₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
Just checked...
You again?




https://www.nairaland.com/8520666/younger-brother-just-found-out#136823258

https://www.nairaland.com/8501220/younger-brother-family-ate-white

This same brother?

LMAO 🤣

wunmi590:


What of your late elderly brother that die.d according to your old thread...

Na content creator. A different brother for each different story

Ishilove:
Na content creator. A different brother for each different story

Hmm, my sister, I thought I'm the only one seeing it ooo 😆 🤣

Ishilove:
LMAO 🤣

I can't even see her posts. Obviously "it" blocked me. 😂😂😂

pocohantas:
I can't even see her posts. Obviously "it" blocked me. 😂😂😂

😅😅😅😅😅

wunmi590:
Hmm, my sister, I thought I'm the only one seeing it ooo 😆 🤣

Thank God I saw Poco's post, else I would have ended up wasting my valuable brain nuggets on a fake story

MistyDense:
➜My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
➜I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

How old is your mother, how long has she been blind and why does she need assistance and how much do you pay for the assistance?

2. Cutting your brother off is a terrible idea.

I would rather you first and only considerd cutting mother off your mother, at least until after you and your siblings who never had a choice in any of her decisions, are done building your lives which she did not think to provide for.

MistyDense:
➜A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this. Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.
➜ Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
➜ Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines. I'm really messed up. At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth. I'm just confused.

1. It is OK to hold on to standards/boundaries in life but make sure you are doing so for the right reasons and not unnecessarily burdening yourself.

2. Why not call your mother, brother and sisters together and discuss the family finances with them instead? Why carry the weight all by yourself when you can spread it around so that instead of one person carrying it, all 5 people in the house know of it and are able to regulate better to help in anyway they can? They might not be able to contribute but if the can save wherever they can, will that not go along way in helping reducing your burden/pressure— both mentally and physically?

3. What is obvious from your write up is that you are already struggling from depression and having suicidal thoughts/ideations. You need to begin opening up about your mental and physical struggles with either your family or professional mental health counselors. The best option in your situation are your family; work to overcome whatever shame or guilt is keeping you from opening up to them asap. You need to unburden yourself and that is what family is meant to be there for. Take advantage of them and free yourself from those mental shackles that are trying to strangle the life out of you.

MistyDense:
I don't know if anyone of you can relate to this. But to be truthful, I can't continue taking up these multiple responsibilities anymore.

I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and we just have one Male among us, who is the Last born. I'm training him in sch, a tertiary institution. The other two girls are already done with their school and are presently learning some skills.
None is contributing anything. I work from Mondays to Sundays without Rest. From house rent to feeding, to medics, transport, sch fees, light bills and others, I do all of them. I make sure I work to earn every penny I make. It is so bad that I don't have any savings. My clothes are worn out cos I can't afford new ones. Also, I can't afford my soap and cream any longer because there are more pressing issues to fix.
The burden has become so much, coupled with stress from work. Sometimes I overthink things and breakdown.
My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this.
Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.

Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines.
I'm really messed up.
At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth.

I'm just confused.

Nlfpmod

my dear whatever you are doing for your siblings you are honouring your parents in the process and God will bless you. But I would say dont think that they might reciprocate, is a 50 50 thing. The may or may not

jesmond3945:
➜my dear whatever you are doing for your siblings you are honouring your parents in the process
➜ and God will bless you. But I would say dont think that they might reciprocate, is a 50 50 thing. The may or may not

Don't lie to her! :-

A child should never have to take on the burden that belongs to his/her parents. Her mother did not planout her life well that is why OP is needing to shoulder all of these burdens by herself.

2. Which God? The same one that continues to let millions who dug themselves deep into poverty by their own acts continue to wade through their own sheet with not even a light at the end of that tunnel to see? What is more likely to bless OP is her efforts and her relationship with her family. If they can remain close knit — socially and emotionally— until they all succeed.

MistyDense:
I don't know if anyone of you can relate to this. But to be truthful, I can't continue taking up these multiple responsibilities anymore.

I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and we just have one Male among us, who is the Last born. I'm training him in sch, a tertiary institution. The other two girls are already done with their school and are presently learning some skills.
None is contributing anything. I work from Mondays to Sundays without Rest. From house rent to feeding, to medics, transport, sch fees, light bills and others, I do all of them. I make sure I work to earn every penny I make. It is so bad that I don't have any savings. My clothes are worn out cos I can't afford new ones. Also, I can't afford my soap and cream any longer because there are more pressing issues to fix.
The burden has become so much, coupled with stress from work. Sometimes I overthink things and breakdown.
My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this.
Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.

Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines.
I'm really messed up.
At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth.

I'm just confused.

Nlfpmod

Where is your location? Is your brother in a public or private university? What is the estimate of his school fees? You may need to explain to him the way things are. I believe there are things he can do to earn money while in school.

Please how much is the school fees? God will make a way for you. My email ekenetagbo@gmail.com

Ishilove:
Thank God I saw Poco's post, else I would have ended up wasting my valuable brain nuggets on a fake story

Now you know how it feels when your man pays for your upkeep and also take care of his family..

Dzzzz:
Now you know how it feels when your man pays for your upkeep and also take care of his family..

Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱
https://youtube.com/shorts/4gJBIjcWLcM?si=wcGdvxFacEEObsV6

Samantha125:
Education is no longer the key to success, but connections are.

connections will take you places, open doors beyond your wildest dream but something has to keep you there when the connection fades.

MistyDense:
I don't know if anyone of you can relate to this. But to be truthful, I can't continue taking up these multiple responsibilities anymore.

I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and we just have one Male among us, who is the Last born. I'm training him in sch, a tertiary institution. The other two girls are already done with their school and are presently learning some skills.
None is contributing anything. I work from Mondays to Sundays without Rest. From house rent to feeding, to medics, transport, sch fees, light bills and others, I do all of them. I make sure I work to earn every penny I make. It is so bad that I don't have any savings. My clothes are worn out cos I can't afford new ones. Also, I can't afford my soap and cream any longer because there are more pressing issues to fix.
The burden has become so much, coupled with stress from work. Sometimes I overthink things and breakdown.
My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this.
Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.

Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines.
I'm really messed up.
At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth.

I'm just confused.

Nlfpmod

What are your sisters contribution to training themselves?
I guess you have Warrior syndrome, where you feel like being responsible for others around you, and always finding it hard asking for help from other people.

Eeya, you're doing great, helping out your siblings but i'd like to chip in 1 or 2 things.

What are the other 2 doing

See, there is only 1 Jesus and He died for us all, a long time ago ... Don't be another Jesus.

Lets the others get a job no matter how small to contribute, even if its 20 to 50% of the burden you're carrying... Even your brother in school should find something (legit) to do as side hustle ... Haba, you're not the one that put everyone in that condition na ...

Trust me, if you're not there (God forbid, if u pai), they'll find their way ...

This family burden carrying is the reason a lot of young people are dropping dead due to high level of stress, trying to meet up with "so called responsibilities"

I understand your momma's plight and that's acceptable but shouldering every little responsibility is a no no ... no let anybody fool u about one blessing or the other ...

As per the health thing, try do health insurance scheme for them ... u can get for as low as 14 to 20k (yearly payment) ... that will save u a lot of money buying drugs here & there ...

There's a limit to the amount of stress your body/mind can cope with .... don't allow it to overwhelm u ...

I might sound harsh but, your sanity and survival is your no 1 priority ... Stay blessed

MistyDense:
I don't know if anyone of you can relate to this. But to be truthful, I can't continue taking up these multiple responsibilities anymore.

I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and we just have one Male among us, who is the Last born. I'm training him in sch, a tertiary institution. The other two girls are already done with their school and are presently learning some skills.
None is contributing anything. I work from Mondays to Sundays without Rest. From house rent to feeding, to medics, transport, sch fees, light bills and others, I do all of them. I make sure I work to earn every penny I make. It is so bad that I don't have any savings. My clothes are worn out cos I can't afford new ones. Also, I can't afford my soap and cream any longer because there are more pressing issues to fix.
The burden has become so much, coupled with stress from work. Sometimes I overthink things and breakdown.
My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this.
Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.

Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines.
I'm really messed up.
At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth.

I'm just confused.

Nlfpmod

Nelfund fees and stipend can help with the expenses so he does not have to drop out .

The two other girls with time will marry and their husband will be their responsibility

The boy will start hustling later and want to be independent

Time will balance things up

I can relate

Hang in there while

Keep praying and hoping

bigl:
Eeya, you're doing great, helping out your siblings but i'd like to chip in 1 or 2 things.

What are the other 2 doing

See, there is only 1 Jesus and He died for us all, a long time ago ... Don't be another Jesus.

Lets the others get a job no matter how small to contribute, even if its 20 to 50% of the burden you're carrying... Even your brother in school should find something (legit) to do as side hustle ... Haba, you're not the one that put everyone in that condition na ...

Trust me, if you're not there (God forbid, if u pai), they'll find their way ...

