₦airaland Forum

ednut1:
but if the man refuses to bring her abroad knowing she is not interested in paying bills. Una go still say the man wicked :. If he divorces here, wont she pay bills? There is nothing that justifies i cannot afford to pay rent in the abroad because at the end it will lead to eviction by landlord

Nonsense and eegridient! 🥱🥱🥱

If she was not sharing bills before coming abroad, it means he probably married her to serve as a traditional wife. After moving her abroad, he suddenly flipped the script on their agreement requiring her to begin paying bills and contributing. Reason that properly before you respond. Or better yet, don't, since you didn't think that before even mentioning me with this nonsense comment of yours.

This is awfully familiar, you don’t even need to get married to have experienced this. The patterns are already showing.

Separation is the key here. Disrespect has entered the conversation on both sides and it seems they can’t even sit down to dialogue peacefully. The woman is also bringing up avoidance vibes. People like that are exhausting to have a conversation with. Very manipulative. And the man is turning bitter and cynical.

Men should not take fully trad wives or women who do not care to support you abroad. You always know but most ignore it. Some can support but they have limits. Baby girl is different from strong woman.

I know couples who are abroad today & still standing strong. It was even through the wife they went and you have to respect her. If you dey hear strong supportive woman, na she. The husband also wasn’t a ego driven lackey either so it goes both ways. I also know guys in US & UK that also went through their wives & currently seeing shege! And I know one man currently, non ambitious, the wife is a very good woman and does almost everything except for rent. And guess what, the guy is getting comfortable to the point of eyeing ladies outside. Imagine taking that kind of man abroad, tueh!

Like I said, they already shown the signs here in nigeria.

Funny enough, The woman here might seperate and join with a white man or someone else and still share or pay more than the bills she’s currently complaining about happily. It’s all about the feelings she has for the man

One thing is certain..there will be no knacking in this marriage.

One person will always find it hard to carry Yankee bills.

Two of you should have a detailed planning with automated billing setup that's all

yottravels:
Thanks for your response. For now, I will prefer to be gender neutral in order to avoid skewed opinions. I will appreciate independent opinions on the personalities of the couple

I am seeing what is very common with Nigerian made marriages taken to America. Same story everywhere with these marriages.

Nigerian women have mentality that their husbands should treat them like his "adopted daughter" when he is spending on them and the family but he should respect and treat them as a "queen" they are.

When they get to America, they will quickly take the the American culture of man and woman are equal in marriage where it suits them but they still want the man to continue to shoulder all their financial responsibilities alone. If the man cannot or he refuses to shoulder all financial responsibilities like he did in Nigeria, they will start withholding affection and even brake up the marriage.

Even when they are working in America, many of them still have the mentality of "my money is my money and his money is our money".

In this case though, the woman here is trying to support with financial responsibilities but there are tensions in the marriage already. Most likely due to change in financial dynamics in the family as the man cannot shoulder all financial responsibilities as he did in Nigeria.

What most of these women don't realize is that America is built for two family incomes, most especially with children.

When she eventually get out of that marriage, she will still pay all those bills by herself or eventually share them with another man that will never marry her.

That's if she will not end up with a married man outside as many of them do.

yottravels:
Thanks for your response. For now, I will prefer to be gender neutral in order to avoid skewed opinions. I will appreciate independent opinions on the personalities of the couple

The texts reveal application for permanent residency, leading me to guess that you both didn't meet up here in the U.S. Is this the case?

Don't marry unkind, entitled persons who see whatever you do for them in marriage as just your responsibility and their right to collect .......they are never good team players when the need arises.....

Its easy to notice these things during dating stage......but una nor dey gree hear word

Kobojunkie:
The texts reveal application for permanent residency, leading me to guess that you both didn't meet up here in the U.S. Is this the case?

The husband came in on F1 visa. Filed for the wife and son to come in on F2 visa. The husband took student loan to complete school. After graduation, the husband also spent a lot of money to get approved for the employment based green card petition and made the wife and son beneficiaries. They filed for PR when their priority date became current. The husband gathered money including credit cards to file the application (about $4000) while the wife promised to pay the $900 so that some of the credit cards could be paid

yottravels:
➜The husband came in on F1 visa. Filed for the wife and son to come in on F2 visa. The husband took student loan to complete school. After graduation, the husband also spent a lot of money to get approved for the employment based green card petition and made the wife and son beneficiaries.
➜ They filed for PR when their priority date became current. The husband gathered money including credit cards to file the application (about $4000) while the wife promised to pay the $900 so that some of the credit cards could be paid

1. So, the husband went to school and leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa. What about the wife? What does she do for a living?

