₦airaland Forum

BRATISLAVA:
Poverty has restructured Africans into wanting little weddings.

You don't get wedded everyday, so why do so little towards it?

Jacktheripper:
I acknowledged that part. More often than not, those men succumb to pressure from the bride’s side, and maybe even his own side too. So maybe it's not in our power after all.

Jacktheripper:
Today was one of those boring days when it felt like time was moving in slow motion. Out of boredom, I started searching the house aimlessly, looking for nothing, when I stumbled on something interesting.

An old, dangerously handsome picture of myself. I was dressed in a black suit (well, what was trying to be a suit) with an oversized trouser so big I could probably still fit in it today.. I must have been 5 or 6, maybe 7. But it wasn’t just random overdressing. I was the ring bearer for one of my uncle’s weddings.

I can’t remember much about the day except that we travelled all the way to Ibadan, and I slept through at least half of the event. But looking at the picture got me thinking.

One day, I’ll probably wear a similar outfit again. This time, in a properly tailored one, doing my wedding. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be wide awake for that one. But then again, who knows?

But I was about to move on when another thought crept in...do I even want a wedding?

Not the marriage part. Marriage is fine. Love is fine. Companionship is fine. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

But the whole “invite 500 people, rent a hall, prostrate and roll on the floor 1,000 times, feed strangers you haven’t spoken to in five years, and smile till your jaw cramps” part?

I’m not so sure.

Weddings have a way of feeling like a long movie you didn’t ask to be cast in.

Still, the idea of my own wedding feels… different.

Because I feel weddings are like graduations.

They’re not really for you; they are for everyone else to see that you did the thing.

The couple is basically the entertainment for the day, paraded around like a pair of rare zoo animals, while aunties you didn’t know existed debate loudly about whether your rice tastes better than your cousin’s wedding rice from 2018.

And let’s not even talk about the expenses.

Weddings are the only event where people willingly spend the equivalent of a decent car, just for someone to come and whisper in your ears that the meat has finished, while over 200 people haven't eaten.

So maybe I will keep it small. Something simple, with just a few family members, a couple of friends, and one photographer who knows my good angles. No 12-layer cake, no rented hall, no live band that plays “Happy Birthday” by mistake.

Just me, my wife, and the people who matter. And by who matters, I'm talking of my parents and her parents. So 6 people in total. Maybe even less, depending on how the Grim Reaper feels.

Everyone thinks that's a delusional idea. They say it's actually not in my power to decide all that, which reinforces my initial ideas.

But honestly, I’d rather spend the extra money making sure my marriage lasts… than making sure my wedding trends on Instagram or WhatsApp status for a week. But that could be the broke me talking, though, or maybe the shy and humble me. You never can tell.

Jacktheripper:
Today was one of those boring days when it felt like time was moving in slow motion. Out of boredom, I started searching the house aimlessly, looking for nothing, when I stumbled on something interesting.

An old, dangerously handsome picture of myself. I was dressed in a black suit (well, what was trying to be a suit) with an oversized trouser so big I could probably still fit in it today.. I must have been 5 or 6, maybe 7. But it wasn’t just random overdressing. I was the ring bearer for one of my uncle’s weddings.

I can’t remember much about the day except that we travelled all the way to Ibadan, and I slept through at least half of the event. But looking at the picture got me thinking.

One day, I’ll probably wear a similar outfit again. This time, in a properly tailored one, doing my wedding. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be wide awake for that one. But then again, who knows?

But I was about to move on when another thought crept in...do I even want a wedding?

Not the marriage part. Marriage is fine. Love is fine. Companionship is fine. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

But the whole “invite 500 people, rent a hall, prostrate and roll on the floor 1,000 times, feed strangers you haven’t spoken to in five years, and smile till your jaw cramps” part?

I’m not so sure.

Weddings have a way of feeling like a long movie you didn’t ask to be cast in.

Still, the idea of my own wedding feels… different.

Because I feel weddings are like graduations.

They’re not really for you; they are for everyone else to see that you did the thing.

The couple is basically the entertainment for the day, paraded around like a pair of rare zoo animals, while aunties you didn’t know existed debate loudly about whether your rice tastes better than your cousin’s wedding rice from 2018.

And let’s not even talk about the expenses.

Weddings are the only event where people willingly spend the equivalent of a decent car, just for someone to come and whisper in your ears that the meat has finished, while over 200 people haven't eaten.

So maybe I will keep it small. Something simple, with just a few family members, a couple of friends, and one photographer who knows my good angles. No 12-layer cake, no rented hall, no live band that plays “Happy Birthday” by mistake.

Just me, my wife, and the people who matter. And by who matters, I'm talking of my parents and her parents. So 6 people in total. Maybe even less, depending on how the Grim Reaper feels.

Everyone thinks that's a delusional idea. They say it's actually not in my power to decide all that, which reinforces my initial ideas.

But honestly, I’d rather spend the extra money making sure my marriage lasts… than making sure my wedding trends on Instagram or WhatsApp status for a week. But that could be the broke me talking, though, or maybe the shy and humble me. You never can tell.

