₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Religion is a biatch squared! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just like that, marriage has been redefined. It is no longer a partnership but a full-blown project for the woman/wife. She is to spend her life taking care of the whims and demands of a husband who barely rates or cares for her. His parents failed to raise him with the social and emotional skills necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman. And so it should then fall on another person's daughter to make sure you obtain that which is missing, all this at the cost of her own mental and emotional health, by the way.

Like play, she is being literally informed that endurance is the name of the game for her alone.

Are you married please?

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

Since the issue goes both ways, divorce at this early stage should be seriously considered

Tell us the truth, why did you marry him.
From your post, you shouldn't have married him.
Both of you are not compatible with each other.
Again, why did you marry him in the first place

breadtoaster:
I just dont know pls, I need help, after all this, how does a woman stay respectful, submissive in all this, because I feel like at the end i wont be able to especially after doing it all and still have to feed your ego as a man. How do i not build resentment 5 years down the line and be so angry, rude etc that i still dont use that same resentment to destroy the home?

A strong woman is not led by feelings or emotions by her strength, sense and wisdom


1. It would be your Choice to apply a Feeling of Resentment to your husband but it is a negative choice which will backfire against younand your children.

2. Anger is a Choice: conquer it with Understanding. His Gene mix and life experience is different from yours. Suppose you have the same character and attitude?

3. Rudeness is a choice. God sees your husband as your head. He is like Christ in your Marriage.

You are not his Wife because you are inferior. No! You are his wife because you are to complement him in your union of marriage to bring out the best for yourselves and for your children!


Now that you are aware of your husband's weaknesses, how do you want to complement him that overall, your marriage will be a garden of Joy and Progress?

Do not forget that he was your CHOICE in the first place, so all the blame isn't his alone.

Pick up yourself and be strong!
All will be well!

The grass always looks greener on the outside but it's all a lie. A good marriage require consistent hard work to succeed!

Shalom!

TenQ:
➜A strong woman is not led by feelings or emotions by her strength, sense and wisdom
1. It would be your Choice to apply a Feeling of Resentment to your husband but it is a negative choice which will backfire against younand your children.
2. Anger is a Choice: conquer it with Understanding. His Gene mix and life experience is different from yours. Suppose you have the same character and attitude?
3. Rudeness is a choice. God sees your husband as your head. He is like Christ in your Marriage.
You are not his Wife because you are inferior. No! You are his wife because you are to complement him in your union of marriage to bring out the best for yourselves and for your children!
Now that you are aware of your husband's weaknesses, how do you want to complement him that overall, your marriage will be a garden of Joy and Progress?
Do not forget that he was your CHOICE in the first place, so all the blame isn't his alone.
Pick up yourself and be strong!
All will be well!
The grass always looks greener on the outside but it's all a lie. A good marriage require consistent hard work to succeed! Shalom!

Religion is a biatch cubed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is the very excuse these religious nutjobs used in tying women in marriage to mentally disabled individuals, to toxic men, and so on, for many centuries. These religious overlords(and their minions) gaslighted said women into believing that by embracing such struggle and suffering in marriage, they were elevated and became strong women. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not a single one of such women lived through that experience unscathed. They all ended up drained and miserable— a shell of a human being—, grasping for some semblance of form regarding the life they lived before the end came. Yet, religion continues to deploy the same scam against women. 😩😩😩

---

A choice, even in marriage, can be unmade; a choice can be un-chosen. The law has always made provision for this, and it has always been available even to women since the beginning. So, insisting that because OP chose the man, she should not then be expected to un-choose him, is nothing but religious fraud, a scam directed mainly against women!

TenQ:
A strong woman is not led by feelings or emotions by her strength, sense and wisdom


1. It would be your Choice to apply a Feeling of Resentment to your husband but it is a negative choice which will backfire against younand your children.

2. Anger is a Choice: conquer it with Understanding. His Gene mix and life experience is different from yours. Suppose you have the same character and attitude?

3. Rudeness is a choice. God sees your husband as your head. He is like Christ in your Marriage.

You are not his Wife because you are inferior. No! You are his wife because you are to complement him in your union of marriage to bring out the best for yourselves and for your children!