This family burden carrying is the reason a lot of young people are dropping dead due to high level of stress, trying to meet up with "so called responsibilities"

I understand your momma's plight and that's acceptable but shouldering every little responsibility is a no no ... no let anybody fool u about one blessing or the other ...

As per the health thing, try do health insurance scheme for them ... u can get for as low as 14 to 20k (yearly payment) ... that will save u a lot of money buying drugs here & there ...

There's a limit to the amount of stress your body/mind can cope with .... don't allow it to overwhelm u ...

I might sound harsh but, your sanity and survival is your no 1 priority ... Stay blessed

No, you're not sounding harsh. You made lots of sense. God bless you so much. I appreciate

boldx:
Where is your location? Is your brother in a public or private university? What is the estimate of his school fees? You may need to explain to him the way things are. I believe there are things he can do to earn money while in school.

Please how much is the school fees? God will make a way for you. My email ekenetagbo@gmail.com

Thank you Sir.
I've mailed u

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱
https://youtube.com/shorts/4gJBIjcWLcM?si=wcGdvxFacEEObsV6

Un-important

@pocohantas
Thank you very much. I am a sucker for sad stories. I was going to spend loads of money on her and her brother just now until I saw your post. She did not refute or rebut or clarify your post. Rather, from reading further down, it seems she blocked you.

We have to find a way of making sure these stories are actually true. I usually simply act when my spirit moves me. My spirit moved me greatly on this one and now it turns out to be a story from someone's imagination. I guess I was moved because I can relate with helping several family members not just to gain university admissions both in Nigeria and abroad, but also to pay their fees and accommodation for several years, despite being the younger person.

Those hoping on being remembered by siblings they help should perish such thoughts. We are a generation of the ungrateful. I have siblings who are older than me who studied abroad at my expense and live in Europe and North America today, but who are so ungrateful that it is near unimaginable. If I am the type with the constitution to help in expectation of reward, there would have been very serious conflicts by now. Don't do "shishi" in expectation of reward. Do it because you enjoy helping when you can.

I need to stop trusting my spirit when it moves me.

pocohantas:
Just checked...
You again?




https://www.nairaland.com/8520666/younger-brother-just-found-out#136823258

https://www.nairaland.com/8501220/younger-brother-family-ate-white

This same brother?

Taking care of your siblings and mother should not be an excuse for not having a suitor. Tell the potential suitor that you have little or no time to be with him because of your tight schedule. If you don't want his financial assistance let him know this.
Remember that a lady should marry before being 28years. otherwise boys that are younger than him AND MARRIED MEN THAT ARE 30 YEARS AND ABOVE WOULD BE THOSE TOASTING HER

Pls. avoid men with anger issue to avoid domestic violence, drunkards, womaniser or the one that does not love your immediate family members.
You are a good lady l love you for your benevolence. I pray fervently that God will shower you with GRACE, MERCY AND DIVINE BLESSINGS as you leave your comfort zone to assist your family. Ilt's well in Jesus name.

boldx:
Where is your location? Is your brother in a public or private university? What is the estimate of his school fees? You may need to explain to him the way things are. I believe there are things he can do to earn money while in school.

Please how much is the school fees? God will make a way for you. My email ekenetagbo@gmail.com

I guess u are busy

adelafe2019:
✓ Taking care of your siblings and mother should not be an excuse for not having a suitor. Tell the potential suitor that you have little or no time to be with him because of your tight schedule. If you don't want his financial assistance let him know this.
Remember that a lady should marry before being 28years. otherwise boys that are younger than him AND MARRIED MEN THAT ARE 30 YEARS AND ABOVE WOULD BE THOSE TOASTING HER
Pls. avoid men with anger issue to avoid domestic violence, drunkards, womaniser or the one that does not love your immediate family members.
➜You are a good lady l love you for your benevolence. I pray fervently that God will shower you with GRACE, MERCY AND DIVINE BLESSINGS as you leave your comfort zone to assist your family. Ilt's well in Jesus name.

➜ Will this suitor guarantee taking over her responsibilities towards her mother and her siblings from her?
➜ Will this suitor equally enable OP to have time and energy to attend to her very own education and career progress, as well as financial independence?
➜ Will this suitor not pose additional burdens to OP so she can recoup all she has invested over the years in others?

You see a woman struggling to make ends meet and keep her family going at the same time, and the only thing you can think of is to look for ways to pile up more burdens on her head for lord knows what reason, if not wickedness at this point. She is being dragged by depression as it is, yet you feel she should be dragged some more by man problems. Nonsense! 🥱🥱

The sickening aspect of all of this is that you all come lacing your wicked suggestions with the mentions of the name of a god that has so far not seen fit to save OP from the predicament that has weighed her down to this point. You make it seem as though your words would magically cause a god that has been absent thus far to suddenly show up for her. Nonsense!

