₦airaland Forum

ariesbull:
My cousin ended her five-year marriage the day she found out her husband cheated. We all begged her to think twice, to calm down before walking away. But she was done. She packed her things, took her two kids, and left.

For a year, the man went from one relative to another, begging for forgiveness. He apologised, promised to change, did everything a repentant man would do. But she stood firm. “I deserve better,” she said.

She got her own place, started afresh, and later met a married man who treated her well. For a while it looked like she had found peace until his wife showed up one morning and scattered everything. The man disappeared, and she was left humiliated.

Not long after, another man came along. He stayed just two months before running off when money became an issue. No message, no explanation.

Then came an Alhaji who promised marriage but only if she sent her sons back to their father. He said he could not raise another man’s children. She ended it right there.

Three years later, she woke up one morning and asked herself, what if I go back? The man still loved her, the kids missed him, and maybe time had softened her heart.

So she went to his house early that morning, ready to reconcile. But a pregnant woman opened the door. Her ex-husband had moved on.

It has been over ten years now. The woman who once turned heads no longer does. The suitors stopped coming. Her kids are back with their father, cared for by their stepmother who now has two of her own.

Life does not always give you a second chance. Sometimes pride takes what pain never could.

Maliq

Eniolohunda:
Both men and women should be responsible. My advice to women out there is please when you are in relationship observe, and don't overlook the red signs. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. And don't forget to pray if you don't have a mother praying for you.

dollypi:
✓ The bible God is not against polygamy. He not only okayed multiple wives, but concubines also.
Read carefully:
2 Sam 12:8
I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more."
It's the state's limiting, property transfer focused, female-serving and female-orchestrated marriage/bondage contract that is giving modern women delusions of grandeur.
The natural order is "our husband", if he has the means and desires it.

Jamie248:
Those are sick men in need of medical intervention

And if you don't get tired of sleeping with a single woman day-in day-out, you're suffering from hormonal imbalance

tommy589:
You have discredited faithful men with hormonal imbalance

pocohantas:
There is also Annie Idibia who endured for years. I am not even sure Tuface had to beg her. Only to be kicked out at 40yrs. Una still blame Annie Idibia. So make una try rest with these stories aimed at gaslighting women to see infidelity as normal. If she was cool with him, she should have stuck to him. Some women have done it and heaven didn't fall.

franchasofficia:
I support this post with 30 Lieutenant Yerima the Wike antidote.


No condom, no sex after couple are done with childbearing, you get too much sense Doc

Kobojunkie:
If your friend had simply stopped at starting afresh, instead of jumping headlong into meaningless relationships, she probably would have been better off.

Yes, she did the right thing by abandoning her abuser — the man who cheated on her. No woman or man should remain in an abusive relationship, no matter how much their abuser begs. Her mistake was in roping herself with other men afterwards without first ensuring she had properly healed from the previous abuse, and also her own lack of self-awareness and dearth of self-love.

2. Wrong, life more than gave your friend numerous chances at a second chance. She refused to take advantage of them to the fullest. Life has nothing to do with what became of your friend, as your narrative clearly shows. There are so many of our mothers and grandmothers who were literally abandoned in marriage, who went on to live better and more fulfilling lives outside of marriage out there as examples to any woman who wishes to use her second chance outside of marriage to her benefit.

Unfortunately, this story is typical of a certain kind of woman... the kind who doesn't know or even realize how valuable she is as a human being; this kind typically believes her worth is nothing until a man accepts her. It is a shame that professional psychotherapy is still not fully embraced by many in Nigeria.

---

Tell your friend it is not too late for her to pick herself and start over again loving herself first. That is the only way to heal and get her self in esteem back where it ought to be -- up high. No human is born needing others for validation and self worth. 🥱🥱

pocohantas:
There is also Annie Idibia who endured for years. I am not even sure Tuface had to beg her. Only to be kicked out at 40yrs. Una still blame Annie Idibia. So make una try rest with these stories aimed at gaslighting women to see infidelity as normal. If she was cool with him, she should have stuck to him. Some women have done it and heaven didn't fall.

safarifarms:
The guy didn't actually fault her moving out. He feels she should have given the man a 2nd chance after he went about family members to beg and promise to turn a new leaf. For me I feel she should have been very sure she was better off without the man so that she never had to look back and get embarrassed like when she went to see a pregnant woman. I wish that part never happened even if she didn't find a better alternative.

ogaontop:
Like Annie Idibia doesn't have her own issues? If you wanna sound like the Op then you have no business criticising him because both of you are in the same ship: brothers for brothers, sisters for sisters, no objectivity!

