₦airaland Forum

Hello everyone, good day. I trust you’re all doing well. Please, I really need some matured advice from you people regarding something that has been troubling my mind and could affect my future. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but I also want to explain well so you can understand me.

So here’s the matter: I’ve been in a relationship with a lady for almost a year now. From the beginning, we had our fair share of challenges, things like poor communication, not being very supportive (all from her end), and some other small issues here and there. But along the line, we both worked through those challenges, grew to understand each other better, and since then things have been going well between us.

In fact, I’ve already introduced her to my family members, and by next month I plan to go and see her people. I’ve been thinking seriously about settling down with her and hopefully making her my wife next year. That’s how far I’ve gone in my mind and plans with this relationship.

But something happened yesterday that broke me badly, and it’s the reason I’m here asking for advice. I recently found out that she lied to me about her health condition. To give context, some months ago, she was diagnosed with fibroid. I have been supportive since then, reassured her, and made her know that whatever happens, we’re in this together. But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.

The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts. Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?

I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

Over 80% of this generation of men will later end up with a retired OS. Sadly it is wat it is.

They suddenly go holy when they're ready to settle. I'm sure she only told you is just 2 abortions coz they can never tell you the exact. If she says her BC is just 3,multiply it by 10.

Goodman024:
Hello everyone, good day. I trust you’re all doing well. Please, I really need some matured advice from you people regarding something that has been troubling my mind and could affect my future. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but I also want to explain well so you can understand me.

So here’s the matter: I’ve been in a relationship with a lady for almost a year now. From the beginning, we had our fair share of challenges, things like poor communication, not being very supportive (all from her end), and some other small issues here and there. But along the line, we both worked through those challenges, grew to understand each other better, and since then things have been going well between us.

In fact, I’ve already introduced her to my family members, and by next month I plan to go and see her people. I’ve been thinking seriously about settling down with her and hopefully making her my wife next year. That’s how far I’ve gone in my mind and plans with this relationship.

But something happened yesterday that broke me badly, and it’s the reason I’m here asking for advice. I recently found out that she lied to me about her health condition. To give context, some months ago, she was diagnosed with fibroid. I have been supportive since then, reassured her, and made her know that whatever happens, we’re in this together. But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.

The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts. Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?

I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

I am a man but this talk about making wrong decision... Guidance is just thrash


You are an adult
If your mind is telling you go for a young girl who is a v.. then go
Quickly release the lady to meet a man who will be by her truly

Even all those ones who do runs get very good husbands who don't judge them

Abeg go and sleep Jare

My brother,don't marry a woman u don't trust and women,don't marry men u don't love and trust as well.

Decide by yourself what u want for yourself.

wrong move. abort mission

duduade:
I am a man but this talk about making wrong decision... Guidance is just thrash


You are an adult
If your mind is telling you go for a young girl who is a v.. then go
Quickly release the lady to meet a man who will be by her truly

Even all those ones who do runs get very good husbands who don't judge them

Abeg go and sleep Jare

Don't judge her past.

Her past:

Goodman024:
Hello everyone, good day. I trust you’re all doing well. Please, I really need some matured advice from you people regarding something that has been troubling my mind and could affect my future. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but I also want to explain well so you can understand me.

So here’s the matter: I’ve been in a relationship with a lady for almost a year now. From the beginning, we had our fair share of challenges, things like poor communication, not being very supportive (all from her end), and some other small issues here and there. But along the line, we both worked through those challenges, grew to understand each other better, and since then things have been going well between us.

In fact, I’ve already introduced her to my family members, and by next month I plan to go and see her people. I’ve been thinking seriously about settling down with her and hopefully making her my wife next year. That’s how far I’ve gone in my mind and plans with this relationship.

But something happened yesterday that broke me badly, and it’s the reason I’m here asking for advice. I recently found out that she lied to me about her health condition. To give context, some months ago, she was diagnosed with fibroid. I have been supportive since then, reassured her, and made her know that whatever happens, we’re in this together. But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.

The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts. Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?

I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

This is the reason I keep advocating for ladies to use their head and eyes. Laslas, they will be the ones to bear the brunt. It was not wise for her to let you in on her past. Her past should have been long buried and gone and she should have been focusing on moving ahead, improving her lifestyle and living a brand new happy life but many of them are not wise and would rather keep repeating their mistakes.

My advice for you is this;

You are right to be concerned about her reality because she has made it known. What you should be concerned about is the fibroid and the extent to which it would affect her childbearing/fertility. I have seen women who have had 2,3 or more kids with multiple fibroids and I have seen those who could only have 1 or NO child due to fibroids. Do not be deceived.

