₦airaland Forum

So I posted this on my Whatsapp status earlier today, my mum saw it and still feels it's not enough reason to break up with someone

Last time I traveled home, my mum called me, sat me down and discussed 3 important issues with me:

1. Any quick money scheme or gambling, avoid it
2. Move closer to God, form a relationship with God
3. Get a serious relationship and settle down(marriage)

Mothers sha😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My younger brother's father-in-law died some weeks back. Before his death, he was in the ICU for days, so bills kept accumulating in millions. At the end, he still died and then their is issue of funeral
My younger brother's personal business has been bad for a while, months now. So in a way, he has been struggling, passing through each day by God's grace in this Tinubu's era(the guy na pastor sha). Anyways, it was the same month his father-in-law got sick that he secured a job with MTN through his pastor....
Now the man has a son in the UK who is doing very well and took care of most of the hospital bills and large part of the funeral but you know nah, in Yoruba land, any family you're married to, they've become your family as well. In a way, any shit wey happen for that family go spill reach your side.
The last girl I dated, the day she told me about her family, I ghosted her few days later. As in, all the love cleared for my eyes ni "wham". My eyes opened like Tinubu's own... We later reconcile ooo, but deep down, I wanted a way out. After what she told me, every calculation I did in my mind, the whole marriage would crash in less than 2 years... "See, I like to predict the possible outcomes of event before the beginning. Events that has to do with humans ooi. It's so much FUN".

The only way that relationship/marriage would have worked is for me to have faith as little as a mustard seed during trying times. Se me wey never get faith when everything is "relatively" fine, where I won see faith during gobe.

Now let me give you a breakdown of the family....
Her dad is unemployed, never worked. Her mum left her dad when things became a bit rough and went to marry another man. She works, so not dependent on her daughter.
She has 3 siblings, 1 of the brother is hustling and about to get married, the other brother is a hustling yahoo boy who didn't finish school and is a cultist(she didn't tell me this, but I know how to listen). She has another sister, their last born who is in higher institution.
See, everybody, with the exception of the mum are dependent on her one way or the other, the dad is 100% dependent on her. The dad wanted to change his apartment because the landlord of his former house evicted him. It was my girl that paid for the rent and some little furniture that came along. And I'm sure she also give him money for monthly upkeep(this is someone whose dad was irresponsible to her for her whole life). The sister who is in school is also completely dependent on her sister. The brothers, theirs is intermittently.

Now, their perception of me when they saw me(she has introduced me to her family) is our saviour is here(which saviour, how much doctors dey collect for Nigeria). I have dreams and plan that I want to use money to achieve as well.
My mum, I can call her this evening and ask her to help me send money and she would(I think that's why I have entitlement mentality). So any money I'm giving to her, she doesn't need it to survive, it's just my own very small way of saying thank you for all you've done and all you're still doing for me(me wey dey tell patient make dem no eat catfish, na catfish I chop throughout my stay for house)

The babe is perfect, 100% perfect, 100% God's babe, A VIRGIN, but the family part ehnnn, omo...
I don't ever want to be broke in my life. Getting married to a doctor is going to give me that kind of financial security, but the kind of emotional support that I want, a doctor can't give me. Things that a normal human will see and will make them want to puke, a doctor will see it, smile and say, "interesting case". *In my eyes, no doctor is mentally okay*!!!
The only health worker I can get married to is a nurse, but... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 nurses have shown me shege banza, pro pro pro Max.
Personally, I would prefer a secondary school English teacher, a lawyer or a nurse or an hair stylist!!!

I have people who see me as "all knowing" cause I tell them something will happen in future and it happens.... My sister doesn't want to believe I'm that good sha😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Anyways, if I can look at people relationships and predict how far it will a last. What sense does it make for me to see mine and then shook head into something I know won't work right from the start just because everybody in my family thinks she is the PERFECT fit for me☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😁

Lastly, I've borrowed money from loan app before(not once or twice) because a family member is in need of money and is asking me. I borrowed money from Pablo that year(2023), 50,000naira, to give my girlfriend because she was not happy(she didn't ask me for money oooo, she just said she was unhappy and doesn't know the cause). If anybody from my immediate family is asking me for help and I can't offer it, it will make me hate myself, I'll be sad and mad at myself. In the end I'll just shut everyone out in a way of punishing myself.... Now, imagine this happening in marriage with a wife😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My mum saw my post and sent a voice note explaining to me that my reason is not enough to leave a good woman.

So my question is, "is the background important or not?"