Both Men and women are deep partakers in the cheating game. If you chose to tolerate fine, if you chose to walk away fine; just know what's at stake; whether man or woman!

Kobojunkie:
A man/woman who cheated and is remorseful, apologies, and takes steps to correct her mistakes is not enough, though because deep down we are all aware that cheating is abuse of trust and the nullification of the relationship contract itself -- commitment in at zero and so also relationship trust. Why insist women do what mean find the hardest to do-- continue in a trustless, commitment-less relationship? Why the blatant loathing of women ? 🥱🥱🥱

Fountainofyouth:
So how does that affect you people's existence if she faces similar hurdle? Why does her life after divorce matter to y'all? Even if she remains single or she sleeps with whoever it is none of your business, keep your tales by moonlight stories of gaslighting and manipulation to yourselves, and accept the fact that women will continue to divorce their cheat of a husband because THEY CAN, very simple common sense .

jaxxy:
✓ There is a reason God put forgiveness into every relationship between humans include marriage.

Both men and women, husband and wives should forgive each other where possible.

intruder15:
✓ Your write up sha. If I may ask, are you a male or a female? Cuz your write-up portrayed a female personality.
Your analysis didn't hint on the actual issue. Which is a lady making a decision without carefully analyzing the consequences of her actions.
It's okay to decide not to go back to her husband. But she should have lived up to the expectations of taking care of the kids. Being financially stable.

ariesbull:
My cousin ended her five-year marriage the day she found out her husband cheated. We all begged her to think twice, to calm down before walking away. But she was done. She packed her things, took her two kids, and left.

For a year, the man went from one relative to another, begging for forgiveness. He apologised, promised to change, did everything a repentant man would do. But she stood firm. “I deserve better,” she said.

She got her own place, started afresh, and later met a married man who treated her well. For a while it looked like she had found peace until his wife showed up one morning and scattered everything. The man disappeared, and she was left humiliated.

Not long after, another man came along. He stayed just two months before running off when money became an issue. No message, no explanation.

Then came an Alhaji who promised marriage but only if she sent her sons back to their father. He said he could not raise another man’s children. She ended it right there.

Three years later, she woke up one morning and asked herself, what if I go back? The man still loved her, the kids missed him, and maybe time had softened her heart.

So she went to his house early that morning, ready to reconcile. But a pregnant woman opened the door. Her ex-husband had moved on.

It has been over ten years now. The woman who once turned heads no longer does. The suitors stopped coming. Her kids are back with their father, cared for by their stepmother who now has two of her own.

Life does not always give you a second chance. Sometimes pride takes what pain never could.

Maliq

Ttalk:
That story is a typical example of SE who feels Nigeria cheated her, she went into war but Nigeria forgave her and begged her to come back with a starter package to start afresh, but she was not pleased and always make reference to the initial misunderstanding, she nag and nag with every member of the family who are tired of her complex.

Now she back to take the position of the first wife but the a husband Nigeria has moved on.

Getting a second chance when occured is should be seen as miracle

Ttalk:
That story is a typical example of SE who feels Nigeria cheated her, she went into war but Nigeria forgave her and begged her to come back with a starter package to start afresh, but she was not pleased and always make reference to the initial misunderstanding, she nag and nag with every member of the family who are tired of her complex.

Now she back to take the position of the first wife but the a husband Nigeria has moved on.

Getting a second chance when occured is should be seen as miracle

Montana23:
✓ my mum had about 4 house before she died, my dad always cheated but she never left..after she died my took care of us in every way he could as a father but if she has moved out their will be no one to guide me and my siblings.

yemre:
✓ Lastly, if you divorce your husband on the basis of cheating rather than stay to find what the problem is and solve it, you will ultimately become side chicks for other married men or intimacy gadget for some single unmarried men that are ready for any marriage! Pls be guided.
A word, they say, is enough......