Hhh4444:
It is not about porverty. You get money reach oyibo when dey do simple wedding?

BRATISLAVA:
And who told you that because they do simple weddings that you must, too? What about those of them who have glamorous or reasonable wedding celebrations? Why is that never exemplary?

There's a lot of cherry picking because of poverty.

judewrites:
A harsh truth about weddings is that many couples prepare more for the wedding day than the marriage itself.

Hhh4444:
who did we copy white wedding from? Or you want to copy only some part and leave the rest? Go and check,oyibo hardly do loud weddings. Of course,there are outliers. Na we dey loud,to the extent we borrow to impress those that don't give a Bleep about us.

Talismann:
Are you a white man?
Look, Wether you do white wedding or not, traditional wedding in some parts of the country alone you don spend 4 million alone (south-south, south-east)
Do what works for you, if you like give your father in-law 20k to cover everything for trad wedding, e no concern anybody but no come here dey enforce your mentality on anybody.

Hhh4444:
who did we copy white wedding from? Or you want to copy only some part and leave the rest? Go and check,oyibo hardly do loud weddings. Of course,there are outliers. Na we dey loud,to the extent we borrow to impress those that don't give a Bleep about us.

WantsandMore:
How I intend to enjoy things while on Earth depends on decency and affordability.

movid:
Many planned for the wedding but they did not plan for the marriage.

Ayo25:
Well that's your style. It doesn't have to be everybody's ways.

Nothing makes your style better. It's just one style. Everybody is entitled to the style that makes them feels good.

Wananonly:
Many men. Many many many many men bro, planned their weddings in the same way you hope to plan yours..

But guess what happened at the end of the day bro...

They still did all the things they said they wouldn't do. And more!!!

ravensckar:
Well, different strokes for different folks. My own wedding was loud and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Firstly, I had the opportunity to meet some of my people whom I haven't met in a long time. The fact that they all gathered because of me was touching. The way they were all over me that day ehn, they were like you this boy has made us proud. I felt the love and it still melts my heart till date. Funny enough, I haven't seen or met some of them before that day. And I was like; "So I have influential people like this as family members?".

Secondly, a night to my wedding, we the youths (from my family, my wife's family, my friends and my wife's friends) all gathered at a hotel for our bachelor's night. It remains the best night of my life. We booked the whole ground floor and used every inch of space to our satisfaction. Music, shayo, smoke, food, dancing, games and even ....... full ground. That was one night that I saw youths in my family committed atrocities without any repercussion. Nobody cast anybody because we were all participants.

Things really sup that night! Although our families (both I and my wife) were strictly Islamic, people no even send anybody that night. They committed atrocities without any care in the world. Even the bride to-be (my wife) sneaked out to come join us. It was that night I knew our marriage would last a lifetime because I don finally jam person wey bad like me. Nobody even send my papa that night, he was calling on phone and threatening us to shut down the party, for where? Nobody listened. Well, he was far away from us and couldn't stop us.

Then came the D-day! It was marvelous! Seeing how proud my parents were melted my heart. My papa just dey fling him agbada every time he walks, acting like one rich senator from Abuja. My step-mum was all over me. My family members from everywhere full ground. Men mount full ground!

My mum's sister that we used to call "Second Mother" wey dey flog us when we dey small. Auntie still talk am publicly sey if I ever maltreat my wife, she will show up to whoop me. It was a gathering of love! Most importantly, I met a great number of my wife's family. After that day, I don't need any more introductions in their house again. Although I was high that day, I was still able to compose myself.

The aftermath was even lovely as well! We proceeded to our hometown to perform the remaining rites. Another round of faaji erupted there, but that one was strictly Islamic as it was under the watchful eyes of my dad. My uncle kept reminding him severally that he should retire to his room to perform his prayers. Dad refused, he knew something would sup if he left us alone.

In summary, it was an unforgettable day for me because I felt special to see that all those people were gathered because of me and my wife. Seeing most people whom I haven't seen in a long time was remarkable. Funny enough, the money was just flowing from everywhere. My rich uncles & aunties wey I never chop their money before spend am that day. It was joyous! I wish I can have the wedding again!

In conclusion, there's no harm in having a lavish wedding (especially if one can afford it). It's one of the most special day in a person's life. Thinking about money should be the least of one's problem. The keyword here is that; "If one can afford to". No go do pass yourself o because after WEDDING comes MARRIAGE and that one LONG WELL WELL.

BRATISLAVA:
But why only copy the no wedding parts? Is that your Nigerian culture? Are you a westerner? Without western weddings, Africans have been doing glam weddings. Unless poverty nowadays has a hand in it.

pansophist:
Not our current Genz marriage that last less than a degree programme.

Magnoliaa:
Is a millennial ever really at peace with themself if they have not thrown a shot at Gen Zs? 😕

Magnoliaa:
Is a millennial ever really at peace with themself if they have not thrown a shot at Gen Zs? 😕