₦airaland Forum

jaxxy:
Lol u talk like u know her or u can read her mind and intentions. U should learn to read not just in-between the lines but know the broader meaning of what people say and perhaps dont say or they will sell u in the market without ur knowledge.

Fenrir:
Nope, no problem
Go for a woman that actually wants the same as you and leave any woman that doesn't alone

If a woman only wants to be a full time mother and wife then let her find a man that wants that as well, you dont need to push people to be more than they want to be

Support = good
Pressure = bad

Nonexisting1:
I don't know why you are complaining. If I see a Nigerian girl that will give me all she promised you, I will marry her. She said she will bring you joy and peace, give you children, be a good wife, do her rites and obligations as wife. What else do you want a woman to offer you? Men are providers so don't expect a woman to give you money but if she does, it is okay too. Brother, if she can do all that she said, then I don't see the need for your complaint.

shaybebaby:
I see no lies being told.

The operative word and key difference between the west and africa is choice.

West: both people agree and must agree because otherwise we have issues of coercive control, financial abuse, loss of personal freedoms etc..which we know are unlawful with legal protections in place to mitigate against negative/ exploitative outcomes which are rife in places like Africa.

Would you be kind enough to explain the single life of an independent woman whilst married?

I happen to have friends who are SAHM wives whilst their men provide financially for the entire family. An issue of childcare really,as it is expensive and therefore the decision was made for purely economic reasons. Why outsource when the cost is roughly equivalent to the wife's entire income?

So wife stays at home, kids get one hands on parent at all times, but the man recognises that she is an adult and therefore needs a break, adult time and mental stimulation with her peers so she gets to have time with her girls every now and then without the pressures of kids and familial responsibilities. Girls weekend, night at the pub. And so does the guy, golfing trips, concerts with the boys.
But also they have family trips, holidays with the kids and lastly, they have just the 2 of us time ( no kids in tow) when they can arrange childcare.

So is this different to your observations?

Clairvoyancy:
It's well with you my brother

Fenrir:
Not your brother

Vulcan24:
You lack knowledge of family life even from the onset

Women are hard farmers pre colonial and post independent in the rural areas, they provide education and support for the children.

Men only provide shelter, name , protection and carryon with family legacies, the women can tap from that resources. It is western to think men are the supermen in the relationship

Clairvoyancy:
From the screenshot, it shows this one is still naive and innocent (not vouching for her tho)... It's understandable if she begs for money, cos she's a student, not all students have legit side hustles...

This girl have potential of becoming a good wife, girls like this can turn 100k capital to 300k in short period.. forget the fact that she said she has nothing else to offer, her honesty alone is an asset, she just needs someone to guide her...

For me, for the fact that she begs from family and friends alone, I can risk it all and marry her and then change her orientation.... Her peers probably have side hustle (olosho), begs from their sugar daddies, or date multiple men to earn a living an live large in school.... For me oo, I still fit risk this kain girl if all is in that SS is true...

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

Fenrir:
My observations are that majority of marriages here start off with betrayal

You put your man in second place to your families expecting him to grovel and beg using the words "traditions and culture" forgetting that when those traditions started all grooms got something that very few families today offer so its not traditions its humiliation rituals

So the women in this country are just as bad in that aspect

You start your marriages off putting your man in second place to irrelevant people and then expect him to put you first in life and marriage after

But you forget betrayal earns betrayal not reward

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

Clairvoyancy:
Sell who? my brother you don't even know who you dealing with at all, I allow people say, think, or do what they like(in as much as it doesn't affects my reality) until you cross the line..... Back to discussion, this is not about knowing her intentions, what I'm saying is, she doesn't need to go that far if she wanted to pretend to that guy, she could have just blown a well crafted lie...

shaybebaby:
I hate to say this, but it is the men in those families that dictate those terms. The very structures they uphold ends up biting them in the butt.
As a woman, to kick against this is to be ostracised, invalidated, shunned and mocked. You will be termed as "born throway", iyawo nylon bag etc.

I sense that your experience with your wife during the lead up to the wedding probably soured you a little bit and I dont blame you. Context is everything.