Now that you are aware of your husband's weaknesses, how do you want to complement him that overall, your marriage will be a garden of Joy and Progress?

Do not forget that he was your CHOICE in the first place, so all the blame isn't his alone.

Pick up yourself and be strong!
All will be well!

The grass always looks greener on the outside but it's all a lie. A good marriage require consistent hard work to succeed!

Shalom!

I wish she would listen to this 😏👨‍🦯

breadtoaster:
Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

In all of these, you didn't talk about your finances. His finances. Are you two financially stable? If yes, that's fair enough. Even though it's relative due to Tinubu indirectly pressing everybody's neck.

His performance in the other room, is it a medical issue? Is he working on it? What is the doctors saying? Is his penis unusually curved? Does he masturbate as in present tens?

Why I asked about your finances first is that financial stress makes men (especially married men) sexually inactive or indifferent. If your finances is healthy, a major part of the issue is resolved. If not, have it in mind that you are not alone. A lot of families are trying to find their feet this period.

Since both of you are virgins, it suggests you two didn't explore each other before now. Which is okay based on the fact that it is the right thing to do. Even though right may not feel right sometimes.

Your current state of mind makes you very susceptible to temptation. You need to embrace the Holy Spirit to guide you.

It's okay to have visions beyond your current realities and aspiring to be much more than the eyes can see. These are very important conversations to have with your spouse before marriage. Since you are married, you both need to make it work.

1. Build your connection with God. Ensure that your prayer life is hot.
2. Put your husband in prayer.
3. Place him on a libido boosting diet.

List plenty. Your feedback will guide further responses.

I have learned that when it comes to a woman's tale, kindly listen to the other party to make an informed decision.

From the tall tale of OP, she is picture perfect while the hubby is always at fault. People like her are accusatory.... "you did this" "you did that"

Now keep allowing that kobojunkie to get to your head and scatter your home, then you will know outside is not smiling. Someone goes to work, provides for the home, comes back tired and sleep and you have the gut to complain? Your fellow girls who wish to have their husbands arrive home early after work aren't lucky.

That zeeworld fictitious life you want to live.....I wish you luck.

Maka4U:
➜I have learned that when it comes to a woman's tale, kindly listen to the other party to make an informed decision.
From the tall tale of OP, she is picture perfect while the hubby is always at fault. People like her are accusatory.... "you did this" "you did that"
Now keep allowing that ....to get to your head and scatter your home, then you will know outside is not smiling. Someone goes to work, provides for the home, comes back tired and sleep and you have the gut to complain? Your fellow girls who wish to have their husbands arrive home early after work aren't lucky.
That zeeworld fictitious life you want to live.....I wish you luck.

If OP were your daughter and she came to tell you all of this regarding her supposed husband, I hope you would also inform her then that Kobo-junkie is the problem she has in her mental and ultimately her marriage?

Amumaigwe:
➜...How have you tested that advise to have concluded that it works?

100s of millions of people around the world have tested them, and the conclusion is generally that the results are so much better than all of the advice your ancestors fed you until now.

When they told you that "Experience is the best teacher," they should have properly informed you that by experience, they did not really mean your own experience, but that of all other people out there. That is why researching the outcomes of others who have previously deployed many of the same ideas you are thinking of deploying in your own life is essential to wisdom and a healthy life, and general success in relationships.

plaetton:
➜Same old story with women. You made a conscious life decision at some point, and now, you have outgrown that decision or changed your taste, and of course, it's the man fault. What else is new ?
➜ At the point you decided to pitch your life tent with him, I am very sure that he represented the best of what was available to you. He was the embodiment of all you wanted in a husband and family man.
➜ Now you are very settled in, you want and demand more. And if he's unable to yield, you play the unfortunate victim of the relationship.
➜ You're not alone. This is the tragedy of the modern women.

The man also made a conscious life decision when he chose to be a husband to this woman. Isn't he equally accountable for making his wife feel loved and valued in marriage?

2. He represented the best of what was available to her or to him? So, what if he had the aura of a husband? How does any of that erase the fact that she now admits she was wrong in looking only at the aura, as she now sees that the aura was without substance?

3. Demand more? She is literally asking for the bare minimum in any relationship, and that is what she is saying she is not even getting. Why are you making it seem she is asking for too much?

