A woman has been having serious problems in her marriage for more than 10years in a marriage of over 20years old in which there have never been any year in the last 10years without quarrels either involving both families or that she & her husband would keep malice against each other and in other situations the man won't eat her food coupled with other things that have been happening but this time around her in-laws have accused her without evidence that she's committing adultery and also neglecting her husband in this period of his ailment of which she denied and from the look of things she didnt commit any act of adultery. She has 5 children in this marriage and in more than 10years of problems she has been holding strong coupled with the fact that her husband is not feeling too well (he suffered from partial stroke some years ago) but her inlaws still accuse her of not taking care of her husband despite the fact that she knows she trying her best, she knows she's not perfect that there have been situations where it seemed as if she didnt care for her hubby but she's has resolved to keep her marriage and family and also live a new life.

But this time around she has been accused of an offense she didnt commit, in which she finds it painful, and a dent on her dignity as a woman and hard to bare, she's confused because one part of her tell her to stay for the sake of her children while another part tell her to go because of the threat coming from the camp of her in-laws that if anything should happen to their son who happens to be the only son that she should be ready for serious battle because she will not know peace.

Now the point now is, nobody knows when he/she will die, if eventually but God forbid anythings happens to her husband even if its a natural cause her in-laws won't accept any explaination because they have warned her to leave their brother alone that her presence is making him more sick. Her husband too does not want her to go because he feels after his family members have said all they have to say and make all the troubles they want to make they will leave to their various houses then who will look after him and his children. But if the dies (God forbid) he wont be there to tell his family members not to do anything to his wife

The children are confused because they want their mother to stay because divorce is never a good thing no matter how you look at it, the load of two people will become one person's own and they also want the best for their parents.

Now she at a crossroad, What should she do?


NB: pls this is a real serious issue happening to a family now, let your comments and suggestions be centred to the issue. Thanks!

The husband carries their matter around the adugbo and his extended family. I am sure the woman does the same too. You tend to have less problems if you dont involve everyone in your business. And people tend to respect your spouse more. Its time to shut up, both of you and keep your arguments, fights and other things within the home. If you decide you dont want again, that should be a decision you two make. Not one forced on you by family.

Good advice though it may be too late now

1.For me let the man summon the inlaws and in the presence of a lawyer, his wife and children tell them to back off

2. Set a will and put the house in order

3. Reconcile with his wife in case heaven comes knocking

Na wa

Hnm! Some people are just evil...

I think she should ignore them and fortify her marriage and family in general. The more they see she is going nowhere and that the man and the kids are happy, they will begin to feel ashamed and naturally mind their business. (which they should be doing anyway)

They say that if there is no hole in the hedge the serpent will not enter...Sometimes when people use family members to solve marital problems it causes problems for them in future that is what is happening to her. If they had gone for discreet counselling at church or mosque they can present a unified front in the face of in laws. But Woe to that external person who tries to bring problems into a marriage!

Kudos to her for "resolving to keep her marriage and family and also live a new life." I believe that God will assist her in that resolution.

I'm sure she might benefit from this article: http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2013/07/spot-jesus-day-2-in-difficult.html

Thank you all so much

Baby_123 & Biolabee have spoken well. So also Parisienne!!

Let me emphasise however, that the man should by all means put his house in order now that he can!!!

Let him get his family to back up from his affairs, call a lawyer & make his will.
God forbid unfortunate circumstances, this woman will probably be thrown out in the cold soon as he is gone!!!

A word is enough........only for the wise!

Sorry.
Not familiar with these kinds of LOCAL NETWORKS!
Where I come from, there are no JOBLESS, ILLITERATE in-laws!

The man should sit up and do his job as a man,stroke or no stroke.
I hate men behaving like babies. Had it been he know his role,this sh*iit wouldn't hv bn going on in d first place.the woman is even trying.
U guys should tell d man to act like a man and case will close permenantly.

chaircover: A case of soja hearing go and not come

The man would have been the one to invite his family members into his marriage and now that they are in they have become unmanageable.

He has to summon up courage and strength and tell them to leave his family alone, although the Mischievous ones amongst the family will still blame his actions on being jazzed by the wife

This is why its never good to involve family members in disputes unless as a last resort. cos when the dust has settled between husband and wife, they too will start their own.

God help this family

That is eh...I just tire for these sort of situations.

I really, really, dislike men that can't keep their mouths shut! Gossipy men who spew it all to family members thinking "they're on my side". They put unnecessary strain on the marriage all because the man couldn't tape it from the beginning. I bet you, the ones making the most noise are the the unmarried, single female members. Even the MIL I'm sure, will jump in there to the son's defence.

yellowpawpaw: The man should sit up and do his job as a man,stroke or no stroke.
I hate men behaving like babies. Had it been he know his role,this sh*iit wouldn't hv bn going on in d first place.the woman is even trying.
U guys should tell d man to act like a man and case will close permenantly.