Yes oh! If her parents sponsor terrorism, I will run.

If her brothers are bandits, I will run.

If her family was excommunicated or banished for atrocities, I will run.

Redemption88:
"See, I like to predict the possible outcomes of event before the beginning. Events that has to do with humans ooi. It's so much FUN".

So my question is, "is the background important or not?"

You ask about the background, but seem to be unaware that your prediction of the possible outcomes might just be you actually creating eventual outcomes. You at least don't see how your so called predictions might be you determining the future you get.

And note how you've left out your background, which might explain your negative predicting.

I do hope you don't only use your powers to predict negative outcomes, and know that you can equally predict positive outcomes for yourself too.

budaatum:
You ask about the background, but seem to be unaware that your prediction of the possible outcomes might just be you actually creating eventual outcomes. You at least don't see how your so called predictions might be you determining the future you get.

And note how you've left out your background, which might explain your negative predicting.

I do hope you don't only use your powers to predict negative outcomes, and know that you can equally predict positive outcomes for yourself too.

I'm from a family of 4 children, both parents are retired civil servants.
My elder sister is out of the country working as a caregiver
My immediate younger brother works as a something something analyst with MTN(I've forgotten the name)
Our last born is an auditor with Zenith bank
And then me

Nope, I try to think of all possible outcomes, the good and bad.... I used the skill a lot in medical school to pass some exams

You're yet to help with the answer to my question though

immortalcrown:
Yes oh! If her parents sponsor terrorism, I will run.

If her brothers are bandits, I will run.

If her family was excommunicated or banished for atrocities, I will run.

Thanks for your input

...

Background is very very important when going into a marriage with someone... From their background and upbringing you can be able to seduce their way of thinking... Even if you observe closely through dating, courting... The way matters are been handled in extended families is a deduction of how your partner might handle una matter

Where we have people who didn't grow well but are hell bent on having a family whatever the cost it maybe

Now we have exceptional cases where families are okay but your partners are just dysfunctional

Or children of single mothers saying they must make sure when they marry they keep a family unit...

Or children of divorced parents saying they don't like marriages.. they will rather keep baby mama la or baby daddies

Or children who became orphans and grew into adults becoming selfish and all

Remember someone still posted here yesterday or two days ago .. a guy like me saying he prefers do marry an orphan... As he doesn't have the will to be comforting someone thru the loss of her parents o.. imagineooo


The saying goes ... A rich person amongst poor family members is also a poor person... Because he or she will keep on forever serving the family members... Except of the rich person is stingy and cuts away.. because how the person wan gather... Even if you are paying black tax, then you need to be cautious...

In as much as there is no manual to this thing called marriage, one has to be careful and one way one must be is by doing a background check..

Modified
I have seen where you mentioned where you mentioned your folks and siblings .. what they do.. I can see you are from a good average family.. your parents trained everyone to be independent.. if you know what is good for you look for a lady who is from the same good average family... Plan together, you will see you both will be able to explore and build your family together.. I don't think you have seen been dragged into poverty before... Don't let anyone decieve you with love... Happiness in marriage comes hand in hand with love, money and been responsible

duduade:
Background is very very important when going into a marriage with someone... From their background and upbringing you can be able to seduce their way of thinking... Even if you observe closely through dating, courting... The way matters are been handled in extended families is a deduction of how your partner might handle una matter

Where we have people who didn't grow well but are hell bent on having a family whatever the cost it maybe

Now we have exceptional cases where families are okay but your partners are just dysfunctional

Or children of single mothers saying they must make sure when they marry they keep a family unit...

Or children of divorced parents saying they don't like marriages.. they will rather keep baby mama la or baby daddies

Or children who became orphans and grew into adults becoming selfish and all

Remember someone still posted here yesterday or two days ago .. a guy like me saying he prefers do marry an orphan... As he doesn't have the will to be comforting someone thru the loss of her parents o.. imagineooo


The saying goes ... A rich person amongst poor family members is also a poor person... Because he or she will keep on forever serving the family members... Except of the rich person is stingy and cuts away.. because how the person wan gather... Even if you are paying black tax, then you need to be cautious...

In as much as there is no manual to this thing called marriage, one has to be careful and one way one must be is by doing a background check.. i

Thank you so so so much for this, I'm super grateful boss🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️

Redemption88:
You're yet to help with the answer to my question though

And I've told you why I haven't.

I don't trust your power of predictions, but trust others will give you answers you need or want.