2. How long ago was this filing since the texts reveal she had a baby, and did not work for 11 months? What happened? And why is she unable to pay her side of the bill? I am trying to understand why she has so many other "separate" bills to deal with if she is part of a household.

Kobojunkie:
1. So, the husband went to school and leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa. What about the wife? What does she do for a living?

2. How long ago was this filing since the texts reveal she had a baby, and did not work for 11 months? What happened? And why is she unable to pay her side of the bill? I am trying to understand why she has so many other "separate" bills to deal with if she is part of a household.

I don’t know what you meant by “leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa”.

F1 is a student visa. The husband entered first for a masters program.

The wife has absolute control over her finances. She supports with some of the household expenses but the husband still carries largest chunk of the household expenses

yottravels:
The husband came in on F1 visa. Filed for the wife and son to come in on F2 visa. The husband took student loan to complete school. After graduation, the husband also spent a lot of money to get approved for the employment based green card petition and made the wife and son beneficiaries. They filed for PR when their priority date became current. The husband gathered money including credit cards to file the application (about $4000) while the wife promised to pay the $900 so that some of the credit cards could be paid

Very familiar story. Why did the husband continue to include her on the EB petition and adjustment of Status since the wife had started showing these signs of non supporting wife?

The signs would have been there since Nigeria but the moment she started showing that sign in the US, the husband is supposed not to include her in green card application.

The matter now is that the woman is just waiting for that green card to come out to let all hell lose on the man

yottravels:
➜I don’t know what you meant by “leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa”.
F1 is a student visa. The husband entered first for a masters program.
➜ The wife has absolute control over her finances. She supports with some of the household expenses but the husband still carries largest chunk of the household expenses

. Getting a master's degree is levelling up one's credentials.

2. Having absolute control over her finances is not really the issue here. The issue is more about how much she makes compared to how much she is responsible for. If she makes minimum wage, she may not be able to meet so many of her bills and also have enough left over to handle her leveling up needs, etc.

I guess I should ask what exactly you intend to get from this woman, who made it clear that she is unable to pay the $900 at this point. Why was your main intention behind creating this thread?

She says she does not have it and you two are not looking to go your separate ways, so what exactly do you want to gain from us?

Kobojunkie:
. Getting a master's degree is levelling up one's credentials.

2. Having absolute control over her finances is not really the issue here. The issue is more about how much she makes compared to how much she is responsible for. If she makes minimum wage, she may not be able to meet so many of her bills and also have enough left over to handle her leveling up needs, etc.

I guess I should ask what exactly you intend to get from this woman, who made it clear that she is unable to pay the $900 at this point. Why was your main intention behind creating this thread?

She says she does not have it and you two are not looking to go your separate ways, so what exactly do you want to gain from us?

The issue in that marriage is deeper than 900 dollars. There is a bigger issue in that marriage beyond the 900, the house rent etc. If they don't retrace very quickly, if not already too late, they will soon be involving authorities and the courts.

Kobojunkie:
. Getting a master's degree is levelling up one's credentials.

2. Having absolute control over her finances is not really the issue here. The issue is more about how much she makes compared to how much she is responsible for. If she makes minimum wage, she may not be able to meet so many of her bills and also have enough left over to handle her leveling up needs, etc.

I guess I should ask what exactly you intend to get from this woman, who made it clear that she is unable to pay the $900 at this point. Why was your main intention behind creating this thread?

She says she does not have it and you two are not looking to go your separate ways, so what exactly do you want to gain from us?

Now, there’s deviation and intentional support for one party.

Remember, she made the promise by herself because it’s obvious her pay could cover it.

If she was to navigate the green card process by herself, would you still say the same?

Anyway, thank you for your opinions.

yottravels:
➜Now, there’s deviation and intentional support for one party.
➜ Remember, she made the promise by herself because it’s obvious her pay could cover it.
➜ If she was to navigate the green card process by herself, would you still say the same? Anyway, thank you for your opinions.