You're so right. He better man up and put his home in order.

Thanks guys... Your advice have really been helpful. with the intervention of the children they now back together....10x!

I don't see any problems here o!
NA WOMAN GET HOUSE. . .and the way she runs her home determines if TERMITES infest and ruin it!
Apparently, she has failed to do the most important thing in setting a SOLID FOUNDATION. . . keeping IN-LAWS OUT!

The couple's problems are not unique to them. . . .IT IS CALLED MARRIAGE. . .so, no big deal!

SHE NEEDS TO PULL UP HER WEIGHT AND ACT LIKE A MATRIARCH. . . not a HAPLESS-HELPLESS victim of 'village in-laws'!
HER CHILDREN ARE WATCHING!

She is now the BREAD-WINNER of the home. . .SHE NEEDS TO STOP WHINING AND ACT LIKE IT!
Simple!

yellowpawpaw: The man should sit up and do his job as a man,stroke or no stroke.
I hate men behaving like babies. Had it been he know his role,this sh*iit wouldn't hv bn going on in d first place.the woman is even trying.
U guys should tell d man to act like a man and case will close permenantly.

as in ehe,i just tire.awon oko elejowewe wey no fit cellotape their mouth,every time chochocho.iya dami cook egusi wey no sweet,iya dami do this,iya dami do that.unfortunately women are always at the receiving end when things go wrong in the marriage.two of them need to com together and tell the inlaws to shogba won.that will be a lesson to other men and women outside wey their mouth they drip

mgbeketoto: Sorry.
Not familiar with these kinds of LOCAL NETWORKS!
Where I come from, there are no JOBLESS, ILLITERATE in-laws!

woman yi o ni pami with laugh chaiiiiiii







your bom bom for your profile sef ehen

baby_123: The husband carries their matter around the adugbo and his extended family. I am sure the woman does the same too. You tend to have less problems if you dont involve everyone in your business. And people tend to respect your spouse more. Its time to shut up, both of you and keep your arguments, fights and other things within the home. If you decide you dont want again, that should be a decision you two make. Not one forced on you by family.

gbam

ulyie,

Hw r u doin? I sent a BBM invite 2 u. Pls do accept it. Thanks.

kulyie,

Hw r u doin? I sent a BBM invite 2 u. Pls do accept it. Thanks.

kildran: kulyie,

Hw r u doin? I sent a BBM invite 2 u. Pls do accept it. Thanks.

sorry i dont do friendship on nl :/

Lol.. I am Kayode Oye... I thot u dropped ur pin on an older post (starts with 5, I supos). Well, I kno u have rules, bt rules are meant to be broken. No stalker!

kildran: Lol.. I am Kayode Oye... I thot u dropped ur pin on an older post (starts with 5, I supos). Well, I kno u have rules, bt rules are meant to be broken. No stalker!

who drops pin on a thread.o so you fell for that interesting dont worry ill accept it when president obama becomes the governour of lagos state or jonathan becomes queen elizabeths new man friend 8-)

@ Kulyie

Note taken!!! anyways what do u do? U seem to have an interesting life? U a psychologist, banker or lawyer. I am into financial services sector.

kildran: @ Kulyie

Note taken!!! anyways what do u do? U seem to have an interesting life? U a psychologist, banker or lawyer. I am into financial services sector.

i am all of the above :p

@op, other posters have spoken well, if you are closer to the man, advise him to call a meeting involving his family, his wife and children, including a certified lawyer, first of all, settle the conflict among every party involved, and let the family members realise that all is now well between him and his wife and that they should stop humiliating his wife, and as CC said, they might say the wife had prepared ewedu for him, but atleast, he has said his own, also, as others have opined, let his will be written and kept with his lawyer because of the unexpected and above all, the man should learn to stop shutting up his mouth, that is one of the best ways he can regain his respect and headship both from the wife and the children, as well as his family members, because by the time those aprokos are no longer involved in the marriage matters, they will learn to mind their business.
Another thing, the man should try to bury his pride and apologise to his wife for all the humiliation his peeps have subjected her to and the wife should also try and forgive the man, because, this is the time the man needs her most, because of the health issue he has.
May God heal the man and restore peace back to the marriage/home. Amen.
It is well.

kulyie: i am all of the above :p

Hehehe.......see shakara of an Egba woman!!

@Kildran.....brace up...Sewa is going to take u on a long ride o......but hey, never venture never wins!!!

Goodluck to you!!

Royal Roy:

Hehehe.......see shakara of an Egba woman!!

@Kildran.....brace up...Sewa is going to take u on a long ride o......but hey, never venture never wins!!!

Goodluck to you!!

hehehe see advice o abi na encouragement :p

kulyie: hehehe see advice o abi na encouragement :p

Na ginger-ment !