I didn’t read your epistles but Yes, background is important

Redemption88:
➜So my question is, "is the background important or not?"➜

Your background and mental maturity are of equal if not more importance, and clearly, that girl ain't right for you.

Also, since you are looking for a girl without family to boot, I suggest you also ensure you wait until you have no family of your own that could pose a burden to the girl you will end up with. That way, you won't worry about ending up penniless and the girl will also not ever have to worry about needing to take care of your family members as well.

I don't think the background is important.

Kobojunkie:
Your background and mental maturity are of equal if not more importance, and clearly, that girl ain't right for you.

Also, since you are looking for a girl without family to boot, I suggest you also ensure you wait until you have no family of your own that could pose a burden to the girl you will end up with. That way, you won't worry about ending up penniless and the girl will also not ever have to worry about needing to take care of your family members as well.

😁😁😁😁😁😁
You can never change, you and your subtle jabs. Anyways, thanks for your input. I posted this because I want to learn

Do not ignore doing background checks on whomever you plan to marry!

Anyone who tells you otherwise is talking BS, you can quote me anywhere on this!

It takes more than just love to make a marriage work

Redemption88:
Thanks for your input

Honestly I like your reasoning. I am not surprised since you are a doctor.

Background of anyone matters alot and most especially in marriages. It shapens all their reasoning and perspectives to life and challenges.

This is why most people from poor Background have poor people thinking, and vice versa for the rich.

Same way most ladies from single mothers end up becoming single mothers. Men from wife beating fathers end up beating their wives.

Back to this your case, the lady comes from a background of 4 people depending on her and they are already seeing you like their "savior". I see them seeing you as a savior as a red flag. I believe this is how your girlfriend is seeing you also. This is going to be the Genesis of your problems in the marriage if not well handled.

Let me ask, have you tested the love that girl has for you Is she really in love with you as a person or with you as a doctor savior for her family Remember that women are very good pretender and manipulator when they want to marry a man. You need to first test and confirm her love and loyalty to you in this situation.

You said "...The babe is perfect, 100% perfect, 100% God's babe, A VIRGIN...". You didn't mention how much the babe has been tested and confirmed to love you. She needs to still love you as a person in addition to those good qualities for you to enjoy a marriage with her.

Once you clear this, then you BOTH might be able to work together to overcome the challenges that her family background will bring to the marriage.

Helpout12345:
Honestly I like your reasoning. I am not surprised since you are a doctor.

Background of anyone matters alot and most especially in marriages. It shapens all their reasoning and perspectives to life and challenges.

This is why most people from poor Background have poor people thinking, and vice versa for the rich.

Same way most ladies from single mothers end up becoming single mothers. Men from wife beating fathers end up beating their wives.

Back to this your case, the lady comes from a background of 4 people depending on her and they are already seeing you like their "savior". I see them seeing you as a savior as a red flag. I believe this is how your girlfriend is seeing you also. This is going to be the Genesis of your problems in the marriage if not well handled.

Let me ask, have you tested the love that girl has for you Is she really in love with you as a person or with you as a doctor savior for her family Remember that women are very good pretender and manipulator when they want to marry a man. You need to first test and confirm her love and loyalty to you in this situation.

You said "...The babe is perfect, 100% perfect, 100% God's babe, A VIRGIN...". You didn't mention how much the babe has been tested and confirmed to love you. She needs to still love you as a person in addition to those good qualities for you to enjoy a marriage with her.

Once you clear this, then you BOTH might be able to work together to overcome the challenges that her family background will bring to the marriage.

Thank you soooooooo much for your input and the compliment🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️

The answer to the question you asked me: "No, I haven't".

Redemption88:
Thank you soooooooo much for your input and the compliment🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️

The answer to the question you asked me: "No, I haven't".

You are welcome. As I said earlier, you are thinking in the right direction.

You need to factor in how much she loves you to those good qualities of hers in your thinking and consideration because a bachelor medical doctor fits the profile of bachelors most women want to marry and they will pretend to love.

Also, remember that no one is perfect. You cannot see a 100pct perfect match to your want and situation. BUT you MUST understand the deficiency, the risks involved in the deficiency and determine if BOTH of you can overcome those risks in the marriage.

Some deficiency are not worth moving forward with the person, while some can be overcome with the right partner.

And to determine the good qualities and deficiency, you MUST do background checks, observe, test, read in-between the lines, etc to ensure you are getting the facts. DON'T rely solely on the woman's words or behaviors around you.

BG check is very important no doubt about that but the lady in question, has she ever disturbed you on her family related issues ?.She an independent for her to raise money get apartment for her dad's and you said she is good girl.your existing with her most important thing her family is secondary. If later get a family that is very perfect as your and co existing will her become worst.

