₦airaland Forum

My only sister is married to an Igbo man from Imo State while we came from Ogun State. She was 22 when they met, while the man was 39. The man happened to be her first love, according to the man. Their marriage is almost 18 years with 4 kids: two boys and two girls. My parents don’t support the marriage, but the man insisted it’s either my sister or no one else. My father begged my sister not to marry this man, but she insisted. He got her pregnant and never paid her bride price nor married her legally. My father still beseeched her not to continue this marriage journey, but she never listened. He relocated to Port Harcourt from Lagos in February 2014 without letting us know their reasons for relocation.

This year makes it 11 years since we last set eyes on my sister. She doesn’t have a phone so we couldn’t reach her. Whenever we call the husband, he always gave us excuses: he’s not around, he travelled, she has gone to church, etc. And sometimes when we luckily reached her through her husband’s phone, she always made it look like she’s fine, even though we knew she’s not. My father lost his mother in 2019, her paternal grandmother; she and her husband didn’t show up. My mother lost her mother in 2021 and her younger siblings; my sister and her husband never showed up. We lost our father in 2022, same thing, they didn’t show up.

We got a call last month from her that she’d be coming to Lagos to see us. She arrived on July 14th, 2025, with 3 of her children. She narrated all what she has gone through in her marriage, how her husband beat her physically and emotionally almost every day. She learnt catering and decoration, but he never allowed her to work, he didn't allowed her use a mobile phone, nor establish her. He collects any money sent to her through her family and the church she attends. The husband has a younger brother abroad and, according to my sister, the man has sent her husband money and buses several times to sell, start up a business, and ensure he pays his wife’s bride price, but he never listened. My sister overheard her husband’s conversation with his brother in Igbo dialect, how his brother was shouting at him on the phone, asking why he refused to pay his wife’s bride price, and the husband said to his brother that he will not pay it because my late father gave him a tough time since he didn’t want him to marry his only daughter. So to him, it is payback time. This man always embarrasses my sister in public. He always goes to church to embarrass her, including in front of the pastors and members.

This same man has never called her ever since she came to Lagos, at least to know how she and the kids are faring. The church has been so helpful, according to her. It was the church that gave her transport money to come with her children. He almost collected the money from her, discouraging her from coming, but she insisted. Her first child is 17 and she's in school, studying Engineering, suffering, as the father has refused to work. The pastor has helped him secure jobs several times, but he always turns them down. My sister said she’s fed up with the marriage and she’s never going back. Things have been so difficult for my family even before their arrival, now she came with her children to complicate things and make it worse.

Her daughter always disturbs her on the phone, crying and asking for money, and she has no money. I wonder who advised the poor girl to sit for jamb and enrolled in school. I was forced to send ₦5,000 from the ₦12,500 in my account. I have been having sleepless nights about my sister situation. How I wish she listened to our late father, how I wish she had listened to the family. Her children cried to bed last night without food. School will resume in two weeks’ time, what would be their fate? The day I set eyes on my sister, I couldn’t recognize her. She looked pale and worn out. Someone who’s not 40 yet. My mother is so heartbroken.

All these break my heart.

MazzMet:
My only sister is married to an Igbo man from Imo State while we came from Ogun State. She was 22 when they met, while the man was 39. The man happened to be her first love, according to the man. Their marriage is almost 18 years with 4 kids: two boys and two girls. My parents don’t support the marriage, but the man insisted it’s either my sister or no one else. My father begged my sister not to marry this man, but she insisted. He got her pregnant and never paid her bride price nor married her legally. My father still beseeched her not to continue this marriage journey, but she never listened. He relocated to Port Harcourt from Lagos in February 2014 without letting us know their reasons for relocation.

This year makes it 11 years since we last set eyes on my sister. She doesn’t have a phone so we couldn’t reach her. Whenever we call the husband, he always gave us excuses: he’s not around, he travelled, she has gone to church, etc. And sometimes when we luckily reached her through her husband’s phone, she always made it look like she’s fine, even though we knew she’s not. My father lost his mother in 2019, her paternal grandmother; she and her husband didn’t show up. My mother lost her mother in 2021 and her younger siblings; my sister and her husband never showed up. We lost our father in 2022, same thing, they didn’t show up.

