated to the female which you don't seem to consider of note. Why?

I understand where you are coming from from. Simply put, you assumed that I trivialized the role of a wife/mother who may not have the same financial prowess as the husband. That, however, is not the case.

Globally, men are better paid than women. We need to accept this as the gospel truth. So, logically speaking, men in most cases earn better than their wives. With regards to the responsibilities alluded to in my earlier posts, my focus wasn't entirely hinged on money.

DrAda:
➜I understand where you are coming from from. Simply put, you assumed that I trivialized the role of a wife/mother who may not have the same financial prowess as the husband. That, however, is not the case.
➜ Globally, men are better paid than women. We need to accept this as the gospel truth. So, logically speaking, men in most cases earn better than their wives.
➜ With regards to the responsibilities alluded to in my earlier posts[b], my focus wasn't entirely hinged on money.[/b]

1. Why does a woman who serves as cook, nanny, governess, house worker, etc., — in most cases without adequate remuneration for all her efforts —in the same home need to have the same financial prowess as the man, though?

2. Marriage has nothing to do with the pay of men vs the pay of women, though. Try to stay on track, abeg!

3. It wasn't yet your response seems to be on valuing it based on how much one gender in the marriage is able to earn vs what the other does.

fineboynl:
➜ it’s just societal reasons and people like FFK does care or give a F***.

Societal reasons are why you choose to remain in a bad situation? Those same societal reasons don't keep you from pretending to be a victim, right?

Nnamdipapa:
This is because society has created this wrong narrative that a man or woman is not complete until they are married and, marriage has been termed as "settling down". Also, society and religion have also created the wrong notion that marriage is mandatory and make it feel something is wrong with an adult who delays marriage or not willing to marry. They claim it is wrong to have kids outside of marriage. This is 2025, the age of information and people are fast realizing the above narratives are false on all accounts.

But you didn't justify your statement. You just claimed it is false

Xinjin:
But you didn't justify your statement. You just claimed it is false

The justification is in the headings for the post" Reason many people talk bad about marriage". Married people are included. I have been married for more than 17 years and I honestly fail to see the relevance of a marriage in thr 21st century when I can easily date, have a child without marriage and enjoy my individuality and singlehood.
I also realize most people pretend to get you into the alter and show their true nature several years down the lane.

Urgent1Million:
People say things according to their experience.
Planes crash but people still fly.
Cars crash but people still drive them.
People suffer food poisoning but people still eat food.
There are so many good things about marriage, allegedly.
Don't take my word for it.
Get married and find out yourself.

FYI, I am not married and not planning to.

why are you wicked?

Softmirror:
People who speak ill about marriage are people who don't want to take responsibility. Marriage is all about being responsible.

it seems you have a different meaning for "responsible". So a full grown man responsible for himself is not responsible because he chose not to get married?

lexy2014:
how does community and society raise children?

s

community has alot of influence on children. The people they interact with daily can shape their characters.

Kobojunkie:
I disagree... marriage instead requires two fully mature individuals who respect and love each other equally.

Respect and love




WITH



Patience and Money



CONTINUE

cutecommend:
If you ask a couple today about marriage, you may hear things like: "Marriage needs patience, It is not easy ooh, you really have to endure, men are something else, women are bla bla bla".
Maybe we should start or keep hearing things like, marriage is so sweet, you will really enjoy it, it makes life beautiful e.t.c

Marriage is like a garden. You reap what you sow.

occfx:
Your narrative is wrong... Imagine been raised by a single mother.

Biology is nature at work and you cant defeat it.

The problem with marriage is culture, tradition and rules. Remove these three things, you will see like minds cohabit peacefully with each other. Goto university hostels... Some people are living happily with themselves like husband and wife but immediately society is informed, problem starts.

There is a reason why poor people last in marriage than rich and enlightened people. Funny thing is you see the poor man and his miserable wife having 7 to 9 kids in peace. That's the level of connection they have with constant intimacy... The only problem those kind of people have is food. Not gender equality or any nonsense. Imagine if economy is good and they feed well, they will likely have a happier home than most elites.

Human beings should emulate animals... Simple and short.

I like your point....we don't need to emulate animals,we are animals already.it is too many rules, societal and religious pressure that is causing most problems in marriage.

Hhh4444:
community has alot of influence on children. The people they interact with daily can shape their characters.

how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

lexy2014:
how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

yes,they interact with the community so to an extent the community shapes and mold them. Compare two persons,one raised in northern Nigeria,second in southern Nigeria. You would notice the difference in their thought process simply because of the environment they grew up in.

Tayorshd87:
You have actually slapped my face with this..

With all my life I love slim shady ladies but all have met in my life are oloshos 😢 so the one I finally marry was chubby but the wife material in her is 98% 🤔

Bro that's how I ended up marrying a statue I didn't like but d material in her is keeping us going we now 4years and still getting stronger 💪👍.

But sometimes I feel I haven't gotten to my Destination though 🤔

This thing called marriage ehn 🤔

@bold:

Sighs!