1. Huh?

2. She made the promise, yes. However, she is unable to meet the obligation at this time. Are you trying to get the money, or are you trying to blow up the issue needlessly? Which is it?

If the money, why not have her give you the much as she can at this time, and over the next months, collect the rest from her. (Of course, have her agree on how much to expect for each installment— signed and all.)

3. Navigate it herself, how? What do you mean? Are you implying that because she did not have the $900 at the time the application was filed, she would never have been able to get the money at all, or something? I don't understand what you are getting at. Or are you suggesting she lacks the intelligence to file the paperwork necessary? What?

Kobojunkie:
1. Huh?

2. She made the promise, yes. However, she is unable to meet the obligation at this time. Are you trying to get the money, or are you trying to blow up the issue needlessly? Which is it?

If the money, why not have her give you the much as she can at this time, and over the next months, collect the rest from her. (Of course, have her agree on how much to expect for each installment— signed and all.)

3. Navigate it herself, how? What do you mean? Are you implying that because she did not have the $900 at the time the application was filed, she would never have been able to get the money at all, or something? I don't understand what you are getting at. Or are you suggesting she lacks the intelligence to file the paperwork necessary? What?

Okay

ednut1:
in the abroad bills are every 30 days. The man has obviously been paying and is drowning. I have seen cases where a man pays all the bills abroad and is left with 100 dols from his 4k monthly salary. Meanwhile wife dey send money home to her family. If you he the man will be be happy? 😂

of course not. Wives should support their men over there. How are you though?

I wanted to blame the husband for saying when you had a baby not when we had a baby then I saw where he said a male colleague brought you to the house and I cautioned myself. She avoided that statement like plague knowing she was very guilty. The gentleman is seeing shege in the hands of a woman who will never accept responsibility for her actions. He may already know that the baby is not his making him to use that phrase when you had a baby.

Splitting rent with your wife is bs, don't bring someone daughter into your life if basic need is a problem for you, same way a woman shouldn't go and suffer someone son if she can take care of her self by herself.

OnlyChris:
Splitting rent with your wife is bs, don't bring someone daughter into your life if basic need is a problem for you, same way a woman shouldn't go and suffer someone son if she can take care of her self by herself.

Thank you for your opinion, our billionaire friend 👌

Well, from the conversation, i see a couple that lack good communication skills. They kept arguing, going back and forth. Each, wanting to say what they think and what’s in their mind, not properly communicating in love, not working as a unit, no affection.

If care isn’t taken, you both will tear down your marriage with your own hands because of tokens and the damages will cost you more economically compared to this 4000usd that’s seemingly the bone of contention.

The husband isn’t dealing with his wife affectionately and that has made the woman defensive too, everybody trying to stand their ground, like a business deal. See you both, see divorce court if you aren’t very intentional about being reasonable.

People saying the wife isn’t supportive. You people lack good English comprehension skills. The chat shows she does a couple of things around the house including groceries.

The man comes off as someone with some unresolved issues against the wife, tilting him towards bitterness and lack of affection towards wife while the woman seems to be on defensive and lone survival mode. Na the children go hear am las las.

Nothing stops the man on that chat from asking the wife how much she can afford this month since many other seemingly more important expenses have popped up. How much can you deposit this month, then, next month how far?, you go try pay oo. If the 900 bucks is too much, let’s better review. It’s a credit card repayment for goodness sakes. Not a life threatening affair. It’s simple than insisting that she made a PROMISE and must fulfil it. If that was an external debtor who failed him, will he handle it same way? To the extent of counting all he did to survive his family when aunty wasn’t working, pregnant, down to undergrad study. He even said when SHE HAD A baby. Kai!

I pray you both go back to the drawing board and remember what took you to America in the first place.
All the best!

yottravels:
Thank you for your opinion, our billionaire friend 👌

No one is broke shaming you, the message is 'don't get into something if you're not fully capable'.

You mean husband and wife actually wrote all that nonsense on WhatsApp instead of talking like a couple face to face ? I believe it's staged sha but for education purposes, they should go for therapy or marriage counseling. The husband is semi- final to losing his wife because he knows how to count scores