₦airaland Forum

For years, I've been spending so much on transportation to and fro work. I leave home very early and get back late. I don't really eat well because most times, I have to buy food. I was getting sick often because of the stress from the whole issue..
So, late last year, I decided to get an apartment close to work, a trekkable distance. I raised funds in addition to what I had with support from my siblings and friends to get a decent apartment.
Before then, I wanted to have a roommate but all those that showed interest said it was too expensive. I paid for the apartment and started buying things gradually. Now the apartment is set, my colleagues wouldn't allow me have peace, they stylishly take turns to come and pass night and even prepare food to eat and take to work
How do I stop them politely because I'm actually beginning to enjoy my privacy

Marpatsyl:
For years, I've been spending so much on transportation to and fro work. I leave home very early and get back late. I don't even eat well because most times, I have to buy food. I was even getting sick often because of the stress from the whole issue..
So, late last year, I decided to get an apartment close to work, a trekkable distance. I raised funds in addition to what I had with support from my siblings and friends to get a decent apartment.
Before then, I wanted to have a roommate but all those that showed interest said it was too expensive. I paid for the apartment and started buying things gradually. Now the apartment is set, my colleagues wouldn't allow me have peace, they stylishly take turns to come and pass night and even prepare food to eat and take to work
How do I stop them politely because I was actually beginning to enjoy my privacy

It is just one sentence: "Stop coming to my house!"

Na you dey open door for them. Na you still dey complain.

Marpatsyl:
➜ Before then, I wanted to have a roommate but all those that showed interest said it was too expensive. I paid for the apartment and started buying things gradually. Now the apartment is set, my colleagues wouldn't allow me have peace, they stylishly take turns to come and pass night and even prepare food to eat and take to work
How do I stop them politely because I was actually beginning to enjoy my privacy

? Stop opening the door for them. Simple! Abi, your apartment no get lock and key? No be you dey open door for them to come in?

Kobojunkie:
? Stop opening the door for them. Simple! Abi, your apartment no get lock and key? No be you dey open door for them to come in?

I tire o. Imagine such a jamb question.

What OP seems to be asking is "How do I tell them to stop invading my privacy uninvited while still ensuring that they keep on liking me and saying I'm amazing"

F that dear OP! The default behavior of most human beings is to NOT respect boundaries unless you explicitly set one.

And don't even lie about it since no one was bothered to co-foot the bills of setting the space up - "Hey guys, I appreciate how y'all come around the house, but I'll like to keep to myself this period, I need space for personal reasons. Thank you"


Also don't go to their house upandan - y'all have girls day out instead - and split the bills

I'm facing something similar. What I do is hang around my area or find someplace to go after work and around two hours after close of work, I go to my apartment and the stubborn ones that still come, I tell them to leave once it's getting late. I let them know I prefer to sleep alone.
One of my colleagues that I even like so much begged to stay with me for some time while she sorts herself, I refused o and even apologized to her for refusing.
My peace of mind surpasses anything else..

Kobojunkie:
? Stop opening the door for them. Simple! Abi, your apartment no get lock and key? No be you dey open door for them to come in?

Hmmm.. Maybe I'll start telling them I'm not around

Vijuchoco:
➜I'm facing something similar. What I do is hang around my area or find someplace to go after work and around two hours after close of work, I go to my apartment and the stubborn ones that still come, I tell them to leave once it's getting late. I let them know I prefer to sleep alone.
➜ One of my colleagues that I even like so much begged to stay with me for some time while she sorts herself, I refused o and even apologized to her for refusing. My peace of mind surpasses anything else..

Arrghh! You inconvenience yourself because of some grown-arsed individuals who lack self-awareness and literally have no respect for you? Stop telling them anything... just enter your apartment and lock the door. Don't open it for anyone who does not need to be there. Eventually, they will get the message or you call the police on them.