Hhh4444:
yes,they interact with the community so to an extent the community shapes and mold them. Compare two persons,one raised in northern Nigeria,second in southern Nigeria. You would notice the difference I their thought process simply because of the environment they grew up in.

how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

lexy2014:
how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

"it takes a village to raise a child". This statement means alot. Parents are not with their kids 247 so the rest time kids spend with their peers,in school,in church,in libraries, sports teams e.t.c is the the time they are getting raised by the community.

occfx:
OK hopefully you are open to learning...

Culture is oyibo culture does not encourage marriage (for example)

Tradition is the involvement of everyone into marriage according to culture... This needs to be reviewed

Rules are man made rules from court, tradition and culture that they never want to be reviewed.

These are just the summary... I no get time to explain now

Ok. you may be right to some extent .
all these listed to some extent guide the people in the marriage.

It all boils down to how that settlement or community apply these practises or custom in guiding marriage.

Hhh4444:
"it takes a village to raise a child". This statement means alot. Parents are not with their kids 247 so the rest time kids spend with their peers,in school,in church,in libraries, sports teams e.t.c is the the time they are getting raised by the community.

according to you

Hhh4444:
community has alot of influence on children. The people they interact with daily can shape their characters.

is having "a lot of influence on children" the same thing as "raising a child"?

how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

lexy2014:
according to you



is having "a lot of influence on children" the same thing as "raising a child"?

how does community having influence on children because they interact with the community mean that the community raises children?

I am done explaining to you. If you still don't get it,just rest.

Maeve7:
➜Marriage is like a garden. You reap what you sow.

I disagree with this analogy! There are numerous cases of individuals who go into marriage naive and docile, giving it their all, only to end up with the worst of treatments.

Kobojunkie:
I disagree with this analogy! There are numerous cases of individuals who go into marriage naive and docile, giving it their all, only to end up with the worst of treatments.

In this case, they ended up in a garden with infertile soil.

Maeve7:
➜In this case, they ended up in a garden with infertile soil.

Huh?

And whose fault is it that the garden is infertile in this case, since originally you had said marriage is a garden where you reap what you sow?

Kobojunkie:
Huh?

And whose fault is it that the garden is infertile in this case, since originally you had said marriage is a garden where you reap what you sow?

It’s Tinubu’s fault.

Roycemadeit:
People have been made to believe marriage is some divine decree, written in the stars or sealed by the heavens. It is not. Marriage is simply people deciding to live together under a shared agreement. That’s all. No cosmic stamp. No eternal law. Just an arrangement that humans created.

But over time, it was dressed in rules, rituals, and pressures—until refusing to marry became a mark of shame. Many now enter marriage without knowing themselves, without even asking whether they can coexist with anyone long-term. And yet, we keep pretending it’s the natural order of things.

[color=#9900ab]Marriage may help build pockets of society, but it does not, on its own, raise children. A community raises children. A society raises children. Marriage has merely been inflated into a badge of responsibility, so that avoiding it makes you “irresponsible.” That is a lie we have swallowed for generations.[/color]

[color=#6B3000]You must ask yourself—do I actually want to marry, or am I just ticking a box the culture handed me? Age, money, tradition—none of these are reasons. Marriage is not compulsory. It is not sacred. It is not divine. It is human—fragile, flawed, and entirely optional.[/color]

I agree

Nnamdipapa:
The justification is in the headings for the post" Reason many people talk bad about marriage". Married people are included. I have been married for more than 17 years and I honestly fail to see the relevance of a marriage in thr 21st century when I can easily date, have a child without marriage and enjoy my individuality and singlehood.
I also realize most people pretend to get you into the alter and show their true nature several years down the lane.

Nature isn't build for singlehood, you still get to deal with pple even outside marriage.
I don't know about ur personal experience.
At some point we question even investment, but with time you'll appreciate ur marriage

Xinjin:
➜Nature isn't build for singlehood, you still get to deal with pple even outside marriage. I don't know about ur personal experience.
➜At some point we question even investment, but with time you'll appreciate ur marriage

. All animals are born in a single state until such a time as they individually choose to either mate(if they desire to do so), rendering your statement regarding the nature of falsehood. Marriage is not a natural state for any species of animals out there, not even humans. Marriage is an arrangement made between two individuals of a species.

2. Question investment?

Kobojunkieee:
. All animals are born in a single state until such a time as they individually choose to either mate(if they desire to do so), rendering your statement regarding the nature of falsehood. Marriage is not a natural state for any species of animals out there, not even humans. Marriage is an arrangement made between two individuals of a species.

2. Question investment?

1. They're regarded as lower animals for a reason. Reproduction isn’t always a choice for most animals. mating and reproduction are driven primarily by instinct and biology, not conscious decision. We're are not in the animal kingdom are we?

2. Don't we question decisions? If it pays you fine, if the opposite, you count ur loss

Xinjin:
1. They're regarded as lower animals for a reason. Reproduction isn’t always a choice for most animals. mating and reproduction are driven primarily by instinct and biology, not conscious decision. We're are not in the animal kingdom are we?
2. Don't we question decisions? If it pays you fine, if the opposite, you count ur loss

Try to pay close attention to your original claims so you don't begin sounding like your don't even know what your mind has been spitting.

Singlehood is the natural state of every animal out there, even the lower life forms. Marriage is a not a natural state.