We got a call last month from her that she’d be coming to Lagos to see us. She arrived on July 14th, 2025, with 3 of her children. She narrated all what she has gone through in her marriage, how her husband beat her physically and emotionally almost every day. She learnt catering and decoration, but he never allowed her to work, he didn't allowed her use a mobile phone, nor establish her. He collects any money sent to her through her family and the church she attends. The husband has a younger brother abroad and, according to my sister, the man has sent her husband money and buses several times to sell, start up a business, and ensure he pays his wife’s bride price, but he never listened. My sister overheard her husband’s conversation with his brother in Igbo dialect, how his brother was shouting at him on the phone, asking why he refused to pay his wife’s bride price, and the husband said to his brother that he will not pay it because my late father gave him a tough time since he didn’t want him to marry his only daughter. So to him, it is payback time. This man always embarrasses my sister in public. He always goes to church to embarrass her, including in front of the pastors and members.

This same man has never called her ever since she came to Lagos, at least to know how she and the kids are faring. The church has been so helpful, according to her. It was the church that

Her daughter always disturbs her on the phone, crying and asking for money, and she has no money. I wonder who advised the poor girl to sit for jamb and enrolled in school. I was forced to send ₦5,000 from the ₦12,500 in my account. I have been having sleepless nights about my sister situation. How I wish she listened to our late father, how I wish she had listened to the family. Her children cried to bed last night without food. School will resume in two weeks’ time, what would be their fate? The day I set eyes on my sister, I couldn’t recognize her. She looked pale and worn out. Someone who’s not 40 yet. My mother is so heartbroken.

All these break my heart.

Sorry about the situation of things in your family at the moment... Everyone just has to let go of the past and try to stand together as a family to forge ahead.

Your sister needs to get her life together all over again for the sake of her kids and not to be a burden to the family.

Let her start by getting a job no matter how little and her daughter of 17yrs needs to start to learn a skill as well so as to help in providing for her siblings as soon as she can.

Your sister and her kids need you more than ever now... Try your best and leave the rest to God.

I'm confused, how are they married if he's never paid bride price nor did any civil wedding?

Since when is cohabitation regarded as marriage? And your sister made her own bed, so it's either she continues lying in it, or find a way to secure herself a job and leave the man since they aren't even married.

I no know wetin to talk...

This case pass my power.

Seems the man did everything to your sister on purpose because your dad refused to let her marry him. This is payback. Some people never forget or forgive. They just need an excuse to bring out the wickedness in them.


But no need for blame games.

Moving forward she should try and get a job!

That man should not go unpublished. He took advantage of your sister because of the age gap.

MazzMet:
My only sister is married to an Igbo man from Imo State while we came from Ogun State...

My sister overheard her husband’s conversation with his brother in Igbo dialect, how his brother was shouting at him on the phone, asking why he refused to pay his wife’s bride price, [b]and the husband said to his brother that he will not pay it because my late father gave him a tough time since he didn’t want him to marry his only daughter. So to him, it is payback time.[/b]s
...

Eebo. Very very vengeful and never forgiving. I was afraid that your story did not end in you saying that your sister is missing.

Is it not better she leaves him?

MazzMet:
➜This same man has never called her ever since she came to Lagos, at least to know how she and the kids are faring. The church has been so helpful, according to her. It was the church that gave her transport money to come with her children. He almost collected the money from her, discouraging her from coming, but she insisted. Her first child is 17 and she's in school, studying Engineering, suffering, as the father has refused to work. The pastor has helped him secure jobs several times, but he always turns them down.
➜My sister said she’s fed up with the marriage and she’s never going back. Things have been so difficult for my family even before their arrival, now she came with her children to complicate things and make it worse.
Her daughter always disturbs her on the phone, crying and asking for money, and she has no money. I wonder who advised the poor girl to sit for jamb and enrolled in school. I was forced to send ₦5,000 from the ₦12,500 in my account. I have been having sleepless nights about my sister situation. How I wish she listened to our late father, how I wish she had listened to the family. Her children cried to bed last night without food. School will resume in two weeks’ time, what would be their fate? The day I set eyes on my sister, I couldn’t recognize her. She looked pale and worn out. Someone who’s not 40 yet. My mother is so heartbroken. All these break my heart.

Sadly, your sister's story is not unique or new, as there are 10s of millions of Nigerian women whose youths were manipulated and wasted in pretty much the same way since at least the last 60 years of the existence of that country by men who prey on gullible young women. These older men intentionally target young women who are desperate for love. If you look well, you might be shocked to find that the man who married your sister already had a family which he may have abandoned before going after your youthful sister— young blood—to groom, use and control until he is ready for his next target.