2. Say, "No!" if you do not want her to stay with you.

Stephen0mozzy:
What OP seems to be asking is "How do I tell them to stop invading my privacy uninvited while still ensuring that they keep on liking me and saying I'm amazing"

F that dear OP! The default behavior of most human beings is to NOT respect boundaries unless you explicitly set one.

And don't even lie about it since no one was bothered to co-foot the bills of setting the space up - "Hey guys, I appreciate how y'all come around the house, but I'll like to keep to myself this period, I need space for personal reasons. Thank you"


Also don't go to their house upandan - y'all have girls day out instead - and split the bills

I don't even like to visit people in their homes except when invited

Marpatsyl:
Hmmm.. Maybe I'll start telling them I'm not around

. Why? They are the ones who are in the wrong, so why do you have to inconvenience yourself on their behalf? Consider this! If you were to go over to their place, do you realize that the chances are high that you would not be able to get with doing the same things there that they do to you in yours? You are literally letting them walk all over you, yet you keep thinking you are the one who needs to bend over even more for them. Why?

You need to start realizing the importance of having boundaries in every relationship. Grow some balls and start loving yourself more. Be strict with your boundaries. You don't want them over, then let them know what you want.

Research the importance of boundaries in relationships(every kind of human relationship).

Kobojunkie:
Arrghh! You inconvenience yourself because of some grown-arsed individuals who lack self-awareness and literally have no respect for you? Stop telling them anything... just enter your apartment and lock the door. Don't open it for anyone who does not need to be there. Eventually, they will get the message or you call the police on them.

2. Say, "No!" if you do not want her to stay with you.

This is Nigeria. No one is expected to do that because you don't know who might be knocking on the door and his or her intentions.

Kobojunkie:
Arrghh! You inconvenience yourself because of some grown-arsed individuals who lack self-awareness and literally have no respect for you? Stop telling them anything... just enter your apartment and lock the door. Don't open it for anyone who does not need to be there. Eventually, they will get the message or you call the police on them.

2. Say, "No!" if you do not want her to stay with you.

Oshey..
I 100% agree with you except that police part, haba

2. I already told her "NO" even though I felt bad about it..

Orlandoo:
This is Nigeria. No one is expected to do that because you don't know who might be knocking on the door and his or her intentions.

You don't know who is knocking? Do you open the door every time you hear a knock, then? 😫

Kobojunkie:
You don't know who is knocking? Do you open the door every time you hear a knock, then? 😫

No, I ask and at times I peep to know who's knocking. Often times than not, people come to alert you on the danger that is lucking around. If you don't open the door then how would you know their intention?

Orlandoo:
No, I ask and at times I peep to know who's knocking. Often times than not, people come to alert you on the danger that is lucking around. If you don't open the door then how would you know their intention?

I have windows, a phone, and I can watch the news. I don't just open my doors to any stranger who shows up.

Kobojunkie:
. Why? They are the ones who are in the wrong, so why do you have to inconvenience yourself on their behalf? Consider this! If you were to go over to their place, do you realize that the chances are high that you would not be able to get with doing the same things there that they do to you in yours? You are literally letting them walk all over you, yet you keep thinking you are the one who needs to bend over even more for them. Why?

You need to start realizing the importance of having boundaries in every relationship. Grow some balls and start loving yourself more. Be strict with your boundaries. You don't want them over, then let them know what you want.

Research the importance of boundaries in relationships(every kind of human relationship).

True, you're making my mind strong.
Henceforth, I promise to be strict with my boundaries, so help me God

Kobojunkie:
I have windows, a phone, and I can watch the news. I don't just open my doors to any stranger who shows up.

Lol, my people call me when they're already at my gate and that's for the few that are courteous enough.. Mehn! It's quite annoying and was beginning to bother me

Marpatsyl:
➜True, you're making my mind strong. Henceforth, I promise to be strict with my boundaries, so help me God

. Don't make yourself a pushover to be taken advantage of by the many manipulators and users out there. Pretending to be nice to everyone never pays off. Be nice to yourself first, then you will know how and when to be nice to others.