Redemption88:
So I posted this on my Whatsapp status earlier today, my mum saw it and still feels it's not enough reason to break up with someone

Last time I traveled home, my mum called me, sat me down and discussed 3 important issues with me:

1. Any quick money scheme or gambling, avoid it
2. Move closer to God, form a relationship with God
3. Get a serious relationship and settle down(marriage)

Mothers sha😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My younger brother's father-in-law died some weeks back. Before his death, he was in the ICU for days, so bills kept accumulating in millions. At the end, he still died and then their is issue of funeral
My younger brother's personal business has been bad for a while, months now. So in a way, he has been struggling, passing through each day by God's grace in this Tinubu's era(the guy na pastor sha). Anyways, it was the same month his father-in-law got sick that he secured a job with MTN through his pastor....
Now the man has a son in the UK who is doing very well and took care of most of the hospital bills and large part of the funeral but you know nah, in Yoruba land, any family you're married to, they've become your family as well. In a way, any shit wey happen for that family go spill reach your side.
The last girl I dated, the day she told me about her family, I ghosted her few days later. As in, all the love cleared for my eyes ni "wham". My eyes opened like Tinubu's own... We later reconcile ooo, but deep down, I wanted a way out. After what she told me, every calculation I did in my mind, the whole marriage would crash in less than 2 years... "See, I like to predict the possible outcomes of event before the beginning. Events that has to do with humans ooi. It's so much FUN".

The only way that relationship/marriage would have worked is for me to have faith as little as a mustard seed during trying times. Se me wey never get faith when everything is "relatively" fine, where I won see faith during gobe.

Now let me give you a breakdown of the family....
Her dad is unemployed, never worked. Her mum left her dad when things became a bit rough and went to marry another man. She works, so not dependent on her daughter.
She has 3 siblings, 1 of the brother is hustling and about to get married, the other brother is a hustling yahoo boy who didn't finish school and is a cultist(she didn't tell me this, but I know how to listen). She has another sister, their last born who is in higher institution.
See, everybody, with the exception of the mum are dependent on her one way or the other, the dad is 100% dependent on her. The dad wanted to change his apartment because the landlord of his former house evicted him. It was my girl that paid for the rent and some little furniture that came along. And I'm sure she also give him money for monthly upkeep(this is someone whose dad was irresponsible to her for her whole life). The sister who is in school is also completely dependent on her sister. The brothers, theirs is intermittently.

Now, their perception of me when they saw me(she has introduced me to her family) is our saviour is here(which saviour, how much doctors dey collect for Nigeria). I have dreams and plan that I want to use money to achieve as well.
My mum, I can call her this evening and ask her to help me send money and she would(I think that's why I have entitlement mentality). So any money I'm giving to her, she doesn't need it to survive, it's just my own very small way of saying thank you for all you've done and all you're still doing for me(me wey dey tell patient make dem no eat catfish, na catfish I chop throughout my stay for house)

The babe is perfect, 100% perfect, 100% God's babe, A VIRGIN, but the family part ehnnn, omo...
I don't ever want to be broke in my life. Getting married to a doctor is going to give me that kind of financial security, but the kind of emotional support that I want, a doctor can't give me. Things that a normal human will see and will make them want to puke, a doctor will see it, smile and say, "interesting case". *In my eyes, no doctor is mentally okay*!!!
The only health worker I can get married to is a nurse, but... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 nurses have shown me shege banza, pro pro pro Max.
Personally, I would prefer a secondary school English teacher, a lawyer or a nurse or an hair stylist!!!

I have people who see me as "all knowing" cause I tell them something will happen in future and it happens.... My sister doesn't want to believe I'm that good sha😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Anyways, if I can look at people relationships and predict how far it will a last. What sense does it make for me to see mine and then shook head into something I know won't work right from the start just because everybody in my family thinks she is the PERFECT fit for me☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😁

Lastly, I've borrowed money from loan app before(not once or twice) because a family member is in need of money and is asking me. I borrowed money from Pablo that year(2023), 50,000naira, to give my girlfriend because she was not happy(she didn't ask me for money oooo, she just said she was unhappy and doesn't know the cause). If anybody from my immediate family is asking me for help and I can't offer it, it will make me hate myself, I'll be sad and mad at myself. In the end I'll just shut everyone out in a way of punishing myself.... Now, imagine this happening in marriage with a wife😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My mum saw my post and sent a voice note explaining to me that my reason is not enough to leave a good woman.