2. The man knew not to legalize his situation with the woman since he wanted to keep his options open for his next time. Your sister can't really do much except file for support for her underage children in the courts. He never intended for her to be able to have any power over him when she finally realizes the scam, which is why he intentionally kept her subdued and penniless throughout the relationship. So, the fact that she gained nothing out of the many years of the relationship is to be expected.

At this point, what she can do is accept her errors and start her life over again by getting her thoughts and actions together. She should also endeavor to voice her mistakes to her children so they are fully aware of the mistakes she makes, both as a young woman and a woman seeking love. That way, they have enough to go on as far as avoiding making the same mistakes in their own lives. She has a 17-year-old child of her own who may also be vulnerable to other men out there looking to play the same format that her father played on her mother. She should do all she can to ensure her daughters do not end up falling down the same hole she did and having their youth and dreams stolen similarly. 😥

Another thing your sister can do is broadcast the image of this man who did this to her all over social media; she should call him out for the fraudster that he is, both to warn other women and to let them know that not only is this format real, but also detrimental to all women. She may not be able to take him to court, and he may be the father of her children, but he is a deadbeat father and a fraud of a man who deceived and used her — and probably other women out there too — for so long. Your sister can take it up on herself to call out these monsters for who they are.

MazzMet:
My only sister is married to an Igbo man from Imo State while we came from Ogun State. She was 22 when they met, while the man was 39. The man happened to be her first love, according to the man. Their marriage is almost 18 years with 4 kids: two boys and two girls. My parents don’t support the marriage, but the man insisted it’s either my sister or no one else. My father begged my sister not to marry this man, but she insisted. He got her pregnant and never paid her bride price nor married her legally. My father still beseeched her not to continue this marriage journey, but she never listened. He relocated to Port Harcourt from Lagos in February 2014 without letting us know their reasons for relocation.

This year makes it 11 years since we last set eyes on my sister. She doesn’t have a phone so we couldn’t reach her. Whenever we call the husband, he always gave us excuses: he’s not around, he travelled, she has gone to church, etc. And sometimes when we luckily reached her through her husband’s phone, she always made it look like she’s fine, even though we knew she’s not. My father lost his mother in 2019, her paternal grandmother; she and her husband didn’t show up. My mother lost her mother in 2021 and her younger siblings; my sister and her husband never showed up. We lost our father in 2022, same thing, they didn’t show up.

We got a call last month from her that she’d be coming to Lagos to see us. She arrived on July 14th, 2025, with 3 of her children. She narrated all what she has gone through in her marriage, how her husband beat her physically and emotionally almost every day. She learnt catering and decoration, but he never allowed her to work, he didn't allowed her use a mobile phone, nor establish her. He collects any money sent to her through her family and the church she attends. The husband has a younger brother abroad and, according to my sister, the man has sent her husband money and buses several times to sell, start up a business, and ensure he pays his wife’s bride price, but he never listened. My sister overheard her husband’s conversation with his brother in Igbo dialect, how his brother was shouting at him on the phone, asking why he refused to pay his wife’s bride price, and the husband said to his brother that he will not pay it because my late father gave him a tough time since he didn’t want him to marry his only daughter. So to him, it is payback time. This man always embarrasses my sister in public. He always goes to church to embarrass her, including in front of the pastors and members.

This same man has never called her ever since she came to Lagos, at least to know how she and the kids are faring. The church has been so helpful, according to her. It was the church that gave her transport money to come with her children. He almost collected the money from her, discouraging her from coming, but she insisted. Her first child is 17 and she's in school, studying Engineering, suffering, as the father has refused to work. The pastor has helped him secure jobs several times, but he always turns them down. My sister said she’s fed up with the marriage and she’s never going back. Things have been so difficult for my family even before their arrival, now she came with her children to complicate things and make it worse.

Her daughter always disturbs her on the phone, crying and asking for money, and she has no money. I wonder who advised the poor girl to sit for jamb and enrolled in school. I was forced to send ₦5,000 from the ₦12,500 in my account. I have been having sleepless nights about my sister situation. How I wish she listened to our late father, how I wish she had listened to the family. Her children cried to bed last night without food. School will resume in two weeks’ time, what would be their fate? The day I set eyes on my sister, I couldn’t recognize her. She looked pale and worn out. Someone who’s not 40 yet. My mother is so heartbroken.

All these break my heart.

speechless

That man is evil.