4. Nonsense! Modern women don't wait around to whine about these things. They are gone the moment they realize that the sheet ain't sticking, and rightly so.

Kobojunkie:
Religion is a biatch cubed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is the very excuse these religious nutjobs used in tying women in marriage to mentally disabled individuals, to toxic men, and so on, for many centuries. These religious overlords(and their minions) gaslighted said women into believing that by embracing such struggle and suffering in marriage, they were elevated and became strong women. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not a single one of such women lived through that experience unscathed. They all ended up drained and miserable— a shell of a human being—, grasping for some semblance of form regarding the life they lived before the end came. Yet, religion continues to deploy the same scam against women. 😩😩😩

---

A choice, even in marriage, can be unmade; a choice can be un-chosen. The law has always made provision for this, and it has always been available even to women since the beginning. So, insisting that because OP chose the man, she should not then be expected to un-choose him, is nothing but religious fraud, a scam directed mainly against women!

She came here to ask for Advice: what is your solution to the problem she has in her marriage?

It seems you are saying that her only option is to divorce her husband!

That was why I asked the question: Are you married?

TenQ:
...It seems you are saying that her only option is to divorce her husband!

For the umpteenth time, divorce has always been a solution in marriage from even the very beginning of marriage. (Yes, divorce has been deployed as a solution in marriage from even the time of the earliest men.) Divorce is a solution that is as old as marriage itself. That religious-minded have sought, over time, to see this fact changed/tossed under the rug does not remove in any way from this, but has only proven its essence to humans and marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
For the umpteenth time, divorce has always been a solution in marriage from even the very beginning of marriage. (Yes, divorce has been deployed as a solution in marriage from even the time of the earliest men.) Divorce is a solution that is as old as marriage itself. That religious-minded have sought, over time, to see this fact changed/tossed under the rug does not remove in any way from this, but has only proven its essence to humans and marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Did she say she wanted a divorce?


Are you married?

TenQ:
➜Did she say she wanted a divorce?

Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

breadtoaster:
My guy is not even talking about going back now o. he said there is one Nigeria lady he thinks is very good, that we should use her. because that guy's line didnt o really well. said the guy wont understand our culture.

I am open and we would be meeting her, we would have to pay another NGN 600,000 charged to my credit card again because we simply cant figure ourselves out by ourselves.

@the bolded:

You better stop wasting money that you apparently don’t have yet, because that man is not going to change unless he wants to. Stop trying too hard else there will be more resentment and anger in your future.

Have you heard women advising other women to focus on their children? It’s situations like this that give rise to such advice. In your case, since you don’t have kids yet - either you accept him or Leave, the choice is yours.

breadtoaster:
Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

You claimed to be ambitious yet you keep getting called out for so much idle time on the phone.

Many of the people you called ambitious are best described as gamblers and most are in a net lose.

I'm not holding forth for you husband.

I think you need to have a direct and respectful talk with him about filling your lives with healthy activities but beyond that, I feel there's other issues within you that you are yet to identify/address.

Hopefully you aren't waiting for him to change before doing something about yourself.

Kobojunkie:
Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

That is not the question.

The question was,
Did she say she wanted a divorce?

And I will add the second question:
Is divorce the First or Last option to consider wrt handling marital problems?

TenQ:
➜That is not the question. The question was, Did she say she wanted a divorce?
➜ And I will add the second question: Is divorce the First or Last option to consider wrt handling marital problems?

1. To this, again, I say,

Kobojunkie:
Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

2. Divorce can be deployed as the first or last, or even the only solution; regardless of what position one chooses to place it, it remains and will always be a marriage solution. Kicking the bucket down the road does not change the fact that it is a bucket still.

If you want to go by the union agreement "till death do us part" then you give it all it takes. No perfect man or woman anywhere you make your marriage the heaven you desire. The earlier you know this the better every home you see is a work in progress...

Kobojunkie:
So, OP, is supposed to make her husband a project, basically, a man to be reprogrammed and changed by her? You wish for her to turn herself into a Barbara-the-builder woman?