You and her should head straight to a reputable scan/ultrasound center. Go in with her when the scan is being performed and see the extent to which the Fibroid has grown or affected her womb. Like I said, some fibroids won't affect fertility, while some will.... even if both her fallopian tubes are open. The sonography will explain more to you both(if he doesn't cover up(protect) your girlfriend's right. Also know that even affect taking out fibroid(through operation), some women still find it difficult/impossible to conceive, while some go on to conceive.

To what extent do you love this lady?;If you're ready to go all the way in faith and hope. Then you can ply the route, if not then this is the time to back out but know this; you could marry someone without fibroid and still have issues with conception and you could marry this lady with fibroid and still have your kids with it. Although pregnancy with fibroids comes with risks and complications. The ball is in your court and all the best in your decision.

Goodman024:
Hello everyone, good day. I trust you’re all doing well. Please, I really need some matured advice from you people regarding something that has been troubling my mind and could affect my future. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but I also want to explain well so you can understand me.

So here’s the matter: I’ve been in a relationship with a lady for almost a year now. From the beginning, we had our fair share of challenges, things like poor communication, not being very supportive (all from her end), and some other small issues here and there. But along the line, we both worked through those challenges, grew to understand each other better, and since then things have been going well between us.

In fact, I’ve already introduced her to my family members, and by next month I plan to go and see her people. I’ve been thinking seriously about settling down with her and hopefully making her my wife next year. That’s how far I’ve gone in my mind and plans with this relationship.

But something happened yesterday that broke me badly, and it’s the reason I’m here asking for advice. I recently found out that she lied to me about her health condition. To give context, some months ago, she was diagnosed with fibroid. I have been supportive since then, reassured her, and made her know that whatever happens, we’re in this together. But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.

The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts. Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?

I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

If you truely love her... Go ahead but never marry out of pity, you will get frustrated, unappreciated and later regret your life. You didn't cause any of this.

Women are more loving, and loyal when they are in problems.

Love who you marry but don't marry out of pity!!

There's nothing anyone can do about their past. Forget about her past and focus on the future.

If you truly love her please stand by her and ensure a proper scan is done to determine the extent the fibroid have grown and possible removal.

I wish you all the best 👍

Goodman024:
...But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.
As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.
✓ The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts.
✓ Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?
✓ I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

1. These are clearly red flags for you and should not be overlooked.

2. Love means absolutely nothing —utterly meaningless —if one is not able to accept a partner the way they come or are. 🤔

3. Forgive her for not revealing her entire health history, including her abortion history, to you upfront, without you even asking? Hell no! 🤔

Set her free, abeg! Make you find yourself a woman more fitting to your idea instead. This kind of love you describe is never worth it. 🤔🤔

4. You are already regretting your supposed love for her at this point. Why are you asking as if you don't already see the writing on the wall? 😒

Divaan:
✓ This is the reason I keep advocating for ladies to use their head and eyes. Laslas, they will be the ones to bear the brunt. It was not wise for her to let you in on her past. Her past should have been long buried and gone and she should have been focusing on moving ahead, improving her lifestyle and living a brand new happy life but many of them are not wise and would rather keep repeating their mistakes.

I disagree with this here. 🤔

A woman should not be ashamed of her past
Neither should she feel the particular need to hide it from a potential suitor. If she wants to advertise it, I believe she should do so openly. And if she chooses to keep it to herself, she should do so as well without judgement. Any individual who feels she should be indicted before of her past is clearly not someone she should be investing her time and energy into.

In this case here, OP feels this woman ought to be indicted because of a past with two abortions. I feel the woman could have maybe saved herself from the waste of time of she had let him know this information from even the first meeting. All this time she wasted could have been spent finding herself a more mature and intelligent individual but look where it got her? 😐

The foundation of the relationship is already faulty op. Truth is if you cant look beyond these concerns u have about her do not marry her .

IF YOU CAN IN LIFE, DONT EVER GET MARRIED. HOWEVER, IF YOU ARE THE MARRING TYPE, SINCE YOU SAID YOU LOVED HER, MARRY HER BECAUSE THE NEXT GIRL YOU WILL MEET IS PROBABLY WORSE. IT DOSNT MAKE SENSE THAT SHE WILL JUST START TELLING YOU HER LIFE STORY BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING. THINGS TAKE TIME TO UNFOLD.
IN SUMMARY MARY HER, ITS OK. BUT FOR ME TO YOU, DONT EVER GET MARRIED IN LIFE, ITS NOTH WORTH IT.