So my question is, "is the background important or not?"

Background is very important to check in marriage but that doesn’t mean it will fully determine your own home. It depends on how both of you understand each other’s background and what marriage entails.
But people do suggest that, the way the person you want to marry parents behave, their is high probability that that’s how he or she will treat you.
A man posted why he break a relationship with a lady, it was because when he visited her in her home. It’s the father that was washing dishes, and the Mum was even shouting at him to be quick. So, if you want to marry and you have not check your spouse background, by regular visit or trying to hear discussion about family set up regularly, if it’s just love love you are discussing and you don’t observe those family members relationship, believe, don’t, dos, tradition, etc. you are deceiving yourself.
If you go and marry from a polygamous family and those wives are killing each other child because of hatred, you should know that you will use all your life to be on mountain praying.
I have an example currently in my area, the second wife used juju on first wife but it backfired at her children, two of her children have died as I write.
So, imagine what the person that will marry from there will face.

Do you have evidence to confirm that the second wife used juju on the first wife?

Tohsynetita1:
Background is very important to check in marriage but that doesn’t mean it will fully determine your own home. It depends on how both of you understand each other’s background and what marriage entails.
But people do suggest that, the way the person you want to marry parents behave, their is high probability that that’s how he or she will treat you.
A man posted why he break a relationship with a lady, it was because when he visited her in her home. It’s the father that was washing dishes, and the Mum was even shouting at him to be quick. So, if you want to marry and you have not check your spouse background, by regular visit or trying to hear discussion about family set up regularly, if it’s just love love you are discussing and you don’t observe those family members relationship, believe, don’t, dos, tradition, etc. you are deceiving yourself.
If you go and marry from a polygamous family and those wives are killing each other child because of hatred, you should know that you will use all your life to be on mountain praying.
I have an example currently in my area, the second wife used juju on first wife but it backfired at her children, two of her children have died as I write.
So, imagine what the person that will marry from there will face.

Samantha125:
Do you have evidence to confirm that the second wife used juju on the first wife?

I have evidence, the second wife said it with her mouth and prophets told the first wife on mountain the same. Her attack was to the first wife but it backfired.

The importance of your partner's background can not be overemphasized. It is very, very important. I know what I faced when I dated a girl from a struggling family. I almost lost my sanity too.

Bro, a single mistake of that sort could pull you into poverty. They already see you as a saviour, so get ready to sponsor your woman's siblings in school. Get ready to pay rents, take care of bills. It won't be easy and you dare not escape it if not, you'll be hated and seen as a bad person.

I'll advise you to slow down, re-examine the stakes involved and take your decision.

Background is important,you have to be emotionally strong and smart to escape poverty if you marry a girl with many family problems.i faced this before long ago when I dated a girl with many problems, but I was able to overcome

Sir Pansophist, please I need to hear your view on this🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

In this hoeflation era, you see virgin that is a cheerful giver, and you wan discard her, you need calm down small.

Now look at it from this angle. What if she have no family whom are dependent on her, then after like three years into the marriage, they lost their jobs and suddenly turn to her for financial assistance, what will you do?

Divorce her? Of course not.

You will probably advice her to focus on your family, help in her little way and reject any form of permanent financial dependence. The problem are not the adult family whom decide to be dependent on her, but her tolerance and decision to carry such weight.

This is Nigeria. If you even marry a girl doing great financially with no family dependants, you really cant tell what will happen down the line in two, three, five years from now. Lots of wealthy folks years back have unfortunately found themselves below the poverty line.

You will probably advice such people under the poverty line to remove what is in their eyes first, and let those adult families go sort themselves out.

She is a giver, you need that energy. You just have to refine her giving to serve your relationship, and prevent exploitation.

My advice is not even just for your current girl, but you must lecture any lady you decide about these five steps which are ''appreciation, anticipation, expectation, entitlement, dependence''. If it has cross number two, then it gets dangerous from there. At best, assistance to people should not cross into expectations.

Your girls seem to be a nice person, but the world dont give a fork about her niceness. She will be exploited unless she create strong boundaries. Boundaries is what she need, and you should help her understand this life lesson, not just discard her.

You need to let her know that tolerating dependents doesnt help her, it punishes her and prevent her dependants from the beauty of overcoming challenges themselves, and to stand on their feet.

At lease before discarding, observe and see if she will change. If not, then feel free to go your way, otherwise, the overflow of her lack of boundaries will spill into your finance and things will go bad from there.

pansophist:
In this hoeflation era, you see virgin that is a cheerful giver, and you wan discard her, you need calm down small.