Many of una just no like women at all — una no rate women at all at all. Do you know how much work goes into raising and training children at all? You now want a woman to put in that much energy and time into raising/retraining a grown-arsed man who is not her son but her husband? 😩😩😩

breadtoaster:
Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

Does he make out time to make love to you

kbright2:
➜If you want to go by the union agreement "till death do us part" then you give it all it takes.
➜ No perfect man or woman anywhere you make your marriage the heaven you desire.
➜ The earlier you know this the better every home you see is a work in progress..

Even men who openly swear by those agreements in your churches — and other religious circles —don't even keep to those when it turns out the woman is a damaged specimen, so why should she force herself to make a man, whose own mother and father did not see fit to change, her life project?

2. That nonsense na only for una religious circles e dey work. Humans are not perfect, but that is no reason why anyone should then have to settle for the damage that is a grown-arsed human being unwilling to resolve any of his deep-seated issues.

3. For the umpteenth time, your religious delusions do not impact— directly or indirectly— those of us removed from them. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

This is a good question for @Kobojunkie to answer. You view to marriage is totally different. I doubt if you believe in marriage

TenQ:
Are you married please?

kbright2:
... You view to marriage is totally different. I doubt if you believe in marriage

If a person must first have to believe in marriage, don't you immediately see that it creates a bias towards it that literally renders any contributions made on the subject untrustworthy?

I do not believe in marriage. Rather, I believe humans have the freedom and abilities to relate with each other —engage in relationships, including in marriage— without needing to give up their individual rights and freedoms in the process.

A question was asked from you earlier by someone here but it seems I didn't see your response. Let me ask again. ARE YOU MARRIED? or even have an intention to get married? This will give me a clearer view of what you stand for. Your sex is unknown. If I am to guess I will say "a single mother or a divorcee" because I can feel the hurt.

Kobojunkie:
Even men who openly swear by those agreements in your churches — and other religious circles —don't even keep to those when it turns out the woman is a damaged specimen, so why should she force herself to make a man, whose own mother and father did not see fit to change, her life project?

2. That nonsense na only for una religious circles e dey work. Humans are not perfect, but that is no reason why anyone should then have to settle for the damage that is a grown-arsed human being unwilling to resolve any of his deep-seated issues.

3. For the umpteenth time, your religious delusions do not impact— directly or indirectly— those of us removed from them. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

kbright2:
➜...This will give me a clearer view of what you stand for. Your sex is unknown. If I am to guess I will say "a single mother or a divorcee" because I can feel the hurt.

Stop trying to distract from the topic for your personal delusions. My story has nothing to do with OP's story. 🥱🥱🥱

OP,
Get a divorce. Seriously. And don't ever ever marry someone you don't have a friendship with - meaning you can gist, have fun, have things in common, do life with. Your husband will not give you what you want and honestly you will continue to die emotionally and mentally. I know women in your shoes and they had to leave. Do it now before you get children. No matter what...do not get pregnant.

Many will tell you to find joy in other things, to go to counseling, to distract yourself but i am here to tell you, none of that will change. A dull and quiet man with little ambition is just that. If anything he will continue to pull you down because whatever you want to accomplish will make him feel diminished, and the reason he is pulling your friends away is because he knows they are different from him and he can't keep up.

Please please divorce him and heal. You are not the first woman in this position. I know another lady who was in the same situation. She left and later married a man who was very compatible with her and they have a child together.

The emotions you feel are the beginning of depression. i can guarantee you that in a few years you will be a shadow of yourself and God forbid people get suicidal when all hope is gone. A Nigerian woman in Chicago recently killed herself over depression.

Leave.

I think you don’t like about him what you actually don’t like in yourself. You yourself are not driven, like you say. You project your own shortcomings unto him. And you depend on other people to inspire and motivate you. But if you ask me, it’s not his job to do it. You need to find ways to do it for yourself.

And please, if you want your marriage to work, look for what to appreciate about him. After all, you have chosen him for something, haven’t you?

I am not trust me, we are all trying to give our opinions to the OP story I believe this questions will let her know those given her advice then is now are choice to know the ones to take or trash. May be to take the ones coming from someone who don't believe in the institution or those that did and are still in it and enjoying every bit of the journey.

Kobojunkie:
Stop trying to distract from the topic for your personal delusions. My story has nothing to do with OP's story. 🥱🥱🥱