---

For those unaware, a relationship is a burden that consumes time and requires emotional, mental, and physical labor to retain.🥱🥱

madridguy:
You don't know the favour you're doing to yourself by training your siblings till later in the future.

I know the whole thing could be weighing you down, but believe me, by the time you start enjoying the fruit of your labour, you will be glad you did.

I pray God Almighty spare your life to see them becoming successful people.

you are funny

MistyDense:
I don't know if anyone of you can relate to this. But to be truthful, I can't continue taking up these multiple responsibilities anymore.

I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and we just have one Male among us, who is the Last born. I'm training him in sch, a tertiary institution. The other two girls are already done with their school and are presently learning some skills.
None is contributing anything. I work from Mondays to Sundays without Rest. From house rent to feeding, to medics, transport, sch fees, light bills and others, I do all of them. I make sure I work to earn every penny I make. It is so bad that I don't have any savings. My clothes are worn out cos I can't afford new ones. Also, I can't afford my soap and cream any longer because there are more pressing issues to fix.
The burden has become so much, coupled with stress from work. Sometimes I overthink things and breakdown.
My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this.
Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.

Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines.
I'm really messed up.
At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth.

I'm just confused.

Nlfpmod

It is good you are helping them to stand on their feets, may God continue to bless and enrich you with more knowledge and finance.

In whatever you do, don't let it prevent you from getting marry to a good man whenever you are ready. I have seen a situation like that where this sister remains single at the age of 40, when all her siblings she used her prime age to suffer for has all gotten married with kids. Spend on yourself too, look good and get marry in your prime year. If you marry a good man, and you dont become lazy, it won't prevent you from helping them with what you can.

yemmit90:
➜It is good you are helping them to stand on their feets, may God continue to bless and enrich you with more knowledge and finance.
In whatever you do, don't let it prevent you from getting marry to a good man whenever you are ready. I have seen a situation like that where this sister remains single at the age of 40, when all her siblings she used her prime age to suffer for has all gotten married with kids. Spend on yourself too, look good and get marry in your prime year. If you marry a good man, and you dont become lazy, it won't prevent you from helping them with what you can.

How will marrying this good man now better her condition at this point and in the future?

Kobojunkie:
How will marrying this good man now better her condition at this point and in the future?

Her biological clock matter alot, she can't continue to cater for her siblings, while neglected her marital life. A good man will understand her condition and support her where necessary. She must never be lazy in marriage though.

I have seen many women like that, reason I was advising her not to allow that to prevent her from getting marry at appropriate time.

yemmit90:
✓ Her biological clock matter alot, she can't continue to cater for her siblings, while neglected her marital life. A good man will understand her condition and support her where necessary. She must never be lazy in marriage though.
✓ I have seen many women like that, reason I was advising her not to allow that to prevent her from getting marry at appropriate time.

By her biological clock, you mean that while she is complaining that she is unable to fend for her current family, and yet to gain financial independence at the same time, she should also be considering how literally add another mouth to the queue for her to feed? Isn't that literally advice that is coming from a place of hate?

2. You have seen many women who struggling to pull themselves and their families about of poverty, and you think insisting they find ways to add to their suffering is the advice to give them ? Why? Have the many men out there with kids successfully fed their kids that you would think to send more women into having more babies into the mix? 🥱🥱

Most times we've got to stay strong for the ones we care so much about. Stay on course solider. You hold an enviable position cosmically. You are seeding their foundations. Please do this with a great sense of duty and not expecting anything in return from them. This is more about who you become in this process.

They would take things for granted in the process to water down your spirit or irritate you to abandon course. Stay focused on the greater good. Never an easy road but you already know you can handle this.

Op, this was me some 12 years ago. Exactly the same number of siblings and sex too. The same decision of not getting married so not to drag a man into the whole situation.
But let me tell you, I don't regret the sacrifice. Now, my 2 siblings are married with their families. They are able to take care of my brother, till he gets a job. I'm relieved.
If you leave your brother, he might constitute a nuisance & they start calling you to bail him at the police station. The money you refuse to spend now, you'll spend then.
My dear, its painful & sometimes I ask myself if it is worth it, but thank God, it is over. You will also look back one-day and thank God for the sacrifice. I'm not married yet, but I take good care of myself with the help of God. My joy is full, seeing my siblings happy. I also enjoy playing with my nieces and nephew. I'm always grateful to God.