Now look at it from this angle. What if she have no family whom are dependent on her, then after like three years into the marriage, they lost their jobs and suddenly turn to her for financial assistance, what will you do?

Divorce her? Of course not.

You will probably advice her to focus on her family, help in her little way and reject any form of permanent financial dependence. The problem are not the adult family whom decide to be dependent on her, but her tolerance and decision to carry such weight.

This is Nigeria. If you even marry a girl doing great financially with no family dependants, you really cant tell what will happen down the line in two, three, five years from now. Lots of wealthy folks years back have unfortunately found themselves below the poverty line.

You will probably advice such people under the poverty line to remove what is in their eyes first, and let those adult families go sort themselves out.

She is a giver, you need that energy. You just have to refine her giving to serve your relationship, and prevent exploitation.

My advice is not even just for your current girl, but you must lecture any lady you decide about these five steps which are ''appreciation, anticipation, expectation, entitlement, dependence''. If it has cross number two, then it gets dangerous from there. At best, assistance to people should not cross into expectations.

Your girls seem to be a nice person, but the world dont give a fork about her niceness. She will be exploited unless she create strong boundaries. Boundaries is what she need, and you should help her understand this life lesson, not just discard her.

You need to let her know that tolerating dependents doesnt help her, it punishes her and prevent her dependants from the beauty of overcoming challenges themselves, and to stand on their feet.

At lease before discarding, observe and see if she will change. If not, then feel free to go your way, otherwise, the overflow of her lack of boundaries will spill into your finance and things will go bad from there.

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR, I'M GRATEFUL SIR🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️🙇🏿‍♂️

Once her to.to is still very tight you don't need to do any other background check

Background is very important, whether in marriage or even employment. I don't see myself employing an accountant or someone in the finance department who has too many children.

I have seen the effects of having too many children, having children outside a marriage setting and families with fear of the unknown. Just as you, I tend to predict events way before they happen. It works, and when it works so fast and perfectly, I pinch myself! Like, how can I be so accurate? For this reason, I use this skill/gift to guide my activities. So, provided it works for you and it works so well, stick with it.

I cannot marry a woman who comes from a family with too many siblings. More than two makes me ask questions:
- What do your parents do for a living?
- What do your siblings do for a living?
- How old are these siblings?
- What level of education are they in, finished or still in school?

Marriage in Nigeria goes beyond both individuals, but also between both families. So, one should be ready, mentally and financially, when getting into a family with too many dependents. I am not saying I won't help, but I don't want to be compelled to pour scarce resources into a family other than mine, especially for the first ten years. Mind you, I, as an individual other than being a father, husband and in-law, have my own life and enjoyment to live. BTW, the cultist brother is already a red flag to me because I would ban such a person from coming near me. Would the sister, now wife, like such? These are the issues.

budaatum:
You ask about the background, but seem to be unaware that your prediction of the possible outcomes might just be you actually creating eventual outcomes. You at least don't see how your so called predictions might be you determining the future you get.

And note how you've left out your background, which might explain your negative predicting.

I do hope you don't only use your powers to predict negative outcomes, and know that you can equally predict positive outcomes for yourself too.

This a very good perspective. Just what I needed to remind me of who I am(we are)

budaatum:
✓ You ask about the background, but seem to be unaware that your prediction of the possible outcomes might just be you actually creating eventual outcomes. You at least don't see how your so called predictions might be you determining the future you get.

And note how you've left out your background, which might explain your negative predicting.
I do hope you don't only use your powers to predict negative outcomes, and know that you can equally predict positive outcomes for yourself too.

,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

From your writeup , I can honestly tell that your looking for justifiable means to get rid of your girl , I don't think this is about BG checks ,though BG checks are very important. It's very important but let's be honest that sorta the least of your concerns here right ?
I mean it's not like you would help her family all the days of their lives na?? A little help here and there is okay to be honest but let's face the brutal truth here.
I think you don't really like her cus she's a Doctor ( if I read your epistle correctly) , and judging by the hypocritical nature of Doctors in general , you think she might turn out to be some sort of disillusion ,your probably apprehensive about the whole "shes a doctor stereotype thing" given by your accuracy In predicting outcomes.

And if you think I'm wrong ,well I'm very much looking forward to your refutation about my writeup. That being said I think you should look for the girls you said you like maybe a lawyer or a secondary school English teacher or something, lifes too short , so just do whatever gives you peace ✌️