Appreciating a rich cultural history is one thing but if the person who is bringing it doesnt understand the nuances, how can they explain / showcase it to someone who is experiencing it for the first time.

Am I right your being on this platform is an attempt to better understand the people who shaped your wife? If yes, that's brilliant. You will not always like what you read but atleast you are willing to understand better. And that i think, will further strengthen your union.

benalvino3:
There was no her. Same person is talking to himself

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

Fenrir:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5Pk3BHGZ_I?si=e6Nx_g91Cflad0fu

What the British did was down right civilised in comparison to what my actual ancestors would have done if they could have made it to Africa

And you seem to forget the Portuguese started the whole colonialism thing the British actually came to the party late they were just most successful at it and they were the ones that ended it as well

Fenrir:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I08nE2aKaLM?si=TfFD3xm662plAaCV

You really think a culture with this mindset at that time would have shown you any mercy or kindness at all?

Fenrir:
The men dont dictate anything its just simply most of you know the law of your country or choose to break it willingly

A couple can freely choose to ignore all of it under the law but your fathers brainwash you with the word mandatory, its not mandatory

And I sent the father of my first wife to prison over traditions

All I had to do was record his nonsense and take straight to a solicitor and married her anyway

Nonexisting1:
I don't know why you are complaining. If I see a Nigerian girl that will give me all she promised you, I will marry her. She said she will bring you joy and peace, give you children, be a good wife, do her rites and obligations as wife. What else do you want a woman to offer you? Men are providers so don't expect a woman to give you money but if she does, it is okay too. Brother, if she can do all that she said, then I don't see the need for your complaint.

shaybebaby:
In Nigeria?

Fenrir:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViXtxlr7xtQ?si=wOLD8v2mczjD0Dfi

Lady, what you call a tribe i call a clan

I was born and raised for war, I consider all Nigerian men weak because of that upbringing

Nigerian men can harp on about what they value but they will beg and grovel to marry a woman not fight to marry one because when it actually comes to fist and fury and fighting for their families they are about as useful as a chocolate teapot

Fenrir:
Yes, in Nigeria

The law is cap M6 LFN
The marriage act, it clearly says a family cannot dictate anything at all

The couple can freely choose to reject all or some traditions

A woman even has the legal right to sit her man down privately without her family involved and telling him what her bride price is for her giving her hand in marriage, then her accept it on her behalf and do whatever she wants with it

Sorry but its ridiculous that you as a country believe that a family can dictate how legal adult lives their lives

Even that nonsense about the brides family owning the children if the bride price isnt paid is exactly that, its nonsense

If the family even attempted to take the children thats kidnapping under Nigerian law

Grandparents and extended family have zero rights over children unless

1) the mother and father give permission

Or

2) there is a court order

Once you are 21, no permission needed, no consent needed and you can marry how you want
Traditions are a social expectation not a legal obligation or legal requirement

shaybebaby:
Your opinion. But it begs the question, why are you on this forum?

To tell them you think they are weak?

To challenge them to a duel?

To let us know you married a Nigerian woman?

That you are ex-service?

That your ancestors are vikings and you are proud of them?

That you feel superior to Africans/ Nigerians?

What exactly is your purpose? State it so you can be at peace.

shaybebaby:
Your opinion. But it begs the question, why are you on this forum?

To tell them you think they are weak?

To challenge them to a duel?

To let us know you married a Nigerian woman?

That you are ex-service?

That your ancestors are vikings and you are proud of them?

That you feel superior to Africans/ Nigerians?

What exactly is your purpose? State it so you can be at peace.

shaybebaby:
True,in terms of the Nigerian constitution modelled after a system of government that is not African.

We do however, have customary laws (as established by our forefathers) and in some states, Sharia laws which are faith based.

Will there be friction having those 3 frameworks at play at the same time? Yes.

But just because you have lost touch with your customs ( which you are obviously nostalgically harkening back to with your YouTube links) does not mean you get to decide how, why and what relevance it is should be to us.

Not that I disagree with your sentiment as to its relevant in this day and age,however as much as you are allowed your opinions,it is NOT in your place to judge our affairs because you are NOT one of us nor have you earned the right.