It's only the femmes of their region they see and treat as human . My Heart goes out to your sis . She should try to pull herself together (better) and get a job . All is well

You mean a man like you and your father abducted your 22yo sister in the name of love and marriage. Moved her across Nigeria and loaded her with pregnancies? Your parents failed that small girl and allowed a wicked agadi nwoke to deceive her.

She has to pick herself up, work and fend for her kids. If the man was so bad, she should never have had 4 whole kids with him. She owes those kids a lot and she has to do the needed. She should also ensure her daughters doesn't fall prey to such in future like someone pointed out. There is a reason she rushed into the arms of a man almost twice her age. If she doesn't take care, if she doesn't heal and restrategise, those kids of hers would have it hard. I wish her the best.

Atolu01:
It's only the femmes of their region they see and treat as human . My Heart goes out to your sis . She should try to pull herself together (better) and get a job . All is well

You're right. I doubt if they can ever treat op sister like that if she was from their region. After they'll be crying marginalisation up and down. They will be crying that other tribe hate them. See how a grown man destroyed the destiny of this young woman simply because she's not their tribe. So sad

Samantha125:
I'm confused, how are they married if he's never paid bride price nor did any civil wedding?

Since when is cohabitation regarded as marriage? And your sister made her own bed, so it's either she continues lying in it, or find a way to secure herself a job and leave the man since they aren't even married.

Back in pre colonial times men snatch girls from their parents and live with them

See wetin joblessness day cause


You no fit mind your businesss

https://static.vecteezy.com/system/resources/previews/049/575/214/non_2x/man-in-white-shirt-drinking-water-from-a-bottle-staying-refreshed-png.png

Well, this is no longer colonial times.

Suicideboy:
Back in pre colonial times men snatch girls from their parents and live with them

Suicideboy:
Back in pre colonial times men snatch girls from their parents and live with them

Lmao. And disappear with them? 😂😂

pocohantas:
You mean a man like you and your father abducted your 22yo sister in the name of love and marriage. Moved her across Nigeria and loaded her with pregnancies? Your parents failed that small girl and allowed a wicked agadi nwoke to deceive her.

She has to pick herself up, work and fend for her kids. If the man was so bad, she should never have had 4 whole kids with him. She owes those kids a lot and she has to do the needed. She should also ensure her daughters doesn't fall prey to such in future like someone pointed out. There is a reason she rushed into the arms of a man almost twice her age. If she doesn't take care, if she doesn't heal and restrategise, those kids of hers would have it hard. I wish her the best.

I was 9 when they met. I hadn't through with high school when they moved to Port Harcourt. As for my late father, I do question him about his daughter, even though he tried all he could then to abort his mission. I felt his effort wasn't enough.

MazzMet:
I was 9 when they met. I hadn't through with high school when they moved to Port Harcourt. As for my late father, I do question him about his daughter, even though he tried all he could then to abort his mission. I felt his effort wasn't enough.

Oh sorry about that. You sound older, so I thought she is your younger sister. I agree your parents didn't do enough, because I can't imagine one man convincing my daughter to abscond with him. My guess is their relationship wasn't the best. Did she leave the first daughter with him?

Speechless 😶

In some tribes marriage goes on without pride price been paid.. you can call it cohabitation in your tribe or country but in some tribes or tribe they can be called husband and wife..

Don't argue with me..

Samantha125:
I'm confused, how are they married if he's never paid bride price nor did any civil wedding?

Since when is cohabitation regarded as marriage? And your sister made her own bed, so it's either she continues lying in it, or find a way to secure herself a job and leave the man since they aren't even married.

Omo, I just deh pity the 17 years old young girl in school, how she wan deh cope.

Villa12:
You're right. I doubt if they can ever treat op sister like that if she was from their region. After they'll be crying marginalisation up and down. They will be crying that other tribe hate them. See how a grown man destroyed the destiny of this young woman simply because she's not their tribe. So sad

No I don't think he would have . I understand there are exceptions but from my own understanding and Experience they do not rate nor regard a particular region's women . Well those ones XY are always there to pedestalize and worship region's femmes and enable dynamics so it is what it is .

pocohantas:
Oh sorry about that. You sound older, so I thought she is your younger sister. I agree your parents didn't do enough, because I can't imagine one man convincing my daughter to abscond with him. My guess is their relationship wasn't the best. Did she leave the first daughter with him?

She's in school, in one Eastern University. I guess she'd be in Port Harcourt with her father during holidays. My sis was even saying if she had the means, she'd have asked her to sit for jamb next year and process her admission to UNILAG. Her dream course was Nursing but got Engineering. With that, she'd be with her mother in Lagos during holidays.