Kobojunkie:
. Don't make yourself a pushover to be taken advantage of by the many manipulators and users out there. Pretending to be nice to everyone never pays off. Be nice to yourself first, then you will know how and when to be nice to others.

Noted bro

Marpatsyl:
➜Lol, my people call me when they're already at my gate and that's for the few that are courteous enough.. Mehn! It's quite annoying and was beginning to bother me

. Don't answer the phone. Instead, respond with a text message informing them that you will not be able to see them that day.

Kobojunkie:
. Don't answer the phone. Instead, respond with a text message informing them that you will not be able to see them that day.

Be like you go wicked small o,
you're just giving me one kind of crazy morale.. Lol

Marpatsyl:
Be like you go wicked small o

Nothing wicked about letting people know that it is not OK to barge into the lives of others whenever it pleases one. And it is never OK to walk all over other people, expecting them to shift/change their lives to please one. That is disrespectful.

Boundaries are necessary in every relationship. Those who don't like your boundaries are free to move on to finding others who don't have such boundaries. Trampling on the boundaries of others amounts to disrespect.

Bro get a babe to come stay with you for a week.

Jamahyel:
Bro get a babe to come stay with you for a week.

Are you poeple OK at all? And if that babe gets pregnant, demanding to stay longer than one week as a result, the same you and others who reason like you would label her a leech or something along those lines. Why do you folks reason like this?

It’s sad that op thinks having boundaries is being wicked. Your home is your sanctuary, it isn’t a social club. If you can’t protect your peace and your home then how can you claim to be an adult.

Marpatsyl:
True, you're making my mind strong.
Henceforth, I promise to be strict with my boundaries, so help me God

If you like no strict. They will use you like doormat till you become useless

How did they all get your address in the first place? The solution is to start saying “No” and setting boundaries.

Wahala for people pleasers ooo…

Marpatsyl:
For years, I've been spending so much on transportation to and fro work. I leave home very early and get back late. I don't really eat well because most times, I have to buy food. I was getting sick often because of the stress from the whole issue..
So, late last year, I decided to get an apartment close to work, a trekkable distance. I raised funds in addition to what I had with support from my siblings and friends to get a decent apartment.
Before then, I wanted to have a roommate but all those that showed interest said it was too expensive. I paid for the apartment and started buying things gradually. Now the apartment is set, my colleagues wouldn't allow me have peace, they stylishly take turns to come and pass night and even prepare food to eat and take to work
How do I stop them politely because I'm actually beginning to enjoy my privacy

Very simple just do it this way

“ At this point in my life, it’s expected I take reality seriously and because of such decision I want you to know that once in a while an adult needs privacy and alone time for personal growth. So I would appreciate it if you understand me by looking at things the way I see them for now, it doesn’t mean our friendship will be affected, it’s just a phase which I believe will pass but for now let’s be mindful about impromptu appearances. “


This is the most polite way of driving away friends and having closure.

You exposed yourself first, by telling them you have gotten an apartment within. Since you can say no get a 🔔 and pretend to pray and ring it make them uncomfortable to sleep at night

Dont do it politely. But be civil about it. 😉

floss:
Very simple just do it this way

“ At this point in my life, it’s expected I take reality seriously and because of such decision I want you to know that once in a while an adult needs privacy and alone time for personal growth. So I would appreciate it if you understand me by looking at things the way I see them for now, it doesn’t mean our friendship will be affected, it’s just a phase which I believe will pass but for now let’s be mindful about impromptu appearances. “


This is the most polite way of driving away friends and having closure.

Ok.. Thank you

Double0h7:
It’s sad that op thinks having boundaries is being wicked. Your home is your sanctuary, it isn’t a social club. If you can’t protect your peace and your home then how can you claim to be an adult.

This one touch me o