Your father actually saw something about that evil man but you know, it is a waste and vain to advice two lovers.

Chemical1:
In some tribes marriage goes on without pride price been paid.. you can call it cohabitation in your tribe or country but in some tribes or tribe they can be called husband and wife..

Don't argue with me..

Which tribe? With the best of my knowledge, there are family or tribe that doesn't accept or collect bride price from the groom family but every other marriage rite will be done. Only bride price in particular will be rejected and they have their reasons for that. But this particular post, the man didn't do any marriage, be it traditional, legal or religious. Any family or tribe that has similar case as op then there's no better name to call it than COHABITATION. They are not married.

As you carry bedsheet spread for bed, na so you go sleep on top am. The only way forward is to ask your sister how she wan do? This is her mess and hers alone.....make she make sure she find work begin care for her kids. 22yrs be adult....she made her choice and now must face the consequences

Way forward is for her to get a job.

Villa12:
You're right. I doubt if they can ever treat op sister like that if she was from their region. After they'll be crying marginalisation up and down. They will be crying that other tribe hate them. See how a grown man destroyed the destiny of this young woman simply because she's not their tribe. So sad

Atolu01:
It's only the femmes of their region they see and treat as human . My Heart goes out to your sis . She should try to pull herself together (better) and get a job . All is well

Una don carry tribal bigotry enter this section.

Grow up!

ibechris:
Your father actually saw something about that evil man but you know, it is a waste and vain to advice two lovers.

honestly. As little as i was then, I knew the man was nothing to write home about. Her almost 18 years decision has destabilised the family now. I had shouted at her, why didn't she listened to her father then and even after forging ahead why didn't she tell us what she's passing through in the hand of that man. Her decision to leave now was even influenced by the church. They said we should thank God we saw her alive. The man is a beast

jmoore:
Una don carry tribal bigotry enter this section.

Grow up!

It is not the matter of tribal bigotry but the real fact. It is a cultural thing for them. Once you didn't pay your wife bride price and marry her properly. The children doesn't belong to you. They can't treat op sister like this if she was from their region. It is what it is. Let's call a spade a spade.

Atolu01:
It's only the femmes of their region they see and treat as human . My Heart goes out to your sis . She should try to pull herself together (better) and get a job . All is well

Stop brandishing these lies against these women for Pete's sake! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

These sorts of men are evil to all women, regardless of their tribe or race. This man's first victim — before he met OP's sister— may have been a woman from his very own village or even from the same hamlet as he was. If the OP's parents had investigated this man back when he first showed up in the life of their girl, traced back to where he came from, they would have probably found some clues about his past victim. But OP did not mention his parents doing any thorough background digging, and not that it may have been possible to do back then, as it is these days.

OP, again, your sister needs to be strong for the sake of her kids. The one in university is right now an open target for such men; the fact that she is lacking makes her even more vulnerable. The mother should do whatever she can to ensure she does not fall in the same trap; if it is to dobale before the girl, while telling her of her own sordid experience, she had better do it if she does not want to see her own daughter taken too.

Villa12:
➜It is not the matter of tribal bigotry but the real fact. It is a cultural thing for them. Once you didn't pay your wife bride price and marry her properly. The children doesn't belong to you. They can't treat op sister like this if she was from their region. It is what it is. Let's call a spade a spade.

Does the man seem to you like someone interested in the children... of course not.

He will likely not bother himself with any of them until he requires money or someone to take care of him later on, assuming his next victim does not give him children that will take care of that on his behalf. The main goal seems to be spreading his seeds, not caring for them.

MazzMet:
➜She's in school, in one Eastern University. I guess she'd be in Port Harcourt with her father during holidays. My sis was even saying if she had the means, she'd have asked her to sit for jamb next year and process her admission to UNILAG. Her dream course was Nursing but got Engineering. With that, she'd be with her mother in Lagos during holidays.

Engineering is an excellent field for girls to focus on; the course isn't a problem or an issue since engineering opens the door to lots of opportunities for intelligent students out there. After finishing up with her Engineering program, she could do something in nursing for a postgrad if nursing is still on her mind, or some other healthcare program too.

If she is doing well where she is, and her fees are being taken care of, then there is no problem with her remaining there for as long as possible. The more important thing is ensuring she does not fall into the hands of the many predators out there, like her mother before her. And this applies to all young women, regardless of their upbringing, so do not feel that the girl will be particularly targeted. However, coming from an abusive home/background like hers, she is more vulnerable.